266 Calculation in calculation

"If you are afraid, the mourners will not say these words to you. Since the mourning family has found out your identity, the mourning family believes that you will never betray the mourning family or betray the eldest princess. The mourning family has confidence in the imperial princess's vision of people. ”

After hearing her say this, Ji Qihan laughed, and he laughed arbitrarily and freely for a while.

And Yao Jiyin didn't say anything.

Ji Kaihan thought about it, and then said to her: "Niangniang specially sent the Taifu to the prison, and followed me to say the opposite, I don't know why?" ”

Yao Zhenyin smiled slightly and said: "Actually, there is no explanation for these two words, the reason why the mourning family let the Taifu go to prison and tell you these two words is because I don't want you to give your life in vain." Since the mourning family already knows that you are Mr. Ji sent by the eldest princess, and knows that you are a chivalrous man, they naturally know that you must rather die than give in, and the mourning family can't watch you lose your life in vain no matter what. It was you who helped the mourning family to assassinate Li Yuanxiao, since you failed, the mourning family has no reason to let you take responsibility, so the mourning family deliberately sent Taifu to tell you these two words, so that you pretended to surrender Li Yuanxiao, and what you did was nothing more than to save your life. ”

Hearing Yao Zhenyin's words, Ji Qihan finally understood why she did this, but I am afraid she never dreamed that Li Yuanxiao was not a benevolent man at all, and he would give himself the pill in advance.

Thinking of this, he sighed and said nothing.

Of course, he didn't tell Yao Zhenyin that he was forced by Li Yuanxiao to take the Nine Turns Soul Restoration Pill, if this was the case, Yao Zhenyin would definitely blame himself.

Before, Ji Qihan never understood the difference between Yao Zhenyin and Li Yuanxiao, but now, he finally made it clear, it turned out that the two of them were really different.

Li Yuanxiao is a person who only plans for herself in everything, and does everything for herself, while Yao Zhenyin is thinking about herself at the same time, she does not forget to take care of others, she will do her best to protect everyone around her, so this world should be Yao Zhenyin's, not Li Yuanxiao's.

He believes that with Yao Jiyin's character, the children and grandchildren he teaches will definitely be benevolent, righteous and filial, and will not be cruel, let alone cruel to the people.

Thinking of this, he glanced at Yao Zhenyin and said slowly: "What can I do for the Queen Mother now?" How long will it take for the Queen Mother to transfer her troops into the capital? ”

Yao Zhenyin thought for a while and said, "It will take about three days." It's just that I'm afraid it's been a little difficult to delay in the past three days, and the only thing the mourning family is afraid that Li Yuanxiao can't wait, so he sends someone to kill the orphans and widows of the mourning family first. When the time comes, it will be useless to transfer troops. ”

Ji Kaihan thought for a while and said to her: "If the Empress Dowager Yao can be trusted, she can be responsible for protecting the safety of the Empress Dowager Yao and the Empress Dowager, Ji is confident, with Ji's martial arts, it is really easy to protect the Empress Dowager Yao and the Empress Dowager's grandson, I don't know if the Empress Dowager Yao has confidence in the Queen?" ”

"If you are willing to help the mourning family, of course the mourning family is full of faith. The mourning family also knows that you are a person with strong martial arts, but now that things have come to an end, I am afraid it is not as simple as we imagined. The most important thing now is to deceive my brother and Wan Yun, so that they mistakenly think that the mourning family does not have the Danshu iron scroll in their hands, and the most important thing is how to delay these three days. I believe that Li Yuanxiao is not a very patient person, after waiting for so long, he is already impatient to wait for the throne, if he doesn't hurry up and give him the Danshu iron scroll, I believe he will not be able to wait, so whenever the mourning family thinks of this matter, they are also very worried. What the mourning family is most afraid of is that the Danshu iron scroll has not been delivered, and the lives of the mourning family and the mourning family's grandson will be gone. At this, she couldn't help but let out a long sigh.

"Since Niangniang is personally in charge of the Yao Mansion and has planned everything so accurately, if Ji is not wrong, Niangniang must already have a countermeasure in her heart. Don't know what you need me to do now? ”

Yao Jiyin raised his head, looked at Ji Qihan quietly, and said to him slowly: "Yes, the mourning family really needs Mr. Ji's help. It's just that this matter may be dangerous, and it will also damage Mr. Ji himself, if he is not careful, it may bring Mr. Ji, and Mr. Ji can choose not to do it. ”

Ji Kaihan smiled heartily and said: "Ji is just a cheap life, whether he is dead or alive, what is the difference?" Niangniang just tell me to do it. ”

So Yao Jiyin whispered to him.

After Ji Qihan listened, his face was solemn, and he nodded slowly and said, "Okay, since that's the case, let's do everything according to what Niangniang said." I only hope that we can exterminate the rebels as soon as possible and support the new emperor to ascend the throne. ”

Yao Zhenyin nodded, his face still unfazed.

Before Ji Qihan left, he glanced at her, and couldn't help but feel a trace of pity in his heart.

Yao Jiyin has been in the deep palace for a long time, and she has already developed the habit of being invisible, she has even lost her joy, anger and sorrow at all, everything she does is for the country, the country and her children and grandchildren, as a woman, it is really not easy to be able to do her like this.

Ji Qihan couldn't help but think of Jian Huaizhen again, how similar she was to Jian Huaizhen.

After Ji Qihan heard what she said, he couldn't help but attract attention, so he quietly continued to perform light skills from the beam of the room and flew out, and when he went out, he looked around and quietly returned to the room.

Back in the room, Ji Qihan carefully thought about every word Yao Zhenyin said, it can be seen that Yao Zhenyin has already made a comprehensive calculation, she must have made a desperate bet, waiting for what kind of outcome the matter will have in the end.

Presumably she is also unusually cold in her heart now, after all, even her own brother betrayed her.

Ji Qihan heard Yao Zhenyin say that the reason why Yao Zhenyin did not let Yao Yongsheng get involved in the imperial court's policy too much was because he was afraid of forming a dictatorship of his relatives, but more because he didn't want her brother to be killed.

Ji Qihan couldn't help sighing.

Early the next morning, Ji Kaihan was sitting in the room, Yao Yongsheng had already walked in, and when he saw Yao Yongsheng, Ji Kaihan stood up quietly and asked, "I don't know if Yao Xiangye came to find him, what are you doing?" ”

Yao Yongsheng glanced at him, nodded slowly and said, "That's the case, Mr. Ji, what the prince ordered you, I don't know if Mr. Ji is going to do it?" I don't think Mr. Ji is doing his best. ”

Ji Kaihan laughed and said: "This is wrong, Yao Xiangye, you are the most important and closest person around the Queen Mother, you can't get the Danshu Iron Scroll from the Niangniang, how can you rely on me?" ”

Hearing him say this, Yao Yongsheng couldn't help but be a little annoyed, and he said hatefully: "Do you think that Benxiang doesn't want to get the Danshu Iron Scroll from Ji Yin's hand?" It's just that I don't know what she thinks in her heart, and she doesn't even believe in my brother, and there are always a lot of things hidden from me. ”

Hearing him say this, Ji Qihan couldn't help laughing, Ji Qihan thought to herself, she knows that she is hiding everything from you, that is because she is smart, if she does not hide everything from you, then the matter will be serious.

Although he thought so in his heart, he didn't say it on the surface, he asked: "Yao Xiangye came to see you today, you must have an idea, I don't know what Yao Xiangye needs to do?"

Yao Yongsheng thought for a while and said to him: "I'm sure that the Danshu Iron Scroll must be in the hands of the Queen Mother. The queen mother is so smart, how could she not leave a way back for herself, if she didn't have the Dan book in her hand, how could she be so careless? Although she kept saying that the Danshu Iron Scroll was not in her hands, according to what I knew about her, I knew that the Danshu Iron Scroll must be in her hands, and what I need you to do now is to bring the Danshu Iron Scroll with her. ”

"What? Do you want to come over with the Queen Mother? I think Xiangye, you are laughing, that Danshu Iron Scroll Niangniang refused to admit it in front of Xiangye, you can be said to be a brother and sister, and I am just an outsider, how could Niangniang take out the Danshu Iron Scroll to me? I think you're too worried. ”

When Yao Yongsheng heard him say this, the look on his face suddenly became ugly, and he said: "That's not necessarily, I have a way for you to get the Danshu Iron Scroll from the Queen Mother's hands." ”

"Oh, what the hell is the solution? Xiangye might as well talk about it. Ji Qihan asked quietly.

Yao Yongsheng sat down opposite him and said slowly: "The matter is very simple, I know that if she has the Danshu Iron Scroll in her hand, what she wants to do most now is to send someone to the border pass to gather troops, and there is obviously no suitable person around her to do this." If you automatically ask Ying and agree to help her do this, I am sure that she will definitely give you the Danshu iron scroll, what do you think? ”

Ji Kaihan thought for a while, and said quietly: "How do you know that if the Queen Mother has a Danshu iron scroll, she has not sent someone to the border to dispatch troops and generals?" ”

"In short, I naturally know that there are no competent people around her, how can it be so easy to go to the border? Not to mention going to the border, even if it is out of the city, I'm afraid it will be difficult. Prince Yuanxiao is naturally accurate, if she wants to have the Danshu Iron Scroll in her hand, she will naturally send someone to dispatch troops, and I have investigated everyone around her, and no one has left at all, let alone to pass on the Danshu Iron Scroll. Unless it's a dead man, do you believe that a dead man will preach a book? Speaking of this, Yao Yongsheng couldn't help laughing.

Up to now, Ji Qihan finally found out why Yao Zhenyin refused to appoint his biological brother, maybe Yao Zhenyin was not afraid that his relatives would interfere in politics, but Yao Zhenyin really felt that his brother could not take on the great cause, he was a very quick success, everything was too simple, and he was not a general at all.

Ji Qihan smiled quietly and said, "Okay, I think Xiangye's method is not a solution. It's just that I believe that it is not so easy to get the Danshu iron scroll out of the hands of the Queen Mother for a while, I think Xiangye has to give me a few days. ”

"Of course, how about giving you a day?"

"One day? Xiangye is not joking, right? If Xiang Ye feels that he has such a great ability in Xia, he would rather give you this great credit to do it. I believe that Xiang Ye and the Queen Mother have a deep relationship between brothers and sisters, and Xiang Ye is naturally much more powerful than in Xia, and it is easier to get the Danshu Iron Scroll from the Queen Mother's hands than in Xia. Ji Qihan said sarcastically.

After Yao Yongsheng heard him say this, his face was blue for a while, white for a while, and after a long time, he said slowly: "Two days, how is it?" We can't delay any longer, even if I can wait, I'm afraid the prince can't wait. ”

"Three days." Ji Kaihan said categorically: "If Xiangye thinks three days is acceptable, then we will use three days." If Xiang Ye thinks that three days is too long, I have nothing to say, so please ask Xiang Ye to complete this matter himself. ”

Yao Yongsheng had no way to complete this matter at all, so he had no choice but to say to Ji Qihan: "Okay, since you said three days, then I will listen to you." It's just that within these three days, you must get the Danshu iron scroll in your hands, otherwise, the prince will be held accountable, and he can't afford it. ”

"Okay, that's a deal." Ji Qihan said categorically.

When Ji Kaihan saw Yao Yongsheng walking out, there was a hint of smugness and gloom in the corners of his eyes, what a smart person Ji Kaihan was, he immediately understood what Yao Yongsheng was thinking in his heart.

Yao Yongsheng is probably thinking about how to deal with Ji Erhan now, and when Ji Kaihan gets the Danshu Iron Scroll, he will be the one who will pay for it at that time.

Yao Yongsheng is so happy that he wants to show his hand in front of Li Yuanxiao wholeheartedly, he will definitely start from the Danshu Iron Scroll that Li Yuanxiao cares about the most, and when the time comes, once Ji Xianhan's Danshu Iron Scroll arrives, Yao Yongsheng will immediately use various methods to kill Ji Xianhan, and then he can get the Danshu Iron Scroll to recover his life.

Ji Kaihan now finally understood what Yao Yongsheng thought, and couldn't help but sigh coldly, it can be seen that Yao Jiyin didn't believe him, and there was a reason.

Yao Zhenyin did not hand over his Danshu iron scroll to him, but handed it over to others, and let others go to the border to transfer troops and send generals, which is also a place where Yao Zhenyin recognizes people more accurately, and there is another thing, that is, Yao Yongsheng is such an old traitor, he didn't know that Yao Jiyin had sent someone to the border pass, and even Li Yuanxiao didn't know.

Yao Zhenyin is really very smart and clever.

After Ji Xianhan and Yao Yongsheng finished talking, he sat there alone and thought about things carefully, he was still thinking about how to win three days with Li Yuanxiao, so as to leave time for Yao Qiyin to bring the soldiers and horses, but now he didn't expect Yao Yongsheng to take the initiative to propose three days, which is really a good thing for Ji Kaihan.

Ji Kaihan thought about it for a long time, and felt that what he was going to do next was simply too important, and it was really nervous for him to be able to do such an important thing.

Time goes away with the flowing water unconsciously, and the three days are not long, and the short ones are not short, and these three days, presumably a few people have lived like a year.

One of them is Yao Zhenyin, whether Yao Zhenyin can keep her grandson's country or not, it is a matter of one move, and whether the people she sent can smoothly bring the soldiers and horses back to the imperial city.

And the other person is Yao Yongsheng, Yao Yongsheng has always hated that he was not reused when Yao Zhenyin was in power, what he wants to do most now is to be able to get Li Yuanxiao's reuse after Li Yuanxiao ascends the throne, he is not lacking anything else now, the most lacking is a great merit, if he can get the Danshu iron scroll, dedicated to Li Yuanxiao, and assist Li Yuanxiao to ascend the throne, he will definitely get Li Yuanxiao's reuse at that time, at that time he is a great hero, he feels that these three days are for him, It's really nervous.

Another person who is very nervous is Li Yuanxiao, Li Yuanxiao has been spying on the Danshu Iron Scroll for a long time, and now, he finally has the slightest clue, seeing that the Danshu Iron Scroll is about to arrive, how can he not be nervous?

These people almost have their own ghosts, everyone fights for their own interests, Ji Kaihan is usual, he still has nothing to do every day to chat with the Empress Dowager Yao, the reason why he does this is nothing more than to show Yao Yongsheng and Yao Wanyun.

In Yao Yongsheng's eyes, he naturally did this to get the Danshu Iron Scroll and gain Yao Jiyin's trust, Yao Yongsheng secretly sent someone to spy on them every time the two of them were talking, but he forgot one thing, Ji Qihan is a martial arts master in the world, someone is eavesdropping outside, how can such a small thing be difficult for him? It's just that he doesn't debunk it.

He also happened to take this opportunity to ask the eavesdroppers to do something for them, that is, to let the eavesdroppers report the content of his chat with the Empress Dowager Yao every day, so that Yao Yongsheng felt that in fact Ji Aihan was really desperately fighting for the Danshu Iron Scroll, so that Yao Yongsheng would tell Li Yuanxiao what Ji Kaihan had experienced every day, and Li Yuanxiao would not be so suspicious of him.

In this way, things went smoothly, and before you knew it, it was the third day.

Early in the morning of the third day, Yao Yongsheng came to Ji Aihan, his voice was a little gloomy, and he said to him: "Mr. Ji, I have also seen the efforts you have made in the past few days. The old man hopes that you will not live up to the trust today, and be able to get the Danshu iron scroll in your hands. ”

Ji Kaihan laughed and said, "If it is not bad as expected, I can almost get the Danshu iron scroll today, doesn't Yao Xiangye know?" It stands to reason that Yao Xiangye should be sending someone to eavesdrop on my conversation with the Empress Dowager Yao every day. ”

Ji Kaihan deliberately demolished him, so that Yao Yongsheng felt that Ji Kaihan was not an easy person to deal with.

After Yao Yongsheng heard his words, his face was really red and white for a while, and after a while, he said slowly: "The reason why I did this is just to protect Mr. Ji's safety, in case the Queen Mother finds out, if you want to deal with Mr. Ji, I'm afraid it won't be so simple at that time." I know that Mr. Ji is strong in martial arts, so I shouldn't worry about you, but if that's the case, how can I rest assured? At that, he laughed.

After Ji Kaihan heard him say this, he didn't have any expression on his face, but said coldly: "Don't worry, what I promised you will definitely be done truthfully." Just hope you keep your promises too. ”

"Don't worry, this Xiangye has always said that one is one, and two is two, and he will never do anything that makes Mr. Ji feel that what he is doing is wrong." Yao Yongsheng said.

In the evening of the third day, Ji Qihan went to find Yao Jiyin according to the plan.

After seeing Yao Zhenyin, Ji Qihan first saluted Yao Zhenyin and said: "Ji came to see the Queen Mother today to ask if the Queen Mother has already figured it out, do you want to give the Danshu Iron Scroll to you?" Let me go down to help the Queen Mother transfer troops? The Empress Dowager must not hesitate any longer, I believe that Li Yuanxiao's patience is also limited, if the Empress Dowager does not make a decision early, once Li Yuanxiao ascends the throne, it is to get the Danshu Iron Scroll to dispatch troops, I am afraid it will not be so easy. ”

After hearing him say this, Yao Zhenyin deliberately pretended to think.

Ji Kaihan took the opportunity to say: "Queen Mother, don't think about it anymore, if you think about it again, you will definitely miss a big thing." Ji Qihan said as he glanced at Yao Zhen.

Yao Zhenyin is so smart, not to mention that the two of them have already discussed, she raised her head and looked at the place outside where Ji Qihan stretched out a finger to point, and sure enough, she vaguely saw a figure shaking, and knew that someone must be watching.

So she had already discussed with her according to Ji Kaihan, and said: "In this way, this Danshu iron scroll is not in the hands of the mourning family now, and the mourning family promised to ask Mr. Ji to help the mourning family to transfer troops." The mourning family knew that the reason why Mr. Ji was so anxious was that he hoped that he could quickly borrow the generals to help the princess, but in fact, the mourning family didn't think so in their hearts. The eldest princess is a good sister with the mourning family, why doesn't the mourning family care about her? In this case, early tomorrow morning, Mr. Ji will return to the palace. ”

Ji Kaihan said: "Okay, since that's the case, then I'll wait for the good news from Niangniang." Now it's getting late, and I won't disturb my mother's rest, so I will leave first. With that, he got up and walked out.

Yao Zhenyin watched him go quietly.

After coming out, Ji Qihan glanced at the place where the figure was hiding, and he vaguely saw that the person was Yao Yongsheng, which showed that Yao Yongsheng couldn't wait, this person was really eager for quick success and great success.

Ji Qihan sighed and continued to go back to the room to sleep.

Early the next morning, according to the agreement between him and Yao Jiyin, he went to Yao Jiyin and asked Yao Jiyin for the iron scroll of Danshu.

Yao Zhenyin had been waiting for him for a long time, and when he saw him coming, he said to him: "The mourning family has prepared the iron scroll of Danshu, and is waiting for Mr. Ji to come and get it." Now, this Danshu iron scroll is very important, and the mourning family hopes that Mr. Ji will not live up to his expectations. ”

"Okay, just do what the Queen Mother said, and you will definitely not disappoint the Queen Mother in the future." After speaking, he stepped forward to take the iron scroll of Danshu given to him by Yao Jiyin, and then took it in his arms.

At this time, the door suddenly opened, and Yao Yongsheng walked in with someone.

All this was also within Yao Qiyin and Ji Qihan's calculations, but despite this, the two of them still pretended to be panicked on their faces, and when he walked in, Ji Qihan frowned slightly and asked, "Yao Xiangye, why did you come in?" ”

Yao Yongsheng laughed and said, "I heard that the Queen Mother has handed over the Danshu Iron Scroll to Ji Kaihan, a sinister villain, is there such a thing?" ”

Ji Qihan said with some annoyance: "What did you say? ”

"What are you talking about, don't you understand, Mr. Ji? The Danshu Iron Scroll is very important, how can Niangniang hand it over to Ji Kaihan? Ji Kaihan has already colluded with Li Yuanxiao, and he is angry, and his mother handed it over to him, is this self-defeating? ”

"What did you say?" Yao Zhenyin pretended to be surprised and asked.

So Yao Yongsheng repeated what he had just said.

After hearing his words, Yao Zhenyin raised his head and looked at Ji Qihan in disbelief, and asked, "Is there such a thing?" ”

"Yes, there is such a thing." Ji Qihan said with a smile.

In fact, he didn't discuss these details with Yao Jiyin at all, but the two of them obviously cooperated seamlessly.

After hearing him say this, Yao Zhenyin showed a dissatisfied look on his face, and said to him: "It turns out that you have been lying to me all along. Mr. Ji, you were born as a chivalrous warrior in the Central Plains martial arts, and you are a messenger sent by the eldest princess, why did you collude with Li Yuanxiao to destroy my Joseon Dynasty? ”

Niangniang's words can be seen, and I feel that Li Yuanxiao is also surnamed Li, and there is no problem with him inheriting the unification of the Joseon Dynasty. He didn't do this to usurp the throne, and now that he had control of the palace and courtiers, why should Niangniang resist again? What I think about is nothing more than borrowing soldiers, borrowing soldiers from my mother is also borrowing, borrowing soldiers from him is also borrowing, in this case, why bother doing this? ”

After hearing Ji Kaihan say this, Yao Qiyin's face faintly showed a trace of dissatisfaction, and Ji Qihan continued to play this scene, he said: "Niangniang, you still calm your anger, not only betrayed Niangniang, even if it is your biological brother, Yao Xiangye, how can it be the person next to Niangniang?" Yao Xiangye has actually colluded with Li Yuanxiao for a long time, otherwise, did Niangniang think that Li Yuanxiao could grasp Niangniang's whereabouts so quickly and seize the palace so quickly? ”

After hearing Ji Qihan's words, Yao Qiyin's face suddenly became cloudy, she raised her head, and asked hatefully: "Brother, you and I were originally biological flesh and blood, why would you do such a big rebellious thing?" ”

Yao Yongsheng knew that now the iron scroll of the Danshu was no longer in Yao Zhenyin's hands, but in Ji Xianhan's hands, he had no scruples, and said with a smile: "Niangniang, you can't blame Xia for doing this." Yes, you and I are indeed biological brothers and sisters, but I don't know if Niangniang thought so much when she was employing people? Every time Niangniang has something, she never puts it in her eyes, she is really fed up with it, the so-called Niangniang has been oppressed for too long, and she will naturally resist in the next. I still remember one time, the emperor wanted to crown me as a general, and everything was going well, I thought that in this way, I could finally win glory for our Yao family, and maybe the Yao family would be able to restore its former glorious power. Who knows that it is your words, you said to the emperor that the old man is a relative, and he is not suitable for too high an official position, otherwise, if it is spread out, I am afraid that it will not be good for the country and the country, and the impact in the eyes of the people is not good, so I will not let you go down to be the official position of the coveted general, just to be an idle master at home. Mother, have you ever considered the following feelings? If you want to oppose the mother, it is really a last resort, and please don't be so depressed. ”

As he spoke, he also gave Yao Zhenyin a salute, which showed that he was still a little in awe of Yao Zhenyin in his heart.

After Yao Zhenyin listened to him quietly, he said to him in a serious voice: "Big brother, the reason why I didn't give you a confidential official position is because I don't want you to cause death. You are a very good person, and you are stubborn and self-serving, if you are not careful, it is easy to make mistakes, and when the time comes, it will not only affect yourself, but also the entire Yao family, I have my own considerations for everything I do, and I don't mean to suppress you. Now, whether you believe it or not, I have nothing more to say. After saying that, Yao Zhenyin sighed and ignored him.

He said to Yao Zhenyin: "In this case, Niangniang, please rest here, and don't disturb Niangniang in the future." Come on, arrest Ji Qihan for me. As he spoke, a lot of people came in to arrest Ji Tinghan.

Ji Qihan was slightly stunned, and deliberately pretended to be strange and asked, "I'm surprised by this, Yao Xiangye, why did you arrest Zaixia?" I really don't understand. In fact, you are all serving the prince in the next place, and now you have helped the prince get the Danshu iron scroll, I believe that arresting the prince is just your meaning, not the prince's meaning, right? If the prince knew, I'm afraid it wouldn't be so easy to count with you. ”

Yao Yongsheng laughed and said, "Mr. Ji, you are indeed very good at martial arts and very capable, but when you look at people, you still see a little wrong." As long as the prince can get the Danshu Iron Scroll, this Danshu Iron Scroll is what you got it, what's the difference between what I get? The only difference is that if you get it, the credit is on your head, and if I get it, the credit is on my head, anyway, you are not a North Korean person, so why follow and grab this credit? Don't worry, according to what you can see, the prince doesn't want to offend Daming, so you won't be in any danger for the time being. As he spoke, some people came in and prepared to hold Ji Lianhan.

Ji Qihan had a sneer in his eyes, and he said, "Do you think that just a few people can take it down?" If you think so, you're taking it too lightly. Maybe it's yourself who you despise. ”