My mind was a little unclear, and large, complex, and contradictory thoughts were surging through my head. I was questioning what I was thinking, it wasn't normal at all, and I knew very well that my psychopathology had become even more severe than it used to be. Compared to the memories of my past self, the deterioration of this pathology is very significant. Dr. Nguyen Le has been trying to find out the cause and how to cure it, but she has never found the source. What I thought was the source of the cause, the terrible "virus", was not recognized by Dr. Nguyen Li. What I regard as "possible real" is a fantasy and hallucination caused by psychopathy in the eyes of Dr. Nguyen Li, which is itself a manifestation of psychopathy. And what she regarded as real was also illusory in my eyes.

We couldn't convince each other, but I was in a constant state of doubt relative to Dr. Nguyen Lê's insistence. At first, I questioned the truth of the world, and then I questioned the ideas of others, and now, I even question "my own thoughts". This kind of questioning is pathological from the point of view of common sense, and from the point of view of extraordinary knowledge, it is caused by the erosion of the personality spirit by the "virus", but either way, it is fatal for a sapiens with independent thoughts.

In my opinion, if my present condition is a deterioration of my condition, then this deterioration of mental state is more terrible than the deterioration of my physical state in the 7∮. There will always be some stories in science fiction movies that describe the destruction of people by biological viruses, however, in the end, what makes people feel the most frightening is not the mutation of the human body, the deterioration of the environment, or even the rendering of a kind of apocalyptic atmosphere of cannibalism, but the destruction of the human spirit hidden in these mutations, deterioration and rendering, expressed by those who hurt people's emotions and morals.

The situation today. It's like presenting this spiritual destruction in a more direct way to my perception.

I'm scared.

It's not that I'm afraid that my body will become something else ugly, or that I'll lose my physical body, or even my physical body, or I'm afraid that something will come out of me. And like a cruel spider, they turned their heads and ate me.

I'm not even particularly afraid of death. Whether it's physical death or spiritual death.

What scares me is what I feel so clearly now, this kind of mental destruction step by step. When I start to question whether my thoughts are really what I think, and I can't prove whether I am suspicious or whether it is really true, I hesitate to "think" itself. But there is no way to solve it.

If even "thinking" itself is deprived of its correctness, then how can a person who can only use "thinking" to perceive things and solve problems, how can he survive and face the current difficulties? On the other hand, it would be a disaster to start thinking about the "correctness of thinking itself."

"Hey. Are you okay? "Someone woke me up, and I suddenly came to my senses. Someone tapped on the shoulder, "You don't look good." Mr. Takakawa? ”

Once again, I realized that I was once again trapped in an uncontrollable mind. This is indeed not a loss of mind in the ordinary sense, but a pathology. I looked around, and I was standing in a somewhat unfamiliar room, but. The strangeness is rapidly fading. At the time of my illness, memories of what I had experienced came back to life: I, the connector of the Cyberball, the third-level Demonic Emissary Boy, Turner and Anna of the Torchlight, had broken through the strange first encirclement and encountered NOG's operatives in this nightmare.

Despite being the first time in this nightmare. I met the members of the mysterious organization, and I knew that they were here, but I didn't meet them once. These people are not strangers to me, but even if they are NOG, they are not necessarily friendly. No, it should be said, we were on the same front, but that was only before entering this world of repeaters. After that, I had a conflict with them, leaving them without many companions, and our relationship took a sharp turn for the worse. Now that I meet them again, I don't think there will be anything that will happen to repay grievances with virtue regardless of previous suspicions.

However, although there has always been a gap, it is not entirely hostile.

It's hard to describe the relationship between us, even with the two of us, the Connector, the third-level Demon Emissary Boy, and the Torchlight as a buffer, but our differences are still there. Moreover, both emotionally and intellectually, the disagreement is very strict. It's hard to believe that meeting them and getting their support at such a time and place is a fortuitous and friendly situation. Coupled with Anna's deviant guidance, which will lead to a vicious development, then the meeting with these people as a link in this vicious development also makes people deeply vigilant.

Maybe for a few people such as the connector who are members of NOG, the current situation is like returning to the "big family", but I have the impression that their mentality is not completely relaxed. The connector and a few others seemed to have a deep sense of vigilance against their companions. Even if NOG has already shown signs of splitting at this time, and the various member organizations of NOG have private actions, and there is no doubt that the connector and others are such people who carry out private actions, but this sense of vigilance still makes people feel abnormal.

Think about it.

There are too many suspicious places.

The secret order of the seminar made the connector and several others have to unite to protect themselves. It looked as if they had lost the support of the organization and had to come to me in the hope of seeking the protection of Dr. Nguyen Lê. After that, we were attacked by a group of monsters, and after escaping from the ward, we were attacked by a mysterious attack, one person died, and the surviving people entered this nightmare in the depths of the night in a blink of an eye, surrounded and attacked by monsters, and after breaking through, we encountered the NOG personnel who acted in this nightmare for the first time.

There are too many coincidences in such a development, and, most importantly, in this short period of time, what happened was not logical enough. It seems that the situation is very clear, it is a story of reaching out and running away, and then getting a helping hand from others. However, there is no evidence. It can be proved that who helped whom, and whether there was really a helping hand, whether it really needed help, whether it was really a rescue and escape.

There are so many things that make people wonder in this story. The background I know is all expounded by others and then rejuvenated by themselves, and what I have observed about their appearances makes me feel awkward and contradictory in relation to this orthodox story of chasing, fleeing, and then being aided.

I'm not normal myself, what I've experienced. The development of the observed events, and the appearance of everyone in the matter, is very abnormal.

"What's the problem? Mr. Takakawa. The man said to me, "If there is a problem, there is no way, it is difficult for us to explain, the situation is too complicated, and we have a gag order internally." In this situation, nothing can be above board. I say that, can you understand that? ”

"I don't understand what you're talking about." I looked at the man. Not beat around the bush. The current situation is indeed very complicated. And this person is still sloppy with me. I can understand what they are trying to hide, and the awkwardness and contradiction I feel must have arisen in this situation of covering up in many ways and making small moves in many ways. But what exactly is the cover-up. What kind of thoughts, what kind of purpose I have, and what small actions I have made, I don't know at all.

Obviously, even if the other party has more information, it can analyze the current situation. Nor will it be revealed to me. The person in front of him seemed polite in his words and manners, and seemed to have no idea what I had done to the NOG team in the past, but politeness and politeness in themselves did not seem to represent the true attitude in his heart, but was only a disguise. I can't guess his psychology from his behavior, this is a very cautious person who can hide his true thoughts very well.

If he hadn't been specifically assigned to receive me, he would have had a better position among the NOGs who are now operating in nightmares. If he had been specifically assigned, then it would prove that NOG had done more research and research on me since the last encounter.

In this room, there was no one else but me and him. The Connector, the third-level Demon Emissary Boy, and the Torchlight all left for various valid reasons. It seems that everything is natural, but this naturalness makes me feel abnormal. It's like having a silk thread manipulating the puppets on the stage and staging the established script. Carefully investigated, the plot in the script is full of loopholes, which makes people feel inconsistent, but under the strong inertia, it is naturally staged.

This place, which looks like a wooden house area, is a temporary garrison for the NOG team and the 51st District team. We didn't see a lot of people all the way in, and a few people such as the connector also said that they knew the situation here too well. The only evidence that convinced them that they were friends and foes was that they saw acquaintances within several organizations.

The person I'm talking to in front of me isn't a stranger either. I still don't know his name, but I have the impression that I have seen this person in the NOG team. However, this impression is also very thin and vague. I don't trust this impression very much, because, in psychology, there have been cases where this kind of vague impression is deliberately created, so that the real person sees the stranger as the real yàn of some acquaintance of his past - once he is in the impression that he seems to have seen and does not seem to have seen it, and the other party says that he has seen it, plus some self-familiar actions, it will make the real person himself think that he has indeed seen, or even really existed, a relationship that is more intimate than he thought.

"Mr. Takakawa, what's wrong with you?" The person in front of him said in a puzzled tone, "You don't look right. ”

"Yes. I'm not quite normal. "I don't deny it," I think, now is not the time to talk. ”

"No, Mr. Takakawa, we don't have time." The person in front of me straightened his tie, and I realized that he was wearing a suit, and then his appearance became clear in front of my eyes, and before that, I even had a clear understanding of "how this person looks, how he dresses, his appearance and temperament", etc., or rather, I have no consciousness to recognize at all. In retrospect, before this moment, all the characteristics that describe him as a person were vague.

"You're a consciousness walker?" I asked. The previous ambiguity, in the final analysis, was a matter of "consciousness".

"Yes." He replied bluntly: "I am a consciousness walker. Being able to realize this, Mr. Takakawa deserves to be a fourth-level demon pattern envoy. ”

"You're interfering with my consciousness?" When I asked, there was no anger in my heart. Because, for consciousness walkers, interfering with the consciousness of others and walking in the consciousness of others is just like a normal person eating and walking, which is a matter of course. Any emotion arising from such an invasion of privacy has no meaning to the other party other than to affect oneself. Just like normal people, they don't be told that eating and walking are things that shouldn't be done, and they go to debate with each other.

This analogy may be a bit extreme, but based on their own mystery, the way of life, thinking mode, moral cognition and behavioral norms of consciousness walkers are indeed different from normal people. Although, from a biological point of view, they are still human beings, from genes to cells, from internal organs to appearance.

"The actual situation is that I did not deliberately interfere with your consciousness, Mr. Takakawa." The consciousness walker replied, "Everything happens naturally, and it is not determined by my subjectivity. ”

"You can't control it?" I say.

"That's it, according to normal parlance." The man smiled innocently, but did not apologize in the slightest, "But as you know, there is no such thing as a mystery control. Because mystery is not knowledge within the scope of our cognition, but something unknown, and its meaning is that we can never know it, mystery is changing, it is unknown relative to the known. ”

"Your power can't be believed." I said, "Do you think this conversation makes sense?" ”

"Makes sense." "Because we don't need you to believe, we just need you to know," he said. Any known information will cause people to act in response to the information. When you know something, you will act accordingly. ”

"So, you think this conversation will make me do what you want on your own?" I asked rhetorically. But I don't think it's a ridiculous question.

"Yes." The man pointed to himself and replied calmly, politely, and surely, "This is what I am capable of." (To be continued......)