It's a pity that I couldn't get on a time machine and go back to this night to stop myself from being so naïve and stupid.

So, in the confusion of the intertwining of the four eyes, I nodded with drunkenness.

Soon, I heard a "pop" and the bedside lamp was completely turned off.

The whole room was plunged into a frightening darkness.

In the dark, Zhang Jingchi's hug came quietly, he held me tightly in his arms, the hot breath he exhaled swirled around my neck, his voice was a little demagogic hoarse, he said, "Are you sure you won't regret it?" ”

My drunkenness dissipated a little, and once I regained some of my senses, I actually regretted it at once.

A strong sense of uneasiness and fear ensued.

But when I looked at Zhang Jingchi, when he asked me, his eyes were still bottomless lakes, he seemed to be waiting for me to nod firmly again, he seemed to be asking me to verify that he was the one I would not regret.

I couldn't bear to have a trace of disappointment from him, I pressed the complex and turbulent emotions in my heart, and lowered my voice and said, "No." ”

Zhang Jingchi's kiss fell, and his voice became very muffled in a blink of an eye, and he said, "I will be good to you in the future." ”

I was naïve and stupid at the time, and I didn't know that most men would make such promises at this moment, and most of these men were just talking.

Fear mixed with surprise, and I froze there a little bewildered, my uninjured hand crumpled with nervousness.

Probably realizing my uneasiness, Zhang Jingchi suddenly stopped kissing, his voice was as soft as a marshmallow, and he said: "Don't be afraid, just leave it to me, don't be afraid, okay?" ”

In the faint light, I saw his silhouette, no longer youthful and youthful, the blue stubble of his chin was clearly visible in the darkness, he had grown into a towering man.

And I still like him.

It gave me the courage to overcome my fears and move forward.

So I pursed my lips for a while, and finally turned my head away a little embarrassed and hummed.

Even though he kept kissing me and comforting me, when he entered, it was as if something had been torn apart, the pain continued to spread, my hands unconsciously curled up, my tears almost welled up, I was afraid that I would disturb his interest, so I bit my lip tightly.

In the midst of the spread and interweaving of pain, a particularly lost thought suddenly popped up in my heart, something that had survived in my life for more than 20 years, was lost like this. I became a woman like that.

I thought I was ready, but I wasn't mentally prepared.

Yes, I'm not the same as I was before.

I'm pretty sure I like Zhang Jingchi a lot. But I still can't hide my loss.

The loss was even more intense than ever, and I burst into tears uncontrollably.

Sensing my abnormality, Zhang Jingchi suddenly stopped moving, he fell on top of me, reached over and covered my face to wipe away the tears from the corners of my eyes, his tone was so gentle that I felt like a world away, his tone was so determined that I suddenly had the illusion that there would be a wilderness, he said: "Li Cheng, we will get married in the future, you don't have to worry." Don't cry. You cry so hard that I feel sick in my heart. “

He may not be well, but he quickly turned over and pulled the quilt for me, and then he slowly grabbed his clothes and put them on, and he climbed out of bed, turned on the light, and said, "I'll pour you some water to wake up, and go to bed obediently after drinking." ”

I felt that it was the first time I was so hypocritical, and I also felt that I had swept away Zhang Jingchi's interest, I bit my lip and thought about it, I said, "I.. I'm sorry. I'm fine, let's move on, well, that I..."

I can't go on anymore.

Zhang Jingchi suddenly sighed slightly, he reached out and rubbed my hair, and said helplessly: "Silly, what do you think of me." Lie down obediently, I'll pour you water and sober up. ”

When Zhang Jingchi walked away, I hurriedly grabbed the dress I was wearing just now and put it on randomly, and touched the gray sweatpants under the cover of the quilt, just when I wanted to put on the pants, I felt that the place where I was sitting was more sticky than just now, I unconsciously pulled out two tissues to wipe it and took a look, the bright red color was rendered in front of my eyes into a cluster of azaleas.

I didn't feel happy, but my mind exploded.

How coincidental!

At this moment, Zhang Jingchi came over with a light green cup.

As soon as I saw him, I was a little helpless and said, "Zhang Jingchi, there is blood, it got on the sheets, and the sheets are dirty." ”

While putting the cup on the bedside table, he said to me, "Don't be afraid, it's normal to have some for the first time, and you'll be fine later." I'll just change a sheet later. ”

He was facing away from me and I couldn't see his expression.

But my embarrassment stretched out all at once.

I will never forget how hard I said this, my head hung very low, and I said, "I'm coming to that." ”

I don't know if it's an illusion, I always felt that Zhang Jingchi's body stiffened slightly, but he quickly turned around, put his hand on my face and said, "Don't panic, I'll go downstairs to help you buy sanitary pads." ”

After he finished speaking, he took his wallet and ran away like a gust of wind.

And I curled up under the covers, and my heart was overwhelmed with endless remorse.

The hardships of these years have made me an extremely sensitive person.

I began to replay Zhang Jingchi's slight stiffness in my mind over and over again, and then my heart became colder and colder.

Maybe when I was in pain just now and shed tears because of the loss, Zhang Jingchi was sure that it was the first time for me. And when he came back with water, I said that I had seen blood, and he was even more convinced.

But I told him I had an old friend.

He's just one of the ordinary men.

His slight stiffness, was it doubting and overturning his convictions? After all, in his cognition, I used to be unclear with Chen Liang.

The first time I did, it turned out to be such a difficult problem that I couldn't argue with.

I was overwhelmed by boundless frustration and regret.

The complex and pent-up emotions, like the crazy and arrogant weeds in the ravines and ravines of summer, spread unscrupulously in my heart, and soon entwined me to the point that there was no outlet for breathing, and I was suddenly covered with a greater and thicker loneliness than before, and I sat there a little lost, my eyes red, but I could no longer find a reason to shed tears.

I thought that fate was just enough to joke with me once, but I didn't know that God was addicted to joking with a person, so he didn't care how much liver and intestines the person who was joking should have, and it turned my hands into clouds and hands for rain to stir my devastated life at will, turning the beauty that I only had once in my life and could never go back into a shame that I couldn't open my mouth to confess.

I spared no effort to devote myself to the chagrin regret and shaking, even Zhang Jingchi came back with a big bag without realizing it, his hand on my shoulder, I couldn't hear what emotion was in his tone, he said: "What are you stupid about." ”

That's when I was dragged back to reality.

Still the kind of warm voice that is extremely gentle and makes me feel that I can't grasp it all the time, Zhang Jingchi continued: "Don't think about it, just wait for me to change a sheet." ”

But his voice was so calm that it made me feel uneasy, and I was entangled in a thicker and thicker sadness.

No one had a skin-to-skin kiss more than a dozen minutes earlier, and such a topic did not seem appropriate to be brought up.

But it was like a sharp stone, resting in my heart, not only heavy, but also piercing me at a loss.

Anyway, I closed the bathroom door and turned on the faucet, and in the guise of the rushing water, my tears did not dare to run freely, they carefully came out of my eyes, and finally mixed with the tap water and were quickly washed away, as if I had never been here.

I finally knew that this was the real pain.

When I came out of the bathroom, Zhang Jingchi had already changed the sheets, he pulled every corner of the quilt neatly, he came up and gestured to hold my hand, he said, "Is it uncomfortable?" ”

I subconsciously turned his hand away, smiled reluctantly and said, "No, I'm fine." ”

He glanced at me again, and he stopped talking, but finally he chose to pull back the covers and said, "Then let's sleep." ”

After I lay down, he suddenly lay down next to me, and I tucked the quilt again, and his arms suddenly came around, and in the darkness I could hear his steady breathing, and he said, "Can you move in with you?" The place where you live is not safe, I can take care of you if we live together. ”

Originally, I listened to my sweet love words, but because of the intimate contact that happened not long ago, it changed in my heart.

I'm afraid that if I show him my hole cards again, he may not think that I am devoting myself to love, but he thinks oh this is a casual woman, and I will descend another level in his heart, until one day I will descend into the dust.

But I didn't know how to refuse so as not to embarrass the atmosphere.

So I quickly rolled over and turned my back to him, and I said, "I'm sleepy." ”

No longer entangled in this topic, Zhang Jingchi's voice still couldn't hear the emotion, he helped me pull the quilt again, he said, "Then sleep." ”

His hand was still around my waist, and I stopped answering, staring at the gray wardrobe not far away with wide eyes, many thoughts flashed through my mind, and all the chagrin passed from my heart again, accompanied by a deeper sense of loss.

About half an hour later, I heard Zhang Jingchi's soft snoring.

I wanted to gently take his hand away so that I wouldn't wake him up when I couldn't sleep, but just then, the phone he had just thrown on the bed rang.

A text message came to his phone.

Conditioned reflex, I grabbed it casually and glanced at it, he didn't save the number of the text message, his mobile phone was encrypted, but it is estimated that he set something, and I can see most of the sentences in front of the text message.

That's what I said, and it was like a sharp and cold stone, which made my heart panic.