Everyone's family is different, and for me, my grandfather is my parents, teachers, friends, and playmates.

But he died.

I never knew I could cry like this.

I thought I was holding back, but I still couldn't help writing the second paragraph above. I thought I could figure out my emotions, my brain, my neurons, and so on, and I wouldn't think of myself as a human being. Then I didn't have those feelings, but I didn't know I was going to cry like that.

There was a screaming pen playing games across the street from the workstation, and I wanted to kill him.

I don't have any feelings for all my relatives, my parents treated me badly, but that's because they're cripples and crazy, so I don't blame them, and even I thought about it, if I were my parents, in that case, they not only gave birth to me, but even sent me to elementary and secondary school, I think it's a great miracle that my parents were able to give birth to me, they didn't treat me well, but it was right.

Of course, I don't really have any feelings for my parents.

I don't have much affection for my teacher either.

Since elementary school, I have been better than my teachers, who think that I am disobedient and do not do my homework, and then because the teachers don't like me, I don't have any friends. I was very uncomfortable at the time, but fortunately, my grandfather's genes were very good, and I went to the district focus on learning casually, and now I want to slap our elementary school teacher in the face in the online article? When I was in junior high school, I was smarter, and our Chinese teacher was a big man, and all of us called her nickname "Demon" and her surname was Wu. I put up with her for three years, and on the afternoon of the day she was mobilized for the high school entrance examination before the high school entrance examination, when she was still making a fuss, I suddenly stood up and scolded her in front of the class for about five minutes. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I prepared for it for about five minutes in private. Then after I finished scolding her, I remember that I was shocked with the expressions on my whole class. It's interesting to think about, now we write pretending to slap the face, and the most common thing is that everyone is shocked. But that's how it was at the time, because I scolded everyone in the class who wanted to scold her, and then I felt very comfortable. It would be like June 20th, the high school entrance examination was 272829, and then there would be a week off before the exam. Maybe it was because I finally scolded our teacher, and I knew she wouldn't be able to fight back again, so I was in a good mood and did well in my exams, and I went to the best high school in our city. In high school, I also scolded the teacher, but then I learned to be smart again, and I was afraid that the teacher would retaliate against me, so I went to the teacher after class and admitted my mistake. All in all, I look down on teachers, I don't know as much as I do, and I deserve to be a teacher?

In short, I don't have any feelings for any teacher, but it's different for my grandfather, who knows more than me. I thought for a long time that I was just worshipping knowledge, but I later learned that I wasn't, I just worshipped my grandfather. But he died.

My grandfather was the only friend I considered from childhood to high school.

The actual situation is different, I have a small hair, I have brothers, and I have classmates who play well, but I am not interested in them. I'm only interested in things that I play with them, I play with them because I want to play, I want to play Contra Human Weapons, I want to play Fairy Sword, I want to play Dota, I want to read books, I want to read books, I want to read books, I want to go out on adventures, I want to travel, so I play with them, but no one, I can play well myself. I came to understand that I just wanted to play with myself. And I'm pretty self-satisfied, I just like to play with myself.

But it's different from playing with my grandfather, my grandfather and I play chess, I'm three or four years old, and my grandfather plays chess better than me, I remember when I first started playing Go, my grandfather made me nine. It's that I put a disc on all nine squares, and then I'm black, which means that I still move first, and then I still lose. I was not happy, I said let ten sons, that is, add a small fly to a corner. And then to my surprise, I won. I couldn't be happy at the time. My grandfather quarreled with me, and it was probably the most fun I had, and no matter how much I won against others, I didn't have that time anymore. It's true.

I like to read books the most. But at that time, my grandfather also liked to watch it.

How many books does my grandfather have? I remember that since I was seven or eight years old, he was clamoring to organize the book, but he delayed for seven or eight years, and he still didn't finish it. Later, he really decided to sell all the books, and I helped him organize the books, and he said, "I don't want these books." Most of them are relatively dilapidated, ready to be sold, and a few of them feel useful to keep and plan to donate to the library. Then I learned later that in our district library, he alone donated a quarter of the entire collection.

Ever since I was a child, I thought it was normal to have more than 20 Encyclopedias Britannica, 70 or 80 Encyclopedias of China, and about 500 Xinhua Digests. Yes, there was no library in that district, but my grandfather did. I didn't think I read too much because I read too little compared to my grandfather, but I found that when I went out for a walk, no one read more than me.

Actually, now that I think about it, my grandfather didn't play with me much.

He spent most of his time taking a book to read and then getting me a copy too.

We don't talk in the house.

He also gave me the task of cutting newspapers, which was still very popular when I was a child. At that time, the more famous newspapers were Southern Weekly, and my grandfather said that it was one of the few newspapers that dared to tell the truth, and then Southern Weekly stopped telling the truth, so my grandfather watched the phoenix, and then he went over the wall, and my grandfather was ten years before I knew about going over the wall, and even then he started listening to French radio.

At the time, I didn't think anything of it, but I remember that Southern Weekly had a hard time reading an article of 3,000 or 4,000 words, and I asked my grandfather, but he didn't tell me. I just let me read it myself, I read it by myself, although I couldn't understand it at the time, I still thought it was better than the textbook, and I thought it was quite compelling. But I don't have a place to put it.

I slowly figured out later, in fact, I have lived such a strange life all these years because I was a little miserable when I was a child.

If it weren't for my grandfather reading me, I think my childhood must have been very special, special, and miserable. How miserable it is, in a big city, I haven't bought a new dress until I go to work. All the clothes I wore were my sister's, and when I was older, I was finally able to wear my grandfather's clothes, and the happiest thing was that the school required me to wear a school uniform, so everyone was the same. I didn't have a dollar of pocket money when I started school. I never eat anything delicious, I really don't eat it, because my parents told me that saving is the most glorious, so I said I don't like to eat, but I always have the cheekiness to find classmates to eat, but it is always impossible so it is gradually not going to be so thin. And my parents have always ignored me, they can't yell at the air themselves, and they can't care about me......

There were so many things that I doubted that I could live well in that environment, which was incredible, and then I figured out why.

Because I have books to read.

When I read a book, I can't think of anything else.

When I was a child, I really didn't feel that my life was any different from others, I thought I was quite normal, and in school, as long as I studied well, it didn't matter if I made friends, played together, or anything. And I happen to be the kind of person who can learn well if you just study. So I didn't feel at all how bad I was when I was a kid.

After I went to work, I realized that I was able to survive those more than ten years because I had my grandfather.

And then he just died.

I remember when I used to see someone lose a loved one and I was grieving but I couldn't feel it, I felt what was that? My grandmother died very early, and I didn't feel anything. My grandma was really bad for me, well, to be honest, it was actually quite bad, or in fact, no one except my grandfather felt very good to me, or actually my grandpa was not very good, he just threw me in a pile of books and made his own. But in any case, I never felt that losing a loved one was such a big deal. Isn't that it, it has nothing to do with me anyway. When my grandmother died, I was like a bystander, watching my uncle cry like a grandson, but I didn't feel it. As for my own parents, I don't know what to say, my mom has always been abnormal, my dad is basically fine, but as soon as I get home, the negative energy bursts, and I don't dare to go back, I seem to just do my duty, occasionally go back, occasionally call, and change to work closer to home, so that when they call me again, I don't have to spend thousands of dollars on travel expenses and a whole day to go home, and then find that they are just sick again, in fact, there is nothing too big, or just miss my son. I feel like I'm doing my duty. That's it.

I don't know what it's like, but I think that's how human beings are just computers with very slow computing speed and very small memory, and I've always thought so, and the more books I read, the more I understand, the more convinced I am of this view. Jiukan Chinese network debut

That's what I thought even more after I wrote the book.

I write a story, I want to put myself in it, and I think, oh? Does this story seem to move me? Haha, so the story should be good? So why is this story good? Then I followed the biological and neurochemical analysis of the following just now why did I get moved? That mode was mobilized? Is it a lot of pattern matching by chance? What about hormone secretion? Is it dopamine or endorphins or oxytocin? Is it because of a similar experience? Memory calls? In short, analyzing oneself and deconstructing oneself has become a specific process of reading a story, shouting a pause whenever you feel that you are emotional because of the story, and then finding this pattern and writing it down. In this way, the next time you write a story, you will be impressed, right? That's my generalized logic.

I think my logic is quite strong, and it is as correct as ever.

But just now, it seems that this logic is incorrect.

I don't know why I'm so bad.

I can't write anymore.