On December 23rd, the weather was fine

The piano teacher is in love.

When she went out to answer the phone when I was practicing, her always gentle and decent face was full of sweetness.

But she probably didn't know that the room was empty, there was no room completely closed, and I could even hear the words on the other end of the phone.

Her boyfriend is asking what she's doing.

She whispered that she was coming to the home for tutoring.

I listened, slowly moved a few steps, and through the crack in the door, I saw that she gently brushed the hair behind her ear and said, "Yes, help the disabled." ”

"You're so kind." Her boyfriend's loud and appreciative words came through the microphone.

She chuckled softly.

I fled back to the piano bench with a disfigured face, pretending to be casual and continuing to practice.

After a while, she returned.

She taught carefully, and I studied carefully.

She looked satisfied.

Yet that afternoon, I was flooded with a single thought.

It turned out that I was disabled.

It's weird, it's supposed to be an ankle pain, but why is my heart so bad?

On December 30, the weather was snowy

It's scary, being a disabled person.

It's like being abandoned by the world.

They don't dare to let go of their love, they don't dare to talk about their dreams, and it seems that they have already given up on themselves before they are given up by the whole world.

The hopelessness and helplessness in the community of people with disabilities makes it difficult for me to breathe.

Everyone hugged each other for warmth, talking about the health that had no effect day after day, about the flaws that had been wiped out but could not be changed, and about the love that they longed for but only dared to pursue among the same kind of people.

Photographs, the degree of disability, and a few words of confiding.

Where is this love again

It's just a deal.

It's just a sad deal with low self-esteem.

On February 4th, the weather was fine

The game is so good, here I have a pair of sound legs and can walk the whole world.

On April 13, the weather turned cloudy

I made many friends.

They all looked after me and would talk to me all day.

No one can do it, not even my loved ones.

What was a luxury has now become a reality, but I seem to have become a bit insatiable and want more attention

April 29, the weather rained

They asked me why I didn't go to school.

The heart is habitually suffocated.

I clutched my chest and said I had a heart problem.

Yes, from the day the world collapsed, it was as if I had the worst heart disease, and I was in torment forever.

In this way, it didn't lie to them, did it

After all, it's much more decent than being bad.

On June 4th, the weather was fine

I got to know someone.

He looked even more confused than I was.

On June 14th, the weather was fine

I seem to care more about what he thinks than the attention and affection I get from them.

On June 27, the weather was rainy

All my tenderness, harmlessness, vulnerability and embarrassment, he saw them all.

And I can't seem to control my choice.

On July 18th, the weather was fine

There are many people who misunderstand me, but only he wants to believe me.

He knew I was just trying to get everyone's attention.

He knows what kind of person I am.

What to do, I don't want to morbidly collect those ambiguous or friendly pity and thoughtfulness.

I just want to get his.

Maybe more.

On August 21, the weather was cloudy

The time I spent with him was the happiest I've had in more than a year.

On September 8, the weather was cloudy

He looked so lonely.

He said he couldn't go on like this.

He's leaving.

I prayed almost in fear.

The game is like a utopia, no one knows what I'm bad at, and it makes me know him when it's impossible in reality.

And now, he wants to leave.

It seems that I can only survive in this virtuality, how can I stop it?

On September 12th, the weather was fine

He stayed.

I could feel that he was still confused, but vaguely, it seemed that he had a direction of his own.

He told me very seriously.

He likes me.

I like him and he likes me.

It's such a delightful thing.

But why, there is a faint uneasiness in a corner of my heart.

After clearing the fog, I still seem to be in a labyrinth.

On September 28, the weather was light and rainy

I became more and more uneasy.

I like to stick to him more than ever.

It seems that I want to get more tolerance and love from him, so that I can resolve my sorrows.

He thought I was suffering from a heart disease, so he patiently persuaded me.

I was silent.

Every day I am in a sweet and tormented way that I have never felt before.

I struggled.

I want to tell him the truest me.

Like, mine.

Handicapped.

On October 3rd, the weather was fine

We made an appointment to meet.

In addition to being happy, there is also a faint worry.

However, he is so good, I think, he will definitely tolerate me and accept me as always.

On October 7th, the weather was fine

On that day, I started dressing up early.

I've always been a pretty girl.

I couldn't help but think so.

Sure enough, when I saw him for the first time, the astonishment in his eyes was so satisfying to my little vanity.

Just, next

I didn't miss the look of panic and hesitation in his eyes when he saw me walking with difficulty.

Although he was silent, he did not say anything about it.

But I hate his silence.

I hate my own sensitivity even more.

On October 11th, the weather was cloudy

I could clearly feel that something had quietly changed between us.

On October 21, the weather was cloudy

In recent days, our contact has invariably decreased.

He may still be in shock and evasion.

And I, just because of my pride, can't let go, I'm just waiting for him.

I couldn't help but wonder why he was silent at the time.

Why do ordinary people ask sympathetically if it hurts, if it is tired?

But he wouldn't ask me.

Until now, I have not been asked.

On October 28, the weather was rainy

His guilt, his apologies.

It has gradually permeated the two of us.

I seem to have seen the end.

But there is no power to change.

Even so, I couldn't help but confront him.

He said sorry again.

And I, my heart is like ashes.

On November 1st, the weather was fine

The final struggle was none other than the ugly parting.

My heart hasn't hurt like that in a long time since I met him.

But this goodbye made me so painful that I couldn't breathe.

It's like a fish being hit on the shore by the waves.

He was gasping for only a few seconds.

The next moment, he was about to die sadly.

I know there's no point in doing that.

But in the end, I still want to see if there is still a place for me in his heart now.

So, I deliberately asked, what if I died because of this.

He panicked and told me not to do anything stupid, telling me that it wasn't worth it.

More said than all these days combined.

See, he's just afraid that I'm really going to be responsible and condemned because he's dead.

As I said, I hate my sensitivity.

Particularly.

On November 3rd, the weather was rainy

I put an end to our relationship once and for all.

It was unilaterally proposed by me.

In the end, I still don't want to see his guilt and struggle.

So, I let him go.

I'll be left alone in the abyss.

Forever lonely.

On this year's birthday, I'm still alone.