At night, there is no police, and I still sleep unsteadily, and my nerves are tense in my sleep at night on duty.

When he woke up once at night and came back from the toilet, Zhang Mian lay in an empty room with no heating in the air conditioner, imagining an unchangeable death in the future, and he couldn't help himself with fear.

Last year, Zhang Mian's physical examination report clearly showed that he was mild, and in the future, Alzheimer's disease will be a sure thing, and in the end, he will no longer be entangled with this problem in self-persuasion.

When I woke up, it was foggy outside, and it was not as cold as I imagined, so I made an appointment with a friend's car and went to the vegetable market to buy two chickens, and I could go back to Zhangjia Village to see my parents.

The wet market is not only lively, but also the most down-to-earth place.

I remember a writer who liked to go to the vegetable market, and he said that he looked at the dazzling array of goods, listened to the shouts of all kinds of buying and selling, and smelled different smells. In the vegetable market, he can feel that he has become a market person, which makes his heart feel down-to-earth and feel real life.

"It's a dirt rooster, right?" Zhang Mian walked up to a chicken stall and asked a lean middle-aged man.

"Authentic Shannan wandering chicken, look at the hairpin of this chicken claw, two-year-old chicken." The chicken seller talked about his chickens, with a confident face, chickens are already a part of his life.

On the way to Zhangji Village, the surrounding scenery is blurred because of the fog, and you can only see the road section of more than ten meters in front of the car, which is driving without background references.

This feeling is a bit peculiar, and it forces Zhang to recall a poem he wrote in 1999 called "Winter Hazy".

Winter mornings

The chrysanthemum in front of the window bloomed again

Bathing in cold air

A whitewashed gravel road

There were some pedestrians walking in a hurry

It seems like yesterday

It's like in a dream

Some pedestrians hurriedly walked

A whitewashed gravel road

It's just that the chrysanthemums didn't bloom

The fog is also not that thick

……

The more distant the event, the more clearly it can be remembered, and there is no doubt that this is a precursor to Alzheimer's disease.

When Zhang Mian went out to the police, he tried not to speak cold warnings in the face of the common people, and he liked to say, let me give you an example and you will understand.

Let's take a list.

Zhang Mian's big mirror is over 80 years old, and during the Mid-Autumn Festival, Zhang Mian and his second sister's family went to visit her, and she grabbed Zhang Mian's second sister's hand at that time.

"Oh, the two girls have grown so big, and they are better looking than when they were young, but if your in-laws come, you must notify me when you get married." The second sister withdrew her red hand and looked helplessly at her husband and son behind her.

The second sister with a black line didn't know how to answer.

When leaving, the big mirror sent them, and they stood at the gate and waved desperately, as if to remember this reunion and separation in this way.

Zhang Mian estimated that the big mirror would forget all these things as soon as he turned around.

How good is dementia, living in the previous youthful years, forgetting the helplessness and pain of real aging.

Dementia is not afraid of death, not afraid of eternal darkness.

……

More than an hour later, when he arrived in Zhangjia Village, Zhang Mian's father happened to be at home, wearing the big jacket that Zhang Mian bought for him, and he couldn't help but smile happily when he saw Zhang Mian.

Zhang Mian took out two killed "Shannan Wandering Chickens" and a pair of cotton shoes bought for his mother on the fight XX and entered the house.

I didn't have lunch at home, so I simply said a few words to my father, said hello to my mother and returned.

As long as they see themselves, they are still fine, Zhang Mian comforts himself like this every time, after a short reunion, the next time he goes home will be a week at the earliest.

At noon, I had lunch at the classmate who sold alcohol, drank a little buckwheat wine, and felt warm at that time, but when I returned to Shannan, I felt that the world was spinning, so I turned on the air conditioner and fell asleep.

I woke up at more than nine o'clock in the evening, and the circle of friends said that it was snowing in the south of the mountain in the afternoon.

The curtains were opened, the road was dark, and the snow had stopped.

The day is almost over, and there are still a lot of sentences that I want to write but have not written, all of which are years ago.

It must end, Zhang Mian, who is in his thirties, should not be afraid of death, and there is still a period of time before he has dementia.

Everyone must be good, fearless of life and death, worthy of this life!

Good night.