Some people say that it is not a bad thing to tell others about your past.

Because, that allows you to see your own things again from the perspective of a bystander. At that time, maybe the things you didn't understand at the time, the emotions that you didn't understand, will become clear at this time.

But I can't.

In this process, I couldn't talk on several times, and I had to hold my hand in the south wind before I had the courage to speak calmly.

That's it.

Nanfeng was silent for a long time, and the two lines of tears were not dried on her face, which were the tears she shed when she listened to what happened to me in the village next to the Shen family.

But I didn't have so many tears, poured a glass of red wine, and drank it all. The fruity aroma of the wine flowed into my stomach, and the slight heat calmed my heart.

"If you don't give Shen Jingyun a chance to explain, are you sure you don't regret it? Actually, in addition to thinking about that woman in his heart, he was not bad to you when he came back. Nanfeng wiped away his tears, but he didn't expect that the first sentence was not to comfort me, but to speak for Shen Jingyun.

“No！” I shouted excitedly: "If it's Ah Zhong, no matter how good he is to you, can you accept that he has been thinking about another woman in his heart?" ”

"Absolutely not! I'd rather he be bad to me, and he has to be single-minded. Nanfeng was also a little excited, but when she reacted, she calmed down again, shook her red wine glass and said: "Zhang Ailing said that if a woman is really in love, she will go down to the dust." What I understand is that no matter how bad or indifferent that person is to you, you can't help but love him. But some people say that there is no room for sand in the eyes of a lover. Ay...... That's it, Lin Xiaoshuang can endure eighteen kinds of abuse of you, the only thing that can't be endured is that Shen Jingyun put a sand named Lin Ruolan in your eyes. ”

"You know, so you still ask?" I said to the south wind in annoyance.

"Or else? From my point of view, I will always feel sorry for you, and imagine countless possibilities, such as you have been in love for a long time, and Shen Jingyun forgot Lin Ruolan? Nanfeng put down the red wine glass in his hand, came over from the other end of the bathtub and hugged me with both hands: "Actually, I don't want to see you like this, I think about it to death, I hurt it to death." That heartless man may still think that you are losing him, and he will feel sorry for you when he thinks about it, and try to persuade you to give him a chance? ”

"South wind." I whispered softly, the annoyance was fake, the emotion was true, the most understanding of me was still Nanfeng, I held Nanfeng's hand instead, and said softly: "Give me a chance, it shouldn't be me to find him." If he really cares about me, it's not hard to know that I'm with you. Because I have nowhere else to go but you. Do you think so? ”

"yes, women should be more reserved. What's more, if you can't make him realize your importance, maybe Lin Ruolan will be the red rose in his heart for a lifetime. The south wind rubbed against my neck, tickling me, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Xiaoshuang." But Nanfeng didn't mean to laugh, and his tone became serious and solemn.

Her tone, which made me completely relaxed, also nervous, couldn't help but say angrily: "Stinky girl, can you not be like this?" It scared the hell out of me. ”

"Xiaoshuang, I'm not joking, seriously. In the whole thing, don't you think seriously about your background? Looking left and right now, you seem to have some strange connections with that Lin Ruolan, and that Lin family, you ...... "Nanfeng is serious, as my friend, it is normal for her to care about this."

I've always been alone, and if I can have family, I will be happy as a friend.

I was stunned for a while, I just talked about these things objectively with Nanfeng, and I didn't tell her the fragments in my dream, she was already so concerned, so what about myself?

I smiled bitterly, got up from the bathtub, and said, "Don't soak anymore, soak dizzy, get up and talk about it." ”

It seems that I have habitually avoided it again, and it is inevitable that I will be like this in the face of the south wind.

Dressed in a comfortable bathrobe and a headscarf, Nanfeng and I nestled in the couch. I've always liked the coffee brewed by the south wind, and I feel so happy to be able to enjoy it again, and in that "perverted" village, I would never have thought that I would be able to enjoy the coffee made by the south wind again.

"Lin Xiaoshuang, do you want to continue talking about what happened just now?" The south wind is a little reluctant.

"Nanfeng ......" I rubbed her and said, "Can't you just let me go?" Actually, I really don't want to talk about it. ”

"Why?" Nanfeng didn't quite understand, and then added: "If I knew that I had family, I would be very excited to find them." ”

"No, Nanfeng, you still don't understand my feelings." I shook my head slightly, sighed and said, "You know what? For my current life, my current identity, all this is something I have long been accustomed to, and if at this time, I am told that I actually have many other relatives and that I still have a home, it has become something that I find difficult to accept. You know, I grew up with my grandparents. ”

"So what?" Nanfeng was puzzled and took a sip of coffee.

"Indeed, that's not good, because you didn't stand in my position and experience the life I once lived, you don't understand." I tried to explain my psychology to Nanfeng, but I needed a little time to organize the language. Rather than telling Nanfeng, I'm starting to really sort out the reasons why I've been running away from my life.

After being silent for a while, I put down the coffee cup in my hand and began to speak: "First of all, you also know that it is the Lin family that has a relationship with me, right?" But what is the Lin family? In what place? I don't know anything at all. Once, I didn't think much about it, because I was stupidly used to Shen Jingyun arranging everything. He said to take me to find my life experience, then OK, I'll go and find it, because I believe that no matter what the situation, there will always be Shen Jingyun to rely on. ”

"And he doesn't mention it, and I'm used to playing stupid. I think about my life experience, Shen Jingyun is more suspicious than me, he doesn't mention it, why should I mention it? I said to the south wind.

"Your idea is very strange, your life experience, why do you want Shen Jingyun to mention it?" Nanfeng became more and more unable to understand my question.

"Because I don't care! Like I said to you earlier, I'm used to life now, and I'm not going to accept a group of strangers. To put it another way, I haven't seen my parents since I was a child, and after my grandfather left, how difficult was my life with my grandmother? But if the Lin family cares about our family a little, do you think we will still be holding on to death outside like this? Maybe the Lin family is rich and noble, no, it seems to be a family of cultivators, how high-minded, but for me, it's bullshit at all, I just want a stable, calm and warm family affection, what are those strangers? "I spoke my mind in one breath, and indeed, this was what I was really thinking from running away.

For others, they could be my family. To me, they are worse than strangers.

"It seems that you girl is clearly resentful. Why don't you care at all? Nanfeng said, shaking his head.

"There is resentment. Who knows better than you what I've been living all these years? I can endure this, and I can get through it. They are not needed even more now. Take the initiative to come to the door...... Haha, don't you think it's ironic? I used to think about it because of Shen Jingyun's arrangement, and I didn't want to think about it. And now, I don't want Shen Jingyun anymore, if I let me think for myself, if they take the initiative to find them, I won't necessarily recognize them, let alone let me take the initiative to find them? I finished it in one breath, and I felt inexplicably happy.

"Haha, Shen Jingyun, Shen Jingyun...... I can't imagine you being a little henchman in front of him. Nanfeng smiled slightly.

"Yes, I can't imagine either. But there are extenuating circumstances...... For the first time you come into contact with ghosts, gods, corpses, there is a handsome guy by the side who can help you, provide food, drink and shelter, what can you do? "I deliberately ridiculed to bury the pain in my heart and the initial heartbeat.

That heartbeat has nothing to do with any handsome guy, the boss has nothing to do with it, but his eyes as bright as stars doomed me to fall. And the little warmth he gave became a lifesaver for me at that time, and I couldn't help but want more, more.

"Alright, alright." Nanfeng nodded my head, and then said lazily: "If you change me, you must be a smaller follower than your little follower." ”

The night passed in such a conversation with the south wind for warmth.

The first night after leaving Shen Jingyun was a little better than I imagined.

The next morning, I got up unkempt, Nanfeng turned over, muttered a word about not sleeping in beauty, and went back to sleep.

And I didn't want to empty my brain, so I walked into the living room, and the first thing that came to my mind was my debt.

It's really a headache, I haven't repaid the loan for three months in a row, how can I beg that uncle in my hometown? It's not difficult for him to speak, but his wife's tricky and mean is not something that ordinary people can bear.

Thinking about this, I didn't want to face it, but I picked up the phone anyway.

The voice of the phone rang, and I was trying to organize the wording, and the countermeasure in my mind was to borrow a sum of money from Nanfeng first, and the owner of the house must have reached the limit of patience.

The phone was connected after a while, and listening to the tone, the uncle was in a good mood.

After a polite greeting for a while, I finally mustered up the courage to speak: "Uncle Wu, this is the amount I owe you every month......

"Oh, even though you've been giving for a year, I'll accept it if you want to adjust the payment method. It doesn't matter if it's paid every three months or six months. This time you pay for a year, my wife is very happy. ”

"Ah, huh, huh? I just made a phone call...... "I'm running out of words and don't know what to say."

After a long time, I finally bypassed the conversation and asked whose account was the payment, and I hung up the phone.

Nestled in the sofa, I didn't want to say a word, I thought I broke off with Shen Jingyun, it seems that no, because I owe him 300,000.