What Dr. Nguyen Li was doing on the console, I couldn't see her, but I could feel it. The lab was filled with the sound of machinery at work, with mechanical arms passing above me from time to time, probing machines rolling on my limbs, and gratings shining into my eyes, making me close them. The sensation of the body became more and more acute, I felt the pinholes piercing the skin, these different effects of needles pierced into my head, neck, shoulders, body, hands and feet, and the excretion processing was completely taken over by the instrument, and after about a minute, the soreness, heaviness and numbness of the muscles began to subside, and then the foreign body sensation and pain became more intense.

The tinnitus gradually became intense, and the head was dizzy, as if the ceiling was spinning.

When I first woke up, my consciousness was in a relatively intense and awake state, but after I got out of the nightmare, I felt more and more drowsy. I still remember what happened before, from the time I took "Paradise" to the time I entered "The Deepest Night", and then the sacrifice at the gathering place, the fierce battle with Novsky and the moon god, the movements of the various mysterious organizations during this time, and the appearance and disappearance of Tomie. I thought all this was acceptable, but at the moment it seemed to turn into a simple kind of information, stirring in my mind, making me feel overwhelmed.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not out of the nightmare, and sometimes I see a vague vision, it seems far away, but it seems close, if I think it's the "deepest night", it becomes the familiar blood moon and ashes of the deepest night, at this time, the laboratory is like a corroded, destroyed ruin, and the broken ceiling allows me to see the "moon god" watching over. I heard the fighting, I heard the sound of fierce fighting. Hearing those frantic and desperate cries, I could still feel the wind blowing, and Dr. Nguyen Le behind me seemed to have become a monster in the deep night.

And when I deny all this, they disappear, as if to tell me with this disappearance. All of this was just a hallucination of mine.

In fact, I couldn't tell the difference between reality and illusion for a long time, and for me, everything that is happening is profoundly affecting me, and it is impossible to prevent this effect simply by treating it as an illusion. So the hallucinations that are being created in front of my eyes, for me. It's just one of the everyday things.

I was calm, not panicked, and not scared. I silently felt my weakness, the strange scene of teeth and claws.

It's not about accepting or not accepting, it's just quietly watching, listening, and feeling.

Dr. Nguyen Le came up and replaced me with a new medicine. The needle was punctured into my spine and veins at the same time. And presented a real-time perspective view of my body in front of my eyes, allowing me to see these agents entering the body. Images that induce change. But I know that this is just a psychological adjustment by Dr. Nguyen Li for me.

My state went from agitated to weak to calm, and in Dr. Nguyen Li's eyes, it was probably a "change in line with the theory", which is why she seemed to be at ease.

"After other patients take Paradise. Rejection is also possible. Dr. Nguyen Le sat next to me and said, "But that's just my opinion. Others in the workshop are more focused on this rejection as the right path, and so more focused on whatever stimulates and deepens it. ”

"Isn't rejection bad?" I asked rhetorically.

"How do you define good and bad?" Dr. Nguyen Le paused and said, "Our philosophy is different. What I think is bad, others see as good. I think it's a rejection reaction, and some people will disagree. ”

"I believe in you, Mom." I say.

Dr. Nguyen Li just smiled, her smile was a little haggard, although she was still full of confidence, but it made me feel a sense of regret.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's a little late." "They have gone too far on what they think is the right path, and I can no longer help them, no, it should be said, they know that my research and theirs have reached a fork in the road, and from now on, there will be no intersection for a long time," said Dr. Nguyen Lê. Theoretically, our research starts from the same point and eventually returns to the same point. But how long does the process from separation to regression last? This time is enough time for them to choose to give up. ”

"Give up on you? Mom. I asked.

"Yes." Dr. Ruan Li's expression was still gentle, and he couldn't see the danger of the situation, "If before, we still had room to use each other, then now, we are opposing enemies." ”

"Do they already know?" I couldn't help but ask. I don't know exactly what happened after I entered the deepest night, but I did feel that the key to this change from mutual use to complete opposition was not what I did in the deepest night, but how I took Paradise and then woke up in the deepest night. I wonder if this situation of mine is a validation of something.

"Maybe." Dr. Ruan Li shook his head, "I think I have done a good job of keeping the secrets, but the equipment, assistants and venues used in these tests are all obtained from the seminar, so it is difficult to determine whether these confidentiality measures are really effective." Ah Chuan, you just need to understand one thing, this time, it is our victory. Your condition is under control because of the results of my research, and the reason why my research has been able to produce results is because of the strong support of the symposium. I don't have the same philosophy as theirs, and it may turn into a more serious confrontation later, but that doesn't take away from the fact that they have contributed to my research. ”

"What the hell are you trying to say? Mom. I couldn't help but ask. I don't worry about whether Dr. Ruan Li still remembers the seminar, after all, her identity determines the entanglement between her and the seminar, I am just worried that her ideas will bring her fatal trouble.

Dr. Ruan Li's expression was a little haggard, and I felt that this was inevitably due to this complex mentality of opposition and understanding.

"It's just a feeling. I just wanted to tell you, Achuan. Don't feel resentment and disgust just because the other person is an enemy and is on an opposing side. Don't let yourself be motivated by this stubborn emotion. Dr. Nguyen Li said this, paused, and asked me again, "You don't like seminars, do you?" Well, your choices and actions. Is it based on this dislike of emotion? Or is it based on its own principles? Have you thought about it? Achuan"

"Yes, I did." I didn't hesitate to say that I knew what Dr. Nguyen Li's question meant, but I had already thought about it in the last apocalyptic fantasy, and I still believe it now: "I have people and things that I hate, but all my choices and actions." The original intention was not to hate and disgust, but to save and protect the people I loved. Perhaps, those people have done things that are not in line with my morals, and even hurt the people I protect, so I think they are bad people, but I am not targeting them because they are bad people in my eyes. ”

I took a deep breath and looked at Dr. Nguyen Li with serious and sincere eyes: "Heroes may be because of their own subjectivity. And label other people as good or bad, but never do things because of these subjective labels. ”

“…… Is it? Dr. Nguyen Le did not comment. She just smiled and said, "Ah Chuan is a man who has always dreamed of becoming a hero." ”

"But, Mom. I felt like I could never be a hero. "My heart is calm and full of melancholy, because I know how difficult and contradictory the path of a hero is. But the things to be faced are often not the result of "everyone is good", and even they can't distinguish their own choices at all. Whether the impact on others is good or bad. Therefore, I can only believe that I am right and act with such belief. But I have also seen that what I think is right has also caused distress to many people, disgusted by others, and even hurt them, making them regard me as an enemy and a mistake in my choice.

There were many times when I couldn't convince myself that everyone else's choices were wrong and that I was the only one who was right. All we can do is not to admit it, but not to deny others, but only to observe ourselves, to do what we think is right, and not to criticize the mistakes of others with our own subjectivity. Perhaps, sometimes when I fight, I need this to break the beliefs of others, but even when I do this, I don't take it as a right thing in my heart, I just see this kind of criticism of others as a psychological tactic.

"That's fine. That's enough. Dr. Nguyen Li said and stroked my forehead and said, "I don't want Ah Chuan to really become a hero, because when a hero reaches the end of the story, he always sacrifices himself and saves others." This is not a cliché story, but is determined by the hero's own contradictions. No one can convince the hero, nor can the hero be saved, and the hero never needs to be saved, and their choice may seem foolish to others, but for themselves, it is just an ordinary path that must be reached. Therefore, the hero is calm when he dies. However, Achuan, I don't like you to die as a hero, and I want you to live. ”

I was about to say something, but I was interrupted by Dr. Nguyen Li, who said, "It looks like your condition has begun to recover. Only then did I realize that the feeling of grogginess and soreness before had completely disappeared. The feeling of being pierced by a foreign body is still there, and the pain is the same, but the spirit and strength have returned to their usual level.

Dr. Nguyen Le got up to leave my field of vision, and after a few moments, I felt that all the needles that had been pierced into my body began to come out of my body, and then the restraints on my body were untied. I lay down for a while before I tried to straighten up without any discomfort. I moved a little, and when I first woke up, I experienced a series of abnormal physical sensations, as if they were hallucinations, and there was no trace of the place where I had been pricked by the needle.

"Paradise stimulates the human body, stimulates its potential, and eliminates side effects, just like those human enhancement potions in science fiction." Dr. Nguyen Le said, "Although the process was painful and life-threatening, the positive effect was also significant. In fact, no matter what kind of drug it is, it is harmful and beneficial at the same time, and it is only by looking at the ratio of the two that it can be divided into poison and good medicine. From now on, you will no longer have nightmares and will no longer be plagued by schizophrenia and hallucinations. ”

Dr. Nguyen Le was confident, but what I saw in front of my eyes proved her wrong. I don't know if the nightmares and schizophrenia will get better, but the hallucinations do still exist. The image of Dr. Nguyen Le is alienating before my eyes, she has not become the strange and strange appearance of the three heads and six arms in the nightmare, but she is melting.

Dr. Nguyen Le is like a burning candle, his hair and facial features become blurry as they melt.

I thought it was an illusion, but this hallucination reminded me of a patient with doomsday syndrome - I suddenly felt that Dr. Ruan Li in the hospital was also infected by the "virus" and became a patient with doomsday syndrome, so that her image in this repeater world has changed like this.

But I couldn't tell Dr. Nguyen Le in front of me about her, she didn't notice it at all, but believed that my condition had been relieved. I took a deep breath, and Dr. Nguyen Li's image changed back to his normal appearance - wearing a white lab coat, half-rimmed glasses, and his hair in a bun, with the seriousness and seriousness characteristic of a researcher, and the joy of the results.

"I think it's good." I stretched out in front of her eyes and said, "It has never felt so good." ”

"Well, then, it's time for us to leave." "My friends in the seminar will buy me a little time, but I'm not sure how much time I can get," says Dr. Nguyen. So we have to hurry up and get out of this peninsula. With that, she pulled open a side cabinet and pulled out a huge suitcase. She spoke eloquently, as if she had forgotten that the peninsula was in the midst of a storm. Perhaps, she was really prepared, and even a ride through the storm was planned.

For me, she's willing to get out of here, there's a way to get out of here, she's ready to leave, and that's just a good thing. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but even if she was the only one who could leave, I had to try.

I picked up Dr. Nguyen Lê's suitcase, she was now confident in Paradise and had no doubts about my strength. (To be continued......)