Monkeys, where to find monkeys?

Where to ask the monkey to offer a soak of urine?

Do you want to go to Huaguo Mountain?

Going to Mount Emei?

In the past, the poor ghost Mao Changsheng had seen monkeys, but he had never seen them when he came to the underworld.

At that time, he lived in the yang world, only eight years old, and had a big green monkey at home, jumping up and down, very cute.

His mother gave birth to a little sister to him, and while he was still in infancy, his father boiled a large pot of water and slaughtered several big roosters, ready to entertain those relatives and friends who gave moon rice.

The father dipped the first rooster in boiling water and spun it, then mentioned plucking in the vegetable garden, and forgot about anything else.

At that moment, when the mother left the bed to go to the toilet, the green monkey with beads and bones saw that there was an opportunity, scratched his ears and cheeks, jumped up, and carried the little girl who was not yet full moon out of the room, and put it into the boiling water in the same way......

After the little sister screamed, the green monkey was startled, let go of his paws and jumped onto the eaves, and kept grimacing at the boiling water.

The father plucked the feathers of the first chicken, immersed the second chicken in boiling water, and found that the baby had been boiled in the boiling water, and was so grief-stricken that he took the big green monkey in his hand with resentment, and gave it a tooth for a tooth, pressed it into boiling water with a fork, scalded it alive, and then boiled it into gruel......

A festive day has become an extremely sad day, and the heavens are too good at playing tricks on mortals.

Oh, childhood memories, so beautiful and so cruel.

Oh, monkey pee, that's ugly.

However, I can't find such a smelly monkey urine now!

The poor ghost felt a faint ache in his heart, but soon smiled strangely.

When I was in the yang world, I heard my father say many times that the ancestors of the ancestors of the ancestors...... The oldest ancestor was a monkey.

The ancestors were changed by monkeys, and the descendants of their children and grandchildren must have monkey elements in their bodies.

The poor ghost Mao Changsheng is the descendant of children and grandchildren, and naturally has the elements of monkeys.

The urine of the poor ghost Mao Changsheng can naturally be regarded as the urine of a monkey.

Although the poor ghost Mao Changsheng died poor and became a ghost, his urine can be regarded as monkey urine.

Hey, where there are thoughts, there are ideas, and where there are ideas, there is a way out!

The poor ghost was very proud, put the rotten Artemisia annua on a casually picked melon leaf on the ground, picked up the long hair that hung down from his head in front of him in the shape of a waterfall, and spared no effort to sprinkle a soak of ghost urine.

The smell was overwhelming, and the poor dead ghost laughed when he ate it, and he removed his face and said to himself: "The monkey urine that is good and pierced must be more effective than the elixir of Taishang Laojun!"

This reminded him of the things in the yang world: those who have incurable diseases and spit blood in their mouths often ask unmarried men to ask for "boy urine" to drink, not the first to come out, not to the last to flow, only to take the middle section, there is actually a cure - it must be said that urine is also a kind of elixir.

There are already two flavors of the three-flavor elixir needed, and only the cockroach fart is missing.

Where to find cockroaches to give a few farts?

The poor dead man frowned for a while, scratched his ears and cheeks for a while, and soon stretched his eyebrows again.

On the night of his twenty-eighth birthday, he couldn't find anything to satisfy his hunger, Mao Changsheng burned a large fire in the fire pit in the middle of the house, and while roasting the fire to keep warm, he secretly wept, thinking about something falling from the sky or something, but when he looked up, his neck was so sore that it was almost broken, and there was no miracle.

Later, Mao Changsheng lowered his head in discouragement, but found that a cockroach crawled out from under the broken bed board in the corner of the wall, the size of a thumb.

"Starvation is death, poisoning is death!"

Mao Changsheng stiffened his heart and rushed over, grabbed the cockroach like a gold ingot, and searched carefully and carefully, and found a total of seven cockroaches - a big one.

Mao Changsheng took out the red coals, put the cockroaches on it and roasted them over and over again, roasted them until they were yellow and mulberry, and then bit and ate them with a hard scalp......

Such a delicious delicacy, Mao Changsheng has never eaten it, even if it is a delicacy of the mountains and seas, it may not have that good taste.

People who are extremely hungry, no matter what they eat, will be unforgettable, and Mao Changsheng will certainly not forget it.

After Mao Changsheng chewed and ate seven cockroaches and licked the lingering fragrance on his fingers three times, he burst into tears and couldn't cry anymore.

That night, the fart was shocking, unprecedented, it was the greatest innovation in Mao Changsheng's life, it was obviously the harsh winter season, but he heard the rolling spring thunder and woke up the land of China.

Early the next morning, Mao Changsheng's door was kicked off, and the village chief rushed into the house with three police station personnel, grabbed him from the bed without saying anything, and handcuffed him with a "click".

"What are you doing? What law did Lao Tzu violate?" Mao Changsheng shouted.

The village chief slapped Mao Changsheng in the mouth before telling him: "You secretly hid prohibited items, and fired guns indiscriminately in disregard of your neighbors all night......

Mao Changsheng was stunned for a moment, clearly laid out the situation, and immediately cried loudly, and then roared desperately: "Lao Tzu was born in New China, grew up under the red flag, is an upright Chinese, and is a good citizen who abides by discipline and law, but you officials, do not give Lao Tzu a quilt for the winter, do not give a piece of torn clothes, do not give a dollar, do not give a bowl of rice, can't eat seven cockroaches can't help but fart all night, and treat me mercilessly and unjustly with your eyes open? Are you Chinese? Are you human? Do you have a conscience?"

Mao Changsheng's eloquence was too good, and the village chief was afraid that he would confess the scandal of embezzling relief food and other items, so he knocked him unconscious with a punch......

Mao Changsheng was arrested, detained at the police station, interrogated for a day, and stayed overnight in a cold room without a bed.

Mao Changsheng's home was also searched in a carpet way, rummaging through boxes and cabinets, but in the end, not even a single firecracker was found.

Because they couldn't get a favorable confession and couldn't find evidence of the crime, the police had to release Mao Changsheng.

But the people in the village have always suspected that Mao Changsheng was hiding forbidden guns, Mao Changsheng was full of grievances, so he simply played a prestige for a long time, and said unashamedly when he met people: "People don't offend me, I don't offend people, that bastard bullies me again, Lao Tzu took out the machine gun in his private possession and swept the thousand blood holes of his cousin and uncle." ”

The people in the village, seeing that Mao Changsheng was violent, and he was very careful, so they gave three points.

Looking back, Mao Changsheng felt bitter and sweet, inferior and proud.

"I ate cockroaches back then, and I also let go of cockroach farts, although I have now become an underground ghost, the fart can still be regarded as a cockroach fart - maybe after a long period of recuperation and repeated cultivation, the medicinal effect is better than back then. ”

The poor ghost muttered to himself, looked around, and couldn't see the passing gentleman, nor the wandering ghost, so he lifted the long hair behind him to cover his shame, bent his knees and squatted, and put three ghost farts in a row against the artemisia full of ghost urine.

Oh, that's it, the elixir has been prepared!

The poor ghost pinched his nose with one hand, laughed secretly, fanned the yin wind with the other hand, and was proud, carrying the artemisia annua wrapped in melon leaves, and flew to the intestinal pumping ghost who was anxiously waiting on the mountain bag in a spiral route.