I spent two days in that clinic that focused on turning the living into zombies, and every day I was treated with so-called treatment.

The paradoxical joke about the "mentally ill" now seems to me to be particularly absurd.

I'm the mentally ill who claims to be normal, but everyone thinks of me as a sophistry.

Later, even I wasn't sure if I was sick or not.

If everyone thinks I'm a deformed person, it doesn't matter if I'm really deformed and perverted.

Maybe there's one more person who doesn't think so......

But he was the one who caused me to go through all this.

Is......

The moment I stepped out of the hospital, the sun stung my eyes.

After that, everything I saw was covered in a layer of gray.

I remembered the sentence again - "But a cold, lonely life is not as good as a vigorous death".

Now it seems that a cold and lonely death is less torturous than life.

My mother still didn't show much emotion towards me after receiving treatment, and only told me to follow the doctor's instructions and come back for the appointment on time.

This so-called treatment is done every six months.

I secretly planned that when I got home, I would find some odd jobs and run away from home if I had saved enough money.

Follow-up appointments on time? I don't have a habit of self-harm and self-abuse.

Maybe I was once obsessed with the pleasure of pain, but now — not anymore.

My mother introduced me to a chess room manager and asked me to go to him.

I don't want to go. I couldn't get enough of anything she mentioned.

Because I'm a deformed person.

…… A person who was forced by his biological mother to go for electric shock correction.

And it seems that only I can be blamed for this.

Blame me for being nosy on the day I entered my freshman year of high school, blame me for not being resistant to a person, and blame me for not being able to let go of that person......

It's all my fault.

Finally, I couldn't resist my mother, and the next day after I went home, I went to the chess and card room for an interview.

This is a high-class chess and card room that is attached to a luxury hotel.

Most of the vehicles in the parking lot are luxury cars; The lobby of the hotel is resplendent with gold.

My job is very simple, except for the basic tea and water, sorting out chess and cards, and just paying attention to dealing with possible disputes.

When the foreman learned that I didn't know anything about chess and card play, he looked impatient and embarrassed.

Then let me fuck off. I was looking forward to it in my heart.

However, since I was introduced, the foreman was too embarrassed to lose his temper with me before he figured out my relationship with my manager, and even tried to "take care" of me - let alone let me get out of the way.

After a full day of intensive training, the next evening, I started my internship.

My mental state was very poor, so bad that one moment the guest ordered me to drink the red robe, and the next moment I served Pu'er.

There are countless embarrassing low-level mistakes.

The guests had a good time, and the foreman could only waive most of the fees for them in order not to lose customers.

After getting off work in the early morning, the foreman couldn't bear to reprimand me.

I calmly accepted the criticism, turned around and left the office; Not even a hypocritical apology.

The foreman was completely enraged by me and smashed a teacup on my back.

I didn't look back, and despite the fact that my shirt was soaked, I walked straight out of the hotel.

The night bus home drove through the lonely streets.

It's clear that it's early summer, but it still makes people feel cold and lonely.

Get out of the city. I say this to myself.

No, it's not just about getting out of here. Get out of this world. I thought so again.

I really can't move.