The key to this battle is to transcend behavior and ideology, and to manifest itself in existence, and if it fails, it will probably really lose its existence completely and become something that "does not exist". I'm not sure how the Bodylife and the Doomsday Shinrito wizards support their existence, but I can be sure that their own existence is supported by the "river" - the more times like this, the clearer this essence becomes.

I can still feel and describe my feelings, which may prove that "Jiang" is still comfortable in such a situation. Although I could no longer sense its existence, I observed its appearance and disappearance in the depths of the file's consciousness before, and I felt a sense of "escape" or "detachment". However, it turns out that I may have underestimated "Jiang".

According to the theory that "Jiang" and "virus" are one and the same, the "virus" will certainly not be left behind even if "Jiang" is also at ease.

The realization that the "virus", which has always been regarded as the ultimate enemy, still has the power to fight back, and the sacrificial ritual of the Doomsday Shinrikyo still has the possibility of counterattacking, is definitely not a joy in the past. But at this moment, I was relieved to face the unspeakable.

It's ridiculous.

I've always felt that this battle is a battle between us people with doomsday syndrome and the "virus", a fight against our own mutations, just as the doctors of the past challenged an unknown and powerful disease, gradually dying in a terrible plague, and thus researched a serum that could defend against the virus at the cost of their lives.

Indeed, whether it is from the reality of the hospital or the apocalyptic vision, it is impossible to confirm the nature and true face of the "virus", it is impossible to know how and where it exists, it seems to be everywhere, it seems to be traceless, but it leaves traces in every detail, it is so powerful that people are desperate, people do not see the possibility of defeating it in their lifetime, and it is difficult to imagine how to defeat it. Even so, if this is a battle between ourselves and the "virus", then there is still a limit to the scale of this battle - although it is not known how high the ceiling is, it is certain that there is such a ceiling.

Even if I look through my diary, think about the mystery of the apocalyptic fantasy, and try to touch that ceiling from a metaphysical height from a philosophical and occult perspective, I can't deny that most of it must be my delusion. I already had a very serious mental and psychological problem, and I couldn't judge how serious it was, and where everything I saw, thought, and knew was "problematic".

For me personally, this result is depressing and hopeless, and I can't distinguish between reality and fiction. As the saying goes, if you don't know what's wrong, you can't correct it at all. This is what I urgently need to solve in this battle against the "virus", and there is no one to help me - except for those things that do not belong in the category of "people" in my own re-established cognition.

Even to this extent, even in the deranged cognitive world, expanding one's own cognition to a level that is not human-oriented, has never made me feel that the ultimate enemy of this battle is anything other than the "virus".

Perhaps in the eyes of others, whether it is the reality of the hospital or the apocalyptic illusion, there are too many secrets that are not narrated, too many incredible mysteries, which are dazzling. The whole world seems to be broken, but it is sparsely stitched together with many translucent silk threads, as if every clue, every corner, has an amazing but unpredictable coincidence, as if everything is accidental and bizarre, there are too many "titles", "names", "individuals" and "groups".

However, in my eyes, the world is also extremely simple at the same time - everything starts with the "virus", everything will end with the "virus", and anything that dazzles people is just a superficial phenomenon caused by the infection of things by the "virus". Those things that seem to have a relationship, a hierarchy, and a ladder that seems to distinguish between strength and weakness are in fact different manifestations of the same essence.

However, what comes with the ritual of deviation overturns such an idea. The situation is becoming less simple, and although I can't say clearly, I can deeply feel that this sick world, which has always revolved around the "virus", is being separated from the center of all events because of new factors.

To use a rough analogy: in the past stories, the "virus" was the protagonist of the dark line, and the interaction of us patients formed the main line, and among us patients, there was a protagonist who took the most weight in driving the story forward. So, now the protagonist of the dark line of this story has begun to change, not that the "virus" is no longer the protagonist, but that the "virus" is becoming "not the only protagonist", because of the change of this dark line, the "main line" composed of us patients is also undergoing some deviation, and even our own original weight in the story is also undergoing some changes.

I can't say exactly where these changes started, how they unfolded, and what the results were, but I don't feel that the changes themselves are a good thing.

Instead of reducing the pressure on us and weakening the enemy, this change is trying to add an enemy that is at least as terrible as the "virus". The dark line is getting complicated, whether it's me, the Doomsday Shinrikyo, or the physical life, if we who exist in this underground hall at this moment have no way to take the ritual of deviation, then this dark line will be established.

Whether it is what the "virus" wants to do, or what those of us who are infected by the "virus" and what non-human people want to do, we will inevitably be hindered by this new dark line. I believe that this can be felt not only by me, but also by others, including Shinrikyo Doom.

This battle against the deviant ritual is no longer a battle around the "virus", but a battle around the "result of the deviant ritual" in the real sense.

It is precisely because I can feel that even the "virus" will be affected and fall from the position of the only protagonist of the dark line, so I feel that this battle will be more difficult than any previous battle, and it will be more unimaginable, and it will break all the upper limits of past observations and enter a more incredible category.

Not only that, but there is an even more terrible nature: it is not us who will decide the outcome of this battle, but the existence of the "virus".

The various forms of battle we are waging here are only a superficial form when the "virus" and the "result of the deviant ritual" are entangled.

Is there anything more sad than the realization that we risked our lives to fight, but the outcome does not depend on us?

I understand what is happening in front of me in this way, and from that point of view, I re-examine the people who have always been considered enemies, only to find that I have to be on the same side as them, and are essentially on the same side - the camp of the "virus".

Such a shift is so unexpected, and it makes people emotionally protest, laughable, ironic and unfair.

Even so, there is no point in resisting such a shift. On the contrary, I will only feel more deeply how small and ignorant I am.

I've always relied on strong emotions to drive my actions, but at this moment, even emotions are starting to make me feel hopeless.

Everything I knew seemed to be in opposition to me—even my own rational thinking and emotional drive.

I don't know what else to rely on other than "Jiang", and if I can't rely on anything, it's a question of how to survive on my weak self. However, even if I wanted to regard "Jiang" as an absolute reference object to measure and determine myself, "Jiang" was an equally vague thing, and even at this point, I could not even perceive the existence of "Jiang".

If the "river" is used as a reference, the reference has disappeared, and it is not certain when it will reappear.

I knew I couldn't think like that anymore, and the more I thought about it, the more chaotic it became, the more I would fall into the darkness of despair. I can't even tell if my thoughts and thoughts at this moment are really thinking on my own, or if they are permeated by the chaos and darkness. I know this kind of thinking is negative, but I can't make it stop. These hopeless, sad, crazy and painful thoughts are like a derailed train, rampaging in the direction of a huge deviation from what you need, and every minute and every second, this "deviation" expands.

The things of the past, the things of the present, the things of the outside, the truths contained in every science, philosophy, and occult book I have ever read, are moving in a terrible direction, being excavated by my own thinking at a distorted angle.

I felt like I was being crushed by an invisible force, ravaged, twisted, like dough into an unspeakable and terrible image. And, as soon as I confirmed that this was a form and way of fighting at the moment, the power of this twist gradually became more powerful.

I was obviously not moving, and I could see myself standing at the entrance of the underground hall, and from the angle I could observe, I was sure that I was "standing at the entrance, motionless". But after excluding these observations, it cannot be denied that he is fighting against the distorted and chaotic forces from a terrible angle. I am not really "motionless", but I am changing from moment to moment, and at a height that cannot be accurately observed, only vaguely felt, I am engaged in a struggle that cannot be described in human language.

Anyone else and non-human except me, whether wizards or physical beings, were all caught up in a battle that could be felt but hard to observe, and even their mystical power was probably not enough for them to comprehend this level of combat. That's why they're just as "motionless" as I am.

The whole process of the battle is obscure, unobservable and incomprehensible, although there is material that can be destroyed, it is difficult to do the act of destroying matter, and it is still uncertain whether the destruction of matter can defeat the enemy materially. Before the behavior is established, the leading factors that lead to the production of the behavior have already been confused, and how to solve this confusion and let the instinct and consciousness occur and operate according to their original established laws is an urgent problem to be solved, but how to solve this problem, there is no precedent to follow.

I observe this battle beyond materiality from a peculiar perspective, based on my own state, but I can be sure that it is not my own strength or subjective will to fight at this level that transcends materiality, and the level of this battlefield is determined by the ritual of deviation. Although it is difficult to determine which side has the advantage today, on the level of feeling, this advantage may be reflected in the alienation of the material plane caused by the deviation ritual.

In terms of the changes that can be observed, this underground hall is still occupied by two main anomalies so far, even if more anomalies manifest themselves from time to time, making everything here seem bizarre, but the alienation of flesh and blood of matter and the expansion of the texture of the magic array are still the most stable and long-lasting anomalies. After the beginning of the sacrificial ritual of the Cult of Doomsday Shinrikyo, even if the wizards of the initial initiation ceremony have been distorted, the ritual itself has not been implicated, it has automatically and continuously expanded, just as the deviant ritual has been distorted on a larger scale and deeper after the combined impact of the physical life, as if it has been injected with hormones, and the phenomena caused by the sacrificial ritual are similarly active, and the distortion of the deviant ritual will not give in to each other.

It is precisely because the phenomena caused by the two ceremonies are not integrated that although they cannot be said to be distinct, they can still be roughly distinguished from each other, so that the progress of this battle can be confirmed in this way.

The confusion of my own mind, the change of my own transcendence of materiality, is only a corner of this battlefield, and my alone resistance is no more important than the collection of many Doomsday Shinrito wizards and physical beings.

This battle cannot be measured by common sense, and it has actually exceeded the space capacity contained in the underground hall, and behind every individual who fights, there is a huge shadow as a support, so as to get the ticket to this battle. The battlefield that has broken through the physical limitations of common sense, and is not even limited by the huge and solid temporary data hedging space of the "Ruins of the Ruling Bureau", extends to a range that is completely beyond my own cognition and observation ability. Even in my senses, all the temporary hedging phenomena that have arisen in this moment are only one side of the battle, an insignificant footnote.

I even wonder if this battle has spread to the reality of the hospital, revealing the existence of this battlefield in another strange way. Or will it go beyond the "hospital reality" and "apocalyptic illusion" in my cognition, and go directly to other unobserved realities or illusory worlds?

Trying to make a difference on the battlefield at this level is really beyond my personal ability. In my opinion, what I am acting on this battlefield is not a combat force, but a base point - a base point that can make the silent "Jiang" suddenly cut into it at a certain moment.