"In the past few days since I left, my family has been looking for me all over Beijing, and even called the police! Of course they couldn't find me, they didn't know what I had been going through these days, and they didn't get angry at me because their worries outweighed their anger. The night I got home, I had a high fever and fell seriously ill, I was taken to the hospital by ambulance, and the doctor recommended hospitalization for observation, so I stayed in the hospital for a week before I recovered. When I got home, I just felt empty in my heart and the whole world. Everything around us has become a series of oil paintings with poor brushwork and stiffness, lifeless and colorless. The sky was gray, and there were chaotic images everywhere. This feeling lasted for a long, long time, not wanting to open the textbook, not having the courage to pick up a paintbrush, and the room was a mess. The experience these days hasn't eased my mood any way; I took another three days off from school, locked myself in my room and thought that maybe she wasn't destined to belong to me, that she had gone to another world, and that I couldn't stop it anyway! I can't catch her hand, it's not that I let go, I really paid it! So no matter how long this pain accompanies me, I don't mind, because I use this pain as the only way to communicate with her. Some time after going to school, I passed by the classroom where she used to be several times and saw a bouquet of white flowers on the seat where she used to sit, and later I also bought a bouquet of white flowers and asked my classmates to put them on that desk. At the end of school, I happened to take a look at the small auditorium, and at some point the black stains on the walls that had been washed away by the rain looked dilapidated. ”

When Lin Jun said this, he took a long breath, drank all the beer in the cup, and looked at me, "Memory is the same as forgetting, sometimes it is a very difficult thing, and at that time and age, it is not as easy to correctly look at and handle the relationship between the two parties and grasp the scale as it is now." Because of her departure, she and I barely made it, and my memories of her and me are forever fixed at that time! ”

"It's a sad story!" I said.

"Yes, but it was an experience I will never forget."

I nodded.

"It took me three months after I came back from the rice paddies to finally have the courage to pick up a paintbrush and continue painting. And I also took out the stack of cartoons she gave me, looked through them one by one, and carefully put them away after reading them. I read that biography of Paul Gauguin many times. Later, I rode to the rice field many times, and it had changed in the winter, but I still seemed to be able to see the rice field. My mind gradually regained its calmness, but there were some changes in my heart, and I can never go back! I went on a trip to Europe during the winter vacation that year, and when I came back, at the end of the winter vacation, I decided to start learning to paint! ”

After listening to Lin Jun's story, I can understand to some extent why he thinks that he has never been able to draw "Sunshine in the Rice Field".

"Maybe the motivation for painting now is not the original motivation, but it is the most primitive motivation—the sunshine-like seed that only she has and can bring to me, an idealized ideal. I always believed that she must still be watching me now, and I always felt that way. ”

After Lin Jun finished speaking, he stopped drinking, but picked up my guitar and began to play Billy Joel's "JustTheWayYouAre" (Be Yourself), although the fingering is not professional, but it is very skillful, the melody is sad, full of emotion, very moving, his expression is a little dignified, he is still immersed in "her" time!