a)

It is true that the Yang Letian incident turned an unobtrusive little girl into a flowing "Western landscape", and more and more people began to identify her, watch her, talk about her, laugh at her, or even show her a kind of pity that is more embarrassing than insulting......

"Come and see! That girl is Zhu Yuliang's girl. ”

"Oh! She looks like her mother. The appearance is not too similar to our head, but the body is almost the same, with long hands and feet. ”

"Hey! I've seen Wen Yuanfang, and he's not short, but I think the appearance of this head and Wen Yuanfang are printed in the same mold. ”

"Humph! But someone has seen a man surnamed Cai and said that this villain is Cai's species at first glance. ”

"O sin! Adults mess around, and it's the villains who pour the stove! ”

……

These words clearly floated into Wen Jing's ears, although she didn't understand the deep meaning, but she knew that the speaker had bad intentions and dirty hearts.

Especially when people pointed at her, as if she was not a living person, but a rag doll, and a rag doll with no clothes on, which gave her a strong sense of shame for the second time in her life.

The rumors of Paitou Old Street finally flowed into the district center primary school.

One day, Wen Jing, as the representative of the Chinese class, went to the teacher's office to hand in the homework books of the class. When the two female teachers who were talking to each other saw Wen Jing enter the door, they immediately parted in a sneering manner, but the whispers of the two of them were still heard by her word for word.

Although these two female teachers don't teach Wen Jing's class, they will take the initiative to greet her whenever they see Wen Jing in the past, and show a very affectionate look to her by asking her long and short questions; And now, both of them have the face of a long-tongued woman.

……

"I know that Yang Letian is making trouble, but I still can't help but believe the bad things people say about my mother, father, Uncle Li and Uncle Cai, and I can't help but feel embarrassed!"

"Mom, Dad, Uncle Lee, and Uncle Cai really did all that garbage stuff? Are they really not good people? ”

"Am I not born to Wen Yuanfang? So who is my real father, is it Uncle Li or Uncle Cai? Ah, what an embarrassment it is! ”

"No wonder Fengfeng has birthday red eggs to eat, Zhu Xiaochun has it, Wang Haiou has it, and Zhang Yunfei has it...... I wasn't, I never had a birthday! My grandparents, aunts, and even mom and dad all had birthdays, but I never had a birthday because I didn't know what my birthday was, because no one would say what my birthday was. ”

"Why can't I be sure of my birthday? Did I pop out of a crack in the rock? Is it because my birth itself is a shame that no one remembers my birthday? ”

"Why can't I see what others can't? Why do I have to cover my mouth for fear of being heard? Why do I know what the man thinks in his heart, and why does the man lie to me? ”

"Who am I? Am I really a monster who is different from others and doesn't know where he came from? ”

"Now, everywhere I go, I feel a long tail trailing behind me. How on earth can I shake off this disgusting tail? ”

"If Brother Lei was by my side, I could at least talk to him about my confusion, and maybe he could tell me some solutions. Alas—"

……

After school, Wen Jing often lowered her head and pondered the "why" that rolled more and more like a snowball, while hurrying home, for fear that someone would suddenly appear out of nowhere and ask her: "Are you Zhu Yuliang's girl?" After being confirmed, a string of unbearable words came from the back of his head......

(b)

Since she can remember, Wen Jing has found that she is extremely sensitive and easily suggestive to the signals sent by the outside world, especially the adult world, and after experiencing several "extraordinary events", she feels more and more that her childhood was not carefree, let alone innocent.

On the contrary, she often lives in a state of anxiety and anxiety, which is mostly based on her premature awakening of shame and self-esteem. Some of her own or other people's performances often make her feel embarrassed, resulting in a sense of dislike for herself and others. Such as:

Whenever she followed her second aunt to someone's house as a guest, she wanted to grab a handful of candy and put it in her pocket, but she had to restrain herself because she read the stingy voice of her master;

Every time my grandmother poured sesame oil, she had to scrape the mouth of the bottle with her index finger, and then suck her fingers to tighten the cap of the sesame oil bottle satisfactorily;

My grandfather sometimes washed his face in a hurry and went to work without wiping the corners of his eyes;

Uncle's nose hair occasionally poked out his head because he was not trimmed in time;

There are always a few days a month when my aunt and my mother will secretly dispose of the blood-red toilet paper;

When my mother was a guest at Uncle Liu's house, she spent too long going to the public toilet before eating;

Mom and Dad sometimes creak the bed in the middle of the night;

The eldest aunt stuck the rice grains to the corners of her mouth without realizing it, and even let the grass clippings hide in her hair;

Fengfeng never washed his hands after going to the toilet;

Sister Cuiying made a sound of chirping when she was eating, and the eldest brother was half a head shorter than Sister Cuiying;

The first time the math teacher called her by her name was "Wenqing".

……

Of course, Wen Jing's first memory of "strong shame" in her life stemmed from the cloudy and terrible expression on her father's face when she told her father about Dabao ejaculating at her.

As she grew older, she understood more and more the reason behind her father's terrifying expression. Because his "pee" is not this urine, it is a dirty thing that will bring people a sense of shame and guilt - Mom and Dad later kept this matter secret, and even pretended that nothing had happened, which shows that this matter is not trivial and cannot be publicized, and she does not dare to ask questions anymore.

It's just that since then, Wen Jing has learned that there are some secrets that must not be let the second person know, even Brother Lei; It was then that she learned to pretend not to see and hear, to pretend not to know, to pretend that it never happened, to pretend that it had never happened to all the things that made her embarrassed.

Imagine if a person has a pair of high-definition magnifying glass-like eyes, then no matter what food he eats, he can see countless small insects wriggling and struggling on the surface and inside of these foods. Can he still enjoy the satisfaction of eating?

After Wen Jing personally experienced the Yang Letian incident, she saw that this world of sampa was like a bread crawling with ants.

She was deeply ashamed of the loaf, of the ants, and of the misfortune of living in such a loaf......

On the one hand, in order to enjoy the sweetness of this bread, and at the same time, in order to survive, Wen Jing learned to pretend not to see the ant army of Wu Yang; On the other hand, the uncleanness of the bread constantly challenged the limits of her tolerance for disgusting, and she could not deceive her heart.

These two incompatible psychology constantly clashed and escalated into war in Wen Jing's inner small universe, and the two sides killed blood all over the place, and it was her vulnerable and fragile heart that was finally injured.

In order to protect her heart from being hurt again, she finally made two "selves" sit down and make peace - on the one hand, she pretended to be naïve and ignorant in order to deal with the world of sampa to the end; On the other hand, she begins to flee this world surrounded by ant colonies, from all the people, and even from herself.

So, the little Wen Jing built a transparent and solid crystal house for herself in the "bread", so that she could have a place to heal when she was injured.

She began to like to be alone - she was no longer the curious girl who broke the casserole and asked the truth, she was no longer the girl who showed off her love of show, she was no longer the girl who was enthusiastic and liked to be a child's head...... Like a weak silkworm chrysalis, she desperately needs to weave a thick silk cocoon to protect herself.

So, she dreamed at night and fantasized during the day, and was obsessed with building a spiritual territory that belonged entirely to hers; Whenever she felt lonely, helpless, and humiliated, she would come to her crystal house to heal, comfort and reward herself......

Over time, she experienced the joy of being alone, and only when she was alone would she feel how peaceful, orderly and solid her spiritual home was! And she is the queen of the pure world that no one dares to offend easily.

Back then, Wen Jing tried to come to the world in the way she wanted, but it didn't work; In the end, landing on both feet is the result of her peace with the world. Despite this, she still caused a lot of harm to her mother and herself, and she owes a lot of life-saving grace and nurturing grace for this.

And now, she has to make peace with this world for the second time, and she must live in the right posture so that she can live a less scarred and less painful life.

Of course, Mom and Dad didn't know what she was thinking, the teachers didn't know what she was thinking, and the classmates didn't know what she was thinking.

(c)

On the winter solstice this year, Lou Cuiying did not send mochi, rice cakes, zongzi and glutinous rice wine to her aunt, none of them.

It stands to reason that for Lou Cuiying, Paitou Old Street is much closer to Xikeng Village of Yueshan Commune than Chengguan; Besides, Lou Zhong is the vice principal of the district central primary school at the west end of the old street, isn't it convenient for him to bring the New Year's goods by the way?

Although Zhu Yuliang was a little puzzled by Lou Cuiying's abnormality, he didn't pay too much attention to it. Because apart from glutinous rice wine, she doesn't welcome too much glutinous food; At the same time, she was also worried that Wen Jing would suffer from indigestion due to her craving for glutinous food. Therefore, if the relatives in the countryside send less glutinous food, to a certain extent, they are reducing the burden on her.

On the Sunday afternoon before the winter solstice, Lou Zhong took out his bicycle from home, and his son Lou Guanfeng sat on the back seat of his father's bicycle with his legs apart, and the father and son were preparing to return to school. Before leaving, Lou Cuiying and his wife did not shy away from the following conversation in front of their son:

Lou Zhong: "You're ready, let me take it with you!" In previous years, you didn't have to go to Chengguan ......"

Lou Cuiying: "I won't send it this year, and I won't send it in the future!" We offered to her like a bodhisattva, and she was good, and she treated my little uncle like this. When I think about this, I feel angry! ”

Lou Zhong: "Those gossips, I can't help but tell you when I hear them...... We can't trust all the things that catch the wind and shadows. You should keep your mouth tight in front of your little uncle! How can such a thing be told by us? ”

Lou Cuiying: "You don't have to be verbose! I know how to measure, whether it's chasing the wind and catching shadows, I probably have a number. When Jing Nan was born, the blind could see that her relationship with that Director Cai was definitely not ordinary, and she was also very close to Director Li, who later became Director Li...... I really did the right thing, where are these rumors? Alas, the most pitiful thing is my little uncle! spoiled his wife to the sky, and his wife actually ...... And Jing Nan, this little poor ......"

After Lou Cuiying finished speaking, she wiped the corners of her eyes with the corners of her clothes, then looked at the sky, and ordered loudly: "It's not early, you guys should leave quickly!" ”

……

On the morning of the day before the end of the year, Zhu Yuliang heard that the supply and marketing cooperatives had a new batch of high-quality white fish, so he secretly went to the southern goods store, ready to buy some white fish as a reserve for the New Year. I didn't want to, and when I walked to the door of the South Store, I met Lou Zhong who came to purchase stationery.

"What a coincidence! One of them is to buy something? I haven't seen you in a few days. Although Zhu Yuliang was a little embarrassed, he still greeted the little nephew warmly.

"Haha, yes, little aunt! I'm going to buy some red paper and pen and ink, isn't the school about to have winter vacation? Where do you buy New Year's goods? Lately good, right? Although Lou's expression was also a little unnatural, the polite courtesy was not discounted.

"Is Jingjing still happy at school lately? She always looks sullen when she comes home, has the teacher criticized her? I asked too much, and she didn't bother to pay attention to me. Zhu Yuliang came out of concern about his daughter's recent depression, and secondly, he was also "calling his mother-in-law sister-in-law" and had nothing to say.

"Oh, I was just going to take a moment to talk to you! Jingnan is good for everything else, but she is a little withdrawn, as if she doesn't like to play with other children except Fengfeng. Her homeroom teacher also told me that she has not been as lively as she was when she first started school recently. ”

"Alas - didn't someone in the cloth shop of the supply and marketing cooperatives look for death a while ago? That day, his family brought a group of people from the village to the door to make trouble, which may have scared Jingjing. The current environment is so complicated, there is really no way! ”

"I've heard about it, too. The peasants are like this, as long as they touch their little interests, they don't care what is ......."

After some more pleasant conversations, they went their separate ways.

……

In the blink of an eye, the school is on winter vacation. That day, after Wen Jing came back from the closing ceremony, she excitedly took out a "three good students" certificate from her schoolbag and a report card that was either full or excellent and handed it to her mother.

Zhu Yuliang saw that in addition to a large number of words of encouragement, there was also a spur sentence in the teacher's moral comments: "I hope that in the new semester, you can be more lively and cheerful, and unite your classmates more......"

(iv)

Zhu Yuliang's mother and daughter sneezed at the head of the card, and Wen Yuanfang naturally caught a cold in Chengguan.

The latest rumors about Li Fan and Zhu Yuliang are nothing more than the version of the rumors about Cai Fuguo and Zhu Yuliang that replaced the male protagonist, and it sounds like a lame folklore that has been heard countless times in Wen Yuanfang, except that he is bored or bored.

Wen Yuanfang is most concerned about when his Yuliang will be able to get a remarriage certificate with him, and whether his baby daughter will adapt to the new living environment.

Once after Wen Jing fell asleep, Zhu Yuliang talked to her husband about her dream of Yang Letian, but Wen Yuanfang didn't care, and said disapprerovingly: "Don't do bad things, don't be afraid of ghosts knocking on the door." Thinking about it day and dreaming at night, don't take dreaming too seriously! ”

Although Zhu Yuliang knew that her husband had an almost hateful aversion to "feudal superstition", she couldn't help but tell her husband the fact that her daughter could see the supernatural world.

Before Zhu Yuliang finished his introduction, he attracted a reprimand from Wen Yuanfang:

"You believe the hallucinations of children! Wang Chong said very clearly in the article "Ordering Ghosts": "Where there are ghosts between heaven and earth, they are not caused by the spirit of human death, and they are all caused by people's thoughts and thoughts." Why? Due to disease. When people are sick, they are afraid, and they are afraid to see hell. If a mortal is not sick, he is not afraid. Therefore, he was sick and bed, and he was afraid of ghosts. If you are afraid, you will think, and if you think, you will see nothing. ’

Because of illness, it leads to fear; Because of fear, it leads to hell. It's all an illusion! If children's brain nerves are not well developed, they are more likely to hallucinate! When I was a child, I also saw ghosts when I had a high fever, and I saw ghosts with blue faces and fangs on the cool hats and robes hanging on the walls...... Later, when I arrived in the army and studied dialectical materialism, I learned that there were no gods, Buddhas, ghosts and monsters in the world, and that the ghosts I saw when I was a child were all hallucinations, and that the feudal superstitious ideas spread by adults were all fallacies.

To be honest, the reason why I wanted to take Jingjing home as soon as possible was because I was afraid that her grandmother would always instill feudal superstitions in her...... And you believe these now, isn't it implying that the hallucinations that Jingjing saw are the truth? What is the benefit of this for Jingjing's growth? ”

Zhu Yuliang was robbed of her husband's sudden tirade. However, she quickly had a rebuttal:

"You don't have to drop your book bag in front of me, I have also memorized Wang Chong's "Ordering Ghosts". Hum! 'It's all caused by people's thoughts and thoughts', Jingjing has never seen Yang Letian before her death, but she can say that Yang's appearance and characteristics are completely consistent. She can't fight with Yang Baganzi, why should she miss him? And to be able to think of a phantom that is completely consistent with a real person? This simply does not hold up logically!

Also, I didn't come out of my soul to see you and Sun Lei's family having lunch, how did I know that you took refuge in Sun Lei's house? If you deny that the soul can exist independently, then explain this phenomenon to me in materialism!

The ancient Wang Chong said, 'When people are sick, they are afraid, and they are afraid of ghosts', which is just a general phenomenon, and does not tell us why people are afraid when they are sick, and they are afraid to meet ghosts? The denunciation of unexplainable phenomena as feudal superstition does not seem to be the attitude that scientific materialists should have. ”

This time it was Wen Yuanfang's turn to be speechless.

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