I still have to eat breakfast, because I'm afraid my mother will see it.

The whole time, I kept my head down, afraid to look at my mother.

She didn't speak, didn't say a word, and the atmosphere was very depressing.

I was suddenly scared again, and my hand holding the chopsticks was trembling slightly. I tried my best to hold back, I was really afraid that my mother would see it, I was afraid that she would know...... I knew she was the one who killed my father.

It was a time I had enjoyed very much, but that morning was so difficult, it was like when my parents were not at home, I was lying alone in bed, covering my head with a quilt, waiting for the dawn.

I was afraid of the dark because I was very young at that time, and I had to cover my head with a quilt as soon as it got dark, and I was really scared, even though I didn't even know what I was afraid of.

It took a long time to finish the breakfast, and my mother ate it slowly and methodically, without asking me anything.

After she cleaned up the dishes, she gave me a few words and walked out.

She said: "Xiaoxue, just stay at home and don't go out anywhere." If someone comes looking for you, don't say yes, just hide. Just wait for my mother to come back. ”

I nodded blankly.

She stroked my head for a long, long time before she let out a long sigh.

I don't know what mixed feelings were in that sigh, but when I looked up at my mother, her eyes were wrong.

It's no longer as sparkling as it used to be, it's not as clear and brilliant as it used to be.

Bright or bright, because my mother was very young at that time, and if I remember correctly, my mother was only nineteen years old! The age gap between me and my mother is very small, only fourteen years old! She gave birth to me when she was fourteen.

But in my mother's bright eyes, there was a touch of indifference and sharpness that I didn't quite understand!

That look in my eyes scared me and made my heart beat!

She's not the mother she used to be, never again.

It started to rain again, and the temperature became very low. The May day is still a little cold, and it gets even colder when it rains!

When her mother was gone, she walked alone in the light rain with an umbrella. I stared at her back in a daze until it was completely gone.

A gust of wind blew, and I shivered and shrunk my neck.

Raindrops kept falling from under the eaves, forming a curtain of rain, and everything was blurred in the rain.

I cried!

When I felt cold on my face, I knew I was crying again.

That cold, cold thing is tears!

I don't know why I'm crying again.

It was cold, really cold. I was sad to find that no matter how cold it was, no one would ever give me a warm hug again.

A bosom that allows me to sleep.

I suddenly remembered my father.

I want to go see him.

Braving the rain, I rushed into the kitchen.

Nothing, I don't know where my mother hid him.

I cried again, this time literally.

I wiped my tears and rummaged through the corners. There is no shadow of his father, not even his pipe!

My heart was exhausted, I couldn't support it anymore, and I fell to the ground crying.

But it was so cold on the ground, I felt like I was lying on the ice on a snowy mountain.

It was so cold that my teeth chattered.

I stood up, I couldn't stand the cold.

He closed the windows and doors and sat down by the fire pit.

My father was sitting here just now, and I wanted to see if there was still any smell of him in the air.

I sniffed hard, but there was nothing but the smell of oil.

The side of the fire pit also cooled down, and the few coals that were originally burning turned into white ashes at this time.

My body trembled uncontrollably.

I rushed back to the bedroom, slammed the door open, and found a cotton coat from the cabinet to put on my body.

I couldn't completely resist the cold, but it was much warmer in an instant.

I remember my mother's words and don't go anywhere. I didn't want to go out because it was too cold outside.

I carried the small bench under the window and stepped on the stool to close the window.

I'm too short, not as tall as a windowsill, and I can't close the window without a stool.

The windows were closed, the doors were closed, and the wind stopped coming in. But it was much darker in the room!

I'm afraid of the dark!

I remembered what my father had been like when he died.

It's so sad, it's really sad. He buried his head in his knees and cried to himself.

His face was spent, his eyes were swollen, and his voice was hoarse.

With such obvious characteristics, my mother should have seen that there was something wrong with me, right? But why didn't she say anything?

It was dark in the room, and it was horribly dark.

I lit the oil lamp tremblingly!

??? The faint light drove away the darkness. I feel a little better.

I heard from my cousin that in her house, she used something called electricity, and the electric light it lit was very bright and bright, just like the sun in the daytime.

I envy them for having that "electric light", because I am afraid of the dark, and I wish there was a sun shining on me at night, so that there would be no darkness.

I've never seen anything particularly bright, only seen the light from afar, and it's really bright.

We can't go to the places where there are electric lights.

I don't know what it's for, I just thought, it must be those guys who are too stingy, they are like a man with the little sun of the night.

I asked my mother, why can't we use electric lights?

My mother's answer was vague, and I didn't understand it well.

Mother said that the family is divided into direct and collateral lines.

There are many lines in the direct lineage, and even more in the collateral lineage. The people in the direct line are all surnamed Wu, and most of the collateral relatives are relatives, and they have any surname.

There are twenty-five departments in the direct line, and there are many, many people in each department. From the first lineage to the twenty-fifth lineage, they are ranked according to the so-called blood purity relationship. The bloodline of the first line is the purest, and they are also the noblest, they have a lot of privileges, and the coefficient gradually goes down, the lower the bloodline, and the lower the privileges and resources they enjoy. The collateral is even less important.

My mother and I are the nineteenth line of the direct line, although it is a direct line, but the treatment is not much different from those relatives of the side line.

It seems that from that time on, I learned a truth: people with noble blood have candy to eat, and people with low blood have no sugar to eat!

But in the depths of my young heart, there was also a doubt: why are those people noble, and why are we low?

It wasn't until many years later, when I grew up, that I understood this truth: there is no distinction between high and low in the world, and the so-called nobility of people is only a means for some people to protect their own interests, or they like the superiority of others!

But in this world, no one is superior, no one is indispensable, without you, the world will continue to run as usual, and the earth will not stop spinning because of the eternal departure of one person

！

For this world, no one is important, no one is important.

When I was a child, I heard that all the noble blood was just a hat that some people put on themselves with a high-sounding sound.

So, later, Ling Yue's power appeared on my body, and the fact directly broke the original pattern of nobility and cheapness! The ideas that those "nobles" believed in the most were completely shattered when the power of Ling Yue appeared on me!

I shook the foundations of their minds and made them feel an unprecedented crisis!

But at that time, I was too young and ignorant to know what was going on.

I don't know what the power of the moon is, I just know that it's not sugar, it's not edible, and it's troublesome, and it will bring me a lot of disasters.

That day, the mother went for a whole day, from morning to noon, from noon to evening, and for a whole day, she never returned.

I started to get scared, I didn't know what my mother had gone to do, but for so long, she didn't come back, and I was really scared.

At noon that day, the rain stopped for a short time, and in the evening it began to rain again.

It's quiet in the mountains, there's no sound at all. At night, halfway up the mountainside, the bright "sun's rays" shine as usual, which is dazzling and beautiful.

My mother still didn't come back, the house was dark and cold, the oil in the oil lamp had been burned out by me during the day, I didn't know where the spare lamp oil was, and I couldn't find it after looking for a long time.

I want to go to the kitchen and make a fire...... But I never lit a fire, and after a long time, I didn't make a fire, but I touched a lot of carbon black on my face.

I was even colder, and I really had no choice but to go back to the bedroom and curl up under the covers.

The quilt, which is usually warm, is also cold at this time.

I didn't feel the slightest warmth, the room was quiet, so quiet that I was scared, and I wanted to cry again, but I had shed a lot of tears today, and I couldn't cry anymore.

I gently touched my eyes, it hurt!

I covered my head with the quilt and didn't dare to move, I always felt that something was watching me in the darkness outside the quilt.

Really scared, I miss mother. But she's not coming back, is she...... Don't even she want me?

My mother doesn't want me anymore. Where am I going?

My father is gone, my mother doesn't want me anymore, they don't want me anymore.

I...... Am I doing something wrong?

It seems like I'm really doing something wrong. I began to resent myself, resenting the so-called Lingyue power in my body that I couldn't see and touch, but existed.

I don't need it, it can't eat it, and it won't hold me.

I only need my mother, I only need my father.

It is it, it is the bad luck it brings to me, it brings bad luck to my father and mother. It's not a good thing.

The more I think about it, the more I hate, and the more I hate, the more I can't be quiet.

I began to search my body carefully, trying to find out the abominable power of Ling Yue and throw it away. What is it based on jade? Why does my cousin say it's a beautiful jade? It's nothing!

I tossed around, but I didn't find anything

, I can't possibly find it either.

I feel very aggrieved, I feel very useless, I feel very sad, and I feel very lonely: no one wants Xiaoxue?

Sticking my head out of the covers, my eyes widened to see better.

But I couldn't see anything but a few horrible outlines!

I retracted the covers, shivering.

But the air inside the quilt is so stuffy! I want to come out, but I'm afraid of the dark.

So, I had to open a small hole in the quilt so that I could breathe.

It's quiet, really quiet. There was no sound at all, and so many people didn't know where they had gone.

I still remember that at this time of the day, there were people singing. If they don't have it tonight, what are they going to do?

I had a very uneasy feeling. The heart begins to become impatient, to become fearful, to become worried. But this time, it was no longer the darkness that scared me, but my mother.

Why didn't she come back? It's already dark, does she really want me?

I don't believe it!

I sat up, looking at the faint light that fell through the window.

Hazy, miserable, very scary!

I shuddered, rolled out of bed to the floor, and with the blanket on my head.

I'm short, and the long blanket can wrap me around completely.

Awkwardly folded and folded, I wrapped the thick blanket around my body.

There was no oil left in the oil lamp, so I went to the hall in the dark and opened the door.

The cold and humidity rushed in and blurred my eyes.

I'm going to my mother, I'm going to ask her: Why haven't you come home so late? Xiaoxue is hungry! Xiaoxue misses her mother.

At that time, I was too young to cook, to reach the stove, to hold a long spatula, or to make a fire.

I couldn't get any hot food during my mother's absence. I can't light those bulky firewood.

At noon, I had to go to the cupboard to find food, but it was cold. It's hard to eat!

The rain is still falling, drizzle!

Wrapped in a blanket and without knowing how to use an umbrella, I stood in the courtyard blankly.

I wanted to go to my mother, but I didn't know where she went.

At that moment, I really felt very wronged, very lonely, and felt very pitiful.

But I couldn't cry, I felt something. Mother, she didn't want me, she just went to do something very important and important.

The light rain soon wet my pigtails, as did the outer layer of the blanket.

It was getting darker and the fog was getting bigger.

I tried to keep my eyes open, but I couldn't even see the fence clearly.

The wind, cold and swishing. My feet were soaked in the rain and I was already in trouble.

I miss my mother, I start thinking about my father, and I miss my cousin even more.

But at this time, they were not with me.

I started to think: is something going on? What's not good?

This kind of question was an age-inappropriate question for me, who was only five years old at the time.

The average child, at the age of five, will not think about this kind of problem, the world of five-year-old children, still only exists in instinct, hungry to eat, sleepy to sleep, happy to laugh, sad to cry.

But I cried so much that I wouldn't cry anymore. I won't laugh anymore, because I can't laugh anyway.

I started thinking about things, thinking about things that weren't my age at all.

This...... It's kind of unreasonable, but I did think so!

Hehe! Now, many years later, I really don't know if this is a sad one. Or is it a welcome growth?