On this night, Dr. Nguyen Le said something to me that was very surprising: she didn't see Tomie.

"Isn't it lively when everyone eats together?" I asked rhetorically. I don't think Dr. Nguyen Li is lying, but there must be something strange about it. If she really didn't see Tomie, then what did the scene of talking and laughing before mean? I know that I am mentally ill, but in terms of pathological analysis, there are some differences between my analysis and that of Dr. Nguyen Li, and it is precisely this difference that makes me not feel that I am wrong. Because, if I am wrong, then my perception of the whole world will completely collapse, and my own existence will be completely denied. My past constitutes my present me, and to deny my past is to deny myself. Such a result is no longer a matter of "psychopathology", but involves the birth and death of a personality. However, if I am correct, then how can Dr. Nguyen Le explain that he can't see Tomie? I think it can only be explained by "mysterious".

Since this world is only a manifestation of consciousness, the "mystery" of consciousness is sufficient to explain any anomaly. However, I am also very aware that it is absurd to use the inexplicable "mystery" to explain all the things that I cannot understand.

I stopped thinking here, and there was a voice singing in my head, and I didn't know what it was saying, but I knew what it meant. If I continue to think along these lines, there will be terrible consequences. Not to mention what will happen to the apocalyptic vision, my world, my cognition, my personality, I have built it based on what I have seen, heard, thought and thought. My observation and perception of the world, and in that observation and cognition, the existence of the self that I affirm, will collapse.

I'm not denied the real person, but the problem is the contradiction implied by Dr. Nguyen Lê's abnormality. Does it really reflect reality? Especially when Dr. Nguyen Li's form of existence is still to be discussed, which one should I believe in the conflict between the "truth" she has observed and the "truth" I have observed? Some questions are unquestionable, I have to believe in my own truth, and if I want to find the real truth, then I must also believe that the real truth must include the truth as I know it. And not just conflicts and contradictions. I've always had the idea that it's the right thing to do to be based on my own truth and look for a greater truth.

The impact of Dr. Nguyen Lê's words on me was enormous, but it was not completely subversive, because despite the world that Dr. Nguyen Lê saw. It's definitely different from me, but. There is also no evidence that what she sees is the truth, even if the truth she says may have a more rigorous logic and is not disturbed by "mystery".

"I'm sure everybody has spoken to Tomie." I said this to Dr. Nguyen Li.

"Good. Let's look at the footage. "As you know, I have installed a lot of cameras in this house, and it will leave the most realistic images. I hope you're mentally prepared, Achuan. In the past, I refused to show you too many images because you were young. I think it will give you too much of a shock and have a bad effect on your treatment. Moreover, your condition at that time was not as strict as it is now - I have always wondered why all of a sudden, after showing signs of improvement, your condition has worsened. What happened to you? What exactly did you do during the week you disappeared? I'm very upset, Ah Chuan, I love you, you are my child, I will do my best to save you, I know you don't believe what I say, you have your own ideas and cognitions, try to prove my incorrectness from the logic of thinking, worldview and philosophical view. But you must know that what you can prove is not true, and you cannot prove that everything I sue you is wrong. She stared at me, her calm eyes brighter than usual, "Yes, you know, even if you are consciously repulsed, but subconsciously accept this result - the results of your own thinking cannot fully prove that Dr. Nguyen Li is wrong, that is, it cannot be falsified." You know, the difference between unverifiable and unfalsifiable. ”

As Dr. Nguyen Li said, I know what "unfalsifiable" is, although for a thing, "unfalsifiable" is a ** concept, but what cannot be falsifiable means that theoretically it is possible to speculate more answers, and these answers cannot be rashly concluded to be wrong.

Turning my gaze to the computer screen, Dr. Nguyen Le began to play the image of the dinner scene, which could not be tampered with in terms of time, place, or image. Of course, this premise of "cannot be tampered with" does not include "mysterious", and when the world is recognized as a world made up of repeaters, everything that can be judged by strict logic in a non-mysterious world will essentially have questionable reasons. I don't want to question Yiqiē with this attitude, because to do so means that I can question the authenticity, the existential nature of Sakuya and the Eight Scenes, who have left Dr. Ruan Li in front of me, and even the nature of all the necessary beings that make up them. In other words, when I question the whole world, what can I believe in this questioned world?

Dr. Nguyen Li, Saki Ye and Hachijing, these people who are close to me, the people I love, and my perception of them in the past are different, and this difference can be explained for many reasons, but once you question the whole world to explain, then the differences they express become unacceptable.

I stopped thinking. I don't think I can think like that anymore, and I know very well that when a person wants to "question the world" from time to time, that person is bound to become a complete lunatic. I am a mentally ill person, and I do not deny that I am a madman in terms of what I do, what I think, but it is still a bit beyond my tolerance to be a madman who questions the world.

It is this kind of resistance that makes me breathe a sigh of relief, because this psychology at least proves that I still know how I should live, what I want to become, and I have not fallen into boundless madness in my self-awareness.

Even. The moment the video began to be shown, I thought that maybe I shouldn't be so excited to reject what was shown in the video and what Dr. Nguyen Le had told me. There must be some kind of explanation that perfectly reconciles the contradictions that are currently presented. For the world, the universe, and human consciousness are so vast and vast that they are hidden in the darkness more than they are exposed to the known, and no one can prove that they are completely right, and they are by no means completely wrong. And it is this kind of ** that allows the seemingly conflicting cognitions between two people to have the possibility of reconciliation, to splice them together correctly, and filter out their mistakes, and then obtain each other's recognition.

When I think about the vastness of the world, the universe and human consciousness, I can't help but think of the popular science films I saw when I was a child. It was a magnificent sight beyond the minds of ordinary people. Many questions are in the mouth of the commentator of the popular science film. Unable to give an answer, their voices embody doubts and reverie. In that vast and dark area beyond the limits of human imagination, there are too many "truths" that can prove that people's own perceptions are incorrect.

And now the image that is being shown is Dr. Nguyen Le trying to prove me wrong. Isn't that the truth?

People's cognition is not yet able to spell out the absolute truth in the face of self and external objects, so whether it is the truth as seen by others. It is also extremely precious whether it is the truth that you understand by yourself, because these truths that you observe, perceive, and understand by the individual are not used to prove that the other party is incorrect, but to find greater and more correctness.

Because, when you have to admit that your understanding and vision are limited, how can you prove that you are absolutely right? How can we prove that another perspective and viewpoint that contradicts us is completely wrong?

When I thought about this, the once boiling love really calmed down. Dr. Nguyen Le tried to prove that Tomie did not exist zài, but the incorrectness of this proof did not require a question of the world to be done. Because, even if Dr. Nguyen Le is the most real being in the entire apocalyptic illusion, it does not mean that what she sees and the conclusions she draws are the only truth, because Dr. Nguyen Le is just one person.

Dr. Nguyen Li is just a "human psychiatrist", this is her limit, and it is impossible for a mere "human psychiatrist" to be completely correct. However, it must also be admitted that what she says, what she sees, what she understands, and what she tries to prove must reflect a certain truth.

Therefore, what I should do is not to resist what she said, to try to overturn her proof from the perspective of complete opposites, but to understand her from what she did, what she thought, and the evidence she presented, to analyze her, and find out the part of the truth that she has.

The video only shows the scene at the dining table, and in the video, there is indeed no Tomie's storage zài, and even the cutlery she uses is not there, and her place is vacant. And, although that empty seat can seat one person, it will seem crowded, and this crowding situation does not exist in my memory of dinner.

"In fact, if someone were to sit in that empty seat, there would be some distance between the people on both sides. Perhaps, in your delusion, the vacancy between Sagawa and Hachiké has been widened. "Dr. Ruan Li freezes the image, uses the adjustment tool to pull the positions of Zuo Chuan and Bajing to the left and right, and then modifies the positions of the other people next to them one by one." Dr. Ruan Li said in a calm tone: "You see, to satisfy the vacant seat with one more person, the distance to be adjusted is only a little bit. And this little distance is very easy to imagine through guò. She gestured that at the table, the distance that each person needed to adjust was not more than twenty centimeters at most, and even that it was enough to adjust the angle of the chair, and to observe them in my direction, unless I had carefully observed them at the beginning, I would not be able to feel this change in the eating activity.

"Of course, in the real world, if there is no one person in an empty seat and a place has to be made for her, then the movement of changing seats will be very large, and almost everyone will move, which is easy to observe." "However, it is much easier to achieve this if it is only to satisfy the idea of 'one more person participating in the meal' rather than actually freeing up a seat – for Ah Chuan, this kind of displacement is a delusion that proves the meaning of 'that person is in zài'." ”

With that, she adjusted the image again. Point out the actions of each person in the activity of eating, and every action related to that empty seat: they are either picking up vegetables in that position, or they are talking to Sagawa and Hachikei. Then, the image shifted to my point of view and re-showed the action.

"See? You're just when they're bound to be heading towards that position. It's just a delusion to think about their communication with Tomie. Dr. Ruan Li said, adjusting the angle of the image again, focusing on herself in the image, "From this angle, you can be completely sure that I have not interacted with that empty seat from beginning to end." When I am talking, my eyes are bound to look at the interlocutor, but. From your position at the time, to infer my gaze, there may be a misalignment. So, Agawa, you're just trying to prove Tomie's existence and interpret my movements and demeanor in a delusional way. In fact, no one was communicating with Tomie at that time. ”

I didn't speak because. Dr. Nguyen Li's images show no signs of falsification, and her interpretation of the images also has a psychological logic. This image may still not be able to be under all the conceivable premises. Prove that Dr. Nguyen Le is completely right. However, I have to admit one thing: even for Sakiya and Hakkei, it is indeed possible that Tomie is "not a zài".

"I talked to Tomie." I said, "If I'm talking to an 'invisible friend,' why aren't the others skeptical?" ”

"It's simple." Dr. Nguyen Li looked at me with pity and adjusted the image again: "You just think you're talking. Those conversations and interactions. It's all done in your head. In reality, you're not doing anything. You have a good memory, so you should be able to use the conversation time between Sakiya and Hachikage to record your interaction with Tomie, right? Well, you can take a look. Did you really talk to Tomie during that time period? ”

The answer given by the image is: no.

There were many memorable moments during the dinner, but the time when Tomie and I communicated with me based on those moments was recorded in the video, but I was in a daze by myself, as if I was thinking about something and falling into a trance.

"Agawa, Tomie is an invisible friend." After being silent for a long time, Dr. Nguyen Le said to me again, "You told me that Tomie and Zuo Chuan live together and have a formal lease renewal contract with the landlord. Need I go to the landlord and ask? ”

I was silent.

"Remember? Although you said that Zuo Chuan and Tomie had known each other for a long time, in fact, Zuo Chuan came here first, and Tomoe had the impression that he moved into Zuo Jiang's rented house later. Since Tomie does not exist, then, to get Tomie and Zuochuan involved, there must be an opportunity. Although it is a delusional interpersonal relationship, for you, this kind of interpersonal relationship still has to be logical in a certain way, and the situation of forcibly associating one person with another person that appears inexplicably cannot appear in your delusion. So, I guess that before Tomie moved into Zuochuan's rented house, Zuo Chuan was actually with another person, moreover, that person was a woman, and that woman, in your impression, was in contact with Tomoe. It is precisely because Tomie is the person who does not exist in zài, and the woman who left with Zuochuan ** before has also become a person who does not exist in zài, whether there is a connection between two people who do not exist in zài, there is no need to prove. Therefore, they can have a relationship or not, and in order to satisfy Tomie's existence, you will subconsciously believe that they have a relationship, and then develop to a relationship with Zuojiang. Dr. Nguyen Le paused and said, "I believe that we can find the former co-tenants of Zuo Chuan." ”

"Yes. Because, they are members of a mysterious organization, and they cooperate in some actions. I replied.

Dr. Nguyen Li's reaction was expected, and she looked at me with a sad look. For Dr. Ruan Li, the end of the world and all kinds related to mysterious organizations do not exist, this world contains "things that science cannot yet explain", but there is no "completely unexplainable mystery", and the world she lives in is not a mere repeater world, but the basis of her cognition of her own existence, a real world that is not illusory or conscious. And the "mysterious" stupidity that I have to propose can only be an abnormal and incorrect worldview constructed by psychopathology.

In Dr. Nguyen Li's eyes, I used an "unrealistic reason" to prove that a "thing that does not exist zài" is really a sad situation – only a mentally ill person would do this. She didn't further refute my absurdity, and I know why she stopped the topic, because, in many cases, continuing to say to the mentally ill that "reality is not like this", and then using logic and evidence to emphasize the other person's "abnormality" and "incorrectness", in most cases, will only worsen the other person's pathology, and even lead to a mental breakdown. And I already knew by this time why those mentally ill people would collapse in such a situation, because their perception of self and the personality they developed were based on those delusions that were true. Once this foundation is dismantled, the impact will be beyond the imagination of normal people, because normal people simply cannot imagine what they will become when all the qiē that constitutes them is judged to be false. There may have been imagination, as much as possible to deduce the consequences, to understand the impact from the theory and the situation of the mentally ill, but I have not experienced it personally, and can only describe it in guò language, and all the heavy things, after being described by language, can be retained by language, only a fraction of the original weight, or, a few tenths.

The qiē presented by the language will make people feel light. People can't simply rely on assuming that they are in that situation to understand what they have to face when they really come out of that situation, because human cognition has limitations.

Therefore, any situation in which one merely thinks about it, rather than relying on experience, to feel that "everything that constitutes oneself is judged to be false" is far from being able to reach the real situation. However, who would take the initiative to feel the situation of "when everything that constitutes oneself is judged to be false"? Even, there is no such thing as agreeing from the bottom of my heart that "everything that constitutes oneself is false".

Dr. Nguyen Li's view of me, and his explanation of the anomalies involving me, is also from this standpoint. She doesn't think that "everything that constitutes herself is false", then, what is false, only I have a different perception from her.

I'm mentally ill, so she's the real being—it's like saying the opposite, it's ironic, but in reality, it's not such a frivolous situation at all, it's a reality that I have to face.

If I am correct and true, and Tomie is undoubtedly a zài, then what is the other side that proves in various ways that "I am a mentally ill person, and Tomie does not exist zài"?

The people and events in this repeater world are more worthy of deep thought than the existence of their consciousness, and their philosophical existence is more worthy of thought.

I will not deny Dr. Nguyen Li, nor will I look for evidence to prove that Dr. Nguyen Li is wrong, I accept Dr. Nguyen Li's opinion of me, of Tomie Jiang, of what she observed from her own perspective, and of her sad and heavy gaze when she looked at me. Because, Dr. Nguyen Li didn't do anything wrong, she just expressed her love for me based on her position and perspective. Perhaps, this love is heavy, and the result of it is to negate my current situation.

That's okay, as long as there's love, it's okay.

Thinking so, I said to Dr. Nguyen Li, who was looking at me sadly, "Don't be sad, Mom, it's going to be okay." ”

Yes, a qiē will be fine, because a qiē will have an end, and it is moving towards the end. No matter who is proved wrong in this end, it cannot be erased that the love born out of this mistake. (To be continued......)