Say something relatively personal.

So far, not many people have added my private QQ.

Among them, I talked a lot, and I could probably count them on two hands.

But these people basically deleted me or blocked me.

I have a large part of the responsibility for this.

People who talk to me a lot have asked me if I'm gay.

I also answered honestly: I am not now.

Now I'm asexual, asexual.

If you want to hear gossip, I don't mind digging into my love history: I had a girlfriend and then a boyfriend.

I started consciously choosing to be asexual, about four years ago.

I reject any form of intimacy, and even old friends only contact occasionally.

It doesn't hurt to be a little more honest about your personal experience.

I started my first business when I was a sophomore. Failed.

During that time, I suffered from depression.

I can't say for sure that I'm completely out of depression now; But under normal circumstances, I'm pretty happy.

Those who have talked to me a lot, or read my articles, should think that I am a very happy person, my stomach is full of jokes, and I have no discipline in speaking and acting.

I really don't have much moderation, and I like jokes.

But I'm not a heartless person.

I just don't like talking to people about my personal affairs.

For me, boundaries are important.

At first, a reader talked to me about her life and her sadness. I've cared for her, I've teased her about campus life, and I've probably tried to give some meaningless advice.

I think she trusts me a lot, and I cherish that trust.

I tried to play a big brother who wasn't so lewd.

But then, the boundaries become less clear.

Whenever this happens, my choice is to fall back into my safe zone.

The reasons have already been said.

An asexual person is unwilling to be bound by any form of affection.

The relationship here is not love or friendship, and it may be more appropriate to use attachment.

The attachment that treats me as a possession, the attachment that wants to care for me, control me, restrain me, change me.

As an amateur codeword workaholic, this attachment scares me.

So, when a person wants to share her/his life with me, wants me to share his life, I am very tormented in my heart.

It's not because I hate that person, it's because I'm the way I have a personality.

I know that at this time, the other party is probably very uncomfortable.

Because of my avoidance and coldness, the other person will often think that I am cheating on her/his feelings, or scum, or disrespect, or something else.

The other party also slowly accumulates grievances and anger.

Some have asked me every day if I am annoying her, and some have also said cruel things to me, such as a high-minded old lady like you who does not serve.

Later, they all deleted my friends or blocked me.

There have been so many times that I couldn't slow down from half a month at the beginning, but now I can recover in two days.

But I'm not a heartless person, and I get sad every time this happens.

Because when I talk to everyone, I use the utmost sincerity.

I also asked myself if I had done anything to hurt them.

Well, for them, I think it's a disservice to me if I refuse to deepen the conversation.

So it was all my fault that I was deleted and blocked.

I deserve it.

However, from my point of view, those people first approached me because they liked literature or because they thought I was an interesting person.

Then I hated me because I didn't give them what they wanted, such as some kind of promise, or some kind of contract-like relationship.

To put it bluntly, the subsequent exchanges are no longer motivated by simple appreciation, but with a certain purpose.

I'm a serious mental cleanliness addict, and feeling sad about this kind of thing can probably be inexplicable for many people.

……

I have been single for four years, focusing on my studies and work.

Don't fall in love, don't make an appointment, don't have unspoken rules, don't wave.

Writing these little yellow articles of negative energy is purely self-venting.

I didn't want to have any die-hard book fans, and I didn't want to know any big guys.

But since I have written a story, of course, I hope to gain readers who like the story.

That's all.

But now I don't think it's necessary.

My favorite authors, all dead for decades.

I just bought his work and put it in my study, and I don't even remember the day of his sacrifice.

So I don't think I need readers who want to get to know me because they like the text.

Having said all that, there is only one meaning:

Broken no return is very cold and refuses to hook up.

In the end, the protagonist of this article will change his name.

Yan Yu will be changed to twilight.

Lan Weiyan will be changed to Sang Chi.

In terms of plot, Sang Chi's setting will be modified.

The main story remains the same, so you don't have to rewatch it after changing it.

Of course, you can also take a re-look at Sang Chi's part.

-

Finally, at the end, there were so many complaints, it was time-consuming.

So there is no update today.