The gravel was stuffed into the cracks of his fingernails, the sharp edges and corners cut through the skin, the soft soil seemed to begin to harden, and after Dr. Ander dug a dozen centimeters down, the blood seeped out of his fingers, of course he felt pain, he was injured, and the more he continued to dig, the pain continued to worsen, however, in addition to the pain, or rather, even the pain itself, seemed to resist some indescribable sensation for him, but made him feel as if he had been relieved of some kind of heavy pressure. Pain and comfort were originally contradictory, but at this time, the more painful it was, the more comfortable it did make him feel. The stimulation of the pain made Dr. Ender feel that his brain was becoming clearer, and the impulses generated by the frantic rushing thoughts, emotions and burning body, the hallucinations and auditory hallucinations that made people feel frightened and crazy, were being driven away by this pain, and the more severe the pain, the more obvious the effect.

For the first time, Dr. Ender felt that the pain could be so impatient. It hurts a little more, it hurts a little more...... He thrust his fingers harder into the dirt and gravel, despite the fact that his skin was torn and bloody, and even the nails were turned up, and his sober mind felt that he was really crazy about this appearance, just like the mentally ill people he had seen who deliberately hurt himself, but at this time, this strong and contradictory feeling made him seem to understand why those patients wanted to hurt themselves.

Physical pain is terrible, but what is even more terrible is the invisible things that keep drilling into one's mind, into one's mind and soul, into the depths of one's self-knowledge. At such times, pain is no longer a warning of danger, but seems to be a bitter medicine.

- Ah, it hurts, it hurts, but more than that feeling, this kind of pain makes me feel like I can live normally......

Dr. Ender gasped, and for a moment wondered if he would have preferred to just dig and repeat the mechanical and painful act than to dig up what Takakawa had buried so quickly. Despite the lightning-fast thoughts that crossed his mind, his fingers still touched hard objects that were different from the touch of earth and sand, and he subconsciously groped for a moment, and then felt something thick and soft. His hand stopped, as if he had been stunned for a second or two, and the urge that came back to his heart made him quickly pick up the dirt. Through the crimson moonlight, he could see clearly what he had dug up:

A few cards, a few pieces of paper, and a notebook.

Although covered in dirt and dirty, the texture and style of the cards were indeed those made by Sakiya, Hakkei, and Marceau, and the paper and notes also made Dr. Ender's heart beat a little. He didn't understand what was recorded in it, but from the perspective of a mentally ill person, what was recorded by the special experimental subject "Gao Chuan" was probably his own conjecture and hallucination, and even many mentally ill people who were not suffering from doomsday syndrome would do so. In his research career, Dr. Ander has seen mentally ill and suspected mentally ill people write stories and poems that are obscure in consciousness, some of which can be read fluently, and even some of which are stylistic, while others can make people feel confused, and at a glance they can be seen as crazy and chaotic.

Even with this experience, when sweeping away the dirt, feeling the touch of the paper and notebook still made Dr. Ander feel a little inexplicable, as if he had found some precious treasure, and even the cards that seemed to be more important became less important in front of these things that he had not yet seen.

A growing urgency made Dr. Ender want to see what was written on the paper and in the notes at once. However, the pain that came from his fingers, as if he had pricked his heart and brain with a needle, made him hold back this mood, and first looked at the cards he had unearthed through the moonlight. The crimson moonlight seemed to be brighter at this time, and there were no over-molded cards on the surface, which was obviously a rough texture, but it also seemed to reflect the moonlight, as if it was flowing with reddish blood. An illusion flashed through Dr. Ender's mind, and for a moment, he seemed to really see it, a liquid so thick that it was almost blood plasma, gushing out from the surface of the card, oozing from between his fingers, and dripping into the dirt pit, the blood was so warm, so sticky, it seemed to exude a faint sweetness, and there was a kind of contagious power that made people panic...... As soon as he was in a trance, all these hallucinations were gone, the cards were still cards, and the strange textures on the cards had not changed at all.

He stared at the textures or symbols on the cards for a long time, and couldn't help but think back to the cards he had seen in the room of the three girls, and the impression they had on him at that time was so deep, and the impact on his spirit was so strong, however, compared to this fresh memory, these excavated cards at this time did not feel at all, as if they were just some useless decorations. Dr. Ander was a little puzzled and a little overwhelmed, he had thought about how much impact he would have on himself after excavating the treasure of "Takakawa", but it was clear that the imaginary feeling was completely different from what he felt at this time.

There was nothing, empty, as if deceived, so that the pain of the fingers and even the heart became empty.

"No, it shouldn't be like this...... Shouldn't ......," Dr. Ender muttered, and the conversation from the research team came back to his mind, and although he didn't advocate the direction of those people's research, if he really had to choose between "effective" and "ineffective", then he did prefer that kind of research to be effective. As a result, there is a vague expectation of these "cards hidden by Takakawa", however, the feeling of "nothing special" in front of me is like living up to my own expectations—and even the expectations of those people.

I really don't know what emotions and thoughts would arise in the hearts of those people if it wasn't themselves who unearthed these things, but just a little imagination would make Dr. Ender feel like they're going to go crazy and become even more unreasonable.

In this way, he was glad that he was the first to find these things.

These cards seem to be meaningless, and they don't seem to be the same as the ones found in the room of the three girls, but if you put all the cards together, you may be able to find other information, which is like a puzzle, and you can't put all the pieces of the puzzle together according to the established rules, and you can't get the right information. This thought gave Dr. Ender some comfort.

And then there's the paper and notebook. Dr. Ander first looked at the paper, which was written about what had happened to Takakawa after he had woken up in the hospital for the last time, and his speculations about his inexplicable hallucinations, adventures that were very different from those of other patients. It involves a misunderstanding of his own state, which Dr. Ender believes is wrong, as well as contact with the underground tissues that have always existed in the hospital, as well as some misunderstandings about the hospital's research, which of course is what Dr. Ender believes.

The hospital has always maintained enough goodwill towards "Takakawa", and, from the very beginning, the study of him was voluntary, rather his own strong request. "Gao Chuan" understood his own weakness and limitations from the beginning, and he couldn't save himself and others by himself, so he "donated" himself - at this time, Dr. Ander inexplicably associated "sacrifice" with "sacrifice", and he didn't feel that it was against the same - "Gao Chuan", as a patient with doomsday syndrome, has a high degree of rationality and action that most other patients do not have, as well as a sense of dedication that most people do not have, and he will accept the cruel truth in order to protect some people, When cooperating with hospital research, they will even make researchers feel that "Gao Chuan" is a researcher in itself, not a patient.

Most of the people who participated in the study were full of affection for such a "Takakawa". Whether it is out of this favor, or because of the particularity and scarcity of his voluntary test subject, he will never be casually perfunctory, nor will he deliberately carry out destructive experiments on him in complete disregard of sustainable research and development.

This is an isolated island hospital, it is a secret research, with a huge amount of money and a high degree of political support, and it does involve a lot of things that violate human ethics and morals, but the purpose of their research here is not to develop weapons or destroy the enemy, but really to understand what the "virus" is, to find a cure, to use it as a cruel weapon, at least after understanding the mechanism of the operation of the "virus" and finding the serum - this is not a movie story, There is no exaggerated plot, except for the "virus", the behavior and purpose of any human being are strictly controlled, and those who can come here to conduct research have strict checks on political review, spiritual psychology and research concepts.

Behind the scenes of supporting the hospital's research, they don't just throw out what they can't deal with, they don't understand at all, they need a situation they can control, not the end of the world.

Therefore, if you want to say what is the cruelest thing in the hospital, it is definitely not the research itself, but the harm caused by the "virus" to people, the most fundamental doomsday syndrome.

Dr. Ender has always felt that many people's misunderstanding of this hospital is as ridiculous and naïve as ordinary people's misunderstanding of mental illness and mental hospitals.

What "Takakawa" wrote on the paper was so naïve and ridiculous in his eyes, of course, considering that "Takakawa" who wrote these contents had already undergone many personality changes, his body and mind had been tormented by illness. So, instead of a trace of anger and complaining, Dr. Ender was filled with a trace of pity and regret.

The hallucinations of "Takakawa", his dissolution and cooperation with the underground organization, his one-sided and erroneous perception of the hospital, and the illusions that arise from these cognitions all prove that "Takakawa" was so terminally ill at that time, but he still had the same strong will and terrible action as he did in the past. Some of them, Dr. Ander has also intervened, and those memories have come flooding back.

- The missing Dorothy?

Of course, Dr. Ander has more clues and speculations closer to the truth than others about Dorothy's disappearance, and whenever he activates the color center, he can't help but wonder if Dorothy has become a similar existence like the color system. Because, in the diagnosis of their condition, the similarity of these two girls is the highest. If there was anyone else in the hospital who could make such an important experimental subject disappear silently, then there was nothing else but those underground tissues, and besides, what would they do if they didn't make Dorothy something like a color-binding center?

Dr. Ander didn't want to deal with these guys who could only exist in the shadows, and he didn't even want to take risks to find clues to their existence. The reason why these people can exist in the hospital is naturally because they are absolutely irresistible, and Dr. Ander has always warned and restrained himself. So, he deleted most of the information about Dorothy. In his opinion, this treatment is also a kind of protection for Dorothy, because the action itself also has a kind of implicit warning, so that those who can't go out on the road in broad daylight understand that they are not as secretive as they think, and Dorothy deserves to be treated more kindly by them.

Dr. Ander didn't look for Dorothy again, nor did he care about Dorothy's condition, but he still felt that he had done the best he could.

However, because of the loss of personality many times, the memory cannot be fully guaranteed, and even in the terrible hallucination, even the logic of thinking has been affected, "Takakawa" can hardly recognize these subtle kindness. Dr. Ander put himself in his imagination, and he also felt that if he were himself, he would only come to those conclusions of "Takakawa".

Of course, the saddest conclusion recorded in these papers is that "Takakawa" is still wondering if this isolated island hospital is an illusion. In Dr. Ander's view, "Takakawa" has been completely lost in hallucinations and reality, and sees hallucinations, nightmares, and spiritual things that seem to have logic as the reality where he is, but he has doubts about the real reality - "Takakawa" At this time, his personality is actually hopeless, Dr. Ander judged so.

In fact, at that time, when the hospital finally found "Gao Chuan", he was indeed critically ill, even the latest special medicine, and the latest technology concoction, could not keep his body for long, and his spirit was theoretically theoretical, and he had completely collapsed when he fell into a coma.

These are the last words of a sadly ill-fated patient—and that's how Dr. Ender understands the contents of these papers.