Boeing planes flew my wife and me through the clouds. Pen? Interesting? Pavilion wWw. ｂiquge。 info We've flown over the Pacific Ocean and we're back to where we were born.

At this time, the voice of the flight attendant came from the announcer: "Passengers, the plane will enter the airspace of Vietnam, and we will arrive over Hanoi in 30 minutes, welcome everyone to take this flight!" ”

I felt my hand being grasped, it was Kasumi. She held my hand tightly, but the expression on her face was calm looking at the coastline clearly visible from the porthole, and I knew that she must be very excited, so I took her hand comfortingly, and said to the coastline that could be seen, "We have come back to see you, mother." Also, grandparents. ”

Since I gave up writing books, I have lived a quiet life as a civilian for a few years, and I have lived a life of sunrise and sunset every day, and everything has been carried out in an ordinary way.

But on this day, it was the beginning of August 2009.

As soon as I got home from work that day, my wife, Kasumi, was cooking, and said, "There are two of your emails in the study, you better take a look." ”

I didn't take it too seriously at the time, and I received mail packets from some publishers almost every month. I cleaned up, then went back to the study and sat in a chair to relax mentally and physically, and then I picked it up and looked at it, and it said "Black American Writers Association", except for a few pages of letters telling me that in 10 days, there was a conference to go to Hanoi, Vietnam to participate in literary academic exchanges, and the conference lasted for 8 days, and I and 12 other American writers were selected, and they said that they could bring their wives and visit several big cities in Vietnam for a few days.

There is also an invitation letter from the Vietnamese Embassy in the United States, on behalf of the Vietnamese government.

It reads: Sincere and welcome invitation, Mark. Mr. Yuan and his wife came to attend this literary exchange meeting.

God, why didn't they let me go! Enough, I just want to live in peace! Everything in Vietnam ended for me in '84! I sighed, threw the letter on the edge of my desk, turned on my computer, and started to revise the manuscript I had brought back from the publishing house, and nothing seemed to me. I wrote and revised the manuscript with a somewhat depressed feeling.

After dinner, the children and I chatted and watched TV as usual, and a few hours later, when the children had gone back to bed, it was time for Kasumi and I to go back to our rooms to rest.

I changed into my pajamas and sat on the bed reading the book, this book was extraordinary to me, maybe the same version can be bought in many bookstores in this country, but this one is different! At least for me, it's not that he has the author's signature or the gorgeous limited packaging.

I bought it from Mr. Shen's bookstore when he was in Raccoon Town, yes, I wasn't 30 when I was 98, and I was living in a basement in Los Angeles with Kasumi, and we had just gotten married, and those years were hard times for us, and my wife, Kasumi, had been doing odd jobs.

The first time we met in this country was in the library of the university where I went to school, where she worked as a cleaner. Probably the most valuable possession we had when we got married was the $100 wedding ring we had on our hands, and it wasn't until I got a job as an editor in '96 that we had some security, but life was still a little tight.

Later, in '97, I had the idea of writing a book, because everything was true to me, and I only took 9 months to finish it. The publisher was so interested in the subject matter I was writing that they paid me a third of the manuscript fee upfront, and Kasumi and I used that money to go to Acre Resen Park in Raccoon Town for our first trip to the country and our first honeymoon after a few years of marriage.

We stayed at the Raccoon Town Motel because it was cheap and the food was good. Then take a bus to the far Acre Forest Park, a few dozen kilometers away. Because of the horrible things that happened at that time, we really didn't dare to go in and play, so we just walked around Raccoon Town and had a nice lunch at an authentic local Chinese restaurant. The Chinese restaurateur, in particular, knew we were here for our honeymoon and gave us a discount. Of course, he doesn't know what we're really about. Later, I learned that it was the father of General Chen Wu, a famous Chinese-American general, who was killed in the raccoon incident! In fact, for us, the honeymoon trip was like sitting on a long-distance bus and going around the Acre Forest Park in Raccoon Town, hundreds of kilometers away.

Many people don't believe it, but we lived in this country called the country of cars, but we didn't have our own car, even if it was a second-hand or third-hand car, and it was for more than 10 years, because this trip was too unexpected and too luxurious for us. When we had the money and could finally buy a car of our own, we walked into the specialty store and found that neither of us could drive a car!

That honeymoon Xia always said from time to time, "Save some, this is our room money for a few months!" ”

My wife Kasumi is a very good person, she hasn't read much books due to historical reasons, but she is very virtuous and kind, she likes to listen to me for her before going to bed at night, and she is also like this after she is literate. The hardships and diligence of Oriental women are reflected in her. She almost never wore makeup when she came to this country, or she went out of her way to put on makeup, even if it was to buy some of the cheapest painting makeup, and the first time she painted makeup in her life was the first time she did it after coming to this country, and that was her wedding to me. In my heart, she will always be the most beautiful, even after I succeed in my career, she is very modest. I once bought her some very valuable hand ornaments, which she cherished and treasured, and when she died, those hand ornaments were still as new.

Kasumi, like me, is a product of the war in this country in that eastern country. We had a lot of the same blood in our veins, but our appearances were so different that I was beaten up on our first date.

Kasumi's mother passed away a long time ago, or to say that she had never met her mother, and luckily for me, she found her relatives in this country. But her father just wanted her to take care of herself like a servant, and even dyed Xia's black hair to a blonde look, which is why Mr. Shen saw Xia is blonde hair for the first time. He didn't want her to marry a dark-skinned man. Kasumi couldn't stand it anymore! And he ran out. After my marriage to Kasumi began, he stopped recognizing her, and a few years later he died of alcoholism without leaving a penny for Kasumi.

Despite this, Kasumi still feels guilty about the death of her American father, who didn't love her. It is ironic that in the country where we were born, we were despised because of our birth and the color of our skin, but in our father's kingdom, we were still discriminated against, and sometimes we discriminated against each other.

I once met a friend who was born in Vietnam like me, we used to be good friends, we have changed a lot after years of not seeing each other! I was so excited that I went up and said hello in our mother's language! But he said a few words to me coldly and walked away! Watching him disappear into the sea of people, I may not be greeting him in the future, he may look at me like a stain on his life, he chose his other half, I can understand him, and I wish him happiness in the future.

Sometimes I don't stop asking myself, should I choose too? I didn't know much about my father's country, all I knew was that he was a very rich and powerful country, and that it had been fighting for 10 years against my mother's country, inhabited by blacks and whites and some other nationalities, and that's it.

We were going to buy a house with a lot of money, and it didn't have to be a lot better. As long as it can belong to our own house, it proves that we are not under the fence, but start a new life in this country. Xia really wanted to be a mother at that time, but she would rather have a house of her own first, she really didn't want to pay for the house to others in front of the children every month, which would make the children feel that they were a homeless man, without roots, without home and the warmth of home, but we must pay off the down payment first. Therefore, Xia is very frugal in her life, and she can save money, and I persuaded her several times to agree to go on that unforgettable trip.

We only stayed for one day in Raccoon Town, and then we went back, and it was on that day that my father and I met in Mr. Shen's bookstore, and he helped me pick up the book, and that was the first real encounter between father and son.

I bought a total of three books at Mr. Shen's bookstore that day, but the money was not enough for me and Xia to take the bus back to Los Angeles, and just as I was about to give up, Mr. Shen may have seen my predicament, and he said that I was very close to these two books, and later he only took me money for one book. This honeymoon trip was a real reward for me and it will last a lifetime!

At this time, Kasumi came from outside the door and sat down next to me and said, "Mark, have you decided to go back?" ”

"What?" I put down my book and looked at her.

"Go back and see? I just saw the letter on your desk when I was tidying up your study, Mark, didn't you think about it? I see you're very tasteless at dinner today. ”

"Hey, what are you going back for? There's nothing else to be nostalgic for in that place. I replied with a somewhat somber face.

"Mark, how can you say that! It was our home, a part of who we were! ”

"Home? I feel good now, how good an ordinary life is, this is our home. Kasumi, have you forgotten what they used to do to us? They look at us like garbage! Now they want to start a new diplomacy, so they think of us and want to build the motherland with the United States! Just think of us! Use us as a stepping stone! Ornament! ”

"How can you say that! Mark, not everyone is like that! Have you forgotten? Didn't you talk about it too? They are like this for a reason, from a different angle and position, we may be like the same, do you still hate them after all these years? I've never heard you say that before! Isn't it, isn't it! Do you look down on them when you have money? You want to deny everything! ”

"Enough! Kasumi, what are you trying to say, I look down on them? Denying everything?! It's not like you don't know what they think of us? What are you going to do back? Let them show us those war memorials? Look at them against the enemy at that time! Our Father! How heroic! Fearless! Looking at how cheap our mother was at that time for a few pieces of chocolate and beautiful dollars in the hands of the enemy!? ”

I was so excited! I realized that my words were excessive! With a crisp slap in the face! I felt like my face was being whipped with a hot pain! It's been a long time since I've felt this way, and my glasses have flown there! This is the first time we have quarreled since we met, and it is also the first and last time in Kasumi's life to hit me!

I slowly turned my head and looked at Kasumi with tears in my eyes. She stood in front of the bed, her eyes glaring at me! Grit your teeth! Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, my black hair hung down on one side of my shoulder, and at that moment, I saw, my mother!

"You! Mark! You've changed, you're a liar! Hypocrite! I read you wrong!! ”

After Kasumi finished speaking, she ran outside the house!

I woke up suddenly! I see! I am grateful for what I have just said, and my conscience is not at peace in this life! I jumped out of bed! Grab her! And blocked the door!

"I was wrong! Rosy clouds! Listen to me!! ”

"Let go of me! You forgetful thing! Do you think a few stinky money is a big deal! Black person! Mark! The more you deny everything! The more real those things are!! I don't want to see you! I don't care about you! ”

She refused my hug for the first time in so many years! I hugged her tightly! Kasumi struggled fiercely! It seems like I'm a villain.

No matter how much I apologize and shed tears! Couldn't calm her down! With Xia's voice, the image of my mother is hidden in my eyes, and I can't stand it, bang! I fell to my knees.

"Mom! I was wrong! Don't go. I don't want to lose you anymore. ”

I hugged her tightly and cried! Kasumi Yileng! Stand there and know what to do.

Suddenly! I felt the door open behind me! Didn't wait for me to turn back, snap!! Bang! I felt that someone hit me hard in the back of the head! I realized at the last moment of loss of consciousness! Broken! There's a burglar in the house! Moreover, I heard Daoxia shouting "No! Mark! What happened to you! ”

No! Rosy clouds! My wife and children! Who's going to save them!

When I woke up, I found myself lying on the bed in my bedroom with some pain in the back of my head! Covered with a blanket, I quickly got up!

"There are thieves! Rosy clouds! You! ”

"I'm here, Mark! Don't, you lie down first. ”

Kasumi pressed me down again and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Rest assured, no thieves come in! It's our kids who hear us arguing. So push the door in and see that it's just the doorknob and hit the back of your head! ”

A smile flashed across the corner of Kasumi's mouth as she spoke.

I was relieved when I heard that! And laughed a little.

According to my wife, the little guy slammed the door and came in, and the doorknob hit me on the head! Kasumi was terrified!

"Mom, what's wrong with you? Why are you crying! What's wrong with Dad?! The little one said sleepily.

"Nonsense! Your dad was hit like this by you! Can I stop crying! Next time come in and knock on the door! What are you doing!! Don't ask your brother to help me carry your dad to bed! ”

My wife told me that the little guy was so funny when she carried me, and I laughed a little! You know, I'm not small. It seems that we didn't have a quarrel or an unpleasant thing with Ben.

"I'm sorry, Kasumi. I'm in a messy mood today! Too impulsive, you're right. I'm running away and denying what is real. I was wrong. ”

Kasumi touched my face with her seemingly weak hand, and asked with apologetic and remorseful eyes, "Does it still hurt?" I shouldn't have beaten you and scolded you for such nasty things. Perhaps, you are right. But we just went back and looked, and there we must have lived there. Have you forgotten to adopt my grandmother? Forget it, you are the head of the family, it was my mistake. I listen to your Mark. It's saying that children must always be watched. After saying that, Kasumi sat there sadly and stopped talking.

I sat up and immediately hugged her tightly into my arms. Give her all my love with repentance.

A few days later, I thought about it, called Mr. Shen's house, and explained the reason to Mr. Shen, to see if he could do me a favor to take care of my son.

He agreed without saying a word, saying that Zhenzhou didn't play with him because of the summer vacation! And do you say we help each other? Mr. Shen is such a good person, he has not forgotten that last year Dill and I helped his son Zhenzhou doubt his identity because of his skin color, and the three of us are distant brothers.

The voice of the plane came from the loudspeaker that we had thought of for a long time: "Dear passengers, we are about to land at Hanoi airport, the plane may be a little bumpy when landing, please fasten your seat belts, and welcome to this flight." ”

After a while, the plane slowly smoothed out in the turbulence, and then slowly slid into the terminal. Xia took me by the hand and walked off the plane with the rest of the party, and as soon as we got off the plane, we were warmly welcomed by our colleagues from various universities in Vietnam, readers who loved to read our work, and some young people who wanted to run through the police wall to get their famous writers to sign autographs.

From their shouts, I heard my name too! We were arranged to a nice hotel in Hanoi, and for the next few days, we began to discuss the creation of literature and exchange experiences, and they did not arrange for us to visit the war memorial museum for the next few days, and we were on television.

During this time, I also gave two classes to students at a university. It talks about the characteristics and history of American literature and black American literature, many of them have read my books, they know my background, they listen very carefully, they keep taking notes, maybe we don't have a language barrier, they got up very respectfully to see me go after class, and very politely asked me to sign for them, for which I was very moved, really.

To be honest, I am far from feeling a sense of affection and belonging to Hanoi or to Americans like me, and to Hanoi and to the city of "Saigon" and now "Ho Chi Minh City."

I was born there, and I spent the most beautiful and innocent childhood of my life there, when the air was always fresh and smelled of the rainforest.

I enjoyed the love of my parents, my mother's gentle caresses and my father's strong black arms, I forgot how old I was, sometimes I would hear a few dull thunders coming from afar, but I was not afraid, but curious! But as soon as the parents heard the voice, the smiles on their faces were gone. Then there was more and more thunder, and finally I knew that it was not thunder, but the explosion of a bomb.

I also saw a real explosion! The Father was thus separated from us.

I'm in this country, this city, and my childhood is officially over.

In my mind, Hanoi is an unyielding and strong city, which was bombed by the American army at that time. I respect and respect him. But for my personal feelings, he really doesn't have much nostalgia.

Especially in the past few days in Hanoi, Kasumi has hardly been out of the hotel. The bitterness and tears of Xia and me, the birth and growth, the memories and thoughts, and the family affection are all in this city "Saigon".

On the fourth day, a group of more than 10 of us flew to "Saigon", followed by the same row in Hanoi.

On the last day, everyone is free to move around, as long as they don't miss the flight back to China the next day.

Tianxia couldn't wait, she hadn't been out of the hotel for the past few days, but she was always looking at this familiar and unfamiliar city from the hotel where she lived, and she said that without me to accompany her, she would never go to the city by herself.

We had only some fruit early that day, and I changed out of my solemn suit, put on a pair of plain black slacks, a fat white shirt, and a pair of beach sandals barefoot. My outfit is no different from the rest of the people on the street, except for the color of my skin. Ha Ha also wore a very ordinary and plain dress, she was more like a Vietnamese woman than me, but standing with me? Anyway, we mustered up the courage to step out of the hotel door.

In Saigon in August, the climate is very hot, but not dry, the sky is blue, there is not a trace of wind, and a few white clouds dot the blue sky.

The streets are full of shops, and people are busy running for their own purposes, just like the people in Hong Kong and New York. Crowds of bicycles, motorcycles, drove by in an orderly manner, and various brands of cars were mixed in.

The clear and gentle Saigon River runs around the city, and Kasumi and I first took a boat tour of the city, and then we also went to Kok Kong Temple, Our Lady Cathedral, Relic Temple, Yeongyan Temple, and so on.

We were born and raised here, but the city today gives us a feeling that we have never felt in our lives before, and for the first time we have a feeling of being in his arms, which we have never felt before.

My initial worries seemed to be unnecessary, because Saigon is an important foreign trade and economic city in history and now in Vietnam, and foreigners can often be seen on the streets, but when Xia and I walk side by side, someone will look at us with curiosity, which does not affect our mood.

We bought two ice creams at the entrance of Notre-Dame Cathedral and ate them as we walked, smiling as we walked. Originally, I wanted to tell Xia about the bitterness and tears of the year, but when I think about it, we all want to laugh. We were having fun in the midst of suffering, and looking at Kasumi's smile I remembered my mother, and if my mother saw us now, she would be happy.

Things are not people, I really miss my father and mother back then.

That's when I saw some people, and they made me feel a little flustered. Kasumi pulled me up! I went on again.

"What are you doing?! Who to see? Have a previous acquaintance? ”

I quickly said, "No, nothing! Let's go to the small commodity market. ”

I actually saw a group of foreigners, Americans to be exact. They were all men and very old, but when I looked at their looks and conversations, I felt that they might be the same group of people as my father and General Lee.

Yes, they came to fight as soldiers in this country that was still called South Vietnam, and I don't know how they feel when they set foot on this land now.

Is it a kind of nostalgia for the youthful and enthusiastic youth at that time, or a kind of discipline and deep reflection on the loss of comrades-in-arms and years? Or now, indulge yourself in the decadence of the city back then! A kind of repentance with irresponsible behavior, while causing suffering to the people of this country and this city?

Kasumi and I walked through the clean streets, and visited the markets that specialized in selling small goods to foreign tourists, where we would be slaughtered if we were able to bargain for something, and the fun arose from this.

We bought some souvenirs, of course, for Mr. Shen and his family. I've never seen Kasumi so happy, and we walked out of the bustling market with a few shopping bags.

The scorching heat made us all a little thirsty, and Kasumi saw a stall selling fruit drinks not far away, and there were not many people, so we sat down and ordered two large glasses of watermelon juice with ice! Just as we were drinking juice. Kasumi suddenly said, "Mark! Look at this street! It's where I used to sell fruits and peanuts! Remember?! ”

"Yes! None of this has changed! The road was repaired. It's flat, we met on that day, didn't we? ”

"You also said how embarrassed you were beaten that day."

"It's worth it for you, Kasumi. You remember that," I was not finishing, when a voice suddenly said, "Girl, your Vietnamese language is very good." Grew up here? ”

Let's take a look! It turned out to be the proprietress of the juice stand, probably us, or maybe it was me, that aroused her curiosity.

"Ahh We're actually all here," Xia didn't finish speaking, and I hurriedly said, "We actually came here to work for the company, and we are both Americans, because of the need for work, and we used to study Vietnamese in college." So that's not bad. ”

"Is that so?" The old woman said as she busied herself with the work in hand.

"Auntie, are you familiar with this place? Would I like to ask you? Kasumi said.

"Looking for someone? Okay, say it! ”

"Is there an old man who used to sell fruits and peanuts and melon seeds on this street still alive? I came to buy her peanuts a few years ago and she was a nice person. As soon as Xia finished speaking, a big watermelon in the boss's hand snapped! It fell to the ground and shattered!

"Hey, what's wrong with you, auntie?!" I asked.

"Ahh My hand slipped. You said she, she's gone. ”

The smile on Kasumi's face was gone, replaced by a sad look.

"What! She's gone!? ”

"Yes, people? Birth, old age, sickness and death, providence. The proprietress said with her head down, busy with the business in her hands.

I drank the juice from the cup in my hand and said to Kasumi, "Let's go, it's not too early." ”

Kasumi nodded. We both got up and left.

"Thank you Mark, I almost said it. I'm so happy today, but grandma is. ”

"This cannot be changed, nor can it be avoided. Cry. This is my new purchase. I said as I handed Kasumi a handscroll.

After more than an hour, we returned to the Lower Collapse Hotel, but I didn't expect that my story in Saigon had just begun.

The proprietress of the juice stall watched the figures of the two slowly disappear around the corner of the street, and then she slowly straightened up, she did not collect the drink money on the table, but let the two dollars be blown away by the wind.

On her old and sad face, her eyes were full of sorrow, tears flowed through the quivering corners of her mouth, and she murmured, "Daughter, you have to live well." Yuan, you have to take good care of her, forget your mother, Xia! Remember your grandmother. Never forget her! ”

With that, she bent down and peeled the fruit, squeezing the ice juice for the guest with blank eyes, as if in contemplation. Three years later, the juice seller died of a heart attack. 》