I had a long dream.

In my dreams, I felt like I had returned to the mansion I remembered.

The high courtyard walls and high cornices seem to be trapped in it forever, and not even a bird can fly out.

However, even so, I could feel that in that dream, I was mostly happy except for the occasional feeling of being depressed because I couldn't go out.

At that time, I was running around the house with a rattan ball in my arms, and in that yard, many people would come and go every day, but there was no child as old as me.

So, I was always alone, chasing the rattan ball, entertaining myself, running for a long time bored under the supervision of my subordinates.

The people who took care of me were a group of slender girls, and in my memory, they were very beautiful, but they were very timid, as if it was a great thing to let me run in the house.

I remember that there was a big brother who came to our house with a handsome appearance and a gentle voice.

Every time I saw those girls chasing me and not letting me do this or that, I always complained to my father that I shouldn't let those people take care of me, for fear that I would not be manly when I grew up.

My father never said a word about this.

In fact, it is very strange, even if I have a vague impression of my father, now that I think about it, I can understand his arrangement at that time.

Because my mother was a peculiar person.

I say peculiar, not that her appearance is different from ordinary people, in fact, she is a rare beauty, and her father is very compatible, but it is only a match, in terms of appearance, in ability, there is no second person, can let them replace each other, but other than these, such as feelings and the like, they don't seem to reveal anything.

Unlike other aristocratic ladies in Beijing, when others think of those ladies, their first reaction may be admiration, but for my mother, it is more of a fear and respect.

It seems that looking at her at eye level and standing by her side is a kind of rudeness and blasphemy against her.

My mother, like this, is indifferent and detached, cold and cold, without a trace of dust and temperature that the world should have.

If my father is a ray of warm winter sun to me, then my mother is like a lonely moon on the horizon, unapproachable, but hanging in the future of my life, illuminating this long dark night.

She was always busy, seeing a lot of people every day, dealing with a lot of things, and having little time to spend with me all year round.

At first, several times, I missed my mother, and went to her house to see her, but I was stopped by her maids, who had brought her from her mother's house, and who had only obeyed her orders.

In our family, there are also many mothers' mothers' families, who are skilled in magic, only do things for their mothers alone, and only maintain polite respect for their fathers.

There are also many people around my father, and the two forces are entangled together, which should be very close, but it is difficult to integrate, and they have always been interdependent and wary of each other.

"Tan'er, your mother is dealing with important matters now, and if you go in now, she will definitely be angry."

I often heard such words at my mother's residence.

The four maids in goose yellow clothes were similar in appearance, temperament, and even in manners, and even though I had been to my mother's house many times, it was difficult to distinguish them at that age.

They stayed by my mother's side all day long, and when they saw me, most of the time, they stopped me and said those things to me.

To outsiders, it may seem strange that even though I am a maid, I can call me by my first name, but this is the habit of my mother's family, not only maids, but also other people, who always like to call me like my parents.

It is said that this is because they regard me as their own person, and my mother's family, unlike my father, who cares about status and status, in the eyes of those people, no matter who I am, whose son I am, and what status I have, for them, I am just a little junior born to my mother.

But my father, to them, was an outsider, because I had never heard them call me by my father's name, let alone 'aunt' or anything like that.

Later, I heard that when I was born, the two families seemed to have an argument over my affiliation.

My mother's family believes that I am the only remaining bloodline of their lineage, so I will inevitably inherit my mother's position in the future, and as the head of the family, I will lead the cultivation of their family.

However, the people on my father's side thought that I was my father's only son, the young master to whom they would be loyal in the future, and that it was impossible for me to follow my mother's practice and become a warlock.

Therefore, the people of my mother's house, who call me by my name, are more like a declaration, and my father's people, whenever they hear it, always have an angry face and rebuke them for being rude behind their backs, while the former often show off with a smug face, as if only in this way they can determine to whom I belong in the future.

Although the two families had an unpleasant quarrel over this matter, the father and mother did not seem to care and never expressed their stance on it.

When I was a child, I grew up fairly smoothly between my two families, between my father and my mother.

It's just that it's hard to see your mother, and you can't help but feel lost.

It is the nature of children to cling to their mothers, but my mother and the people around her, unconsciously, have obliterated this nature of mine.

I was blocked again and again, rejected, and over time, this kind of thing happened too many times, even when I was very young, I also understood such a thing as acquaintance, knowing that she would not see me, knowing that even if she saw me, she would not have time to accompany me, so why bother to be bored, make others trouble, and embarrass myself.

Later, I never took the initiative to go to her, and she rarely took the initiative to see me, other people's children always have a good relationship with their mother, but it was my father who got along with me the most.

This kind of thing is a little ridiculous to say, but it is true that from the maids arranged by my father, I feel some so-called love from my mother that others take for granted.

But that's not to say that my mother didn't have feelings for me, in fact, she did care about me, but she didn't know how to express it.

It felt to me as if her emotions had been isolated from the world, wrapped in a layer of frost, no one knew what she was thinking, no one knew what she cared about, and the regret between us was that she had not yet learned how to be a mother, and I had not learned how to be a mother before she died.

Like the wind passing by, the water flowing eastward, even if you regret it, even if you don't give up, you can't keep it, you can't turn back......

In my dream, I was holding the rattan ball and running around the house, and the rattan ball rolled out and landed at my father's feet.

My father bent down to pick me up, walked up to me, picked me up, and then took the rattan ball in his hand and played with me.

I still remember that it was Tanabata, which was also my birthday, my father was unexpectedly free, and my mother was not very busy, so we went out to see the lanterns together.

My father hugged me, my mother followed silently, because we were dressed in ordinary people's clothes, no one recognized us, our family of three, ordinary, but very happy.

I was hugged for a while, and then I got down and walked by myself, between my father and my mother, holding my father's hand, and when I got to my mother's hand, I could clearly feel her footsteps lag for a moment.

Although she was not used to it, although it was very awkward, she did not throw me away after all, did not say a word, and remained as silent as ever, walking beside me and my father.

At that time, in Shengjing, there were thousands of Kong Ming lanterns, which were still in mid-air, like shining stars.

In the water, there are lanterns, and in the sky, the fireworks explode one after another, like glass, bright and bright.

I still remember that day, in Shengjing City, there was an evil disturbance, and the originally clear and clear sky gradually became cloudy.

With a cold face, my mother pulled out the long sword of the person next to her, and her movements were crisp and neat, and at that moment, I felt that as a warlock, she had forgotten me and my father in an instant.

The people in the street fled in a hurry, and they ran into me, and my father took me to stand in a place where there were no people.

And I, looking at my mother's back from afar, was alone, with a long sword, walking backwards in the crowd......

When the evil cult was eliminated and the crowd that had fled in the streets returned to celebrate and revel, my mother seemed to suddenly think of us and looked around in the crowd.

She seemed to be worried about our safety, and all along, her cold and detached face frowned slightly, revealing a suspiciously anxious look.

I was strange because at that time, we were standing in the shade of a stone bridge, hidden, but not far from our mother, who could find us just by stepping out, or shouting.

But my father did not move, took my hand and watched quietly, looking for my mother in the bright lights, until my mother suddenly looked back and found us, and then let go of my hand.

On that day, my father was dressed in a dark shirt, and I, dressed in a newly made brocade robe, smiled brightly and innocently at my mother......

I don't know if it's an illusion or it's true, my mother seems to have moved the corners of her lips, like a glacial crack, fleeting, that is the first and only time I have seen my mother's smile vaguely.

"Let's go."

I remember that at that time, she was standing not far away, obviously only a few steps away, but she refused to come over, and only said this to us lightly.

Then, he turned around and walked in the direction of our house without looking back.

And I, led by my father, followed behind her, looking at the pale green figure, with a lot of thoughts.

At that time, I thought that my mother, a skilled sorcerer, protected everyone, and was the pride of my father and me.

At that time, I thought that when I grew up, I would become a powerful warlock like my mother, so that she could see me and recognize me.

In those short and vague memories, it was a rare time when there was a place where I was, and my father and mother appeared at the same time.

Therefore, all along, the soul has been haunted by dreams and never forgotten, even now, 20 years later, it is as clear as yesterday.

On that day, in Shengjing City, thousands of trees bloomed in the east wind night, BMW carved cars filled the road, the sound of phoenix flutes moved, and fish and dragons danced all night.