Pre-turns out that there are really readers who know about the intervention call :)

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Actually, I had a clear idea of what I was, and it took shape about five or six years ago. It's been a long time, and when I first realized it, I hoped that my perception was wrong, but more and more facts made me understand what I was.

From (1) not being aware of myself at all, to (2) thinking that I am the most special and the only existence in the world, to (3) realizing that I am an ordinary person, no different from all others, but still thinking that human beings are special, and then to (4) human beings are not special compared to other animals, plants, and natural creatures, but they happen to be the most powerful on the earth, to (5) they are not special compared to atoms and molecules.

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Actually, it's a gradual process.

It is a gradual process of denying the self to the most fundamental denial of the existence of the self.

I've survived and survived until now because I'm so curious, and I'm always thinking that there's something I don't know waiting for me to look and find, and I still do, because the more I know, the more I don't know. So don't commit suicide.

When curiosity is satisfied, there is a great sense of happiness and a desire to continue to satisfy curiosity.

Although I feel that I am nothing, that my existence is meaningless, that my life is meaningless, that my life is meaningless, that I can have no sense of existence and that no one cares about me or even if someone cares, it is meaningless, but I still feel that life is very good. I really think it's pretty good.

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Of course, feeling good doesn't make it a reason not to commit suicide.

Still thinking. Especially after eating, listening to music, sweating profusely, or something.

Because happiness is followed by the time when happiness is the least able to feel happy.

So, for me, how to find a goal, a meaningful goal, is a very serious problem.

As I said earlier, everything makes no sense.

So, does happiness make sense? Happiness is short-lived, and it really doesn't mean much. Most of the time it's still normal, not very happy and not very uncomfortable, not rich and hungry, not high, not low, not low, it is impossible to be happy all the time. It's nice to be really happy for 5 minutes a day.

So, find a goal to do, and it becomes meaningful.

Because I can feel like I'm doing something before I reach my goal, and that feeling gives me a sense of presence. I know I don't exist, but this feeling of "doing something" is a real feeling.

How can you prove that you exist?

There is a way to change the world.

When the world changes because of me, it proves that I must exist.

But it still doesn't make sense.

Because I've proven that "I" are two neurons looking at each other, I really don't exist, even if I change the world, I still don't exist. It's frustrating. So, the goal of "changing the world" is really useless.

Therefore, the goal of changing the world is not feasible.

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The way I think of not committing suicide is actually "change yourself".

Can I change myself so that I can live without meaning?

Well, this is actually quite a twist, people always have to live a meaningful life, but I know that people must be meaningless, how can I live comfortably? "Finding meaning" has been proven ineffective. Therefore, the only way to work on the subject is "oneself", so the way is to change oneself.

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Change yourself and allow yourself to accept the idea that you can live without meaning. It's easy to change, it's not bad to accept yourself and make it a bunch of meat for pure pleasure. But I'm not talking about this, I'm talking about changing my own brain.

The brain controls emotions through the secretion of chemicals:

Dopamine is responsible for the "sense of anticipation",

Endorphins are responsible for "satisfaction"

Oxytocin is responsible for "loving and being loved"

Adrenaline is responsible for "excitement, excitement"

……

There are very few hormones that are really associated with happiness, and the body is stingy. It doesn't secrete too much, I want to find it, only drugs. But we all know that drugs can be painful.

Natural selection is cruel. Because, nature does not allow the happiest species to survive.

Happiness is not a necessary condition for survival.

We can imagine that hundreds of millions of years ago, there were some particularly happy races in the world, but they all died because they only knew happiness, and they were eaten in the face of jackals, tigers and leopards, and even when they were eaten, their brain circuits determined that they were still happy. So they didn't survive.

Those who survive know how to endure suffering.

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But now, survival doesn't seem to be a very difficult thing to do. Even if you are poor, you can still receive a subsistence allowance.

Therefore, it is really good for the whole people to be well-off.

Moving on to the reason for the title problem - change yourself

When I say change myself, I mean changing my brain circuits and the way I accept it.

What if biotechnology could really go this far? Change our neuronal receptors so that we can be a little happier every day and not die because we are too happy; Eliminate our painful component

Or simply not so complicated, it's a simple four-character idiom:

"Posterior intubation".

Actually, I really want to live such a life.

It's lazy.

But it's really good.

Unfortunately, the problem we are facing now is that this life is not yet liveable. The richest man in the world can't live either. The question of technical level. Believe me, the richest man in the world also has his troubles, and if he is given an eternally happy life, he will definitely choose this instead of being the richest man in the world. (Happiness is only related to the gap between expectations and reality) (the happiness level of the world's richest man is only a little higher than ours)

Therefore, changing oneself is the only goal.

If we are born with only pain, then try to live until we can enjoy the technology that changes us when it comes to it.

The odds are really low. But there is hope.

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This hope can be realized through technical means. How long it will take to achieve it is not clear, a thousand years, two thousand years? But it could also be a hundred or fifty years? If this goal can be achieved in 50 years, then it is still possible to hope for it? I know that even if the technology is really there, it won't be my turn, but I can still hope for it, right?

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In fact, there is another way, and that is to get this thing out yourself.

I know I can't do it. That's something that only professional scientists can do, but it's a goal.

As mentioned earlier, the goal is meaningful.

It is a happy process to strive towards the goal and move towards the goal step by step.

It doesn't matter if the goal is achieved or not (in fact, I certainly can't), but I can get closer.

For example, if I spend my life approaching 0.001% of this goal, I should be able to do it, and the remaining 99.999% can be left for future generations to do. Then the whole thing becomes meaningful.

Life also becomes meaningful.

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So, why not kill yourself? There are actually quite a few reasons for this.

It's just psychologically uncomfortable.

I can't help it, be hypocritical.

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After writing it, I found that I had written 7,000 words before and after? Well, I just don't want to write the story because the outline is really not written, tomorrow, tomorrow must be seriously updated, it's been a few days since I bounced tickets.