I don't really want to pretend to be a priest at all. I am deeply wary and resistant to any form of religion and missionaries, and I always feel that when I hear about preaching, there is a place in my heart that is softening, deforming, and becoming what I never thought it would be. Because of this feeling, I know that my heart is actually fragile. I'm afraid of a change that I don't quite understand, as if I can't help myself, but I understand that in fact, such changes happen every day.

People receive external information and grow, and this growth is a kind of deformation influenced by others. In this sense, the information that the missionary brings is just one of many kinds of information that can lead to the growth or change of others.

So, what exactly am I afraid of? Maybe it's just a sense of fear of the unforeseeable future that this foreseeable change will bring—knowing that there will be change, but not knowing what you will become? Will it become the one you least want to become?

I think that this kind of mood doesn't matter whether it's a child or an adult.

I resisted any obvious, foreseeable, perceptible information that I felt might make me what I didn't want to be. That's why I don't want to be a spreader of that kind of information. I think that such thoughts and emotions may not be correct, but they must not be wrong.

Faced with these patients in front of me, I had to rely on the practices of the Doomsday Shinrikyo religion. I know that what I'm preaching is really just my own. It's not something that's "right" for everyone. I have changed the "truth" of Shinrikyo Doomsday, but it is still in a sense, self-righteous "truth of the doomsday". In essence, it is not much different from the "doomsday truth" that Father Sissen and Father Edward follow.

And in doing so, I was equivalent to another Father Sissen, another Father Edward - in the sense that I had become my own enemy.

How would I feel if a sick person resisted my mission? Wouldn't it be happier?

However, the patients did not resist. Rather, as I had expected in the first place. They began to calm down and pray. Although the pain of the past will remain in their hearts, when they look at me, they look at each other like death. There was a strange expectation. That may also be some kind of hope. I don't know exactly what they're thinking, but maybe some of them will put their hopes in me, and I may still be disappointed.

I can't be sure what the future holds, but, at least for the moment, I see my own "doomsday truth". Accepted by these people. Because I accepted it, so. It's possible for them to live a little longer...... I'm not sure, I'm just going to believe that I've done everything I can do.

Even against my own feelings, I acted as an impostor priest, using hypocritical language to make people believe in the possibility of the future again.

I'm not sure it's the right one, but it's my choice, and I can only believe that it's not wrong.

I felt the need for a change of attire. I look very young, but my actual age is actually very young. Becoming a priest at such a young age, in my memory, there is only one senior who was in the same school as me in the past apocalyptic fantasy. But I was not confident that I had the temperament of a priest like him.

If in an unusual environment, then, the mysterious attire brings a mysterious temperament, and the language of the mission affects people's trust. My words can calm the patients for the time being, but it is certainly not enough to maintain the current appearance.

I am a veteran occultist, but as a priest I am still immature. To do this, I need a change in appearance. Use my appearance to change my appearance to influence what others think of me.

I stepped down from the altar and into the operating room at the back. The humanoid figure still knelt in front of the operating table, praying silently. When I walked in, she still had her head down, hiding her face under her hood.

"Dear Hunter......" Her voice was like the wind blowing in my ears from farther away.

I steadied myself and looked around, looking for what I was looking for.

The humanoid looked up and said to me, "I hear you, honorable hunter, you have given peace to those poor people, thank you for your efforts. ”

"It's just a false tranquility. Their hearts have begun to mutate, their bodies have begun to mutate, and you and I both know that nothing can stop such mutations. I'm worried that none of them might be able to survive the night, even if not attacked by monsters. I replied calmly, removing the beak mask from the wall.

"My heart is at peace, and it is my hometown." The humanoid system gently recounts: "In the face of an unchangeable fate, there are always people who rise up to resist, but the results are not always good. Dear hunters, I think that the despair felt by the rebellion is far from being something that these poor people can bear, and they are not willing to bear it, so it is better to let them be at peace in their ignorance and meet the inevitable destiny than to let them understand. ”

"I don't like that." As I spoke, I walked over to the side shelf and pulled out a thick, unreadable book that looked like a textbook. However, when I focused on reading the contents, I was surprised to find that what was recorded there was actually the content of my diary.

But what's so strange about my mind being reflected in such a conscious nightmare?

It appeared here and now, and it gave me a strange feeling. Its appearance itself seemed to imply something, and it seemed to reflect something deep within me. But when it came along, it was like saying to me: it's time to use it.

I rubbed against the hard, thick cover.

"I don't like that." I repeat.

However, I know very well that many times, I don't have a choice. Even if you don't like it. Do it too, and this is a situation that must be faced by a person who does not give up hope under any circumstances. If you want to be a hero, the price is cruel. However, even if you can't be a hero, you still want to take care of others other than yourself in the worst case, and you also have to give what you were not willing to give.

There is a notion that being weak is a sin. However, in the face of a sudden disaster. Even if you are always strong, you will become weak relative to disaster.

The future is uncertain, this uncertainty. As a result, there is no absolute sense of power. So, when what is the end of the world for everyone comes, does it mean that everyone is guilty? and the catastrophe faced. Is it condemning all men?

If such a statement is not accepted, then the argument that "weakness is a sin" is untenable.

However, even if it is not a sin to be weak, it is still cruel.

I'm powerful, and that's something I tell myself a lot. However, I also know that I am weak. Because the facts always emphasize this to me.

I don't like it, but it has to be. This is the proof of weakness.

"You are a hunter. It's also about you becoming a hunter. And the reason why they can't be hunters. "First of all, you have to admit that you are doing something that you don't want to do, and that you have to do it, and you have to have a strong heart that carries it all." ”

"I used to want to do what I thought was right." I turned my head and said to her, "But right now, I can only choose to do what I think is not wrong." But not a mistake doesn't mean a right. ”

"There is no absolute right or wrong in the truth." The humanoid system said, "Dear hunter, you don't have to mind. ”

"It may not be true, but for individuals, there must be." I replied, "Why am I the only one who has to do this?" In this place, I remember that there were many more hunters...... I've brought some back before. ”

"The hunters are dying, their bodies are still there, but their minds are being destroyed. Now in this sanctuary, you are the last hunter in the truest sense of the word. The humanoid system said, "Please don't trust anyone, don't trust any hunter but yourself." ”

"You want me to do this? Do you think I'm right? I asked.

"But even if I don't want to, honorable hunter, you're going to do it your way, aren't you?" The humanoid looked up at the pattern on the ceiling, but it was as if it had penetrated the ceiling and seen something far away.

"If I do that, it's a necessity. So, what about you? In what capacity do you exist here? "I raised the volume a little," told me, coloring. ”

"Color?" The humanoid tilted her head, as if she didn't understand who I was talking about, but she didn't pursue it, but just said to me, "I don't have any mission, I just exist here, but when I met you, I gave myself a mission, and that is to assist you, respected hunter." ”

"Why?" I asked.

"There is no why. I just chose to do it. Perhaps, this is the proof that I have a heart and a soul. The humanoid took off her hood, her long hair, and her glossy, inhuman head—she was more like it than a human being. It makes people deeply feel how serious it is when it says such a thing as "proof of the soul".

I wasn't surprised by her inhuman appearance, but my heart probably still paused when I saw her take off her long hair and reveal her inhuman head.

Perhaps, I have tried to imagine more than once that even though I call her a human form, she is still a human being.

However, it turns out once again that things are not always what I expected them to be, and my intuition is often more accurate than I imagined.

The humanoid system put back on his long hair and changed back to the appearance of the taciturn and beautiful girl.

"You make your choice, and I make mine." "I think, make your own choices, that's why I'm here," she said. ”

I used the thin chains I found to wrap around the textbook to make it look more "meaningful", dyed some of the lines with striking red paint, and hung them around my waist.

"Can you fight?" I calmed down and asked.

"I'm sorry, honorable hunter, I can't make that judgment." The humanoid lowered his head again.

"Looks like I don't need to count on you." I already had a hunch, so I wasn't disappointed.

"I'm sorry. But if you think it's right, go for it. "You don't need me, but I am relying on you, honorable hunter, keep that in mind." You don't owe anything to anyone, and you don't have to rely on anyone. ”

Yes, you're right, my love.

Because the people I see are in need of salvation, not to be relied upon.

Therefore, there is no need to rely on others, and there is no need to owe anything to anyone. The only thing you can rely on is monsters.

"In the end, it's still just me who chooses, do I decide?" I say.

The humanoid system no longer speaks.

I don't know why, but my heart, which had been shaken by my mission, suddenly calmed down. When I walked into the hall of the chapel again, I put on a beak mask in front of the patients. The eyes of the patients fell on the textbook hanging from my waist—I called it the "Textbook of the Oblivion City."

People's adventures are codified into stories, and when the story spreads, it becomes a legend. At that time, the light will flow, the legend will no longer be there, and the story will be transformed.

I don't know what these patients would see if they were to read this "Luoyan City Textbook".

I could see in their eyes that they were eager to read the story, however, I couldn't show it to them. As long as it doesn't spread, it won't become a legend, and from the beginning, it wasn't a legend, but just a story that belonged to me. Therefore, this book is nothing more than an ornament for me to remember myself and make myself more like a priest in their eyes, nothing more.

I picked up the knife again, didn't say anything to anyone, and pushed the door open.

Outside the chapel, the moon bleeds while the sky burns. Ash and sparks, like snow, covered the earth, the canopy, and the roof.

The number of lighted rooms has decreased considerably, and perhaps some of them are the ones gathered in the chapel. The people I have seen in the past have tried their best to avoid going out and talking to outsiders, even if it is a so-called "shelter", I can directly feel the uneasiness and ominousness that fills the air, as if every breath is inhaling something that will hurt you into your body, and people can't help but hold their breath. In such a situation, escaping from one's own home and going to the chapel may really be a last resort.

I walked through the dark corners and surveyed every house today. (To be continued......)