Ding Ying turned her head and continued to look ahead, "So many times I think about how terrible it would be if it weren't for my father's domineering that prompted you to stay in a rented house, or simply, if I passed by you in my life." ”

"How terrible?" I don't understand why Ding Ying used this word.

"Isn't it terrible, Zhu Defa is hiding so deeply? I definitely think that Chu Teh-fat is the person who loves me the most, and I don't think that everything he did for me was not because of me as a person, but because of my social connections, that is, my father's relationship. He was completely interested in my father's relationship. Just like my father had a complete eye on my mother's relationship. Shall I not repeat my mother's mistakes? ”

I don't speak.

"You don't know how sad my mother was when my parents divorced, how many days she cried, how many nights she cried. If my mother's tears were collected, I don't know how many tanks could fill my grandfather's house. You grew up in the countryside, you must have seen this kind of water tank. ”

"I've seen it. My father went to the village well to fetch water, and he had to carry three buckets to fill it. "I haven't seen that bucket of wood coated with tung oil in years.

"My mother spent days and nights in bed without a drop of water, and that was the saddest person I've ever met. That's also because my father was so good to my mother at the beginning, and my father completely became my mother's world, and a person's world collapsed, like this ancient tower, how can you not be sad? ”

"But my father was not moved at all," Ding Ying continued, "resolute and ruthless, because my mother refused to agree to a divorce, and he could not go to court to sue, so he brought home a woman with a big belly." Now, my mother is gone. If you don't get divorced, you have to get divorced. ”

"I didn't think your father would be such a person." I say.

"When my parents divorced, I began to dream that I was a boy," for some reason, Ding Ying seemed to have decided to tell me all her secrets today, and she kept talking, "By the way, I forgot to tell you that my parents officially divorced when I was a freshman in high school, but I was only in the fifth grade when they started to divorce." Because, my mother told me that my father was going to have a son. ”

"Have a son? Divorced to have a son? "I was surprised.

"That's what my mother said. Because my mother didn't believe that the man who used to love her so much would turn his back on her, she had to find a reason to accept it. That's what you said, love blinds a person's eyes. Many times, my mother would look at me blankly and mutter, 'If only Yingying were a boy,' I felt like a sinner and couldn't figure out why I wasn't a boy, so I followed the boy's standard in everything I said. ”

"So you're masculine."

"What masculine orientation?" Ding Ying became violent and slapped me hard.

"Isn't this masculine?" I pretended to be in pain.

"Men are talking about gay relationships, you know?"

"I did it on purpose. Ease and ease the atmosphere. ”

"It's all in the past. You've given me everything you've ever done, so I've got to give you all my past. But I never found a good opportunity. Ding Ying said.

"I said, why are you so excited today?" I say.

"It was this legend that infected me. By the way, where did I say? ”

"You're male-oriented."

"Go. For three years in junior high school, I played a tomboy. With short hair, he never wears skirts and colored clothes, and he mixes in the boys' pile all day long, and there is no girl's period Ai Ai. I thought I was doing this to save my parents' marriage. However, my father ruined my dreams, and he divorced the marriage and married the woman with a big belly. And soon gave birth to a little brother for me.

I don't want to object, I don't think about whether I can accept it or not, everything is like a coercion, and what is even more annoying is that I was sentenced to him. That's the year I started to hate my father. It's been the year I've been in trouble. It was this year that I met Zhu Defa. So you think, how much influence Chu Defa has had on me, until I met you. ”

"Until you meet me?"

"Isn't it? You have turned my worldview upside down. My father gave me the impression of a man's ruthlessness, Zhu De's impression to me was a man's groveling, and you gave me the impression of a man's neither humility nor arrogance. What you bring to me is a new feeling. When I live with you, there is a comparison, of course, with Zhu Defa. I don't know why, you are against me everywhere, Zhu Defa cares for me everywhere, and I feel more and more fresh and happy to be with you. You scoundrels provoke me, stimulate me, ruthlessly suppress me, and even mock me, I was so angry with you that my facial features were angry, and I even swore that I would never talk to you again, but I became more and more inseparable from you, and I liked the feeling of being with you more and more. One day when you suddenly stop renting a house, I will be very empty, I will always feel empty, and then I will understand that I like you. ”

"You've fallen for me." I was impressed.

"Especially since you moved out, that life experience really told me that you have integrated into my life. I wanted to take that opportunity to completely erase your influence on me. Because, how panicked I was when I realized that I liked you.

I felt a sense of guilt. I was even scared. I kept telling myself that this feeling was ridiculous and that I had to find a way to eliminate it. But I tried my best to rule it out. Not only can't it be ruled out, but it's even getting stronger and stronger. Did you know that set sail? I don't know how many times I've been with Zhu Defa, but I've tried to find this feeling. I hope I feel this way when I'm with Zhu Defa, so that I don't think I'm in love with you. But no, I can't find it. With Zhu Defa, I don't feel this way at all. That's when I realized that I was incorrigible. ”

I increased the strength of my grip on Ding Ying's hand. Ding Ying's hands were sweating at some point. Ding Ying perceives my strength as much as I do.

"With this in mind, I began to reflect deeply. I'm going to be ready to face the facts. In other words, I have to think about how to get Zhu Defa to accept this fact. However, Zhu Defa refused to accept this fact. ”

"Of course he can't accept that." I say.

"yes, I know he can't accept that. However, emotional matters cannot be forced. And I haven't revealed anything to Zhu De all this time. ”

"But you accept his kindness to you. You accept his kindness to you and send him the wrong message. ”

"Yes. That's the truth. I sent him the wrong message that I love him too. No, no, no, because Zhu Defa is not love for me at all. He didn't love me. Because he gave me a feeling of loving me, I felt guilty. However, facts are facts, and he has to accept them even if he doesn't accept them. Love does not tolerate a little falsehood. And you can't love because of the supernatural spirit of the flesh ring, so you have later grievances and grievances. ”

The afterglow in the west is fading, and the light around the Half of the Tower seems to be fading. The evening breeze blows, giving a cool feeling.

Many bugs chirp in an indescribable way.

Smoke curls from Ding Ying's grandfather's village.

"Let's go down, it seems to be late." Ding Ying said.

"Told me all I wanted to say?"

"What more would you like to hear?" Ding Ying was still happy, "I have thought about it today and I have to tell you all my things." ”

"Didn't you go to Zhu Defa after you returned from Huangbai City?"

"Yes, I forgot to tell you such an important detail. It seems that I just brought a sentence last time. ”

"Yes."

"The last time I told you, returning from Huangbai City, in order to run for my father's activities, the last expectation of the whole family fell on Zhu Defa, and then I made a decision, if Zhu Defa can still run for my father's activities regardless of everything, I can only give up my love.

I was silently sad and silently crying on the train, and I really felt like my heart was broken. So many well-wishers are concerned about me, afraid that something will happen to me. I think it was my sad face that scared everyone. I can only convince myself. As a last resort, I see it as a predestined arrangement from God. Have you noticed that when people are helpless, the religious plot will be thick. I think the reason why many people in ancient times were so superstitious was because they were helpless. You've got to live, don't you?

I went to Zhu Defa with a heavy heart, thinking that he would be happy to see me, and I didn't want him to be cold as if he didn't know me. ”

"Because he already knows something happened to your father."

"But I don't know. Who wants him to be so well-informed? This is really called good things don't go out, and bad things spread thousands of miles. Therefore, although I was surprised, I still told him my father's situation in detail, and then I planned to plot with him, not wanting him to throw a word at me and turn around and leave, 'Go to your Zheng Qihang'.

I stared at Zhu Defa's departing back and froze in place for a full ten minutes. I felt like I had been hit by a thunderbolt. It's also too dramatic. When did Zhu Defa dare to speak to me like this? I thought that Zhu Defa might not be able to help much, and he may not be able to do this kind of thing, but at least he can give advice and plan with me, but I never thought that he would have this attitude. ”

"And then?"

"I really don't understand why he has that attitude. I was tempted to rush up and hold him down and ask him to tell me why he had this attitude, but my personality didn't allow me to do so. I just watched as his back disappeared from my sight. ”

"Later, you should have understood everything when you saw Chu Huoyu." I say.