[Clerk]: Wake up in the morning

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

【Brief Comment】:

The writing is smooth, and the author has worked the system setting, which is great. Pen "Fun" Pavilion www.biquge.info

After the protagonist crosses over, the crisis he faces is full of suspense, and the process should highlight how the protagonist uses the background of his past life and the established golden finger to solve the problem. And it's a pity that the opening chapter is interspersed with brain-burning settings in this process.

was originally a great beginning, and it was a pity that the author Jun focused on the setting outside the plot in the resolution of the conflict. It's not that it can't be described like this, everything should be relaxed and appropriately concise.

In the fifth chapter of the article, does the author want to strengthen the sense of character substitution through memories? This question has been foreshadowed enough in the first two chapters. In the later stage, it is not recommended to design long passages to narrate, which disrupts the rhythm and is not appropriate.

Chapter 8 or so,This is all about introducing the background.,But the male protagonist hasn't completely escaped.,This design is a bit out of place.。 This bridge section makes the text even more bloated, and the characters seem a little exaggerated, after all, he has just crossed and was hunted down, he himself is difficult to protect, and he still has the mind to imagine the future for a group of people, and his heart is a little big.

Finally, let's talk about the problem of oral description, which seems very out of play, and it is recommended to adjust the narrative method.

Then there are some questioning sentences, it is recommended to cut them. The narrative is really listening, seeing, and feeling. Don't always ask the reader what the characters think and feel, just tell the story.

The above is a personal opinion, and I would like to bear with me.

Come on.

[Recommended]: Not recommended

[Sweeper]: Internship - Huan Xiaoqing

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages]: 1 Rebirth crossing, it has never been a brushstroke, never as detailed as the author wrote, making people feel that after death, crossing and rebirth is so real, and the sense of substitution is very strong.

2The opening point is good, and a series of events revolve around the death and rebirth of the male protagonist.

The 3U disk can store human souls, which is a great setting and very attractive.

[Disadvantages]: 1 Chapters 2 to 3 emphasize many times that the memory of the original owner's little boy is fused with the memory of the original owner, and the narrative emphasizes too many times.

2 There is too much foreshadowing of the background in the article, which seriously affects the normal development of the plot, resulting in the slow development of the plot, and it took seven chapters to escape from danger in the ninth chapter.

3 The escape is a small climax, and the narrative technique and angle are a little wrong, resulting in a plot that should be intense, interspersed with too many burdensome things, and it seems that the plot is a bit bland and boring, which is a pity.

Summary; It is recommended that after entering the main topic at the beginning, the plot development should be the mainstay, supplemented by background and memory, and the most important thing is to be concise to promote the plot to the climax.

Some auxiliary descriptions, one time is enough, there is no need to worry that the reader does not see it, or does not notice the repeated emphasis.

[Recommended]: Not recommended

[Sweeper]: Night rain

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages] 1. The crossing mode at the beginning is somewhat unique, although it is a little verbose, but it also shows that the author has some understanding of cosmology.

2. The first chapter crosses, and the second chapter leads to the golden finger, which is very fast-paced.

3. The author's update speed is quite diligent, the writing is plain, there is no obvious language problem or improper wording, and the reading is smooth.

4. The realization of cosmic communism as the main line is indeed very unique.

[Disadvantages] 1. The golden finger is the soul of the ancestors, and there are no quotation marks when speaking, resulting in some conversations that are not very clear.

After reading the first tens of thousands of words, I feel that although the highlights of this book are not very obvious, it is obviously above the [***] level, but what is surprising is that there are still no [***] for 400,000 words, and then I thought about it carefully, most of it is because I touched the political red line, and I can't imagine that communism has become an indescribable existence in the online text, so I hope the author will stick to it.

[Recommended]: Not recommended

1

[Sweeper]: Internship - a explanation

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

【Advantages】:

The style of writing is smooth, the performance of the characters is naturally unpretentious, and it is obvious that the author is very lively.

The interstellar setting is futuristic and eye-catching.

【Disadvantages】:

It can be seen that the author has put a lot of effort into the setting, but in the narrative, too much description of the setting will dilute the plot, make the plot conflict diluted, and reduce the reader's impression.

The plot progresses a little slowly, the pacing is not very comfortable, the tense escape at the beginning is too long, and a large part of the plot does not end with the expected climax, which inevitably disappoints the reader.

The author deliberately emphasizes the setting in some places, weakening the storytelling of the novel.

[Suggestion]: Recommended

[Sweeper]: Internship - Drink Liuzhen

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages]: 1. The content is very interesting, the Star Revolution, as soon as you hear it, you know that it is a novel about future wars, people can't help but be curious about all kinds of weapons, starships, etc., and the theme is also very clear, that is, revolution, overthrow the rule of capital 2

[Disadvantages]: 1. The knowledge is huge and complex does not mean that it is a variety of quotations, all kinds of introductions, which seems like an expository text, and the novel occupies a lot of space in terms of introductory content at the beginning, which not only affects the coherence of the plot, but also makes people feel that it is very boring to read2. It also makes people feel comfortable to watch3.The plot is very bland, and the escape was originally a very passionate scene, but there were no points that could move me in the author's pen, for example, when I was chased by a warship and launched a missile, because I didn't handle the dialogue of the characters well, but diluted the feeling of life and death

[Recommended]: Not recommended

[Sweeper]: Wang Xiong

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages]: 1. The background setting is rich, and the world structure of the novel is grand

2. The excavation of character creation is detailed and in-depth

3. The main line of the novel revolves around the advancement of the protagonist's actions.

[Disadvantages]: 1. The punctuation marks of the language are not accurate in many places. In addition, there is nothing wrong with the grammar.

2. The tone of the narrative has always been maintained from the perspective of describing the facts that have happened, and the tone of the past tense is more obvious when describing the emotional reactions of the characters, which makes it difficult to feel that the characters are doing something. It is recommended that the writer narrate the actions of the characters in the same tone as anticipation and attention to the next action.

3. The description of the behavior of the characters in the novel lacks a suggestive statement of what specific emotions or behaviors the characters produce after reacting to the current situation, so that people can understand the always point of each detail. This makes it difficult to distinguish the beginning and end points of each act in the step-by-step development of the novel's details, so that the reader can mark the emotions of the previous details when reading, and then begin to prepare for a new reading experience.

4 The characters in the novel are rich in emotional color, but the specific images of the characters appear very thin in various generalizations and behavioral sketches. Without the vivid and detailed portrayal of the characters, the novel reads as if the author himself can't find important events worthy of attention, and it is difficult to concentrate on the subsequent plot progress of the plot characters when reading.

[Recommended]: Not recommended

[Sweeper]: Internship - Ruyi

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages]: 1. Smooth writing.

【Disadvantages】:

1. The character of the male protagonist is not clear.

2. The opening does not reflect the golden finger.

3. There are too many explanations and backgrounds of the story, and the plot is very messy.

4. No orgasm. The author should have set the first encounter as the climax. It's a pity that there are too many contents that have nothing to do with the confrontation, which makes the plot that should be exciting become extremely bland and dispensable.

Summarize the recommendations; Don't have too many characters at the beginning.

Secondly, the character and golden finger of the male protagonist should be shown as soon as possible, and then the plot will be unfolded.

And then those third-party narratives are reduced, which will affect the reader's thinking and involvement.

In the end, there are too many explanations in the text.

[Recommended]: Not recommended

[Sweeper]: Internship - Cloud Dream

[Title]: "Starry Sky Revolution"

[Advantages]: 1. The master in the U disk has a unique setting. The ability of Touch of Origin is very emotional, and I personally like it.

2. The contradictions are fierce and powerful.

3. Fluent speech and clear logic.

[Disadvantages]: 1. There are too many irrelevant descriptions in some places and too detailed. Such as the medical principle of bandages, etc. Although the detailed description shows that the author considers the setting of the world very seriously, the writing is also very thoughtful. But it doesn't take into account how the protagonist can have the leisure and nuances to observe some content that has little to do with the escape in the process of escaping.

2. The description of the father's death process is not emotionally invested enough to resonate with readers.

3. It is too early to explain the world background such as contract labor. Personally, I think that at present, because of the two phased goals of escaping and stabilizing and avenging my father, the great ideals of the latter are gradually introduced in the process of revenge. The protagonist thinks too much when his own life hangs by a thread, and it is easy to give people a sense of being too ambitious.

【Recommended】Not recommended

Personal opinion, please bear with me.

[Thank you for waking up in the morning, Huan Xiaoqing, Night Rain, Explaining, Drinking Liuyu, Wang Xiong, Ruyi, and Yunzhimeng, several sweeps of the text after great hard reading of the advantages and disadvantages of the summary of "Star Revolution", these shortcomings are not found by myself at all, those advantages have given me great encouragement, sprinkled with more than 3000 words, 8 book reviews, each of which I am very useful, I have saved it, in the future, I will compare the shortcomings and deficiencies, improve more, and strive to hone my ability to write stories, and be a qualified trainee author.

Thank you again for your hard work! (Flat bow)】