When there was a knock on the door, Tomie and I were still in bed. I couldn't sleep, I had so many thoughts in my head, and even I didn't know what I was thinking, but the chaotic chaos of thought activity was still turning over and over in my head. Tomie's breath gently patted my neck, and she hugged me tightly as if she was going to shove my body into hers, and it looked like she was asleep, however, I couldn't actually tell if she was really asleep. Her smooth and dense skin rubbed against me, and the heat emitted by her body was transmitted to mine, which could not be described by words such as burning or stuffy, but it seemed to penetrate deep into the internal organs, making me feel as if I was soaking in a hot spring from the inside out—this was full of vitality, the joy left behind by the passion, like a hotbed of thoughts, and yet, in my chaotic and vague thoughts, which I did not know what they were, these warm and energetic pleasures, It only takes up less than a tenth of the content.

The door rang three times in a row, and even if I didn't have to make a chain decision, I knew who it was. I spent three hours in this place, day and night, and the scale of time was so clear in my body's instincts. When I approached Torchlight, I was not able to meet with the person in charge at the first time, but instead met a number of "old friends" who told me many excuses that the preparations for the Torchlight ceremony were at a critical stage and that they could not receive visitors, which were not very clever, but they did not seem to intend to cover it up too much. The Torchlight had an ambiguous attitude towards my arrival, not repulsive, but not rejoicing, because they did not hide this attitude, so that even if I just breathed in the air, I could smell it very clearly.

If my attitude is tougher, the other party will have a further reaction, whether it is good intentions or malicious intentions, probably because the malicious element is larger. If I really need to fight, I feel like I have a better chance of winning, but I don't feel like I need to fight a fight like this, because I'm not here to defeat, kill or stop these people. I don't know what the torchlight is hiding, I don't know what the process of their deviant ritual is, what the taboos are, and I can't even tell what kind of thoughts these people are in to continue such a ritual. There are many "old friends" here, but these "old friends" are only my personal opinion, the other party was born in this apocalyptic fantasy, and even met me for the first time, and they looked at my arrival as if they were a sudden visit from a stranger, especially since this "stranger" was not rumored to be on a good and decent position, but more like a single-handed terrorist.

I have a bad reputation in the mysterious circles of this world, and my actual record has hurt many people, which I cannot deny in any way. As Jung said, I am an executioner who almost slaughtered all mankind, because of my methods, there are billions of human beings who have fallen into a coma and even died, there is not a single ordinary person among the human beings who are still able to move, the surviving mystical experts also hate me, and among those who have died and injured because of my actions are their relatives, friends and lovers.

Everyone thinks that I am perverse, insane, and more distorted than the mystical experts who are regarded as eccentrics by ordinary people, that I am an anti-human element who has deviated from human morality in the true sense of the word, that I am a dangerous and evil existence from the perspective of human beings, and that I am also the main culprit for the current situation of war that has become passive. Strictly speaking, these people whom I regard as "old friends" do not consider me to be friends, and I have no real friends in this apocalyptic fantasy.

These people who disregard, hostile, and even hate me, the occult experts, who do not take opposing positions and have absolutely no friendly tendencies, will never have any kind thoughts or joy at my coming—and even so, they let me in, for what the reason is, I do not know, but, surely because of my presence, there is probably still room for improvement in what they are doing, and yet they are bound to be debatable in their attitude towards me because of my past.

I understand their feelings, their thoughts, and the trauma and scruples that my actions have caused them. I don't deny the harm I have done to the people of this world, I don't care what they think of me, and I don't have any unkind feelings against them because of their attitude and their use. So, overall, I still accepted it all calmly.

I'm tempted to say to them, "Everything will be fine," or "all the damage is just a long nightmare," but aren't these words really justifying myself? Do I need such an excuse? Will I really be able to fulfill these promises once they say them? Can I be sure that "everything will be fine"? Can I really be sure that "all the damage is just a long nightmare"? In this apocalyptic vision, will the people I killed by what I did come back to life? If "Doomsday Vision" were just a dream, would everyone really wake up in "hospital reality"? And is the "hospital reality" really the real reality, a wonderful world?

Am I just a collapsed doomsday syndrome sufferer, and am I qualified to make promises to other doomsday syndrome sufferers? I have been tirelessly chasing the "virus" and trying to save every patient, but I have failed, what can I do...... Needless to say, even if it is just "let the people you love be safe", it has not been possible.

No matter how you look at it, I still haven't achieved anything. How can I say that "everything will be fine"? The fact is that nothing has gotten better, it is still getting worse, and even the plan I am executing is not 100% sure that I will be able to defeat the "virus".

So, no matter what they said, what they did, or what kind of attitude they used to face me, I could only remain silent. Even if my silence is not enough, it will only bring dissatisfaction to the other party.

What can I defend myself? Can I be cheeky and say everything is for the sake of the other person? Will I be able to take their sacrifice and suffering for granted as the cornerstone and food for ultimate victory? I can't get rid of the grief and guilt in my heart, but what I actually do is.

I'm devouring them, that's what many of them think, and that's what I think is the most correct.

Even so, they kept me in this place, thinking, thinking, trying to take advantage of me. If they do, I'm willing to give them plenty of time, even though they don't have that much time left.

There was no further knock on the door, and the people outside seemed to know that I was still awake, so they said, "How long do you want to wait?" Mr. Takakawa. ”

"Are you ready?" I asked rhetorically.

“…… I should have asked you this from my side. The outsider said, "Are you ready?" Mr. Takakawa. However, even if you are not ready, you must pass. There was indifference and hostility in his voice, and he did not hide his ill feelings towards me. And this person is none other than Jung himself.

......" I tried to put on a smile, and I could still laugh, but the complexity of the smile was probably only understood by me, "Wait for me for a minute." ”

Saying this, Tomie suddenly opened his eyes, sat up straight, as if he had never fallen asleep, and put his underwear and outer clothes on his body one by one. Before I could put on my coat, I opened the door and greeted Jung, who seemed to be standing in the shadows outside the door, and his whole body seemed to become eerie: "Don't be so yin and yang, no matter what, we are all guests...... Or are you not going to treat us lovingly? ”

I could only see Tomie's back, but I couldn't see her expression, but no matter how she sounded, her words were extremely strange, and no matter the measures, timing, or meaning, they made people feel awkward, not that they shouldn't talk like this, but that they didn't look like "a normal human speech" at all. The meaning can be conveyed and the content can be understood, but it suddenly makes people feel creepy.

Even I felt creepy, and Jung, who was blocked by Tomie's body and only showed half of his outline, was obviously a little shaken, even if the details of his movements were hidden by the shadows, I seemed to be able to feel that he was looking at Tomie, and in this kind of gaze, he was full of unstable emotions. Jung, who has always had a flat expression, as if he was wearing an iron mask, and it is difficult to reveal his heart, and he is also a tried and tested mysterious expert, he has a strong control over his emotions and professional adjustment methods, but even so, his emotions at this time are so strong, and it is not anger or other negative emotions, but just a sense of fear.

A very pure fear was flowing in the air from the subtle trembling that could not be confirmed.

I don't know exactly what Jung saw when he faced Tomie, but it was clear that he didn't even get his mouth out to speak.

In a silent and oppressive atmosphere, I buttoned up my coat one by one and walked towards the two of them. As I passed Tomie's side, I saw Jung's expression: I can't describe what kind of expression it was, the expressionless face that seemed to have all the facial cells had died, and the stark contrast to the eyes that were full of intense emotions, so that the rigid face showed an indescribable expression. I didn't even think the expressions on a human face could be so rich until I saw this face.

The abundance was so rich that I almost felt like Jung was going to collapse.

"Jung?" I called him.

He took a deep breath abruptly, his pupils constricted, as if he had recovered from each other's gaze, and fine sweat quietly appeared on his forehead. He looked like he was having a nightmare and went to a far away place. And I don't know what he saw, what he was thinking, what made him the way he was.

"You, you ......" His voice was dry, but he was obviously speaking to Tomie, but he couldn't speak.

"What happened? Jung? I slapped him on the shoulder, and he seemed to wake up again, and his bloodshot eyes turned to me, as if he had just seen me, and realized that I was here.

Jung did not speak, but stared at me in silence for a long time, his face, which was full of rich expressions and extremely stiff, gradually eased, and his pupils gradually changed back to their normal appearance. His breathing went from rapid to steady, apparently adjusting. He was like a frightened man, and I think he must have seen something in Tomie, something I couldn't imagine - Tomie looked like a human, but she was clearly not human, but something that even I couldn't figure out, so that although Jung's fear came suddenly, it wasn't unexpected.

This is my lover, my "river", the unbearable weight of life.

"Jung?" I called his name for the third time, and I did not hide my concern.

"No, it's fine." Jung pinched the bridge of his nose hard, hesitated for a moment, and then said, "I'm just a little distracted...... Mr. Takakawa, are you and this Ms. Tomie really married? ”

"Yes." I said, "Why do you ask?" ”

“…… Just asking. Jung looked at me with indescribable eyes, "What a terrible thing, Mr. Takakawa." ”

"Getting married is not a terrible thing." I say.

"But marrying something is a terrible thing." Jung whispered to me, "Hasn't Mr. Takakawa ever felt anything?" ”

"I don't understand what you're talking about." In fact, I understand that I am the one who has experienced the most from the incomparably strong fear that even my soul will be devoured, because "Jiang" has always been by my side, in my body, in my soul, and has become an inseparable part of my life.

"Don't lie!" Jung could barely suppress his voice, "You're afraid!" You're scared! Mr. Takakawa! ”

"......" I looked into his intense gaze, which seemed to be overwhelming, and then I said to him, "There are fears in this world that must be carried, and there are things that must be done even if they are fearful. I'm not lying, I'm just accepting it all. ”

“…… Stupid, you're so stupid, Mr. Takakawa. Jung's expression was crying and laughing, and in my memory, he rarely had such a clear and opposing expression of emotion, as if he was incredulous about my reaction, "You are not human, Takakawa, you standing here, are not human." I was wrong, I was really wrong. I'm not supposed to associate you with that Mr. Takakawa, you are different, fundamentally different things. ”