Today's update is a joke? The explanation is that I don't have time to update, and I'll give you back what I said yesterday in a few days... If that's true, I don't think there's anyone fatter than me in the world... With a wry smile...

Part 1

1. On the night of Qixi Festival, the Weaver Girl hugged the Cowherd's arms tightly and said softly: "Dead Lang, why can't I see you on the other side for a year, is it a private meeting with Chang'e." The cowherd said aggrievedly: "It's not that I don't want to, she holds the rabbit every day, and the rabbit runs away as soon as the rabbit sees it." Chang'e also ran along.

2, on the night of Qixi Festival, the Weaver Girl kissed the Cowherd and coquettishly said: "How many days have you been thinking about me in such a year, husband." Cowherd thought for a while and said, "300 days!" The Weaver Girl's eyes widened and asked why it was only 300 days. The cowherd said aggrievedly: one day brushing cow hair, one day milking cows, one day doing housework, and one day helping children review homework. The weaver girl asked angrily, what is the day? Cowherd: "There is one more day to hug you and confide in you about the bitterness of the year!" The Weaver Girl smiled knowingly.

3, on the night of Qixi Festival, the Weaver Girl complained when she saw the Cowherd, you see that everyone on the ground is a BMW Mercedes, and you still let me ride your broken ox cart. Cowherd: "No matter how fast my wife BMW is, it will eventually become scrap metal, and Mercedes-Benz will eventually become dust." And you and I snuggle up to each other, passing through time and space, but a love becomes eternal. Our love is happiness. ”

4. On the night of Qixi Festival, the Cowherd took the Weaver Girl and immediately let the magpie fly away, and said to the Weaver Girl proudly: "Wife, if you have a cow and a car, don't go back, hehe." The Weaver Girl raised her eyes and said: "You don't even have a house here, let me sleep in the car with you every day......" The Cowherd sang aggrievedly: "Men are tired, men are tired......"

5. On the night of Qixi Festival, the cowherd cried and said: "The people in the mortal world are envious of letting you only see your wife once a year, and you keep complaining about unfairness every time." The Weaver Girl comforted: "Who made you do bad things in your last life, and you still have to pay attention." "Am I distracted? What is the cohabitation of Tang Seng and the Seven Fairies! ”

6. On the night of Qixi Festival, the Cowherd complained that the Weaver Girl was a mother who did not resign, and she did not breastfeed her after giving birth. The Weaver Girl said aggrievedly: "Pity my child. The cowherd said smugly: "Fortunately, I have a cow......"

I wish all young men and women a happy Chinese Valentine's Day, a harmonious life and sweet love......

Part II

Back in time, the past is gone.

A few years ago, I was like a child, lost in the world of play, and my heart was pure. But you are different, you flew out of your innocence early and became a beautiful girl, a girl who has just fallen in love. At that time, my innocence deeply hurt you, but I didn't realize it, and I still played as usual. In those years, you lived in pleasure and pain. The most hateful part is that I still talk to you about other girls, but you don't seem to care, and now I know your heart at that time.

For several years, my vagaries have tormented you, and perhaps you hate me, and I should atone for my ignorance and disgust, and suffer your punishment in silence. But you are still the same, and even more concerned about me, how to atone for your sins with guilt tormenting me!

A few years later, when I heard from others that you had left me far away and belonged to someone else, my mind was blank and my heart was like a knife. Slowly returning to reality from sadness, thinking about the past, I am really out of books. Your figure slowly left me, the elongated back passed in the dark, I understood, to lose when I understand the most beautiful, may you spend the Tanabata Festival happily, spend every day happily, and spend this life happily!

To this day, I have learned what the pain of longing is, what is the pain of pain! I hope that the good done to you in the future will atone for the sins of the past. Today, I found that feelings are not absent, but deep in my heart. My atonement, I hope you will not refuse. I'm sorry!!!

When the Chinese Valentine's Day arrives, I can only shout to the sky: "I'm sorry, I love you",

The meteor shower is coming, I can only take the thoughts of autumn tears, all the wishes are given to you, may you both fly in the country of love.

Happy Tanabata! \

Part III

There's a joke about bees and snails chasing butterflies, but who does the butterfly choose? Most people would say it's a bee because a bee can fly like a butterfly, and the butterfly chooses a snail in the end. Brother Bee was puzzled, so he went to ask the butterfly: "Where am I inferior to him?" Butterfly replied: "Because Brother Snail at least has a house, at least I don't have to wander around, and with you, I have to live in a dormitory."

Although it is just a joke, it presents the reality of today's society. Life sometimes feels like a kind of helplessness, once upon a time, Brother Bee may complain about why his parents didn't keep a house with him; may complain that the times are progressing too fast and are not at the right time; Maybe complaining about butterflies is too realistic and cruel; maybe

Too much maybe, too many complaints, too many feelings, maybe this is the so-called life.

Admittedly, objectively speaking, Butterfly's choice is not wrong, she has chosen the life she needs. Every woman wants to have a sense of belonging, a life of peace and contentment. Can Brother Bee give? At least not yet. The former mountain alliance and sea vows, the former flowers before the moon, may become insignificant in the face of marriage.

I don't care about how long it lasts, I only care about what I once had. Maybe this is the only sentence that can comfort the injured bee brother, I don't know if the bee brother who is in a tangle has woken up?

There are many people in a situation like Brother Bee in life, and I just want to say that men should be able to afford to put it down. Even if life is full of gunsmoke, even if life is ruthless, a real man will not be subjugated.

I would like to dedicate this article to those who are looking for happiness, and I also wish the snail and butterfly a happy marriage!

CHAPTER IV

When I'm alone, I often look up to the sky and sigh. I asked the sky, why did you make me so handsome? -

Seeing this, you will definitely call me hypocritical, yes, I am hypocritical-

Because once a girl said this about me, and I will never forget it. I still remember that it was an autumn afternoon, the sun was setting, dyeing the clouds red in the sky, and the leaves were flying in the air. I wandered down the street, thinking about my life with my head down. At this time, a girl ran over with a smile, and I looked up and saw her smiling face, and my heart stopped beating at that time. Afterwards, I often wonder why there is such a beautiful girl in the world, compared to her, the so-called stars on TV have become a lot of. Her smile makes people feel like a spring breeze. Her smile made the colorful glow on the horizon lose its color. Looking back and smiling at Bai Meisheng, the six palaces have no color, as if they were written for her. She ran over and whispered to me with a red face: You are so handsome. Out of politeness, I humbly say that I'm not handsome. I saw that her eyes immediately turned red, and she said loudly to me with a cry: You are hypocritical. After saying this, she cried and ran, I was stuck in place, and by the time I came to my senses, she had already run away. I regret it, I regret that I shouldn't have hurt her by telling a lie. The bleak autumn wind kept blowing, but it couldn't blow the regret in my heart...

Because I am so handsome, every time I travel, I will be chased by groups of MM, which causes traffic congestion and car accidents, so that a big hospital in our city is overcrowded. For this, they also presented me with an award called the "Best Contribution Award". This attracted the attention of Gov-Ern-ment, and they decided to assign me a personal bodyguard and an egg-proof car, they thought that would be fine, but what they didn't expect was that my handsome guy's light could not be blocked by a car, and every time I went out, I would be found by many women, so that every time I traveled, the bodyguards would be trampled to death by many women, so I would change a group of bodyguards every time I traveled. In those days, the headlines that filled the headlines of major media reports would be "A collective stampede occurred in Shuozhou City, Shanxi, with countless casualties" and "A collective car accident occurred in Shuozhou City, Shanxi Province, with countless casualties". Because of my role, all single women from all over the country came to us, crying and shouting to marry me, and many of them directly settled here, which directly led to the continuous increase in housing prices. But I didn't think about this aspect at all, because I still have more important and meaningful things to do, which can be summed up in a wet sentence is "don't look at the woman outside the window, and only play QQ space". Middle? Seeing that the development of the matter had reached the point where it could not be contained, the central government immediately issued a death order, urging the local go-vern-ment to find me a wife immediately in the short term, and this order is a national first-class secret, because once it is leaked, countless women will commit suicide because of me. But it's also very difficult to find a wife for me, and the average one is not worthy of me, so in the middle? The central government secretly issued orders to all provinces and cities to jointly organize beauty pageants, striving to select the most beautiful women in China in the shortest possible time. (You can now understand why there are so many beauty pageants, right)-

But am I the kind of person who gives in easily! "An Neng urges his eyebrows and bends his waist to deal with the powerful, and Brother Angel is not happy!" I said to them: You don't have to waste your efforts, I will not listen to your arrangement! They carried out a series of schemes against me, but I persevered with tenacious perseverance, and in the end there was nothing I could do. They wanted to kill me, but they couldn't give an explanation to the majority of women, and they were afraid that I would be in danger of society, so they thought of a vicious plan and decided to send me to Japan to disrupt their social order and weaken their national strength. There's no way, who makes the family a big brother. My dear friends of QQ space, I am about to go to Japan to suffer, I can no longer play QQ space, I will miss this qiē, and I advise you that in China, don't do anything too prominently, otherwise it will not be a cross-provincial matter, if you can't get it like me, directly deported, and I want to say a word to the majority of women who love me: Brother Angel was expelled, just as Brother Angel came quietly, touched his pocket, and didn't bring a penny-

Finally, a word of advice: Don't be obsessed with brother, brother is just playing space! -

Maybe you don't look funny, but I did think about it for days, and I wrote it all night yesterday, and I had to risk getting caught by my boss, but it only took ten seconds for you to reply

Chapter 5: The teacher who looks at the school flower

It was the first history class of the first semester of the second year of high school, and I heard that a new teacher came to teach our class, or a recent college graduate, which we were always looking forward to!

The class bell rang for a long time, and the teacher stood straight at the door under the eyes of more than 40 pairs of us looking through the autumn water, and shouted loudly, "Report!" ”

After laughing at the group, the teacher scratched his head embarrassedly and said, "I'm sorry, I'm used to it!" ”

It's okay not to say this, but I was laughed at again, which means that Teacher Su is often late for reading!

The school flower of the school is in our class, and when I am in class, it is obvious that the teacher's eyes are always drifting to him, and it is obvious that oh, it is almost fixed there!

The boyfriend of the school girl couldn't stand it anymore, he took a tissue and handed it to the teacher, and the teacher looked at him in surprise.

took the tissue and said with emotion, "What is your name this classmate, you are so careful, I know that the teacher's eyes are chalk and dust!" ”

After finishing speaking, he was about to wipe his eyes, and the boyfriend of the school flower said very coldly: "Teacher, it seems that you have wiped the wrong place, you should wipe off the scientific name saliva that comes out of your mouth!" "Laughed at us again!

Teacher, that's embarrassing. I guess I don't want to go to class anymore, I can't go to this class, and there is still half a class left, so the teacher decided to play an interactive game.

A boy said let's play brain teasers, and a group of people applauded and said yes. We know that the teacher is going to be fixed by the school girl boyfriend, and those who rise up to respond are their brothers who play together!

The teacher saw that there were so many people who supported him, even if he knew that he wanted to oppose it, he couldn't do anything, so he had to reluctantly agree.

A boy stood up first and asked, "Teacher, when does a person have six legs?" ”

The teacher shook his head blankly. The boy said, "It's just a man sitting on a four-legged stool looking at a beautiful woman!" ”

The other then stood up and said, "Teacher, when did two people have eight legs, four feet to the sky and four feet to the ground?"

The teacher still shook his head, and the man said, "When two people carried a pig, there was one!" ”

Another boy stood up and asked, "Teacher, when did three people have 14 legs, 10 feet to the ground and four feet to the sky?" ”

I guess the teacher is going to collapse, and he is already unresponsive! The boy himself replied, "The two pig-bearers walked past the man who was on the stool!" ”

The whole class laughed and knocked the roof over, and the teacher grabbed the textbook and left, saying, "The rest of the time is for self-study!" ”

Alas, another history teacher was, I wonder if he will go to the principal and turn himself into the history of our class!

CHAPTER VI

1. In high school, the whole school must wear a school uniform, and one repeater student never wears it. The teacher in charge of this area squatted at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the student was not wearing a school uniform and asked why he was not wearing it. This classmate was furious and said: My mother is not dead, why do you wear filial piety clothes?

2. An art teacher is famous, and there is a large report in a newspaper with photos, so he bragged in class: "Recently, some classmates have always told me, teacher, you are really good, and you have published photos in the newspaper...... A student: "Is there a missing person notice?" From then on, the art teacher refused to allow the student to take art lessons.

3. In Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy student to answer a question, and the student was confused and couldn't say anything. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" It won't squeak too! The student: "Squeak." "The teacher is sweating.

4. When I was about to take the exam in high school, one day in geography class, the teacher gave us a place name on it, and let us answer the local minerals below. After talking about a lot of places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class replied in unison: "Jiangnan beauty!" ”

5. When I was in junior high school, a biology teacher talked about the ecological environment on the African savannah, and no one in the class listened. If you don't look at me, how do you know what an African wild cat looks like! ”

6. In a high math class, the teacher asked one of my brothers: "Calculus is a very useful subject, what is our goal in learning calculus?" The old man was deserting at the time, so he shouted without thinking: "No tooth decay!" The class burst into laughter.

7. In biology class, the teacher said: "Actually, weasels don't eat chickens, scientists have made a real yàn, once locked a chicken and a weasel together, guess what happened the next day?" The classmate interjected: "The chicken is pregnant? ”

8. In the third year of high school, the geometry teacher is an old lady who loves to brag and is very annoying. One day, he said in class: "I am very valued in the Municipal Education Bureau, and they always invite me to study problems together, and every time I am sent by car." I inadvertently asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, he was banned from geometry classes for a week.

9. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) scolded us boys for not listening to the lectures: "What do you think? I was stunned, and somehow I said, "I miss you!" There was silence in the classroom for a long time, just a pair of frightened eyes looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and yelled, "You're a stinky rascal!" "Wronged!

10. When I was in high school, I took a labor class for the first time, and the teacher was an old man who introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan. I suddenly had an inspiration, and immediately continued: "Looking at Chang'an in the northwest, I pity countless mountains." The class burst into laughter, the teacher turned pale, and then I was punished for doing heavy work.

CHAPTER VII

Su was 21 years old and took his father and younger brother to Chengdu to bid farewell to Zhang Fangping, Zhang said: "All are geniuses, the elders are especially cute, but the few are serious, and the achievements or passes." ”-

Or the official position of the rut exceeds Shi, just because of preference, I have always only seen the previous sentence, even if Shi is despised by a friend, but my love for Shi is still this friendship Xin You'an, the rock is unswerving, so the composition is joking-

1 (Guo Xiangzheng's drunken painting on the bamboo and stone wall, Guo Zuo's poem is a thanks, and two bronze swords are left)

Good poems are still good at painting, and the book wall is long and scolded.

Don't scold or scold, who in the world is like a monarch-

One day, Dongpo went to Guo Xiangzheng's house as a guest, drunk and painted bamboo and stone on the wall, Guo did not scold and was happy, and there was the following dialogue-

Sue: It's so strange to you, I graffiti on your wall, you don't get angry or scold, and you're very happy, is there a person like you in the world? Do you know that I used to be scolded for doing this-

Guo: Yes. I've heard you warn you to make trouble-

Sue: Then why don't you stop it? -

Guo: If your current painting can be sold, I will sell the house at twice the price of the second-hand house, and if it can't be sold, you will call my son to sell it in a hundred years, and treat it as an abstraction.