Shen Jingyun's villa, the sound insulation of the room is very good.

The moment I closed the door, the outside world was disturbing as if it had nothing to do with me anymore.

I have an indescribable sadness in my heart that comes from nowhere. I told myself that I was just tired, and maybe I would be much better with a hot shower.

Warm water flowed through my skin, steam, and moist water, soaking my body. A hot bath can really soothe one's body and relieve my mental pain a little.

But when I came out of the shower, the tiredness faded a little, and when I looked at the empty and silent room, the indescribable sadness came to my heart again.

I kept running away from it, not daring to think about why that sadness came from. But when the whole person sat on the bed, the previous hallucinations, the scenes, kept repeating in my mind.

I still started to ask myself, are those really my family?

According to common sense, shouldn't a person who has no relatives be happy to suddenly have so many family members? But I was only sad, not half happy. There is even some rejection and resistance.

The past of my childhood also came to my mind unconsciously at this time.

For as long as I can remember, I've been in a small Jiangnan town.

It has the clearest moat and meanders through the town. No matter how the seasons change, there are always weeping willows on the riverside.

The air there is always moist, and the sunlight is like a naughty child, appearing by accident and disappearing quickly. I feel that every day is covered with fine rain, wetting the window lattice, and green moss.

It was a typical water town, but it was also the happiest day of my life.

Although I don't have my parents, I have the grandparents who love me the most, because of them, I have beautiful hair flowers to wear, sweet maltose to eat, and I don't have to envy what others have, because I have them all.

But happy days are always short-lived. Therefore, in a person's life, he will never stop pursuing happiness.

At that time, when I was young, I thought that such days would continue for an infinite long eternity, but because of the departure of my grandfather, it was completely subverted.

Grandpa's departure does not mean that he is dead. I still remember the back of him leaving that winter, a slightly dark morning.

In the past, he used to leave like this, and before leaving, he would always stuff a piece or two of pocket money in my pocket, and then hold me and rub my tender cheeks with his stubble face.

It was the same that time, but the pocket money in my pocket became a huge amount of five dollars for me at that time.

He hugged my hands, a little harder than before. Once, if he wanted to leave, he would just rub my cheek silently, but at that time, he repeatedly muttered in my ear: "Be good, listen to grandma, and live well." ”

To live well, in this way, for a young child, is incomprehensible and heavy.

I could feel the unusual atmosphere that morning, just because my grandmother, who usually got up early to see off my grandfather, never left the room that morning.

Grandpa was gone like this, and I will always remember his back on that somewhat dim morning.

There is also a reluctant gaze when looking back.

That gaze, when I was a child, I didn't know why I wanted to cry, but I suddenly remembered that when my grandfather left before, I always didn't look back, and my grandfather's back was so burly, but this time, how can I be a little rickety?

This is my last impression of my grandfather in this life, and that morning is also the last time I see him.

On weekdays, if he goes out, he always returns in three or five days. And this time, for two whole months, the grandfather did not come back.

My grandmother was still kind to me, but gradually she lost her smile, and one day two months later, she began to get busy, and it took less than three days to pack her bags. From that day on, I left the old mansion full of warm memories, and the quiet town that was always drizzling and steaming.

I almost forgot all the way, how my elderly grandmother and young me, carrying luggage, walked into the somewhat impetuous and dirty alleys of S City.

The big house has become a cramped hut, and the wide yard has become a messy alley in front of you.

That day, I didn't cry, but I had the feeling of being in a cage. But after all, it's good to have a hut, compared to the fatigue of running all the way, a place to rest that can shelter from the wind and rain, isn't that happiness?

What's more, there is a grandmother who depends on each other for her life.

My memory is a little vague, and I always feel that on the way from the town to S City, there was an uncle who was quiet and helped us and took us all the way to S City.

I still remember that my grandmother asked me to teach his second cousin, obviously it is such a clear memory, why after arriving, I am not sure? I guess it's because the second cousin hasn't been seen since, or maybe it's because I don't expect me to have other families.

The days in S City are lackluster, and I have to do the things that other children need to do anyway, such as going to school and doing homework. And what other children don't have to do, I also took on the burden early.

Grandma is not in good health, I always have to share some housework, I understood too early that it is not easy to depend on each other, and I also understand the preciousness of the person who can depend on you for life.

So, I don't complain about this life, even though we are still financially strained. Although after I am sensible, I will occasionally wonder how we who have a big mansion in a small town in the south of the Yangtze River have fallen to this?

Grandma never mentioned the past to me, didn't mention why grandpa disappeared, and didn't mention why I went to S City with her to live such a poor life. This is one of my little complaints.

Another complaint was that every day when I was a child, my grandmother would force me to drink a bowl of bitter medicine, which I couldn't resist. If I cry ignorantly, my grandmother, who has always been loving, will always scold me very harshly, and even beat me.

After that, she would always say sadly: "Do you know how expensive such a bowl of soup is?" You know how bad your health is, and the price to keep you alive is incalculable. Nowadays, how can you be so ignorant and not drink medicine? ”

Such memories and scenes have not happened a lot, and there have been several times when my grandmother even shed tears.

And as I gradually became sensible, I no longer resisted the bowl of bitter pottion, and even drank a deep love from my grandmother for me.

Today, many years after her death, I always think that the bowl of soup is actually the product of her superstition. My body is not very good compared to children of the same age, my hands and feet are easy to cold, and my resistance is poor. If there is a cold, it is more susceptible to infection than others, but I clearly know that I am not sick and do not need to drink medicine at all. And I have also seen with my own eyes that she did not go to any Chinese medicine pharmacy to buy medicine at all, but took the medicine I needed to drink every day from some strangely dressed Taoist priests and goddesses.

By the time I saw this, I was already in high school.

I was angry that these people cheated my grandmother out of money, but I didn't dare to stop it, because my grandmother was superstitious to the core, and I didn't dare to make her sad, because she was already in poor health at that time.

That's all my life in S City, going to school, housework, drinking medicine, and living with my grandmother.

The indescribable monotony, the indescribable loneliness, and because my grandmother didn't like me to have too much contact with outsiders, she would always say to me in a tone that seemed to me to be a god's chatter: "Don't get too close to others, if you don't do it, disaster will fall from the sky." ”

Because you know, you cherish it, and because you cherish it, you won't complain. In the eyes of others, it was my grandmother, a superstitious old lady who restrained my wings, and in my opinion, it was to depend on her for my life, so that I would not live on the streets, and I had a warm home, no worries about food and clothing, how I was not grateful, how could I bear to blame her.

My grandmother passed away when I was in college, and I was so heartbroken that the sky fell and I still don't want to remember it. It turned out that when I was a child, a bowl of bitter medicinal juice, a thing that annoyed me, has been abruptly interrupted now, and it has become precious.

Although my grandmother was superstitious and taboo about getting too close to others, she finally taught me some valuable qualities. For example, I lived tenaciously, so when she passed away a year or two later, I can't remember the specific day, when a person came to me with a house deed, I chose to face it strongly.

That deed is the deed of the big house I lived in when I was a child, and according to today's parlance, it is the title deed.

Someone told me that my grandmother mortgaged our big house to him for 20 years, and in 20 years, they can rent it at will, but if after 20 years, they can't pay back the money and property mortgaged at that time, then the ancestral house will be owned by the owner.

The property that was originally mortgaged is not a huge amount of money now, but the annual interest promised in the contract is terrible. When you think about it, it slowly becomes an astronomical number.

Naturally, I have an easy way to live, that is, to give up the ancestral home of that small town, my education is not low, and the university I am in can also be ranked in the top ten in the country, so I don't have to worry about the future, at least it is not a problem to support myself.

But I can't give up that ancestral home, because it carries too much of my childhood happiness, I have lost all my relatives, I don't want to lose it anymore, and I even fantasize that if one day I can get it back, in that quiet town, live quietly for the rest of my life, that is also a good choice.

So, I'm saddled with a huge debt, isn't it a feeling to repay it? And I don't resent the mortgagor who came to me with the deed, he had a conscience and informed me of this matter as agreed, otherwise he could easily swallow the house that belonged to me.

It's also because of my conscience that I asked my grandmother to mortgage it back then, although to this day, I don't know why my grandmother mortgaged the ancestral house and brought me to this S city.