After work, Ping An didn't know what to think, and his mind was empty.

Not far away, a tricycle went straight to Ping'an, and the instinctive reaction went to the left. The middle-aged man turned the steering wheel of the tricycle to the left synchronously, changing the direction safely and flexibly, and the middle-aged man was not to be outdone.

The tricycle was rushing, and Ping An was confused. I don't know if it's better to go to the left or to the right. Confess and close your eyes and wait for the tricycle to crash into it.

I didn't wait for the expected pain, just the screeching sound of brakes in my ears. Ping An hurriedly opened his eyes, only to see the middle-aged man stop steadily in front of Ping An, less than five centimeters. The two men were on the side of the road, looking at each other and smiling.

Ping An hurriedly apologized, turned sideways and let the middle-aged man go. The man didn't say anything, and hurried away on a tricycle. The looks of the passers-by around were very lost, as if they had missed something good, and Ping An ignored them and continued to walk blindly.

Come to a basketball court, which is divided into two groups, the young people in their uniforms and school uniforms play basketball, and the aunts and old ladies play square dances with small apples.

In some, men and women sit on stone benches next to the table tennis table and play with their mobile phones. One or two couples held hands and chatted, laughing from time to time. A couple frolicked with their children, and the atmosphere was very lively.

Ping An stared at those energetic teenagers, and felt in his heart that he was old, and he didn't want to move. I feel out of place in a lively place, surrounded by peace and loneliness.

In this atmosphere, Ping An couldn't stay for a moment, and turned away from the noisy scene. Reintegrating into the darkness made me feel awake.

Maybe Ping An is not afraid of loneliness, just use her words to use habits.

Instead, she found that she was enjoying the small world full of negative energy in her heart, enjoying the pain caused by self-abuse.

The pain is addictive, like being slashed in the wrist with a knife. From the initial fear and hesitation to the obsession with enjoyment, I felt the cold tip of the knife scratching my skin, stinging slightly, to the heat of the wound. Inexplicably feeling comfortable, uncontrollably stabbed again and again. Ping An deeply understands this taste, just like poppies attract countless people.

During this time, Ping An felt very unlucky. I almost had a car accident two or three times in a row. Back in the apartment, it was late. Sister Bing hadn't finished the dance class yet, so she closed the door safely.

I went into the bathroom and took off my clothes, and turned on the shower only to find that there was no hot water. I wanted to finish washing and lying on the bed quickly, but what Ping An didn't expect was. This cold shower led to a severe cold for the next three days.

If Ping An knew, he swore never to take a cold shower again. That's right, she is the legendary medicine jar, the sick seedling. Ping An has been in poor health since he was born in his mother's womb. Coupled with long-term inactivity, overeating, alcoholism and smoking, this body has already been tossed into tatters.

At the age of six, Ping'an heard his mother say: "When I was pregnant with you, it happened that the birth plan was very serious, and every family caught people. Mom, there is no choice but to hide at home. is when I am pregnant with you, I will finish watching the pearl and the deep rain. ”

The mother was interested, and pulled the three Ping'an sisters to talk.

"At the worst time, your father took me back to my hometown and hid in the mountains. When I finally gave birth to you, I had a difficult birth and almost lost my life, so it took a lot of effort to give birth to you. It's eight or two, and it's no wonder if it's not difficult to give birth. Your aunt was a doctor in the town at the time, and she told me and your dad that you were probably a fool. At this point, the mother's tone trembled, and her eyes were red.

He continued: "The old man said that newborns have to cry as soon as they are born, and the louder they cry, the better. It's not without reason, because newborn babies need oxygen, you! Stay in the stomach and refuse to come out. What time did I give birth to you in the morning, and my face was already blue. Your aunt said that she had been in the womb for so long when she gave birth to you, and that the lack of oxygen was likely to cause brain cells to die and become a fool. ”

Mother shifted and took a sip of water, "It scared me and your dad at the time, and your aunt kept trying to persuade me not to want you." When your aunt saw that our husband and wife were resolute, she sighed and softened her heart and said that if you come back, you won't cry, let's talk about it then! Your dad brought you home and did everything he could to make you cry. Pinch your hand! Keep spanking you, your little ass is red. But you just don't cry, I can see my tears, but there is no way. Then your dad was ruthless, hugged you and threw you to the bed, yelling that he was going to throw you away, and you cried. Your grandmother has been saying that she will throw you away since you were born, and when she is older, she shouts that she will give you to an aunt in a certain city. When your dad heard this, he scolded your grandmother, but your grandfather didn't say anything. ”

Ping An listened to mixed tastes, although she knew that her grandmother had always called her "silly girl" since she was a child. She also knows that her brain is a beat slower than others, but she feels that she is no different from others. At least that's what she thinks, after listening to her mother, peace can't be calm for a long time.

Ping An finally understood why people can remember once or twice that they have to be more than ten times. It's not that Ping An doesn't work hard, but she works hard to get results, it's just someone else's words, my son (daughter) is better than you if he doesn't study.

I also understand why relatives always look at this peace with a playful eye when they get together, and ask her about her grades again and again.

When relatives come to the house on holidays, they can always hear someone asking: "Is Ping An being left in class by the teacher again?"

Ping An also explained in a panic with a reason for embarrassment: "I... Not... There are..."

"Hahaha~", causing a burst of laughter. What once seemed like an unintentional conversation, now it seems that they are poking their parents' hearts mercilessly.

Unintentionally or intentionally, Ping An has a dislike and resistance to his relatives. For grandma, Ping An really doesn't like it.

I don't hate or like it, but I'm used to keeping my grief to myself and pandering to others with a hypocritical mask.

For the current peace, every day is as if it were the last day, so that you don't feel tired. In fact, how many people can accept it calmly, it's just lip service.

Ping An admits that he is petty and loves to hold grudges. But she inherited her mother's knife mouth and tofu heart, and her little caring behavior made her feel warm.

Whether it's for a six-year-old child or a young girl who has just entered adulthood. These cruel words are leaving indelible traces in her psyche, waiting for one day to break out of the cocoon.

Young Ping An knew that no matter how she fell and cried, no one would come to comfort her. She learned to look at other people's eyes, learned not to care about other people's eyes, and learned to be sensible.

But she can't learn not to care about others, and she can't learn to love herself much. A person who doesn't even love himself will never learn to accept the love of others and how to love others.