Summary: In the history of modern wars, if there is no Italy, it will only be full of blood and carnage - and the existence of Italy has smeared some comedy on modern wars. Many historical researchers believe that it was precisely because of Italy'www.biquge.info s delay in World War II that accelerated the demise of the fascist regime led by Hitler. Therefore, it is safe to say: thank God Italy was added to the Axis powers during World War II, otherwise the Nazi Iron Cross might have really spread all over the world. In fact, at the beginning of the war, Italy also had a period of glory, because of the appeasement policy, Italy once used modern aircraft, tanks, artillery, and even poison gas troops to "victoriously" occupy Ethiopia, a poor and backward North African country. But Eng

In the history of modern warfare, without Italy, it would have been full of bloodshed and carnage – and the presence of Italy has given modern warfare some comic overtones.

Many historians believe that it was Italy's delay in World War II that hastened the demise of the fascist regime led by Hitler.

Therefore, it is safe to say: thank God Italy was added to the Axis powers during World War II, otherwise the Nazi Iron Cross might have really spread all over the world.

In fact, at the beginning of the war, Italy also had a period of glory, because of the appeasement policy, Italy once used modern aircraft, tanks, artillery, and even poison gas troops to "victoriously" occupy Ethiopia, a poor and backward North African country.

But after the intervention of Britain, the United States and France in the war, Italy became really Italy.

During World War II, Italy was a fascist alliance formed with Germany and Japan, known as the "Axis powers", and Germany had an ambivalent mentality towards Italy's entry into the war, which reflected a joke in the comments given to Italy by German military enthusiasts -

If Italy remained neutral, it would be equivalent to an increase of 10 divisions in our army; If Italy were to oppose the fascists, it would be equivalent to an increase of 20 divisions in our army; But for Italy to join the Axis powers, our army will have to spend 50 divisions to protect him!! (Italy, what is good about you...... ）

There are many more historical facts to prove it. Historically, the stay in Italy during the Second World War had reached a state of breathtaking proportion, leaving many jokes for later historians:

First, about eating

1* Is there any way to eat delicious food on the battlefield? With this belief in mind, while other countries were busy developing new types of weapons, Italy invented the freeze-dried method of preserving food because it wanted to eat delicious military food...... The United Nations was shocked.

2* On the battlefield 10 kilometers away from the supply station, because of hunger, the whole army cooked pasta and ate it, and then the whole army was easily captured by the enemy ...

3*The battle will stop at lunchtime, and when the PASTA is finished, you will fall behind the battle line......

4* Italy's military uniform is a gentleman's uniform, and 30 million tons of black tea have been purchased from all over the world. The packaging of a famous Italian red wine has the slogan "When you are drunk, you will not be afraid to fight". Among the supplies captured by enemy troops, there were more red wine than ammunition

5* Italian captives can eat a luxury set meal every day...... A British pilot was captured by Italy and thrown into a prisoner camp. That night, he was given his own dinner in prison. It is a dish that starts with appetizers, pasta, meat, and finally fruit and wine, and is luxurious to unnatural cuisine.

"Is this the Last Supper......

The next morning, a high-ranking general appeared in front of him: "Yesterday we made a small mistake by serving your Excellency, who is a general, an ordinary soldier's dinner. This is definitely not an intentional mistreatment of the captives, can you forgive the wrong guard for my sake? ”

6* THE ITALIAN ESCAPE FROM A CERTAIN CAPTIVE CAMP, BECAUSE THERE WAS NO PASTA TO EAT, THEY RAN TO ANOTHER CAPTIVE CAMP WITH PASTA, AND LATER, THE PREVIOUS CAPTIVE CAMP PROMISED THEM THAT THEY WOULD PROVIDE PASTA, SO THEY WENT BACK......

7* The Germans received a request for relief from Italy in the desert and sent a squadron of troops to the rescue. When they rendezvous with Italy, they find each other boiling macaroni in precious water......

Second, on armaments:

1* After declaring war on the Allies, I began to think about the battle plan......

2* On one occasion, when Italy could not find a suitable warehouse for storing explosives, they piled up more than 100 tons of explosives in the church of San Nazzaro in the middle of the city, thinking that the church would not be attacked by enemy air raids. As a result, the church spire was struck by lightning...... The city was blown up by a fifth in an instant as a result of the big explosion ...

3* Investigate the cause of the fuel shortage at the airport and find that there is no fuel management department......

4* A certain fighter was designed with an advanced design of a closed cabin, but the open design was reverted to because some pilots complained that "they couldn't feel the wind". Therefore, until the end of World War II, Italy did not develop a high-speed fighter......

In order to keep the battlefield clean, the designers of the 5* guns invented a machine gun that could stuff the cartridge case back into the drum...... (Italy waving the white flag: I love the environment!!) ）

6* The quality of the grenade is extremely poor, I don't know if it will explode or when I throw it out, but it may explode when I let my guard down......

7* There is no radio installed on the aircraft.

8* In order to create a diving unit, the Italian Navy commissioned a precision machinery development factory to produce waterproof watches. As a result, the finished product was made with no room for the hands to turn, and it was ridiculously heavy. The only purpose of this invention was to provide inspiration for waterproof watches for other manufacturers.

Thirdly, about combat effectiveness:

1* Because the national consciousness is too weak, destroyers and submarines with few people are more active than battleships.

2* The natives who could not defeat the bows and arrows with cannons and machine guns, and the only ones who could defeat wooden ships with steel ships were Italy.

3* Against the Italian army, the morale of the enemy will rise; The line for which Italy is responsible will be breached; A general who wins Italy twice in a row will be ridiculed.

4* If you lose to Ethiopia, you are ready to release poison gas...... The story of France being beaten back before the sneak attack and surrender is also a household name...

5* When the U.S. troops landed in Italy and confronted Italy, the U.S. troops felt that the Italians had no will to war, so they deliberately weakened the attack. Once a German reconnaissance plane flew over the battlefield to reconnoitre, the Italian commander thought that he could not save face and ordered to attack as if he was fighting, and the American troops also counterattacked without enthusiasm. This battle was discovered by a German reconnaissance plane, which said with emotion: "Amazing! The Italians stopped the offensive of the American troops! (O God)

After that, German reinforcements arrived, and a real fierce battle began.

6* Italy once had a saying at night that "if we fall asleep, the other party must also be asleep, so we will not be attacked", and finally it was attacked by the British army.

7* Losing two battles in a row is a code word for "how boring the war is, let's go back to pick up girls".

8* The submarine named after the great scientist "Galileo" lost a duel with an armed British fishing boat and was captured by the opposing side. At the beginning, the "Galileo" launched an attack on the other side, but was attacked by a fishing boat that was not even equipped with an illuminated sight (note: it was a fishing boat!). Consecutive hits, and finally surrendered due to the wounding of the captain.

9* On June 30, 1940, the Italian Governor in Libya, Marshal Barbo, was shot down by Italy's own anti-aircraft artillery over Tobruk. The Italians, in order to disguise this cup, announced that the marshal had been killed in an air battle with the British.

Mistakenly firing his own marshal with an anti-aircraft gun made him the highest-ranking man among the wounded World War II soldiers......

10* In 1943, the Allies landed in Italy, and there was a battlefield, and the Allies fought fiercely all morning without a single casualty. The only loss was the fact that their own planes threw the Airborne Forces into the sea (using the sandbar as a beachhead).

11* During World War II, Italy attacked Greece, but the Italian soldiers unanimously said that we could not attack because there were Finnish troops in Greece (the Finnish soldiers beat the Soviets very badly in the Soviet-Finnish Winter War). Mussolini then demanded that Finland withdraw its troops from Greece, and after the Finnish investigation, it was found that only three Finnish soldiers and three officers were volunteers in Greece, so he replied to Mussolini that the so-called army had only six volunteers. Mussolini was so angry that he sent a telegram to Finland: "These are the people I mean!"

12* During the landing of Saralo, the Allies encountered no resistance on the beachhead, and the reporters accompanying the army reported that the strongest resistance the Allies encountered on the beachhead came from a jaguar that had been blown out of the local zoo due to bombing, which had bitten two American soldiers.

13* During the siege of Topoluk, Rommel inspected the position early in the morning and found that the defense area of an elite Italian musket battalion was empty, with only chicken feathers.

14* When Italy was beaten by Greece, the French put up a sign on the Italian-French border: Greeks, stop, this is already France.

15* When Rommel visited the Italian trenches on the North African front, he was shelled by the Allies. The Italians immediately fell to the ground and prayed "Oh, Maria! ”

Rommel said this to the Italian commanders: "Let them stop praying and start a counterattack." That's all I want to say. ”

Fourth, on surrender:

1* In a battle in North Africa, a small number of British tanks charged at the Italian anti-tank gun position, at first, the Italian also fired back, but after two or three minutes it suddenly stopped, waving the white flag and surrendering...... The British asked the reason afterwards, and the Italians replied with a straight face: the ammunition box was not opened with a crowbar......

2* The U.S. bombed the two small islands in front of Sardinia, on which more than 10,000 Italians were stationed, but in the end, the Allied bombing killed more than 40 Italians, and Italy accepted the persuasion of the American pilots to surrender.

The Italian army of 3 x 5,000 men was disarmed on the spot after encountering a barricade set up by a company of British troops.

4* In Yugoslavia, a German officer captured by the partisans was surprised and asked: "Where did you get the anti-tank guns?" When the partisans told him that he had captured it from their allies, the Italians, he sighed: "Alas! These lovely Italians.

5* When Churchill called the British commander Auchinleck to ask how many Italians had been captured, Auchinleck triumphantly said: "I can't count, about five acres of officers, 200 acres of soldiers." ”

6* In the North African battlefield, the British army led 25 men to fight against 10,000 Italian troops in World War I, and captured more than 8,000 people.

7* In the Battle of Sicily, the U.S. Army dropped "artillery leaflets", which said that these leaflets could be used as "surrender certificates", and that they could go to the rear of the Allied forces to receive food and get safe.

In the early morning of the next day, a group of Italians came running, each with a leaflet in their hand, and some of them asked nervously: "Is this a certificate of surrender?" After receiving an affirmative reply, all of them happily surrendered their weapons. Day 3 & 4...... At first it was a group of dozens, then hundreds of people came running with leaflets. Once, after two Italian soldiers surrendered with leaflets, they told the US military that there were still more than 60 people in their company who wanted to surrender but did not dare to come because they did not have a "surrender certificate" in their hands, so the US army immediately sent someone with a "surrender certificate" to bring all these people. On another occasion, an Italian soldier came to ask for a leaflet so that his brother could also come and surrender.

8* In North Africa, the British army accepts the surrender of a group of Italian soldiers with guns. The British, too busy collecting the spoils of war to manage the Italian prisoners, shouted at them: "Don't make any noise! Go over there! Then continue to gather for loot. In the absence of a choice, the captives had to walk around with their guns on their heads in search of the British. Also, because there were too many prisoners of war, the British army did not have time to build a prisoner of war camp, so they only had to ask the quartermaster to issue raw materials to the Italian prisoners of war and let them build their own prisoner of war camp to lock themselves up.

9* At the end of World War II, Austrian concentration camps held prisoners of Germany, Italy, and Japan. The Germans organized themselves to dig holes to escape from the camps, the Japanese organized to commit suicide by disembowelment, and the Italians were very cooperative even when the camp gates were not closed, occasionally going out to harass cute girls.

Fifth, with regard to the Allies:

1*When the Allies attacked Italy in 1943, they faced the German army......

2* before joining the Axis powers, the Axis countries cried and apologized to them.

3* The worst should be Germany...... Still in North Africa, Rommel found a British prisoner of war camp where Italian prisoners of war were held, and came to the rescue out of comradeship, only to have the Italians run after the British as soon as the shots rang out......

4* An Italian reorganized division was surrounded by 287 Americans, and the Germans sent 3 tanks to the rescue and defeated the advancing Americans. But with the perfect step of Italian children's shoes, the U.S. military ran away 274 people......

5* The Germans defined the ideal war as follows: with German weapons, the Soviet Union with winter equipment, Britain with summer equipment, the United States for food, France for entertainment, the Finns covering the flanks, and the Italians for the enemy in front of them.

6* There are not many allies who have not found that Italy has entered the war.

7* Italy's greatest contribution to Germany was probably after it defected to the Allies, when Italy's equipment was looted by Germany, which led to the peak of German military production that year.

8* Western proverb: "Italians on our side" - World War II quote. During World War II, Italy was one of the Axis powers, but it always lost battles and dragged its feet, and in the North African theater, Italy's troops were not successful and more than defeated. Later, the U.S. military just participated in the war in North Africa, and it also fought a lot of defeats, and the British jokingly called the U.S. military "Italians on our side" at that time. Later, this proverb spread in the West.

9* In "Liberation", Mussolini said to Hitler: "You don't know the Italians, they don't like to fight." Hitler once said, "The only leader in the whole of Italy is the ancient Romans." It has also been said that "Italy is a country supported by 10% of serious citizens".

10* For the sake of financing foreign trade, Italy will sell advanced equipment that is not even equipped with its own air force to foreign countries or even enemy countries......

Sixth: about the campaign

1* Let's start with the Eight-Nation Coalition related to China. Among them, Italy also participated, but how miserable was the Italian children's shoes - he had planned to follow the example of Germany to send troops to China to seize the sphere of influence, but the two modern steel warships were "shocked" by the weak navy (wooden ships) rebuilt by the Qing Dynasty after the first afternoon...... The Army has also sent only 80 personnel — most of whom are not combat units. I'd rather believe that it's a fun fight than aggression.

2*1922 – 1935, Ethiopia (North African Theater)

In fact, Africa really didn't seem to be the main battlefield in World War II, but the Italian classmates took the initiative to attack North Africa (as an aside, Italian children's shoes attacked North Africa in the 19th century and failed miserably. Bismarck, the German Chancellor at the time, once ridiculed the Italians for "coming to the African continent with a mouth full of cavities and a great appetite"). Italy invested in tanks and aircraft, but suffered a crushing defeat from the beginning of the war, and in the face of the pursuing Egyptian army, poison gas played a role as a savior. From then on, the poison gas spread throughout Ethiopia in the footsteps of the Italian army. This is one of the few successful things that Italy has done. By the way, the Ethiopian army at that time was armed with small guns, old muskets, and even units that only used long guns.

3*March 1937, Spain

The four Italian divisions marching from Guldarlahera to Madrid were attacked by the enemy and were eventually defeated from Guldarlaharajara due to the large number of surrenderers in Italy.

4*June 1940 UK-France

The reason why Italy declared war on Britain and France was simply out of jealousy of the results achieved by Germany (I don't know what to say about Germany back then). Because the declaration of war was unplanned and without the necessary material preparations, Italian ships continued to be scattered around the world, being captured by hostile countries immediately after the start of the war. No military action was taken within 10 days of the declaration of war, as no operational plans were taken into account. Although he later attacked French territory, he was counterattacked by only two divisions and fled back home.

5* In June 1940, when Hitler attacked France, Italy took advantage of the fact that France was ravaged by the German army to the point of almost surrendering, and as a result, France occupied many territories.

6* When invading Greece in October 1940, the Italian 21 divisions "Million Army" were counterattacked by the Greek 13 divisions to the Albanian border, and they were going to cross the Adriatic Sea to attack the Italian mainland...... The most embarrassing thing is that until then, the Greek government had remained neutral because of its good relations with Germany...... (Italy, but if you see it, you will fight again...... After the war, Greece ran to the side of the Central Powers. (Deeply sympathetic to Germany.) ）

7*October 1940 UK

The old Futaba fighters of the British Navy attacked the Italian fleet in Taranto Bay, as a result of which one battleship of the Italian fleet was sunk and two were moderately damaged. And the British did not suffer any losses at all.

8*December 1940 Egypt-England

Seven Italian divisions attacking Egypt were defeated by a counterattack by two British divisions, 130,000 men were captured, and Kiraneka was lost. In order to rescue Italy, Germany had to postpone the "Barbarossa Plan" for a month, send troops to the rescue, and use about 7,000 unplanned trucks (only 14,000 trucks were put into operation on the Eastern Front). This had a considerable impact on the situation on the Eastern Front.

It is particularly worth mentioning that the British destroyed the Italian army of more than 400 tanks with less than 30 tanks, and when 30,000 British soldiers faced 400,000 Italian soldiers, the British captured "about five acres of land for officers and 200 acres of land......

9*March 1941 UK

The Italian and British fleets fought in the Horse Pedal Strait, Italy lost three heavy cruisers, and the British lost nothing.

10*1942 UK

The 250,000 Italian troops fought the 35,000 British troops and surrendered soon after.

11 * December 1942 USSR

Italy was attacked by Soviet troops on the banks of the Don River, and immediately abandoned all equipment and retreated. In November, the Romanian army, which had suffered the same attack and was poorly equipped, continued to fight for several days.

In addition, in October, the Romanian army proposed to take advantage of the standstill of the Soviet offensive to take the initiative to attack, but it was not implemented due to supply problems. The Italian army had never made such a constructive proposal.

7* Italian battlefield

In July 1943, Mussolini's fascist government collapsed, and the new government formed by Badoglio began to secretly negotiate surrender with the United States and Britain...... Germany is really kind! ）。 On September 13, Mussolini was rescued from captivity. The war on the Italian battlefield was fought until April 27, 1945, and the partisans (turned out to be partisans?!) Captured Mussolini and his mistress, on April 29, de unconditional surrender, and entered into force on May 2. At this point, the Italian campaign was over.

(Italy: Peace is the best...... Italy, really don't want to go to war...... You don't have that talent...... Germany, since you have received the natural white little thing of Italy, has become the most sympathetic little attack in the world...... Tear up a handful of bitter tears...... ）

Seventh, the Italians were strong when there was no war

1* After Mussolini stepped down, Rome was occupied by the Germans. Due to several incidents of men riding bicycles attacking German troops with knives, the German army issued a proclamation banning the use of bicycles. Soon, the bicycle shops in Rome converted all the bicycles into tricycles at an astonishing rate, and from then on there were a large number of tricycles rolling around in front of the German army for a long time.

2* The Germans requisitioned the cars of Italian citizens in order to supplement the shortcomings in transportation capacity, and an actress who was requisitioned in order to express her dissatisfaction, pushed the agricultural cart to the street and shouted at the Germans, "Go away!" Go away! "Then left through the German positions in full view.

3* On the battlefield in North Africa, the Germans and Italy hunted down the British together. Since the British soldiers were hidden in the villages of the indigenous population, it was difficult to find. The Germans searched the village back and forth, but also did not achieve great results.

Seeing this, the Italians said to the natives: "If you tell us where the English are, I'll give you five bags of sugar and wheat flour!" As a result, the next day, all the British soldiers were captured.

Finally, let's end with the song of Grandpa Rome in Hetalia:

The so-called hell in the world is-----

The chef is British

The officer was a German

The technician was French

The lover is Swiss

The banker is Italian......

The so-called heaven in the world is -----

The chef is French

The officer was British

The technician was German

The banker is Swiss

The lover is Italian......

In fact, we are on the earth in a circle, where happiness is eternal and peace is the theme......

PS: The natural prime minister of the natural country - the current prime minister of the Italian country, Silvio Berlusconi!

Playback of the original transcript of Pei's big talk:

Naples campaign – "China used to boil children for fertilizer. ”

(D'Alema, president of Italy's largest party, the Left Democratic Party, said: "Fortunately, there are only 10 days left in Italy's election campaign, otherwise Italy would have gone to war against all mankind.") The Italian Foreign Ministry is in dire straits because of the prime minister's "language bomb". ）

EU Heads of Government Meeting – "There is no news right now, unless we declare war on France." ”

Political rally – "Resolutely refrain from sex ahead of the April 9 election." ”

EU summit – "Persson is miserable by those bad British wines"

(At the meeting, Britain invited the participants to taste the famous British wine, but Swedish Prime Minister Persson had diarrhea after drinking.) Silvio Berlusconi gave the Swedish prime minister 24 bottles of Italian wine, and said that he would help him recover after drinking "inferior British wine". ）

Media Interview - "**** is a survivor of the Battle of Stalingrad"

(In an interview with a domestic media, he proudly said that **** survived the Battle of Stalingrad when a large number of his family members were killed, with his wit and bravery.) But, in fact, in this World War II defense war, **** is still 10 years away from his birth. ）

Speech at the ceremony – "I convinced the female president of Finland with my masculinity"

(At the inauguration of the European Food Safety Authority's headquarters, Berlusconi added fuel to his rhetoric that it was his "playboy" "masculinity" that convinced Halonen to give up his rivalry with Italy.) ）

There is a proverb in the West that says that your side is not successful enough to defeat your companions: "You are really an Italian on our side!"