I thought, I don't need to go to any other suspicious places anymore, and the situation in the park bar is a standard in this city. The people of the Doomsday Shinrikyo have already laid down the chess pieces, but there is no large-scale activity, and even if some of these chess pieces are removed, they should not show up. Paradise bars represent a universal sign that must be carried out by a group like NOG with a large number of members and a certain amount of social influence if you want to do something with them. However, in my expectation, the Doomsday Shinrikyo will generally not be coerced by this kind of process. Since the Doomsday Shinrikyo assisted NOG in a certain amount of time during this attack on Las Vegas, they would naturally be ready to be bitten back by NOG. Their plans in this world of repeaters will certainly be prepared for possible actions by the NOG. And they can deduce the actions of NOG, which is also inevitable, because it is very likely that the qiē that NOG has so far has been involved in it, and the amount of intelligence on both sides is not at the same level.

If NOG wants to win, it must stand out in this kind of near-transparent surveillance, and the situation I think of, NOG must also be prepared, which also means that since NOG thinks that it still has the possibility of victory under such unfavorable conditions, it proves that NOG is indeed hiding a killer weapon. I didn't detect any clues related to this killer feature before, simply because they hid it too well. Then again, without this kind of secrecy, there would be no way to fight against the Doomsday Shinrikyo that is rolling in with the general trend.

I don't know under what circumstances my guess will prove it, but if NOG is going to win, sooner or later it will have to pull off this killer feature. I reflect on my experience. It has been proven that my actions and thoughts, under a kind of dark guidance, can always cut into some key places. A story is always made up of one or several protagonists, already with multiple supporting characters, seemingly scattered. The clues that can't be encountered lightly will always revolve around them, intentionally or unintentionally, and I have always felt that I am such an important character who drives the development of the plot. There are so many people in the world, why are those things that seem to determine the fate of the world caused by a certain person and noticed by a certain person? What about being promoted and ended by someone?

I have long had the feeling that my thoughts and actions always cut to the heart of events, not because of my keen senses, or because of my excellent judgment, or because of some special talent, but because my existence is such a role. This is not determined by my personal will and ability. It's a certain force that determines my will and ability. This determined my actions and established my role.

It's like writing a novel, where someone likes to set up some characters with personalities, give them a rough background, and then use the interaction of the characters to advance the plot, which is called "the protagonist decides the development of the story". And there are some more people. Decide on a story in advance, and then arrange characters with very different personalities according to the needs of this story, and it seems that the personalities of the characters drive the story, but in fact. It's a plot route that decides better at the beginning.

I used to think that I was a character in the former type, but now it looks more like a character in the latter type. However, regardless of the former or the latter, the character itself is still "others want the role to be like this, so the character is like this", not "I want to be like this, so I became such a person". Thinking like this, I couldn't help but feel an inexplicable feeling in my heart, not hatred or resistance, it's just like eating a fruit that seems to be ripe, but there is a slight sourness in my mouth, but in fact, this fruit is not unpalatable.

In the core concept of Marxist philosophy, it is matter that determines consciousness, and consciousness has an active effect on matter. From the perspective of the reality of the hospital, the study of the "virus" is still based on this: the "virus" leads to the lesions (changes of matter) in the human body, and causes the lesions of consciousness (changes in consciousness). Dr. Ender's human completion plan makes full use of the last sentence of the core concept: in the apocalyptic vision, use the "script" to promote the change of the patient's consciousness, and then let this changed consciousness act on the diseased body (perhaps LCL). This seems to be the culmination of the actual science of the hospital, however, the existence of the "virus" cannot be described by this scientific view. I believe that this is the reason why the actual research in the hospital has not been able to make decisive progress so far.

Connecting such realities, feelings, and ideas, it is not difficult to think that the "virus" is actually the real storyteller. From a higher dimension, it determines a story it likes, and according to the needs of this story, it sets the necessary characters, including its character and ideas, so as to establish the inevitable actions of the characters, and in this story, the characters also begin to write stories, but they directly set up characters with personalities, give them a general background, and let them deduce a wonderful story on their own, however, the reason why this story character writes stories like this, and the reason why these characters with specific personalities are created is because of the "virus" In this way, their personalities and ideas are set up, and it is determined that they will definitely do this, and indirectly, the characters in the stories of the characters in this story, who seem to be free, have already been determined by a "destiny".

That's a bit of a negative idea, but, I think so. I know that most occult experts feel the same way, even if they are not willing to be like this, but the reason why I think so, the reason why they are not reconciled, how can it prove that it is not a "role setting"? The difference between these people and me is just how many layers of "the story they are in" they feel. To put it simply, it means whether it is a story or a story within a story. Although there are many mystical experts who have similar thoughts to me, they feel that their lives are predestined and become meaningless. However, their thoughts are probably also "needed for the story".

However, from another point of view, it is the various characters with very different personalities and different ideas, including myself, that make up such a story that is liked by the writer of the story, in other words. We characters are "loved". And because of my extraordinary experience, I was probably "favored" as a particularly important character in the hearts of the compilers. Suppose the true mask of the "virus" is such an ultimate storyteller. Thus unable to be observed and understood by our characters, can "Jiang" be seen as a character that substitutes itself into the story and creates a special zào?

I have been thinking about the relationship between "virus" and "Jiang", trying to find hope in it, and there is no doubt that "virus" is the statement of the compiler of the story, rather than the statement that "virus" is the instinct of the virus, and the observation of "Jiang's" human nature. The whole apocalyptic process is the erosion of the "virus", which makes people feel more warm, but also more mysterious. Because, assuming that the "virus" is the author of the story, then one cannot help but ask, the "virus" itself. Is it also a character, one set by a more advanced author. Who is destined to write this story? Even, endlessly, asking: how to prove that you are not a role set by a higher being?

This is an unanswered, slightly frightening idea. However, I can't help but hope that if I really just be set up like this. The predestined character, the compiler who determines my fate, can compose a beautiful and happy ending to my story, no matter how ridiculous the perfection and fulfillment of this ending may be. How is it impossible under "normal logic". And don't just write a tragic ending that is "shocking", "logical", and "determined by the character of the story".

In literature, there is a saying that tragedy can often embody the most shocking beauty, because it smashes the most beautiful things, so it shocks people's hearts. I admit it, so I don't want to be a character who is deliberately smashed for the sake of "beauty" - this is probably the most frightening possibility of speculation about the fate of himself and the world from the "compiler".

If the "virus" and the "river" are two superdimensional beings, then relying on the "river" still has the possibility of defeating the "virus".

However, if what happened to me and others, including "Virus" and "Jiang", was nothing more than a set character, a predestined story, then I could only pray for mercy from the compiler of the story, and nothing else. At the same time, if the compiler is a good person, a good person who does not stick to the logic of the plot and does not let the character's personality develop, and yearns for a happy ending, then no matter what tribulation I encounter at this time, I can face the next day with confidence. Because, I can know that no matter how ridiculous it is, my future is bright.

There is both great horror and strong hope hidden in this idea. When I had such an idea, I didn't even know whether I should accept it, because until the end came, I couldn't know if the guy who wrote the story was a random good guy or just a sick young man.

However, such thoughts also brought me peace and allowed me to face the incredible, tragic, and strange things that I would encounter more calmly. Because, from my past experiences, I have figured out the characteristics of the role I play. Suppose that my fate is predestined, then, whether it is hustle and bustle, it must be set, at this time, there is no other way than to go down in silence.

I threw the bartender into the corner of the alley and, with the strength of conscious walking, took away what he knew. He is just an ordinary person, but he is not ordinary in the real sense, and he is responsible for the construction of the sacrificial ritual project, but he does not have the mysterious power of his own, and he can do such a heartbreaking thing as the sacrificial ceremony, and his lack of human heart naturally cannot be regarded as an ordinary person. In the past, I would have been angry with someone like him, but now I see him as just a "setting" - he was set to be such a person, and he was also destined to do such a thing from the story. He seems to be a subjective and active person, but in fact he is just passively accepting.

I hate people like him, but I can't hate them anymore. I killed him, and I was at peace, and I hope it wasn't because I was set to do it, or someone who would do it—but at least. I'm not set up to be a bartender like that.

I didn't go after other suspicious locations, and the idea of putting together at this time filled my heart with strong and inexplicable emotions. I have to admit that I just observe my own changes rationally. Dr. Nguyen Le was right. The previous nightmare, the action of looking for "Jiang" in the depths of my heart, did not make my condition better, but worsened - feeling that I am a character of a story, and acting according to such thoughts, is also a very classic symptom in clinical cases of psychology.

Although, such thoughts, didn't really make me negative. It didn't make me feel tired, but it was still extremely abnormal. Ordinary people will immediately leave it behind, and they won't even have the thought of "how is it possible", so forget about it, but. My own emotions and deeds are indeed step by step. In line with this idea. And I can't stop that.

As usual, I recorded the change and gave it to Dr. Nguyen Le at breakfast the next day.

"Do you really think so? Is this a story? Dr. Ruan Li thought for a moment, and the knife and fork in his hand gently tapped against each other, making a crisp tinkling sound. Initially, it was a prophesied apocalyptic fate, then it became a virus that had the power to decide on the human body and consciousness, then a mysterious incomprehensible and unspeakable thing, and then. It became a set story. ”

I could hear what she was saying, but there was no ripple in my heart, I just cut the food and stuffed it into my mouth as usual.

"In fact, such a change can reflect an important context." "It's a change in mindset from ancient times to modern times. From idealistic cognition to natural science, to social science, and finally to philosophy. Philosophy, although idealistic, is also a way of trying to describe the laws of objective things. In your case, normal people will not have such drastic changes in their worldview in a short period of time. Even if it does, it is often a relative change, not like you. ”

"Isn't this a natural psychological evolution?" I asked.

"Of course not, although it seems to be regular, but it is full of deliberate feeling because it is too regular. Normal people's hearts, the perception of the world, is often more turbid, from infants to adults with a fixed world view, its development law should be: infancy is a ball of clear water, and then stir this ball of clear water, let the silt float, make the water turbid, and then sift to get a fixed concentration of water quality, this fixed concentration of water quality is the heart of adults. Dr. Nguyen Li described it and said, "Your situation is too linear. It's like, instead of being stirred into muddy water and then sifted through, something is deliberately injected into the water with specific ingredients, and the inevitable chemical reaction is produced step by step, and finally it becomes a specific concentration. Dr. Ruan Li pressed her temples, she seemed to feel that it was a little inappropriate for her to make such a description in front of me, perhaps, this can be seen as proof of her inner vibration, "This kind of situation is that the possibility of your own natural development is very low, and it does not belong to the physiological pathology that leads to the mental mutation, in the cases I have come into contact with, similar situations to yours are all because of being deliberately guided, and moreover, it is a long-term effect." Ah Chuan, are you sure that during the time you were in school, you really didn't encounter anything special? ”

I understand what Dr. Nguyen Le means that if you want to exert a long-term influence on a person, it is not possible to achieve it in any situation. For students like me, it's the people they encounter during their time at school that have the most impact. However, in the time I have been in this repeater world, I have not encountered such people and events. Although the school is a bit of a mystery, in terms of educational content, it is quite standardized and positive.

Dr. Nguyen Le said that my condition was not a natural development, and the lesions in my body were not the cause. Such a statement, from the perspective of the reality of the hospital, is wrong. It is precisely because I have experienced the reality of the hospital and have not been able to find evidence that the "reality of the hospital" is still an illusion of consciousness in the reality of the hospital, so the cognition I gained in the reality of the hospital and the hallucinations that continue to emerge as if they were broken memories have greatly affected my view of the world and life.

It is precisely because the reality of the hospital is more like reality than this repeater world, so I cannot regard the situation mentioned by Dr. Nguyen Li in this repeater world as part of reality.

Dr. Nguyen Li stared at me for a long time, seemed to sigh, and then diverted the topic and said, "I'm going to meet some old friends today, and by the way, let them know about your situation and see if they have a better way." ”

"You've always done your own research?" I asked, looking up.

"Yes. But, as it turned out, I thought too highly of my own abilities. A hint of guilt and sadness appeared on Dr. Nguyen Li's face, "Perhaps, I shouldn't have hidden your situation from the beginning. In Paris and elsewhere, there are many psychiatrists who are more competent than me, and I have some friendship with them, and I am sure that they will be interested in your situation. ”

"No!" I immediately refused. The slightly stronger tone made Dr. Ruan Li raise his gaze in surprise.

"I don't want them to look into my situation." I got straight to the point and said, "I only admit you, Mom." "I don't know where this kind of love comes from, probably from the reality of the hospital, but I really don't want to be surrounded by those doctors all the time, proving from the front and the side all the time that I am a mentally ill person, how strange my condition is, how valuable it is, and how it is getting worse. Even if I know that I am a mentally ill person, no, because I know that I am a mentally ill person, I want to live like a normal person. I was able to face Dr. Nguyen Le without any pressure because we had lived together for a lot of time, and the bond between us made me feel like a parent-child relationship. But that doesn't mean I can feel the same way with other psychiatrists.

This strong refusal seemed to make Dr. Nguyen Li feel stunned, and she said after a while: "Although I am very happy that you said this, in fact, in the past, I have already sent them some of your information. It is because of their help that I can come up with so many solutions, and the medicine you need is also made by entrusting their relationship. You don't need to have the idea that your privacy is being violated, because doctors will inevitably violate your privacy, especially when it comes to psychology...... Ah Chuan, you have been by my side for a long time and know such a situation. ”

"I know, but whether I know or not, it's not a matter of personal feelings." I said to her, "I'm simply not in the mood to accept a psychiatrist other than you." Psychology is not a general pathology, and the subjective feelings of the patient are also important, isn't it? ”

Dr. Ruan Li nodded after a while, and did not mention this topic again: "I will take care of it, I won't come back for dinner at noon, you can take care of yourself?" ”

"Of course." I answered without hesitation.

"If someone is looking for me, let him call me." Dr. Nguyen Li cautiously emphasized: "Don't pay attention to any reason the other party has, whether you can't get through or don't have a phone number, you don't need to pay attention. Just let him call me directly. ”

"You look nervous, Mom." I was a little surprised, "Is there any danger?" ”

"Nope. There is no danger. Dr. Ruan Li's face soothed and said, "I just don't want you to get stuck with some kraft candy." There are a lot of people here who don't know what politeness is, especially to kids your age. ”

"I don't mind teaching them." I smiled. The atmosphere at the table became softer.

Half an hour later, Dr. Ruan Li, who had packed a box of materials, went out as promised. I watched her get into the taxi from the window and leave the room with her coat on. I was heading to NOG's stronghold in Paris, and Dr. Nguyen Li's cousin and the reason for the trip made me feel that she should be placed under surveillance to keep her safe, so I needed to use NOG's strength. (To be continued......)