Suddenly I felt very sad, very sad. What is that feeling, sadness always strikes silently, and there is no reason for it, especially when I am happy, the conditioned reflex of happiness that is not uncommon will make me sad suddenly. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, exhaustion. Where does grief come from? Where is the heart, where is the heart? I don't know, I don't know where my heart is, it's kind of funny. Funny? What's funny? Is it 'hehe' or 'haha' or 'hee-hee'...... Eh, what's wrong with me, I'm so sad, why are I laughing? Feeling a little numb, is it because it's too cold?

It's annoying, so let's think of something else to divert your attention......

I carefully considered the so-called self-defeating self. The more selfish a person is, the more difficult it is to overcome himself, so for the kind and selfless benevolent, the threshold for defeating others is far higher than defeating oneself. And it is very difficult for wicked people to overcome themselves, those who kill people and do evil but are afraid of being killed are not enough understanding, if they really want to defeat themselves, that is the worst person in history who can calmly kill people~ Since ancient times, there have been many talents. It turns out that the good spiritually triumphs over others and finds the home of their souls, while the wicked spiritually triumph over themselves and become machines for taking and killing. In other words, in a sense, the victory over the goodness of others becomes selfishness, and the victory over one's own evil becomes neutral. One death and one life. It is no wonder that this material world is often invincible to evil, and the spiritual energy is already too low ~ so low that it is impossible to maintain the energy supply needed for goodness ~ But there is one thing that people care about, although evil is born, the predatory survival cannot last long, and the seeds left behind by goodness can still take root and sprout although they die.

Kindness is selfless and often hurts. Evil is selfish and often benefits. So. Kindness can overcome oneself but cannot overcome others. Evil can overcome others, but it cannot overcome itself. Overcoming the goodness of others is not goodness ~ is an evil. Defeating one's own evil is not evil ~ it is a kind of goodness. If you want to protect justice, then good must be evil. If you want to be fearless, then evil must be kind. Opposites can never disappear~ because they are mutually transformed~ always relative to each other~ The world that keeps rotating around the axis of emptiness makes me dizzy......

I can't help but want to protect ~ but ~ what power do I have? What can I do with my small contribution? Purpose? ~Purpose...... It's really useless...... Although others may be moved~comprehend~but~~I need more strength~ What can I do when I can't even break free from my current state? Unwilling to ...... The world is sick. I can feel it......

This world is very sick, how much darkness is hidden under the seemingly luxurious outside, the Creation Alliance? That's definitely not an organization that delivers good results. But people want to believe. How ridiculous that human beings themselves do not trust and frame others. Hurting others for the sake of their own status, money, happiness. Virtuous people are infected, and evil thinking intensifies. I just want to be a doctor, I can be immune to this disease, I need to save humanity. Maybe I'm arrogant, but I can't turn a blind eye. Because it's just me, I think only I can save everyone.

It's inevitable that I will be hurt, but I have no regrets. I could see the warm sun on the day the sickness was cured, and at the same time I could see the dim sunset.

I was born to exist in the form of tragedy. Nothing, no strength, no brains, ridiculed, so weak at school and at home. I'm always smiling happily when I have no brains. Faced with all cynicism! Is that the domination of human instinct? Or is it a God-designed program that will make my future self hate my past self? For the first time in my feverish years, my mind really calmed down, and I knew I was cursed. Hate, hate everything that brought me pain, my face became so ugly. The darker. The easier it is to absorb the darkness, the more misfortunes ensue, suicide? There have been a few times when it almost came true, did God fool me? But I still survived well, survived to this day, and embarked on my own path, at least I know that I have no regrets now. I have a goal, I have people around me who support me, even if I am wiped out of this world, I can bring a good future to mankind!

But am I thinking about others? Yes, the endless torture and pain made me feel the feelings of the people who are tormented by the pain, I no longer care about myself, I feel the depth of my sin. Even if I am cursed, it can't change the fact that I hurt the people around me. I want to give back in my own way, but society doesn't listen to me. That's right, my heart that was originally noble and perverted and now so twisted will not be understood, I was born destined to be lonely, and I may be a fool who used to be innocent and like to play pranks, maybe to leave me some real distant memories of my existence in the world. I went on my own, because I was not understood, and I endured all the pain from outside of myself, and I felt more and more sorrow for those who lived in pain, and I once thought that I would suffer hellish pain in exchange for human happiness. But now that I think about it, it's so ridiculous, my thoughts change little by little, but in one direction, and the more I move forward, the farther away from you. I obviously want to do something not bad, but I am hurt because I am not understood, my thoughts and actions really can't be understood by humans, and it used to be painful, but I can't stop ~ I can't turn back ~ I atone for my sins, I want to atone for my sins, and my soul doesn't need to be understood, because the more I can understand, the more I don't allow my selfishness to do the tricks. I still don't know what my emotional potential is. Why can they do what they can't do, and they don't want to think about the results without results. I need to fight, I like to be alone, but at least keep others out of my path. This is also the embodiment of despair, the end of despair is rebirth, and the road is not so simple for you to play. Sin is not so simple for you to atone.

I forgot the feeling of crying, I still need to vent my emotions before I can sever the bond with Hongchen, and now everything doesn't matter. I need a rebirth, right? It must be so, right?

There is too much backlog. I can't vent, or I can't. I don't allow me to vent. There can be no cowardice. Although it can reduce stress, there is absolutely no need to be cowardly, because the slightest cowardice will break my soul, and I can only keep being strong and strong to support my broken heart. False memories that dare not imagine...... It's so good, it's not so good that it hurts my heart, what did I do? Why would I do that? Can't I allow myself to be comfortable for the sake of atonement?

I'm so perverted, seeing those living words mixed with feelings, my emotions are a little irrepressible, and I was about to release the feeling of being like a fountain ready to explode, but at that moment I was stopped by my reason, and the feelings did not gush out, but they still flowed slowly, and then immediately lost this feeling. And sure enough, I watched it again. But there is still a trace of emotion, and my idea overcomes emotion in a short time~

One day I will give back to the Creator feelings, emotional potential or something that shouldn't exist in the world at all! I will be free from human beings, from the bondage of feelings. I used to want to be understood, and I longed to be cared for and understood. Nowadays it is written so that human beings can understand each other and care for each other. Although at first I was mixed with the luck that I could understand, I believe that in the near future I will completely abandon these distractions, and I am born for humanity and live to change humanity. Maybe I will be eliminated if I am not capable enough, but there are people who are better than me to fulfill my wishes, so I am not lonely. My once lonely and painful heart will definitely find a home, and I will not live in vain. I want to make mankind happy~

Aren't those of us who promote evolution the lubricant on the gears of fate and time, or the pieces in the hands of the masters? Because it is not just human beings who evolve, but this world, the universe, the existence and nothingness beyond the universe. Maybe I'm nothingness now, but nothingness may also be me, and you'll think it's the same thing. In fact, from the perspective of the nihilists, it is different. However, there will be the same feeling between nothingness, so it seems necessary to feel nothingness and understand nothingness, but what is the method? That requires a person's heart to think, maybe there will never be an answer, maybe the answer is around you and extremely simple~

Oh, when I think, I always feel like I'm not dead~ What a subtle feeling~ Where has time gone? Walked all the way through, walked through...... But fortunately, the future is still ahead~ Let's keep looking forward to it~