Fear?

Why am I afraid, I don't know, I can build a wall of iron on my heart, but as soon as he appears, it will collapse in an instant, because the body's reaction will always be one step ahead of the brain's thinking. I can't control myself, and that's the scariest thing.

Monotonous bells ring. I saw him take out his mobile phone, look at me, then turn around and walk a few meters away to pick up the phone, "I'll go back in a while, is the child making trouble?" Good"

Hearing the word child, I was still shocked, and the tissue pressed my eyes tightly, and it was all over, Ma Jiaolong, you know that he won't think of it, what are you expecting!

I finally felt the coldness brought to me at the end of midsummer, whether there was a tear duct removal operation, I really wanted to do one, the feeling of rain in front of me was too vague, I hadn't seen him for two years, I really wanted to take a closer look at him, and I didn't want him to see me again when I was like this.

He took a long and deep breath, and the involuntary spraying pattern was finally brought under control. I held the tissue he handed me and watched him carry my phone on his back, still in a neat suit, tall and long.

I controlled my urge to rush up and hug him, and looking at his more mature and handsome face carved by the years, my mind would still jump out of the sixteen-year-old boy's stunningly elegant appearance.

Xu is that I am too far away from him, always leaving again and again, but I can't control the approach, so his changes are always vivid in my eyes. I clearly looked at how his face, which was treated favorably by the years, took off the immaturity in his eyes little by little, time did not slow down for half a minute, but the utility knife was finely carved to him, the man in front of me at the moment, although the facial features are still charming, but the temperament is more and more calm and sharp, so deep that people dare not approach half a step.

I was stunned for a moment, is he still the same naïve and childish him who used to be in front of me, no matter how good he is, I can't be greedy.

The moment he put down his phone, I clearly saw the silver light flashing on his ring finger, and his eyes were instinctively drawn by the silver light, but before I could see it clearly, I saw him put one hand in his trouser pocket. Walked directly in front of me, looked at my face and raised eyebrows slightly: "Are your eyes good?" ”

"Oh." Hip Technique.

I replied softly, my eyes still looking at his left hand in his trouser pocket, still trying to see, not to ask me why.

"Don't you want to tell me something."

I shook my head and forced myself to look away: "I don't know what to say." ”

Zhuo nodded his head, his hand still in his pocket very casually, obviously, he didn't know my intentions: "In this way, I ask, you answer, I don't like the way of dragging the mud and water, do you understand?" ”

I nodded with a half-hung face, and he was probably the only one who could make me so temperamental.

"Are you sure you don't know me?"

"Hmm."

"Haven't you seen me before this?"

"Hmm"

Zhuo Jing frowned slightly: "Why are you lying." ”

"I didn't."

I didn't dare to look into his eyes, but I could feel that his gaze had been looking at me very carefully: "First of all, I don't know what you're nervous about, but I can feel that you're afraid of me, and secondly, I don't understand why you're lying to me, aside from the fact that I saw you in the hospital two years ago, I also know that you have another name, called Ma Jiaolong, not only is you a well-known onmyoji, but also my aunt's niece, we are relatives in some way, aren't we." ”

My heart kept falling in my chest, and I pulled the corners of my jerky mouth, no wonder he knew me, we did have a layer of kinship that couldn't be beaten.

It's just that Jiang Meiyuan should have told their family, my sister-in-law knows that it is impossible for me to be with Zhuo Jing, since he has forgotten, no one will take the initiative to mention that I am unhappy, and he also knows that I am an onmyoji

Thinking, I looked up at him, "You investigated me?" ”

And the point behind this question is, why are you investigating me?!

"Of course."

Zhuo Jing Heiyao's eyes were full of Chiguoguo's directness, and he pointed to his head: "I forgot some things, around these forgotten things, I feel that I have lost someone, and this person has something to do with you." ”

I almost lost control again, and looked at him stupidly: "Something to do with me?" ”

Zhuo Jing actually took a deep breath, and stretched out his hand and pointed at his heart full of depression, "I tell me here that it must have something to do with you, maybe, you are the same as my family, you want to hide something from me, so, you are nervous, you are afraid that I will question you, I have seen a lot of your expressions in the past two years, but don't worry, I will not continue to ask, because I know that if I ask again, what I get is just your perfunctory lie." ”

I shook my head, I should be able to think of this, because Brother Ma just took away his memory of me, so according to him, he will be entangled, in other words, if you change to any person, you will have the instinctive action of looking for your own blank memory, it is very unpleasant to let an adult lose his memory, this is out of control, why forget, what happened to forget?!

"Why are you sure that I have something to do with something you forgot?"

Zhuo Jing looked at me with a slight complication in his eyes: "I am selective amnesia, the medical explanation is that I have suffered a severe head injury or a strong stimulus and forgot some people and things that I don't want to remember and escape, it can be seen that the person I can't remember is my memory blank, since we are relatives, but I shouldn't have no impression of you, besides, I have checked your information"

My heart tightened a little, "Have you checked my information?" ”

He nodded, took out a business card and handed it to me: "Time relationship, I need to go back now, tomorrow at ten o'clock in the morning, I will wait for you in the office." ”

Seeing that he turned around and was about to leave, I sighed, "I have something to deal with tomorrow, and I can't go to you in the morning." ”

He opened the door of the Porsche and looked back at me: "Then afternoon, two o'clock, I'll wait for you." ”

"Hey"

Looking at his car, I gritted my teeth and walked over, "Why did you come to this neighborhood"

Zhuo Jing's eyes struggled for a moment, and then he frowned and looked at me: "Have you always lived here?" ”

"No, I just went out of the house, and after that, I came back to borrow it"

"Oh."

The loneliness in his eyes flashed: "I don't know, instinct, when I'm in a bad mood, I like to come here, and the people I forgot used to live here, right." ”

"Me"

He raised his hand, as if he didn't want to hear me say more, at this moment, I clearly saw the ring he was wearing, and my heart twitched again, it was actually me and his couple ring?! How is it possible, it's the same paragraph.

"I know she's dead."

"Huh?"

I looked at Zhuo Jing in a trembling voice: "Who died?" ”

Zhuo Jing's maturity lies in his emotions It is difficult for me to guess, it is only for a moment, and after that, he will be suppressed by him, full of depth: "She is dead, so I will forget her, otherwise, how can I not find it, family, why don't you dare to mention it." ”

After speaking, he sat directly in the car, lowered the window and looked at me with some inquiry in his eyes: "I don't like to be entangled, the memory blank is my business, I won't believe the answer anyone gives me, but I'm glad to see you here, Ma Jiaolong." ”

Are you happy, why am I so awkward to say these three words in an emotionless tone.

Standing in place in a daze, watching his car drive farther and farther, his heart was empty and full of doubts at the same time, smart people naturally only believe in the truth they are looking for, Zhuo Jing is the same, he said that it is instinct to be in a bad mood here, saying that I have something to do with his blank memory, but why would I be sure that I was dead in his blank memory?!!

Lowering my eyes, I looked at my slippers, and my mind filtered over and over again what Zhuo Jing had just done, why did he still see me, did he still want to explore something from me, if so, doesn't it mean that I have to get in touch with him again.

Turning around, I exhaled a long breath and walked into the corridor, with a faint pain in my heart, and attached my hand: "Ma Jiaolong, what's wrong with you, if you go out of control like this, what will you do if we meet again?"

Stop, I want to hear my own mind, about the things in the Tao, I have figured out and become enlightened, but feelings, I don't know if I don't meet, I really don't know that I will still struggle and suffer so much, Master said let me follow my heart, but what is my heart like!

Turning my head, I looked at the vacant seat where Zhuo Jing had just parked, and silently spit out two words in my mouth: "Possession." ”

Suddenly I understood, the reason why I hesitated and struggled when I saw Zhuo Jing again was because I wanted to possess, a relationship, when there was a desire to possess a person, it would become painful and distorted, just like I had just now, I clearly knew that Zhuo Jing had forgotten me, but deep down, there was still a trace of expectation, hoping that he had not forgotten me, this mood was contradictory and could not be explained.

To put it simply, Zhuo Jing is living in the present, but I am immersed in the past scene the moment I see him and can't extricate myself, so I cry like a fool, am I expecting him to still love me, but this expectation is distorted, I can't let Zhuo Jing turn back, is it difficult to throw this difficult choice to him!

I'm a yin-yang person, and now the whole world knows it

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath again, everything should go forward, I understand what I am going to do, I love him, I love him very much, but love is not possession, it is the first two companions of the password that Cheng Baize told me at the beginning.

My reappearance should appear as his companion supporter, I will silently support him, help him, if I can, I can be his friend, in this way, there is no separation between us, I can also watch him all the time, I don't need to be nervous in the face of him, I don't have to hide it anymore, my whole body is relaxed, I really want to look up to the sky and let out a long roar, I finally figured it out!

The tip of his nose suddenly itched, he opened his eyes, and suddenly met the whites of the eyes of the dead fish who were only an inch or two away from me, and instinctively sighed, and took two steps back: "You want to kiss me!! ”

Zong Bao stretched his neck and looked at me carefully, his expression was still dull: "I'm not dreaming? ”

said, before I could answer, he came up and pinched my face: "Does it hurt?" Does it hurt?! “

"Your uncle!!"

I pushed him away and kicked him in the ass, "Of course it hurts!" Why don't you pinch yourself!! ”

Zong Bao looked at me blankly, as soon as the fruit bag in his hand was delivered, the oranges were spilled all over the ground, and his mouth was grinning, like a three- or four-year-old child, crying: "No one has kicked me like this in two years"

I laughed, bent down to pick up the oranges and looked at him: "You hold me back!" I'm back, and you're still crying! ”

Zong Bao sniffed and looked at my hand carrying the fruit bag, and said in disbelief: "Are you good?" ”

I looked at him with a smile on my lips, "Okay." “

I cried too much just now, and I felt it in my heart but lacked fluid.

Zong Bao wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes vigorously, and looked at my face carefully: "Dao Xing." ”

I tried my best to put the feelings I had just seen Zhuo Jing behind, and moved my right hand and laughed twice: "Of course, I'm back, and they will naturally come back to Zongbao, hug." ”

Zong Bao stood still and didn't move, as if he was stunned and looked at me for two or three seconds, then raised his feet and walked back directly!

"Hey!!"

I was in a hurry, and chased after him in a few steps and grabbed his arm: "What are you going to do!" You're not happy I'm back!? ”

"I'm not happy!"

Zong Bao shook off my arm and looked at me with grievances in his eyes: "You must have come back for the little master!" Why did he get through as soon as he called, I couldn't get through no matter how I called! ”

I smiled: "I'm because of the little teacher's business, but it's not all, I'm fine, naturally I'm going to come back to deal with more important things, right?" ”

"Then why don't you tell me that there is no signal in the village, and there is no signal when you come out!"

"You just wronged me, I called you as soon as I entered the door and saw that the house was so clean, but you didn't answer, and the phone was out of battery."

As I spoke, I took his hand: "Okay, I've been in the car for two days, it's very dirty, I just want to see you again after taking a shower, and besides, I know you'll definitely come at night, close the window for me, right?" Alas, it's all polished, hard work. ”

"What is this?"

I held Zong Bao's hand and still held the business card of Zhuo Jing, Zong Bao took it and looked at it, and couldn't help frowning: "Have you seen Zhuo Jing?" ”

Lowering my eyes, I hummed: "He seems to come over often"

Zong Bao seemed to know that Zhuo Jing would come over, and his tone was not surprised: "Then what are you talking about?" ”

I rubbed my forehead: "I didn't talk about anything, it's just, he thought I was dead, no, he didn't know that I was just hey, I didn't understand it, let's go upstairs first." ”

Zong Bao nodded, as if he was very aware of my reaction: "I have a good relationship with Xiao Tian, we often eat together, Zhuo Jing's affairs, I know a little, he is indeed investigating you, of course, all the information that Zhuo Jing found out shows that your achievements and the identity of the Yin-Yang Master are magnified, listening to Xiao Tian's meaning, that is, in Zhuo Jing's eyes, you should be a very well-known intersex Onmyoji now." ”

Intersex Onmyoji?

Zong Bao was able to say the word intersex obviously not to stimulate me, but to tactfully remind me of the current definition in Zhuo Jing's heart, but this also indirectly made me understand, understand why Zhuo Jing can insist that the person he thinks is very important in his memory is only related to me and not me.

"I see."

I nodded, "No wonder he said that his blank memory is related to me, because now he will not believe that he once loved him very much, he is a yin and yang person, this is a hard injury." ”

This solves what Zhuo Jing said to me and all my doubts, Zhuo Jing's love for me is itself a self-struggle, compromise, although love has no impurities, but let him accept my body, this is a very long process, and it is also the source of all my pain with him, now Zhuo Jing forgets, he may feel that he has been hurt by love, but to kill him, he can't imagine that he loves yin and yang.