Jiang Feng and I went to the andrology department first to get his examination report.

Took a bunch of reports and found the registered doctor. The doctor, a woman in her forties and fifties, with a very serious look with her eyes and not smiling, slowly flipped through the results of these tests.

"Doctor, he's fine, right?" I asked casually.

"No problem!" The doctor just glanced at the results of the report and said lightly, "Your husband's reproductive system is completely normal, and he can have a child at any time." As he spoke, he glanced at Jiang Feng and said half-jokingly, "You look so handsome, let's have a few more!" ”

The results of his examination were not surprising, and there was nothing wrong with it, but it was superfluous to do this kind of examination. I'm mostly worried about my outcome. Soon, he and I went to the building of the Women's and Children's Center again, and when I took out the report, I could see that it was 'abnormal' on the report, and my heart quickly became nervous.

I tried my best to calm down and consulted a doctor accompanied by Jiang Feng.

The doctor flipped through my examination report, his expression was very solemn, and he frowned......

Finally, the doctor told me a bolt from the blue – I was suffering from a bilateral fallopian tube blockage! This condition is very common, and many people have adhesions in the fallopian tube wall caused by pelvic infection, but congenital fallopian tube lesions like mine, and the lesions are severe, are particularly rare.

When I heard the results, my heart suddenly went cold, and my whole body shivered...... Jiang Feng didn't react much, patted me on the shoulder, trying to stabilize my emotions, but I couldn't calm down at all, the more I thought about it, the more desperate I became, and I couldn't even listen to the doctor's next words.

The doctor told me that if I want to have a child, it is not completely impossible, I can do IVF, but the success rate of IVF is not too high, and I am over 30 years old, I am considered an advanced maternal age, and my physical condition is not conducive to IVF in all aspects; If you don't do IVF, it can also be treated by surgery, and you can conceive naturally after dredging the fallopian tubes, but in my serious case, the success rate of surgery is also a bit low.

Anyway, it's going to be a lot harder for me to conceive a child in my life, in other words, I'm not a 'normal' woman......

When I came out of the hospital, I couldn't walk steadily in a trance, and seeing any woman would make me feel inferior, and for a while it seemed like my whole world was dark! When Jiang Feng helped me to the back seat of the car, I couldn't help but cry after all!

I have experienced too much despair in this life, and I thought that leaving that year would be my last pain, but I never thought that God would plant such a bomb in my life, and I was caught off guard.

Jiang Feng hugged me in his arms and wiped my tears with a tissue, which did not stop my pain, in fact, he has been sullen and silent since he learned the news, and he should not be able to accept such a sudden blow.

"Let's break up," I choked up in crying and shook my head in pain, "I won't delay you, it just so happens that we are not married yet, so you can go." ”

He rubbed me in his arms and said in a relaxed tone, "What's the matter, it's not a terminal illness, didn't the doctor still say a lot of solutions, what are you anxious about?" ”

I still shook my head, "Don't tell me 'solution', my problem is unsolvable, the best solution is for us to break up, as long as it doesn't affect you, I won't be so miserable...... I can't even give birth to a child, what else can I give you, really, break up. ”

"Divide the hair," he said with a foul word to firm his attitude, and his strong palm held my cheek, "let me tell you, I want you as a person, not looking for you to be a fertility machine, I will live well without children, but without you, I will definitely not be able to live!" ”

His sworn words did not have much relief effect on me, and I could not digest this huge blow in a short time, but I could not suppress the tears that flowed like welling up, and I was not helpless in anything else...... I didn't expect that I would be so vulnerable when this bad news befell me.

"You can't understand my pain," I threw myself on him, crying and sobbing, "it's a very serious problem in our marriage, and it's an unsolvable contradiction...... You are still young, of course, you only pay attention to the wind and snow in front of you, and after a long time, you will know the importance of children. ”

"Okay, if you have to convict me like this, I don't want to talk to you about a bunch of sworn nonsense, anyway, I will definitely not let you go......" He hugged me tightly, using this strong force to convey his determination not to break up.

"When we encounter problems, let us face them together, how to solve them, and accept them together if they can't solve them. Don't always be clever enough to guess what I'm thinking, and charge me with some trumped-up charges, and if you still doubt my feelings at this point, then it's really not interesting. ”

At this time, I no longer had the strength to argue with him about emotional issues, and I only had the cruel truth of my infertility in my mind, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought about it, the more sad I became, and I was crushed from body to mind...... Returning home in a chaotic manner, Jiang Feng tried his best to amuse me, trying to describe this incident as worthless, as if this matter really had no effect on him.

But I couldn't get out of this blow anyway, I couldn't sleep for days on end, I didn't have much appetite to eat, all my consciousness was concentrated there, and I couldn't breathe. I hate, I hate God's unfairness, why is it that every woman can have it, but I can't have it...... I also hate Han Qiaojuan, if she hadn't only used me as a pawn for revenge, she wouldn't have let me be born prematurely with stunted growth and give me a defective body......

I hate Chen Guifang's brutal abuse even more. I remember the winter when I was 12 years old, the temperature was a few degrees below zero, I accidentally dropped the key of the house into the pond, Chen Guifang forced me to jump into the pond when I was on menstrual vacation, and found the key in the biting cold water, I touched the cold water for more than two hours and did not find the key, and when I went home, I was beaten by her and closed out of the door and froze all night. I didn't freeze to death that night, but the menstrual blood gushed out like water from the tap, flowed down my pants, dripped to the ground, and made it the same as the scene of a car accident. The infertility disease that I suffer from today is undoubtedly inseparable from the suffering I suffered when I was a child.

I thought that I could get rid of that broken life experience a long time ago, but I didn't expect that the shadow caused by this life experience would stay with me for the rest of my life.

……

was knocked down like this, and his heart and mind were invaded by an inferiority complex, either secretly crying, or in a daze, people were tired and depressed, and they couldn't see the future clearly...... Trapped in such torment, a heart is torn and torn with holes.

That night, I didn't eat dinner and stayed sleepy in bed. Jiang Feng pushed the door in, holding a plate in his hand, and walked to my bedside, with tenderness on his face, "Wife, get up and eat fruit." ”

Hearing this 'wife', my heart fluttered slightly, I couldn't pretend to be asleep, I couldn't help but glance at him, "......" inadvertently caught a glimpse of the fruit on his plate, and his eyes lit up all of a sudden!

It turned out that he made a fruit platter, and the fruits on the plate were cut into various small pieces by him, forming a rather creative picture - green leaves and grass from kiwi pieces, two kissing elk with dragon fruit, a small yellow duck with oranges and carrots, and a castle and garden with strawberries, apples, cherries and other fruits...... The whole thing is a cartoon fairy tale world, which looks lifelike and cute and funny. I really opened my eyes, I didn't expect him to be so creative and hands-on, and in less than ten minutes, he could play so many tricks with fruit.

"If it's like this, how can you make me willing to eat." In the face of this romantic picture, most of the gloom in my heart disappeared.

He smiled, forked a small piece of kiwi with a toothpick, and fed it to my mouth, "Eat, I'll put myself on the plate after eating, and let you wipe me clean!" ”

I hadn't eaten much for a day, and now I really felt a little hungry, so I ate this plate of fruit with him...... Yes, the better he treats me, the more pressure I feel in my heart, and the more I suffer from gains and losses.

When we slept together, he lifted my chin and looked at me intently, "Can you smile?" If you continue like this, I'm going to get depressed. ”

I fell weakly on his shoulder," I ...... But I really want to have a child for you, without children, our love is incomplete. I'm going to have surgery tomorrow and find the best specialist in the world, as long as I have the ability to conceive your child, no matter how painful it is,"

"Say no more," he hugged me in his arms and stroked the ends of my hair gently, "what do you want me to promise to understand, I don't need this child, I just want you!" You don't have to go to surgery, you don't have to do IVF, in short, I can't let you go to the hospital to suffer and be wronged! Let's just be a Dink family, and live a good life without worries, isn't it good for us to live in this life. If you really like children, then go and raise one, what a big deal! ”

I couldn't help but hug him, and said from the bottom of my heart, "Jiang Feng, you haven't understood my mind, I want to give you a child, not because you want to have a child, but because ...... I love you, and I especially want to give you a child who inherits your genes, and that is the most precious gift I have given you...... This child who belongs to us will have a complete home, with a father, a mother, and our common love, and a glorious background, and will never experience the loneliness and humiliation that we have all experienced, and grow up happily in the sun, looking like you and me, with children, our fates are really tightly entangled......"