On April 1, 2012, Chiba wrote a journal "Collapse while walking" about the phenomenon that he always needs to change "stages".

I know why it's so uncomfortable, why I'm close to collapse when I walk, why I like to hide everything I used to have, it's me who fights against my own ideas about the past, the reason why Savoy committed suicide by jumping into the river in Les Miserables is because he can't explain the reality he is facing now with the ideas he has always insisted on in the past, he used to act according to the law, thinking that it was the norm, but the truth is wrong, and he can't understand Valjean, he thinks that a thief like him should be arrested, and hunted him for the rest of his life, He was captured several times, but the last time he was moved by Valjean's mercy and let him jump into the river and die. It is hard to imagine that the ideas he has insisted on for so many years will be shaken, and the changes that will occur after shaking are also unimaginable, because when a person's mind is released to change the positive and negative, his whole world will also be turned upside down, and his brain will not be able to bear it and will leave.

In terms of values alone, one is that my growth is a process, the derivation of a curve, growth also requires a price, I don't want to delete or intercept the things recorded in it, and it will be incomplete if I delete it, but at that time I was not sensible, I didn't know how to express euphemism, I didn't know how to try not to mention my real name, if those things were seen, it might damage the interests of some people, and I was also afraid that my friends would see that what I wrote before was still there, and they felt that I still thought like that, that is still my current thoughts, However, since growth is a process, it is just a record of my previous development to that stage, not to say that I think the same way now, for example, if I have a girlfriend, she may not tolerate a journal I sent in the space before, "I don't care who I am with", so all the journal names are marked with time.

The second is that I want to realize my value through the connection with the things around me, after all, philosophy also says that there are no isolated things, as for whether they recognize me or not, it doesn't matter, so QQ space, Sina blog, Weibo, Baidu space, Baidu library, etc. have published articles, which of course need to open up space, pay attention to each other with friends, chat with them for a long time, send some logs to talk about it, etc. But this also has disadvantages, it takes up a lot of my time, I always want to get on the Q in my free time, although I am also based on the principle of moderation, but still not up to the ideal of free and easy, so at the same time I advocate loneliness, I feel that learning should be a person's business, I like to usually be obscure in the corner, a blockbuster at a critical moment, or a person in a quiet environment to struggle, and then come back to see my relatives and friends when I succeed, so that I like to let friends see my simple happy appearance.

So there is such a habit of behavior.,I usually want to show what I wrote before and what I'm writing now.,Share and communicate with friends.,Care for each other and love each other.,But after a while, occasionally a certain stimulus.,It may awaken my scared side.,And hide them again.,And talk about making a collection for convenient storage.,When it's serious, the space will be locked.,After a long time, I don't think it's right.,Open it again and start a new reincarnation.,I also want to keep it as it is.,Look at what they said in their space a year ago., I'm a little envious.,Although I may still be able to see it.,But that's only in the WORD talk collection.,Some of the comments of good friends have been lost by me.,Space messages too.,Although those are not there.,But I know you care about me.,Thank you.,I'll always remember.,Who's who.。

Among them, the recent closure, those who said that I didn't have time to archive, it's a pity, maybe I'm too angry, my attitude is too resolute, I don't want to leave myself a way back. Originally, I planned to cut off the time and energy occupied by anime and QQ to supplement the needs of books and reality, and to be a smiling angel to the people around me, so to speak, there is a city that makes it difficult for others to understand, or to explain it a little with this sentence "Give a smile to the person who hurts you the most". Before graduating from college, I no longer watch pirates, Hokage, Grim Reaper and other anime, QQ groups are all set to be online to be invisible, all the information is updated, the space becomes simple and no longer makes any updates, no longer use its chat to no longer enter other people's space and no longer comment, only to receive the necessary email, but when my space changes, this one has to change, it can be seen that if it is implemented, these practices are quite scary, books are my hobby, and the reality is to prepare for finding a job and living in the future. As for the smiling angel, on the one hand, it is due to the strength and purpose that I want to hide, and on the other hand, it may be that QQ chats and text messages without expressions and tones have made me lose enough things, and I prefer to believe in getting along in real life and not trust it very much.

Every wavering is the next ascension, I hope the amplitude of the fluctuation is not too large, I sincerely hope that the space can always maintain the memory, and the last darkness is the supreme dawn.