Section 1 Looking back has become a dream
Inscription
I think God just wants to see me be stupid again, isn't it funny that people can't regret it? And he has experienced something once, made a mistake once, is he proving how stupid people are?
Everyone wants to go back to the past, at least to a greater or lesser extent, to go back to the past to change the current situation, to live a better life than the present. I really went back www.biquge.info but in fact I didn't change anything, things went in the direction it came from, I was like a kite that couldn't pull a rope, and I was blown by the wind and shook involuntarily, and nothing could be done.
He still loves me so much and avoids him, I still love him so much that I can't hide it. The train of life follows a predetermined track, and I know that it will go prematurely into the abyss of death, how do I stop it, or how do I build a bridge over the abyss?
body
In the face of love, this world can be roughly divided into four kinds of women: one is arbitrary, thinking that she is free and unrestrained, and nothing can tie her heart, but in the end she can't love herself; One is the innocent girl who was looking for her own prince charming from the beginning, and was scorned by the first kind of woman, thinking that everyone riding a white horse was her own prince, but forgetting that Tang Seng also rode a white horse, and when his real prince appeared, he had been injured by a monster riding a white horse in front of him; There is also a woman who still maintains 100% sanity when love comes, and after rigorous analysis and fine calculation of the target task, she chooses to attack or defend, and never misses a right person or makes a wrong choice; The last one is relatively simple, love is to be handsome and rich.
Perhaps fortunate or unfortunate, I belong to the combination of the first and third types, and I was living my own little life freely, but I didn't expect to be shot by Cupid's arrow, and when I was still 100% awake, on the other hand, I was also preventing myself from falling deeper and deeper. Now that I know the ending, I realize that love is involuntary.
I don't know who said that smart people will choose to give up appropriately to be happy, so I want to be smart people and give up those dreams that seem unattainable. I guess I didn't grasp this degree, I only cared about relaxation, and forgot that youth should be struggled. Until I graduated from college, I ran into walls everywhere and did nothing, and found that I was still groping at the starting point, and I was dizzy for a while, and I wanted to give up the love I had been running for many years.
Suicide? I never thought that I was arrogant, I could also be said to be a high-eyed master, always yearning for tomorrow's sun and longing for the future life. But now I stand on the top of the deep stream, thinking back to the despair I don't understand for those who give up their lives so easily. If you want to give up your own life, you must have encountered something more desperate and frightening than death.
Yes, I was afraid that a sunny tomorrow would be a hell of my sin. The future has become a desperate situation that I dare not imagine. I lost him and pushed him into the gates of hell with my own hands, the one who loved me the most, doted on me the most, and cared for me the most. Because of my little temper and stubbornness, I was left to go to a place where I could no longer find me.
"Let's break up, I don't deserve you to be so nice to me. I'll always have such a temper, I won't change it, you can't stand it and you can leave. "I pushed him away like crazy that night, plucking up the courage to let go, I hated my stinky temper for making us so miserable. I thought that my decision was right, that time would dilute everything, and that maybe I could become a better version of myself, if we were still in love with each other at that time, it would be better to face him than the cynical and nothing-achieving self I have now.
"I hate you!" His tears and resentment were the same as a child's anger, but I knew that it was his hopelessness after he knew that he could not keep it, which made my heart ache very much. I thought I was doing the right thing, hehe~~ How many things have been made by people because of one of them I thought, and I have made an unforgivable mistake.
I didn't have any premonitions until the hospital called me later: "Are you Xiao Yizhen's friend?" Come here. "When I went, all that was left was his cold body, and he didn't say a word. When I first saw this scene, my head was confused, stunned, and I didn't know what to do. It took several minutes to finally react, and I finally knew how it happened: he was drunk, crossed the road, was hit by a car and fell to the ground, and died instantly!
Those vivid images with him are still in front of me, I can't accept it, and I don't believe that he will leave me forever, this can't be! But the truth was so bloody before my eyes.
I don't need to be a better version of myself to face him, I don't need to restrain my emotions anymore, but I torture each other over and over again. I didn't need anything anymore, I floated alone in the endless sea, and there was no shore for me to dock to.
It's a feeling of losing my soul, and then I came back to my senses in a trance, and I wanted to tell Xiaoyi that I was so uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, so uncomfortable, but I knew that he would never answer me again and comfort me. This quarrel, without him to make me happy, without him to patiently enlighten, I know that this knot will only be blocked in my heart forever, and the more I tie it, the more I die.
I shook my head and let myself come out of the memories. My eyes were glazed, my hair was scattered, and I thought that if there were any gods and ghosts in this deep stream, I could be more intimidated than me. The reason why I chose to be here is just that I am afraid that a person really has a soul, I am afraid that he will find me, and he will meet me again in the next generation, and I will be sad and sad for me, an unworthy person.
All you need is courage and a leap to make a leap of regret and sorrow, and all the pain and sorrow, all the regret and discomfort will disappear. The cold air floating up below gave me goosebumps blowing in this scorching August day. I heard that there is no bottom in it, and I heard that the bones of countless unjustly killed souls are hidden in this darkness. However, no matter how terrifying it is, it is not as good as not having Xiaoyi, and there is no love horror that I finally died.
I took a deep breath and mustered up courage, the world no longer meant anything to me. Taking a step forward, the cold air blowing below, and the black oily water surface that could only be seen from afar, my courage was reduced a little. A thought came to me: It's so cold and terrible down here, maybe there are some water monsters and lonely ghosts, and they are bitten by them, it's too scary. Thinking of this, my feet involuntarily moved a few steps back.
Then, before I had time to think about it, a pair of hands behind my back pushed me out with great force, and those hands were as cold and scary as I am now. And with that came the gravitational pull of the earthlings on me, the sound of my own falling water. This temperature,! It's not just cold! However, the heartache seems to have eased in this second, is this the decision I finally made? What followed was a bone-chilling coldness. My body was cold and excited, my body kept falling, and the buoyancy of the water could not resist the gravitational pull of the earth on me after all.
The little oxygen left in my lungs didn't make me too uncomfortable for the first few tens of seconds, but the biting cold made me very awake. This kind of sobriety, this kind of coldness, even made me want to go home, and miss the warmth of home. But I can't swim, this deep stream, jump down, there is no turning back. This is the bottom of the canyon, the whole cave is hidden in the depths of the cliff, but it is bottomless, ten meters high and ten meters deep under the mouth of the cave is covered with deep water, even if you can swim, you can swim out of the water to look at the blurred light outlet, it is impossible to climb the more than ten meters high damp and completely smooth stone wall.
But I'm not that complicated, I don't have to wait for that despair, and luckily I can't swim. I would soon be drowning, water pouring into my mouth and nose, and when my breath became a tingling sensation, I knew I was about to be freed. But people have the desire to survive at all times, and the fear of unknowable death surrounds me, I flutter, my hands and feet scratch, and there is only water everywhere, all water. The water cut my nose like a knife, and my throat was sore and tight.
Air... Air... I need air... Death turned out to be such a painful and uncomfortable thing, and I suddenly remembered that I had also drowned in water once when I was a child, and at that time I directly choked on water and fainted, and I didn't feel anything. As I thought about it, I realized that I was able to breathe normally again, and the water was inhaled into my lungs, and it was as warm as the air that provided my body's needs.
There was a whisper in my ears, I didn't know who was speaking, and if I listened closely, it looked like someone was singing. I calmed down, and I felt like a lot of people were reciting Buddhist scriptures. After listening to it for a while, it only made people want to kneel down and beg for forgiveness, which was shocking and thrilling. In the darkness I didn't dare to move, and I let the cold water pour into my mouth and nose, and I didn't know that it felt like a dream.
"Xiao Jin, Xiao Jin, wake up, wake up." It's Daddy's voice, where am I, what's wrong with me? Then a foul stream of water came out of my throat, disgusting and unpleasant, and I rolled over and spat out the water that came up, and it was full of disgusting and disgusting with a tiny fry and some green moss. Didn't I jump into a deep stream? How can there be fish moss in this cold water? I clenched my arms coldly at the thought of the cold darkness.