I looked at Shen Jingyun's straight back, and didn't want to look away, and only at this time did I dare to look at him unscrupulously for a while, even though it was just a back.

I couldn't tell him that every word he said went straight to the bottom of my heart and made my heart ache, even though I also understood that long pain is better than short pain.

But when the words came to my mouth, I just said: "Shen Jingyun, I have never doubted your character, how can I think the medicine you sent is poisonous?" ”

"That's good." Shen Jingyun said lightly, then penetrated into the rain and mist, and prepared to leave.

I grabbed the umbrella by the door and chased it out, and the rain came suddenly, just like when I went out for a walk before, it was only cloudy, and it didn't rain. When Shen Jingyun went up the mountain, it must have never rained, I don't know how long he waited here, but seeing that the rain was getting heavier and heavier, I thought it would be better not to let him get wet.

I caught up with him, but I didn't know what to say, so I could only silently open the umbrella and block Shen Jingyun's head.

Shen Jingyun was stunned at first, but he didn't look back, but reached out to take the umbrella and held my hand hard, I wanted to break free, but he turned around and looked at me.

I didn't dare to look at each other at all, and while dodging, I also forgot to struggle, only to hear Shen Jingyun say in my ear: "Have you really decided?" Do you really not have me in your heart? Lin Xiaoshuang, this is the last time I ask you, you have to think clearly and answer me, and don't regret it after answering. ”

I don't know why, Shen Jingyun's words made me feel flustered, and my reason was obviously reminding myself that if I want to be ruthless, I should be thorough, and the long pain is better than the short pain.

However, when many words came to his lips, he could not speak.

After thinking about it like this for a long time, Shen Jingyun's hand became harder and harder, and I finally spoke, every word was so difficult: "Shen Jingyun, I have really decided." ”

I only said this sentence, and I couldn't bear to lie to Shen Jingyun anymore, saying that I didn't have him in my heart. In fact, how can I miss him one day? But I can't tell him this, and to say this at this time is completely bad for my moral outlook. Since childhood, I have been like this, I feel that I can't continue, so I decisively let go, no longer entangled, and I feel that I can't promise to others, so that people know that there is no hope. If I can't do it clearly, I still show affection, saying that I can't bear it, but true love is actually him, and I am forced to be helpless, which is to torture him.

I have no way to change the three views I have cultivated since I was a child. Even at this moment, I am in pain and Shen Jingyun is uncomfortable, but I always believe that it is the right thing to do to me not to waste Shen Jingyun's time and feelings.

Shen Jingyun pursed the corners of his mouth and was silent, and finally smiled faintly, let go of my hand, and said, "Thank you for your umbrella." Then he turned and walked into the rain.

I could only stare blankly at his back, and I kept watching him disappear at the courtyard gate, but I still couldn't come back to my senses.

The rain is dense and dense, the drizzle is indifferent and indifferent, I don't know if Shen Jingyun has really completely distanced himself from me? As soon as I think of this, I know what it is like to have a true heart twisted like a knife. I laughed at myself, I was about to lose my support, why did I always hold on? Is this what makes you great? I don't want to be great at all. In fact, I want to be fragile in Shen Jingyun's arms, telling him word by word about my helplessness and necessary commitment, but what about it? I understand too well that Shen Jingyun's self-character will not understand, he will do many things that he thinks will repay his gratitude, and as for whether Helian Cheng is in pain, it is not within his consideration.

He felt that Lin Xiaoshuang couldn't repay your kindness with companionship and sacrificing love, so you absolutely can't.

And myself? I told myself that maybe after a long time of companionship, it will be a lifetime to have a relationship with Helian Cheng, this is a woman's weakness, right?

I didn't have an answer myself, but I stood in the rain for a long time, letting the rain fall all over, until my legs were a little sore, and I remembered that I wanted to feed some liquid food to Helian Cheng at this time, and then I walked back to the room in a bit of a dejected way, and I couldn't tell whether it was rain or tears on my face.

Walking back to the room, I hadn't come back to my senses, and I didn't even bother to wipe the rain all over my head, so I wanted to go into the attached small kitchen to bring out the liquid food that had been slightly hot, especially for Helian Cheng, and after a little cooling, I fed Helian Cheng.

But before he walked into the kitchen, he heard a faint voice: "Xiaoshuang." ”

I was stunned for a moment, and before I could turn around, tears rolled down my eyes again, no matter whether it was pain or torture these days, wasn't the biggest hope for Helian Cheng to wake up? This weak voice is not his, and whose is it? He woke up at this time, when I was so embarrassed.

I quickly wiped away my tears, wanted to smile better, and turned around in surprise.

When I turned around, I saw that Helian Cheng was already sitting on the bed, and I didn't know where he got the strength, he could still struggle to sit up by himself after lying for so long.

Grandma Wu really gave him a good conditioning, lying down for a month, not only did he not have any small problems, but even his face was fine, except for a little weakness, there was no difference from normal people.

I walked over quickly, and asked Helian Cheng how he felt, Helian Cheng looked at me, but did not answer me, but reached out and held my hand.

I subconsciously wanted to take out my hand, but suddenly remembered that the relationship between me and Helian Cheng was no longer the same as before, so I didn't move again.

I bowed my head to myself and said, "It's good that you wake up, my biggest wish now is for you to wake up." Rest assured and recuperate, I remember my words, and I will always be with you. If you want to get married, do you want to bring me to the door? Settle down earlier...... "In the end, my mind was in a blur, I didn't know what I was talking about, it seemed that I had settled down with Helian Cheng earlier, Shen Jingyun was able to completely die, and I was able to die and feel at ease.

I suddenly felt that I had fallen into a strange fate, everything I did was wrong, I couldn't repay my kindness for anything, and I was sorry for myself and Shen Jingyun.

Is it because I don't have enough emotional intelligence, but how can I choose? In the end, I am only 22 or 3 years old, and there is no difference between the feelings and jokes I have experienced, let alone any investment, I actually can't handle it.

I endured and endured what I said, but I still couldn't hold back my tears.

"In such a hurry to marry yourself off? How can there be a girl like this? Before I finished my words, Helian Cheng's slightly teasing voice came from my ears.

I glanced up at him, still smiling at me that had never changed, but I didn't dare to look at it, and I was afraid that he would find out that I was crying, so I quickly lowered my head, and the room fell silent.

After a long time, I heard Helian Cheng sigh, and then whispered to me, "Xiaoshuang, help me lie down?" I've been sitting for a long time and I'm a little tired. ”

Taking advantage of this opportunity, I secretly wiped my face, and then helped Helian Cheng to help him lie down, but I never dared to look at him, but I asked him with some surprise: "How long have you been sitting?" You just woke up, how did you? ”

"I sat for a long time, and when you went out to give Shen Jingyun an umbrella, I sat up. I was not at ease, I was always afraid that you would go with him like this, so I wanted to watch. Unfortunately, I don't seem to feel in my calves and can't stand up, otherwise I would have wanted to stand up and see more clearly. Helian Cheng whispered.

"You, what?" I was surprised at first, and then I was surprised by all kinds of mixed emotions that I couldn't explain. However, I didn't want to think about it anymore, because another worry came to me: "What's wrong with your leg?" No, I'll ask Grandma Wu to come and take a look. ”

I'm genuinely worried.

"No, Xiaoshuang. You sit down and we'll talk for a while. Helian Cheng was lying on the bed, but he grabbed the corner of my clothes, and his eyes were full of seriousness.

I couldn't refuse Helian Cheng, so I sat down, but I was already in a mess, and I didn't know what to say, so I could only be silent.

Helian Cheng smiled: "Do you really want to marry me?" You cried when you talked about it! How can anyone want to marry like this? Crying so sadly. ”

"I mean it." As soon as Helian Cheng said this, I quickly affirmed that although I can't get over my feelings for the time being, I really mean it.

Helian Cheng didn't rush to deny me, but said to me: "Xiaoshuang, Shen Jingyun's cigarette on the bedside table didn't take it, right?" Order one for me. ”

I turned my head to look, sure enough, Shen Jingyun's cigarettes and lighters were still at the head of the bed, cigarettes are a brand I am very familiar with, Shen Jingyun is a persistent person, cigarettes stubbornly only smoke one brand, and the lighter is an old, but very vicissitudes of life, is his favorite lighter.

With mixed feelings, I picked up Shen Jingyun's cigarette and helped Helian Cheng light it, I persuaded him not to smoke first, but Helian Cheng was so stubborn for the first time that he didn't listen to me.

A puff of smoke drifted away, and Helian Cheng spoke calmly: "Actually, I woke up a long time ago." At the beginning, I was happy, although I couldn't wake up every day, but my consciousness was getting more and more awake, I knew that you were taking care of me, you were by my side, so happy. ”

I listened to Helian Cheng's words silently, and I always felt that Helian Cheng in this state was not quite right, as if he had something very solemn to say to me.

"Xiaoshuang, you know what? I'm about to believe that such happiness is real, and you take care of me carefully, and come and talk to me for a while every day. He also told me that when I woke up, we would be together. Before, I thought it was your encouragement to me. After that, I didn't dare to think about it, I always felt that it was your own compulsion on yourself. Helian Cheng frowned slightly, his eyes full of loneliness.

"Why do you think that? I'm not. "I can't help but be a little anxious, I feel that the whole world can question me, but Helian Cheng should not question my determination.

"I don't doubt you! But, Xiaoshuang, do you understand what I really want? Xiaoshuang, when I found out that Shen Jingyun was coming, I could only pretend to be unconscious, do you know how I feel? Helian Cheng turned his head to look at me, and his eyes gradually became serious.