After I told Xu Ruohan everything about it, both of us fell into a long silence.

When I talk about it again, I still feel so uncomfortable that it feels like a hand is holding my heart. In fact, there is no need to guess whether the incident Lu Haisheng said is the real truth, if you think about it carefully, you will find that if that incident really happens, then all my changes after that will be logical.

In fact, the people I most hope to give me advice are not Xu Ruohan, but my parents. It's just that I don't know how to face them, and I don't know how to tell such a cruel truth. That's why I chose to escape, so I came out of the house early in the morning without waiting for my parents to get up.

I don't know, I really don't know.

It doesn't matter if it's false or real here, I just don't know how to deal with that kind of thing, and I don't know how to accept the world after that happens.

"Say something, don't be so silent." I spoke softly, but I didn't look up at Xu Ruohan, "Tell me what I should do." ”

I waited quietly, and after a few seconds, I heard Xu Ruohan sigh: "I don't know, I don't know what to say, but now I suddenly regret arguing with you about whether this world is true or false." ”

I looked up at her, and her eyes were full of confusion and confusion. I was silent for a moment and spoke again.

"What if it's you? What would you do? ”

"Me?" Xu Ruohan glanced at me a little strangely, "Although my words will be painful, I will still do it, after all, the situation is very clear now, that incident is something that has happened and cannot be changed, although avoiding it can temporarily delay the pain, but it can't really solve this matter, it can only make time stay in today, stay in this false world." Confronting it allows me to return to the real world so that life can continue. ”

"But" I couldn't help but want to open my mouth to refute, but I had just opened my mouth when I was interrupted by Xu Ruohan.

"But I'm not you."

I choked, this is not what I originally wanted to say, but Xu Ruohan's words seem to have some special meaning.

"But I'm not you." Xu Ruohan repeated it again, looking at me with a calm and firm gaze, "I can't say that I know your pain, I can't say that I empathize with your pain, after all, no matter how much I assume, how to if, that incident happened to you, not me." But I am well aware of your character, and therefore of the source of your current suffering. ”

I pursed my lips slightly, didn't say anything, just waited for Xu Ruohan to continue.

"You're in pain because of that, and you feel like it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you. But that has already happened, no ifs and no assumptions, it has really created the immutable or perhaps the world that should be real, and you have deliberately created a false, peaceful world that you want. ”

"You don't let that happen is actually just creating an illusion and an illusion, and doing that doesn't change anything, it's just that you're running away, it's just that you don't dare to face the painful truth, which is meaningless in reality."

"In fact, you know what I'm talking about, you know it before I say it, it's just that you don't dare or more accurately, you don't want to face it."

"How am I going to deal with it," I finally said, my voice was so flat that I couldn't hear any sadness or any other emotion, and I didn't know what kind of emotion I should have now, "how am I going to deal with you and tell me?" How can I accept that I caused that to happen? How can you endure the pain of that incident? And after that incident, how am I going to continue to live in that world, you tell me, I beg you, tell me what I can do."

I lowered my head a little in frustration, covering my face with my hands, not wanting Xu Ruohan to see my gaffe. I felt a hand on my shoulder, patted it comfortingly, and only after a while did I hear Xu Ruohan say.

"I don't know the answers to these questions, and the person who knows the answers is not me, but yourself, you know the answers, you all know. You know it in your heart, better than anyone else, that you just don't dare to face it. Xu Ruohan paused slightly, and added, "What you don't dare to face is not actually this world or your life after that incident, what you dare not face is your own heart." ”

My heart? What I dare not face is my own heart?

"You know, I have the impression that you have always been a very strong person, much stronger than me. Although I said that if I were you, I would dare to face it, but that is based on the premise that I have already faced in the original world. But the real problem is that I don't think I can actually face this, I may not be able to hold on to that blow on my own, and if I can really hold on, it must be because you are by my side. ”

I looked up from my hands and saw Xu Ruohan smiling at me.

"You said that the original world is already in 2012, which means that you have already accepted that pain, and your life will go on after that incident. You are a very strong person, and you always have been, but it is not easy for you to find yourself strong. In fact, you are very clear, you are very clear about everything, you are not lost or confused, you just don't want to believe the answer in your heart, so I want me to say the answer in your heart and give you some encouragement and reasons to believe. ”

Xu Ruohan said, her smile became bigger, her palm slapped heavily on my shoulder, and she said in a firm tone, "Give you encouragement and support, this is exactly what I should do as a friend!" Then you listen to what I say next, and you know very well that you are escaping, and you also know very well that escaping does not really make the pain go away. Remember what you said to me in your sophomore year of high school? ”

"What?" I looked at Xu Ruohan puzzled, not knowing what she was referring to.

Xu Ruohan tilted his head slightly, "Maybe you don't remember it yourself, but I remember it very clearly." You told me that what can really stop pain is never to run away, but to face it. It is only by confronting the pain, acknowledging the pain, and accepting the pain that the pain will stop. Life is inherently painful and painful, and we all make life go on by facing and bearing pain again and again. However, we do not live to bear pain, we live to bear pain in order to be able to experience more happiness. ”

"Anything else I said so philosophically?" I was slightly stunned.

"Yes, but is it philosophical? You're boasting about yourself! Stinky and shameless. ”

Seeing Xu Ruohan's deliberately funny, I couldn't help laughing, and I really felt a lot more relaxed in my heart. Seeing me laughing, Xu Ruohan also laughed with me, the two of us faced each other, and we didn't know what was funny, laughing louder and louder like two crazy people, one side just stopped and was attracted to laugh again by the laughter of the other party, when I didn't feel that we were laughing inexplicably.

By the time the two of us had completely stopped, our stomachs were already hurting from laughter, and we even burst into tears.

We each held our stomachs and looked down and smiled, but we didn't dare to look at each other anymore, we were so afraid that we couldn't stop at all. After being silent like this for a while, I heard Xu Ruohan say again.

"Mo Li?"

"Huh?"

"There's one more thing I want to say to you, and that's the most important thing."

I could hear that this sentence was no longer a joke, so I looked up at Xu Ruohan. She looked me in the eye as well and whispered a few seconds later.

"In fact, facing your own heart, it doesn't mean that you don't feel guilty or don't admit your mistakes, but on the contrary, this is the best way for you to admit your mistakes." Xu Ruohan paused slightly, looked like he wanted to speak, and finally spoke again, "And please forgive yourself." You always tell me to be tolerant of others, and you are always tolerant of other people's mistakes, but you only forget to be tolerant of yourself. No one needs you to atone for your sins, and I think my aunt and uncle want you to be happy. ”

"Face your own heart and let go of your own heart. Forgiving yourself is not a bad thing, after all, all the people who love you want you to be happy more. ”

For a moment I almost broke down and cried, but I still didn't want to lose my temper in front of her, so I couldn't hold back the feeling. I don't know how to describe it, it seems like all I wanted to hear, what I always needed was someone to tell me that it was really my fault, but I was also qualified to forgive myself.

"Thank you."

I thanked me softly, even if those two words were definitely not worth the same as what she had said to me, but at the moment it was the only thing I could give back to her, for her help, for the friendship she had given me.

"Hey, do we still need to say thank you between the two of us?" Xu Ruohan shrugged his shoulders and showed a joking expression again, "If you really want to thank me, tell me what I was like in 2012, right?" Is she already a strong woman with a successful career, sitting on several beautiful men to the pinnacle of life? ”

I was amused by her, and said with a smile, "I don't remember what happened after that, I'm afraid I won't be able to remember until I return to the original world, maybe in 2012, when you are 25 years old, you will be the mother of two children." ”

"Don't don't, don't scare me, I'm not ready to get married before I'm thirty, I haven't had enough fun!"

Looking at Xu Ruohan's expression, the two of us burst into laughter. When I came out of Xu Ruohan's house, I looked at the sky outside and suddenly felt that although it had always been "today", today's sky seemed to be bluer than before.

The most important thing is that I already know the answer.