After returning to Beijing, we successfully held the second St. Petersburg Party Congress in Beijing's time-honored "Delicious Zhai". After the fat man ate three plates of old Shanghai fried shrimp, the meeting successfully passed the resolution to go to Yunnan to pour a bucket.

The fat man wiped the oil on his mouth and said to me: "I said Lao Hu, Yunnan is a good place, I was stimulated by the golden silk bird flying from the sky back then, and I have long thought that I would meet that group of ethnic minority girls who are burning with the flame of passionate love." ”

I said to him: "Yunnan is not as good as you think, and not all ethnic minority girls are peacocks, anyway, I haven't seen a few decent ones in Yunnan before." At that time, our troops were deployed in Laojun Mountain, not far from the border, and conducted a month's actual combat drill there. It is the meeting point of Hani, Yi and Zhuang Autonomous Prefectures, and there are many ethnic minorities, and I think they all look similar to the Vietnamese. What five golden flowers Ashima or something, that's all artistic processing in film and television dramas, you can't do it really, you still don't have too many illusions, otherwise you will be very disappointed. ”

The Great Golden Tooth said, "What? Hu Ye, the place you go to is probably a ravine, when I went to Yunnan to cut the queue, I seriously saw a lot of beautiful Dai and Jingpo girls, all of them are slender, that small waist, tsk, it's just ...... If you want to marry one back, you will be satisfied in this life. ”

The blind man had almost eaten, listened to our words, slapped the table and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the Yi women of Yunnan are very rare; There are also Gu women hidden among the Miao people, and the love Gu they drive is vicious and insidious, and it is impossible to prevent it, so it is better to provoke those mothers-in-law less. ”

The big gold tooth nodded and said, "The old gentleman is right. When I went to Yunnan to cut the queue, I heard that among these many ethnic minorities, the Miao people alone are the most proficient in using Gu, and these Miao people are divided into flower seedlings, green seedlings, black seedlings and so on. The Qingmiao people are proficient in herbs and insects, and the Black Miao people are good at raising Gu and administering poison, and these two groups of people themselves are also powerful; Now the black seedlings are almost extinct. But if you provoke the Gu woman among the Miao girls, it will really give people a headache. ”

The fat man smiled: "Lao Jin, you also underestimate the charm of our buddies." If there is no sassy among the Miao girls, it will be over; As long as there is, I'll have to sniff a few back for you; At that time, we will still be in this place, and one person will send you a seedling honey. ”

I drank a little too much, my tongue began to shorten, hooked the fat man's shoulders and laughed at him: "Let that seventy or eighty old Gu woman take a fancy to your fat body, you have to fucking peel off your stinky skin and stretch it." The place we went to this time is the most Bai girl, the Bai girl is good, she looks white. ”

Shirley Yang's appetite is also good today, and if she is half of her ancestors, her hometown should be in Jiangsu and Zhejiang, so the Huaiyang dishes in this restaurant are very suitable for her taste. It's just that I was with the fat man and the big gold tooth and others, plus a blind man, to put it mildly, the topic has always been inseparable from the minority girls in Yunnan, and there is no way to be with these people, so I have to go with the flow, and finally I can't bear it anymore, and cough lightly.

After her reminder, I remembered that I still had something serious to say, and when the wine was reduced by three points, I raised my glass and said to everyone: "Comrades, tomorrow I and the fat man and Shirley Yang will set off for Yunnan. This time there is a long way to go to the mountains, this time to go to the guns like a forest of bullets like rain, this time to carry the heavy burden of the revolution on his shoulders, and I don't know when I will be able to come back. However, a manly husband should be ambitious in all directions, riding a horse and carrying a gun to go around the world. Gorky said that stupid sea ducks do not deserve the pleasure of fighting; Chairman Mao said that 10,000 years is too long, seize the day. At this moment, we can get together now, and we should cherish every minute and every second. When we return triumphantly, we will rearrange the feast and raise a glass to praise the heroes. ”

Everyone raised their glasses at the same time, clinking glasses to wish us a smooth journey. Da Jinya drank all the wine in the cup, grabbed my hand and said, "Master Hu, my brother really wants to go to Yunnan with you, but this body can't stand the toss, and it will be a burden to you when you go." What you said just now made me want to shed tears, why don't I sing Duan 10 to you and send the Red Army? ”

I was also very moved in my heart, and said to him: "When Jin Ye said this, it seems that we brothers are separated. We went to Yunnan, thanks to you to buy equipment in the rear, this is the guarantee of our success! Don't worry, the vessel that comes out is half as good as mine and half as yours. ”

Big Golden Tooth told me about the equipment he bought and what he didn't, and I discussed with him and Shirley Yang what they needed to bring; The fat man and the blind man on one side were not idle, constantly harassing a beautiful waitress in the restaurant, who had to tell fortunes. The night before departure, it was spent in the midst of the noise.

The next day the big golden tooth and the blind man took us to the train station, and both sides took care of themselves, and as the train rumbled, they said goodbye.

Shirley Yang and Fat Man and I took the train south and arrived in Kunming. I stayed in Kunming for three days, and there was a lot to do during these three days. I found Yingxi Village near Tanhua Temple according to the contact address given by the big golden tooth, where a revolutionary comrade-in-arms lived when the big golden tooth was in the queue, and he always maintained business contact with the big golden tooth. With his assistance, I was able to buy three imitation 64 pistols with official numbers on them, which were made by the Burmese Arsenal in imitation of Chinese pistols, and then flowed into China. From the point of view of manufacturing process, it can be regarded as an export to domestic sales.

However, this kind of gun has limited lethality, and it is suitable for police officers, and it can also play a role in self-defense. I wanted to ask the man to buy two more rifles commonly used by Yunnan poachers, but I was told that they were not available, so I had to give up and see if I could buy a few more high-caliber guns from the locals before entering the Worm Valley - there was no trace of anyone in the depths of the valley, and it would be inconvenient if there were any wounded beasts without firearms to defend themselves.

At the same time, Shirley Yang and the fat man bought two insect nets and three beige lotus leaf sunhats. According to the plan, we had to disguise ourselves as staff of the Museum of Natural History and go into the forest to catch butterfly specimens - the Lancang River is prolific with different species of butterflies, so we used this identity as an insect catcher as a cover to go to the insect valley to fight upside down, so as not to be noticed on the way.

The rest of the equipment we try to keep as simple as possible, the mountainous area of Yunnan is not like the desert Gobi, there is not much water and food, and the empty part of the backpack is filled with various medicines as much as possible in order to deal with the poisonous insects in the forest.

I divided the three 64 pistols between the two of them, and the fat man was not satisfied, this broken gun had an egg, and even a mouse could not be killed, and in a fit of rage, he found something and made a slingshot. At that time, we cut the queue in the Daxing'an Mountains of Inner Mongolia, and often used slingshots to shoot birds and hares, and if the materials were good, it was indeed more powerful than the 64 pistol.

After everything was ready, we drove along National Highway 320 from Ailao Mountain, Wuliang Mountain and Dali Point Cangshan Bait Sea to the beautiful Lancang River. Our destination is the most dense mountain and river area in Yunnan Province, which is still some distance from the China-Myanmar border.

The last section of the road is steep and narrow, and the long-distance bus only travels on the cliffs. The driver is a veteran and drives carelessly. The road surface is in poor condition, with high and low levels, and there are a lot of gravel and potholes. One sharp bend after another, the body rose and fell, repeatedly turning danger into relief, shocking me and the fat man out of a cold sweat, I was afraid that the driver would not pay attention, and even people and cars would roll into the Lancang River under the cliff.

The rest of the passengers in the car are probably used to this kind of car on weekdays, and they don't care at all; Some talk and laugh, some fall asleep, plus many people in the car carry baskets of poultry, wives crying and children screaming, all kinds of smells are mixed, pungent and unpleasant. I'm not a pampered person, but I can't stand this environment; I couldn't bear it, so I had to open the window and breathe in the fresh air outside.

I poked my head out and saw the turbulent Lancang River under the cliff, with stone walls on both sides of the river, as if it were dangerous. The river is not very wide, and when viewed from a high vantage point, the river is dark red, flowing in a zigzag south.

The fat man was afraid of heights, his whole body trembled, and he didn't dare to look out of the car window, but cursed repeatedly: "This fucking driver really dares to play tricks, this is ...... Driving or acrobatics? This time I really want to go to the fat man, Lao Hu, if we don't get out of the car, my buddy will return to his place. ”

Shirley Yang is not used to riding such a roller coaster, so he simply closes his eyes tightly and does not look outside, so that he can feel more at ease.

I said to the fat man, "The revolution has not yet succeeded, and we still have to work hard." You insist on it. Now I got out of the car, and I still have to go a long way. If you think about how the Red Army persevered when they crossed the snowy mountains and climbed the grasslands, what is your current difficulty? To tell you the truth, I'm about to let this broken car fall apart. ”

A local tea seller next to us told us: "Look at your Hede, get some motion sickness pills to shake off, and after a few more trips, you will feel stiff, what kind of karma do you want?" ”

The local dialect in Yunnan is complicated and not easy to understand, and we don't want to have too much contact with the locals this time, so I didn't understand what the tea seller said, and I didn't know how to answer.

When the tea seller saw that I didn't understand his words, he said to me in stiff Mandarin: "I mean, I see how uncomfortable you are, and you are not used to this kind of car. ”

I saw that this man was born and raised in the area, and I could ask him about the distance, so I said to him, "We are ...... Pour...... Pour the museum, no, no, we are a natural history museum, and we want to go to the Snake River to catch big butterflies. Let me ask you, how far is it from here to Shalong Mountain? Where should we get off the bus? ”

The tea seller pointed to a high mountain on the bank of the river in the distance: "It's not far away, turn around the bend of the mountain and get off the car is the snake crawling river under the Shalong Mountain, I also want to go there to collect tea, you just follow me to get off." ”

I followed the direction of his finger and saw a huge gray bowl-shaped mountain towering at the end of the road, the top of the mountain was covered with clouds and fog, and when I looked at it from the car, I really felt like a mountain was standing still. Although we are already in sight, but the mountain is dead, and the road is winding, this distance is really not close, and it seems that we will have to suffer an extra hour on this broken car.

We were all sitting at the back of the car, and just as I was talking to the tea seller, the car shook violently, as if something had been pressed, and the driver braked suddenly, and the passengers in the car fell backwards and backwards, and there was a great confusion when boarding. In the chaos, I heard someone shouting that he was crushing people, and the fat man cursed and said that this neurotic driver drove like this, and it was strange if he didn't crush him, and he looked at the road from the back window with me and Shirley Yang.

I just looked back, and I felt my scalp tingle, and I quickly looked away, and I had to spit it out if I looked at it again—damn it, what the hell was this crushed thing.