The smile in Jiang Feng's eyes faded little by little.

"You want to drive me away?"

I shook my head, "No, I don't want to delay you, you should find a good woman, get married and have children." And I'm ......"

I lowered my eyes gloomily, and the sadness in my heart crept up again.

"I wouldn't be planning to get married again."

Jiang Feng leaned back, tilted his head, hooked the corners of his lips, and said half-jokingly, "It doesn't matter if you don't get married or not, it's not a matter of a piece of paper, when the child is older, he must have a father, and I will force you to sleep with me." ”

"Jiang Feng!" I looked at him helplessly.

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled wryly, "Okay, I'm kidding, I know, you don't need me now, I'll go!" ”

The meal was very unpleasant, and there seemed to be a sad, sad factor floating in the air, melting into the meal, stimulating our sense of taste.

After eating, when I washed the dishes and came out, Jiang Feng sat on the sofa, motionless, only a faint smoke rose in front of his eyes.

Just as the nanny came down with the two children in her arms, Jiang Feng snuffed out the cigarette butt and walked towards them.

The two children have been in contact with Jiang Feng a lot these days, and they are already very familiar with him, and they are far away with their little hands to hug.

Jiang Feng squatted down, hugged the two children in his arms, and kissed their faces.

True feelings cannot be disguised, just like the love and reluctance he is expressing now, which is completely true feelings.

After letting go of the child, the children quickly went to play with their toys. Young children, their world is simple and happy, without so many joys and sorrows. Even when I taught them to wave goodbye to Jiang Feng, they were happy and perfunctory, and they didn't know the sadness of parting at all.

I sent Jiang Feng out, and the snow outside was falling heavily, and large snowflakes were fluttering like goose feathers.

A lot of snowflakes soon fell on Jiang Feng's black hair, and I think it was the same on my head.

Walking up to his car, he stopped, turned around and half-jokingly said to me, "Don't you want a kiss goodbye?" ”

Although he was smiling, I could clearly taste a trace of sadness in his smile.

When he saw me talking, he said, "Then let's have a hug before parting!" ”

He approached me and gently hugged me. This hug was not as strong and fierce as before, nor did it carry any trace of desire, it was just a pitying, reluctant hug.

After hugging me for a while, he let go of me, gently patted the snowflakes off my head, and said gently, "Take care of yourself!" ”

I said okay.

I stood there for a long time, watching his car leave.

I know I owe him more than a finger, but I can't pay it back in this life.

Changing into a thick down jacket, I braved the wind and snow to go out and came to the martyrs' cemetery.

Now the land is covered with snow, and everywhere is white.

In fact, I have always held in my heart the illusion that he will come back, hoping that one day he will suddenly appear in front of me. But as time passed, I had to accept this reality.

He really left me and the child and couldn't come back.

Walking into the cemetery with flowers, I saw a figure standing in the wind and snow in the distance.

I walked in, placed the flowers in front of the tombstone, and plucked up the courage to look at the pictures on the tombstone.

Just one glance, my heart suddenly tightened.

He is still handsome in the photo, he is still so young.

But he's gone, gone, gone.

"I didn't realize until now that I really never really got to know my brother."

A wry sigh came from the snow.

I stood up and looked at the tombstone, feeling sad.

"I don't think anyone really understands him, only he knows what kind of mission he is fighting, so no one can understand the suffering in his heart, so he can only resist by himself until the day when his shoulders can no longer bear it. It was his greatest sorrow to have never been understood. ”

Zhuo Fan put his hands in his pockets and stared at the tombstone, as if he had a lot of sighs, but in the end they only turned into a sigh.

It wasn't until his shoulders and hair were covered with snowflakes that Zhuo Fan turned to leave.

I stayed a little longer before leaving the cemetery.

On the twenty-eighth day of the lunar month, I went to the supermarket alone.

Everyone carried a sumptuous New Year's goods, and their faces were full of New Year's joy. The joy was so dazzling, but it seemed to me a bit glaring. Because it is so striking against my sadness and loneliness.

Walking around the supermarket in a daze, it seems that I have forgotten what I want to buy.

Passing by the area where clothes are sold, there is a New Year's sale and many aunts are there to snap up special clothes. And I actually saw the north and south in this group of aunts.

She wore sunglasses that covered most of her face, and she subdued herself in the crowd in a very low-key manner. She pulled out a special down jacket from a pile of special clothes, and I saw that the color and style of the clothes were only suitable for middle-aged and elderly people.

She took the dress to the cash register, touched a card and handed it over, and the cashier swiped it and handed it back to her.

"Miss, I'm sorry, you can't use this card, can you change it?"

Nanbei was stunned for a few seconds, then changed another card and handed it over. But just like just now, the cashier still said that he couldn't brush it.

Nanbei rummaged awkwardly in his bag, and the roots of his ears were red.

The queue at the back for the checkout was getting longer and longer, and everyone began to whisper.

"How much?" I asked.

Nanbei should have heard my voice and turned back suddenly. I couldn't see her eyes because of the sunglasses, but I think she must be shocked and embarrassed at the moment.

"Two hundred and sixty-eight." The waiter replied.

I nodded, drew a card and handed it in.

"Brush mine."

The waiter took it, quickly swiped the card, returned it to me, and handed the clothes to the north and south.

The movement was slow and difficult when Nanbei reached out to take it, but she still took it.

After leaving the supermarket, we found a café and sat down.

I didn't speak first, let alone ask her how she was doing, I didn't want to stimulate her strong self-esteem.

After sitting for a while, the cold air that had been brought in outside had completely dissipated, and Nanbei finally spoke first, his tone was cramped and uneasy.

"Thank you, when I borrowed this money from you, I will pay it back to you."

I shook my head slightly, "No, if it were a stranger today, I would have helped with more than two hundred yuan." I grew up in poverty, and I have encountered such a situation, such embarrassment and helplessness, I know. ”

Nanbei lowered his head and did not speak.

It was a long moment before she looked up.

"I heard about Brother Duyun, I really didn't expect it, he ......"

At this point, her voice was hoarse, and she seemed too sad to speak. Tears also flowed from under the sunglasses.

"I know, I did a lot of wrong things in the past, Brother Duyun has been angry with me, and I also said to wait for him to be angry when he is gone, and then apologize to him and ask for his forgiveness. But he left so suddenly, I never had a chance to apologize to him. ”

I turned my head to look out the glass window at the snow, and my eyes blurred for a moment.

"Do those matter? It doesn't matter anymore, nothing matters as much as he lives alive. ”

Nanbei's tears kept sliding down from behind his sunglasses, and he said sadly in a nasal voice, "Actually, I regret it, I have been making him angry and embarrassing him for so much time in the past, if I were given another chance, I would definitely not be like this." In this world, there are not many people who are good to me, so at that time, Brother Duyun doted on me so much, I felt so happy, I was just afraid that he would be snatched away, and I was afraid of losing his favor. ”

I sighed lightly, "Although he sometimes murders you and blames you, but in his heart, he still wants you to live well, and he has always pampered you like a sister." ”

Nanbei seemed to have been poked in the sore spot, and suddenly covered his mouth and cried uncontrollably.

"But I failed to live up to his expectations."

After crying for a while, she finally took off the sunglasses off her face, revealing the bruises on the corners of her eyes and the bridge of her nose.

"Your husband beat you?"

Nanbei took a tissue, wiped away her tears, sniffed her nose and said, "I got married to him in a flash, but I don't know much about him." When I first got married, he was very good to me, but in less than a month, his freshness to me had passed, and it was common to spend all day outside drinking and not returning home at night. When I came back drunk, he punched and kicked me, and he didn't treat me as a human being at all. ”

I remember that the last time Nanbei came to Yuzhuang, she still looked like a wealthy wife, but she didn't expect that she would be so miserable now when she married into a wealthy family.

She didn't bother to wipe the tears when they flowed out, and said with a wry smile, "I used to be against you, but now you must feel very happy to see me like this, right?" ”

I looked at her and shook my head, "I didn't feel very happy, I felt very sad, I felt sad for Duyun, he had to work a lot to fulfill your dream, all kinds of paving the road, but you didn't work hard enough, and you ruined your own road." Did you marry because of love? No, I have more reason to believe it's because of your vanity. ”

If I had said that about her in the past, she would have responded to me with more harsh and mean words, but this time she didn't.

She let her tears flow, her nose and eyes were red from crying, and she looked embarrassed.

"Yes, I deserve it, thinking that if I marry into a wealthy family, I will live a worry-free life. A few days ago, he openly brought the woman home, I was angry and quarreled with him, he said that he was going to stop my card, I thought he was just talking, I didn't expect him to do so badly. I bought this dress for my mother, and now I have no financial resources of my own, and if I want to buy something for my mother, I have to look at his face, I don't dare to buy expensive ones, he will check the accounts, and if he sees me brushing too much, he will scold me. ”

I held my coffee and said with emotion, "So women can't lose the ability to make money at any time." ”

Nanbei lowered his head dejectedly and said, "I haven't filmed for a long time, and now no one even comes to me for small roles." ”

I said, "Don't be too ambitious, don't set yourself too high, it's a big deal to start from scratch, there are many first-line stars who don't start from tricks?" People are not afraid of starting all over again, but they are afraid that they don't have the courage to start all over again. ”

Nanbei raised his head and looked at me blankly, tears still drying on his face.

I put the money on the table, got up and left, my bag.

Walking out of the café, the cold wind was biting, and I subconsciously wrapped my clothes tightly.

People are not afraid of starting all over again, but they are afraid that they don't have the courage to start all over again. But I'm not afraid that I don't have the courage to start over, I'm afraid that I won't have the opportunity to start over.

If I could start all over again, what would I care about? What is hypocritical? As long as God is willing to give it back to me, I am willing to exchange everything I have.

However, such a chance to start all over again is impossible.

On Chinese New Year's Eve, Xu Yafei said that everyone had a Chinese New Year's Eve dinner together, and he came to take charge of the kitchen.

I knew that he was just trying to divert my sadness and drive away my loneliness with the excitement.

This meal was really lively, Xue Li, Wu Xiaotong, Yang Wei, and Jiang Li all came. I thought that Jiang Feng was also alone, so I called him over, but he hadn't left Nancheng yet.

No one at the dinner table mentioned anything unhappy, as if they had lost their memories and forgotten someone.

But I can't forget, no matter how lively this reunion dinner is, without him, my heart is empty.

After eating, I stood outside the living room looking at the snow when I heard the sound of fireworks coming from a distant place, and the sound instantly brought back memories to me.

I suddenly returned to the living room, grabbed my bag and went out the door.

They chased them out, and I was already in the car, and when I received their worried eyes, I tried to pull a reassuring smile and said to them, "Don't worry, I'm just going to one place, and I'll be fine." ”

There is very little traffic on the road, and everyone should have gone home for reunion.

And I'm driving in the car at the moment, and I'm in such a hurry, it's like I'm going on a date.

I drove the car to Skylight International, and the security guard on duty knew me and let me in very reassuringly.

At this time, the Skylight International Building was very empty, and I went straight to the rooftop.

Standing by the railing, I watched the lights of the city in the distance.

I remember that year's Chinese New Year's Eve, we watched the fireworks here, kissed in the New Year's Eve bells, and welcomed the arrival of the New Year.

He said that we will be here every year for New Year's Eve in the future.

Xue Duyun, this is what you said personally, and it is an agreement between you and me.

I'm coming, but where are you?

At this moment, fireworks have begun to be set off everywhere, and fireworks are shining everywhere.

The colors that bloomed in the sky slowly turned into blurred shadows in my eyes, and the sound of fireworks bursting into the sky did not sound festive to me, but it was the saddest music.

At this moment, I was really crazy about him, thinking about him, thinking about him.

"Duyun, can you come back and see me for the sake of me thinking about you so much?"

On the unmanned rooftop, I had already burst into tears at the bustle and festivities of the city.

Suddenly, there was a creak, and it was the sound of the iron door of the roof being pushed open.

I thought that no one else would come here on such a day of family reunion.

I slowly turned my head and looked at the door that had been opened.

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