"Ma Jiaolong, you speak from your heart, am I wrong, you know, I'm really too lazy to be this kind of bad person, but if I don't say it. I have to watch you hide so stupidly, I entered the industry earlier than you, and I have already told you about the three ways to break your marriage rejection, you don't need virgin blood, you say that the ribs are evil arts and don't touch them, so is there anything else besides this, is it possible that you still have to rely on medicine, are you so cheap to that point! ”

"Also, you said that I shouldn't say it, then I ask you, if I don't say that you will say it one day, the answer is obvious, no, you will only force yourself into a desperate situation, and your concealment of Zhuo Jing's seemingly paid is pathological in itself. And your idea of covering up your ugliness is also pathological! You are not confident at all, since you are not confident, what are you talking about marriage with Zhuo Jing! Pure! ”

I didn't want to say anything, I sniffed and stood up slowly, wiped a handful of tears and shook and walked towards the hospital hall, who doesn't know these words, I also know that Cheng Baize didn't say anything wrong, not a word was wrong, I am indeed not confident. Zhuo Jing has always been an ostrich mentality in this regard. I'm just scared of being disgusted with him, like it was four years ago

I've been with this body for 24 years and I sometimes hate it, and occasionally when I go to the toilet, I feel like I'm sitting down, but I still sit down when my thoughts flash, because I've been self-hypnotizing, telling myself that I'm not a freak, why should I care about other people's eyes, or rather, I can use this body to face everyone generously. I even wanted to shout hysterically when I dreamed back at midnight countless times, what if I was a yin and yang person!!

But Zhuo Jing was the only one, turning his head, I looked at Cheng Baize, who was still standing in place, and said softly: "Why don't I say it, because I care about him, do you understand, I care that all his opinions about me are you!" Broke my plans!! All my plans !! ”

Cheng Baize stood on the spot and smiled: "Ma Jiaolong, I really feel sorry for you!" ”

As he spoke, he walked up to me in a few strides and looked at me with a deep breath: "All your plans are foolish dreams!" From this moment on, I don't care about you anymore, if you are willing to belittle yourself, you will continue to go on like this, go to Zhuo Jing, step on your little pride and self-esteem, beg him to forgive you, and let him take you to surgery! I thought you had grown a little bit compared to you a few years ago, but in fact you were still a virtue. I'm fucking fed up with this thankless work! ”

I stood there with my mouth covered, listening to the footsteps behind me fading away, looking up at the warm peach blossoms that had bloomed with the last of their strength under the light of the street lamp, and breathing with a little coolness in the late spring. But if you are not me, how can you know my life choice!

'Bell bell bell'

The mobile phone in my pocket broke the silence of the night, I trembled, hurriedly took out the mobile phone and sniffed hard and put it to my ear: "Hey, Zhuo Jing, I"

"Maggiolong? I'm Han Zheng, are you okay? ”

The heart that was pinched up in an instant was released as if weightless, and I let out a sigh and wiped my tears: "I'm fine, Doctor Han, is there something wrong with you calling me." ”

"It's nothing, it's just that your grandfather came to me and said that I agreed to the operation, I want to ask you if you are according to the time we agreed before, the morning after tomorrow, do you have any questions."

"No, I'm sorry for you."

"It's okay, it's my job too, it's best for your family to be there before the surgery tomorrow night, and I'll go with the anesthesiologist to make sure the operation is safe."

I nodded, "Okay, thanks, I'll be there for sure." ”

"But I listen to your voice, do you have any problems with Zhuo Jing's relationship?"

"It's nothing, Doctor Han, you are busy first, my grandfather's affairs are hard for you."

"Don't be so polite, I won't ask if it's inconvenient, you must be there tomorrow night, communication before surgery is very important."

"Okay, goodbye."

Hanging up the phone, I glanced at the phone number that I hadn't called Zhuo Jing before, and pressed dial again, and it was directly displayed over there, and it was turned off.

I took a deep breath, raised my eyes and looked at the dark night, and suddenly felt a little devastation, and walked home in a daze, I don't want to go back to the ward now, I don't want to say anything else to my grandfather, my mind is full of Zhuo Jing's appearance just now, why is he the last one to know?

In fact, I want to say that I don't want him to know in my life, I know that this is a time bomb, and if it explodes, it will be equivalent to letting Zhuo Jing have to face my skin that is neither male nor female, this kind of thing is tantamount to disintegrating his three views, of course, I can't do it, so I thought, let this bomb go out, and even completely become a dud. Die with ditch Hua.

Cheng Baize said that I took it for granted, but I couldn't think of it at the last moment, who knows if what I see now is the standard answer?! I volunteered to be blindfolded just to protect my unspeakable dignity until the last moment.

Jumping out, I look at my Ma Jiaolong's life as an outsider and feel that there are many steps that are wrong, but who can always stay calm in my own life, is it hormones or dopamine, unless you don't secrete, otherwise we have the same education, read the same books, and do the same test paper for the college entrance examination, why did we come out of school but become all kinds of people and have a strange life?!

I will say a lot of truths, just for myself, it is all written and weak.

"Jiaolong, you're at home!"

Zong Bao took the key and opened the door, looking at me sitting on the sofa, I was a little stunned: "I still wonder how the lights in your house are on at this time, why are you still drinking and crying?!" ”

I held a beer can and turned my face to look at him blankly: "Zongbao, Cheng Baize told Zhuo Jing everything." ”

"What did you say?" Zong Bao walked up to me inexplicably, looking at my appearance and couldn't help frowning: "What's the matter, how much did you drink yourself." ”

The beer can was empty, I slowly flattened it with my hand, and looked up at him: "Zhuo Jing knows about my rejection of the marriage."

"What?! Divorce troubles?!! ”

Zong Bao covered his little heart and looked at me with his mouth open, "That, that's that??" The one that snapped? ”

I ignored him, threw away the beer can in my hand, picked up one again, and opened it again, it was a bitter thing.

"Stop drinking!"

Zong Bao snatched the things in my hand and sat down on the coffee table with a bang, "Since you said it, then, what is Zhuo Jing's reaction, why are you still drinking at home!" ”

I curled up on the couch and opened my mouth: "He said to calm down, asked me to give him time, we both calm down"

Zong Bao scratched his head, standing in place but a little crazy: "You say the same, Cheng Baize, why did he say it, what position did he stand on, you have to say it yourself, if Cheng Baize said it, what would Zhuo Jingde think, ah, he knows everything, he is in the dark, he must be unhappy!" ”

I didn't respond, no one is clear about the matter, but it has happened, I can refute what people say wrong, and I can argue with reason, but people didn't say a word wrong, besides, this person is still Cheng Baize, how can I blame him?

Zong Bao blew his hair on the spot for a while, and then sat down next to me and opened his mouth in a low voice: "However, thinking about it, Cheng Baize is not necessarily a bad thing when he says it, I have long felt that this matter must be known to Zhuo Jing, otherwise I always feel that something will happen sooner or later, Jiaolong, as a man, it will definitely be difficult to accept, but you have to give Zhuo Jing time to digest and digest it, he is so attentive to you, in fact, to put it bluntly, isn't it just that, just grit your teeth and close your eyes."

Probably realizing that he had said the next word, Zong Bao cleared his throat: "What I mean is, as long as the feelings are in place, the rest is fine, come, I'll drink with you, or I'll call him now, I'll tell him, aren't you also for him"

"Stop fighting, give him some time."

I watched Zong Bao open his mouth and replied, I believe in his feelings for me, there is no doubt about this, but I don't know what to do in my heart now, but I think, I can't force him to make a choice now, we all need a little time, and when he figures it out, he will come to me, no matter what his conclusion is, I will accept and bear it.

Zong Bao nodded, and picked up a can of beer himself: "Well, yes, don't worry, according to my understanding of Zhuo Jing, he will definitely not let you go, it's just a matter of time, when he figures it out, you can deal with it together, you won't be so hard, right." ”

I didn't respond, but my eyes unconsciously aimed at the phone screen, knowing in my heart that it was my fault, but things have come to this point, what Zhuo Jing cares about is that I didn't tell him, where will I say I'm sorry?

Even after waiting for two days, Zhuo Jing didn't call me, time will not stretch a person's collapse line, because we are stronger than we imagined.

I took a long time, went to the airport in the morning to pick up my car, and went to Zhuo Jing's house to find him, he didn't answer in the house and didn't open the door for me, I thought he should be at home, I knew the password, but I didn't go in, hesitated for a while, or chose to leave.

In the hospital, he was also very calm, very quietly listened to Han Zheng's description of the surgical process, signed, and then listened to the anesthesiologist to do mental construction for his grandfather, so that he was relieved, watching his grandfather fall asleep that night, he had to ensure his rest before the operation, and then went to the station to pick up my mother and guard my grandfather to prepare for the operation.

There is always something that involves you moving forward, although I have been looking forward to Zhuo Jing's call in this process, grandpa because Cheng Baize's eyes were swollen, and he also whispered Zhuo Jing two sentences, and chanted Zhuo Jing in the ward for a long time, saying that Zhuo Jing's hand was too dark, but Cheng Baize didn't say anything, after shouting with me that night, he didn't say anything else to me, until grandpa was pushed into the operating room, he received a call from the studio before leaving, he hesitated to walk in front of me, and opened his mouth: "He didn't look for you?" ”

I sat on the bench and watched the operation process displayed on the LD without answering, Cheng Bai Zewu nodded to himself and said no more, said hello to my mother and said that he would come back in the evening and leave with his feet up.

When he left, my mother leaned over to my side and opened her mouth in a low voice: "This young man is very good, I look very kind, and he also helps before and after, has he ever been to our house?" ”

I didn't say much without a word, looking at the grandfather's operation status displayed on the LD for the beginning, this heart can be regarded as a release, at the same time, the mobile phone rang, this time the caller was quite surprised, it was Rong Danfeng.

She should have heard Han Zheng say that I had some emotional problems, and she called Zhuo Jing again, in her words, Zhuo Jing didn't answer her phone, so she was a little anxious and asked me what's wrong.

It's normal for Zhuo Jing not to answer her call, whose account will he buy when he gets angry, but I contacted Xiao Tian and knew that Zhuo Jing went to the vacation paradise normally during the day to deal with business, although he made their subordinates tremble one by one with a face, for fear that something would go wrong, let him practice, but at least I knew that he was fine, and I was relieved.

"Don't worry about it, you're still abroad."

"Well, I'll go back in the next two days, and when I go back, I'll definitely ask him well, how difficult it is for you two to come together and still make awkward trouble! Mr. Zhuo too, I don't know how many years older than you let you, how can a person who is almost thirty still look like a child, and his personality is too bad! ”

"Okay Danfeng, blame me this time, one or two sentences are not clear, don't worry about it, I also listened to Dr. Han, how are you feeling."

"Fortunately, my mother has always been with me, it is my aunt, this time I go back, I will take over the company but Jiaolong, my mind has not changed, I must be with Han Zheng, he is my life, you know."

"yes, I know." The phone rang twice, and I took it down and took a look: "Don't talk about Danfeng, the phone is going to run out of battery, I'll wait for you to come back and meet and talk." ”

"Okay, I miss you, don't worry, Han Zheng won't have a problem holding the knife, wait for me."

"Yes."

Soon after hanging up the phone, the screen went black, and the charger was still at home and didn't bring it, but I thought Zhuo Jing couldn't call me now, so I thought about it and put the phone directly in my pocket.

The operation lasted until the afternoon, just when I began to be a little nervous, LD showed that grandpa's operation was over, exhaled a long breath, and hurried to the door of the operating room to wait, now it is not like before, as long as it is not an emergency, the operating room of the big hospital is performing several surgeries at the same time, and the operation process can be clearly seen from the display screen, so that the patient's family can rest assured, Han Zheng came out after a while, he was still wearing a light blue sterile surgical gown, watching me take off my mask, "Don't worry, the operation was successful." ”

My heart can be regarded as completely let go, and I can't express my gratitude to Han Zheng, but I didn't say a word, and with the medical staff who pushed my grandfather out hurriedly returned to the ward to take care, the rest was relatively simple, for example, the ureters were opened once every two hours, otherwise the bladder would be uncontrollable in the future, and it would be easy to incontinence, Han Zheng instructed that the first night was more difficult, and it must be taken care of, so as not to have a fever or something, I nodded with my mother and aunt Sun again and again, and quickly made a plan for shift care.

Grandpa lay there in a daze, not yet numbing the strength, but kept calling my name in his mouth, I responded repeatedly, and asked him from time to time if it hurts, Han Zheng reminded on the side, just say a few words, talk too much grandpa can't remember when he wakes up, be sure to take a good drip, there are more medicines in these two days, and you can reduce it in two or three days.

I responded repeatedly, knowing that Han Zheng was very hard, and the operation was not only a physical work, but also a very tight spirit as when I was watching things, so I urged him to go to rest quickly, and the rest of our family members would come.

As soon as Han Zheng left, we were busy, since my grandfather was hospitalized, I have been taken care of by Aunt Sun, she has consumed a lot of hard work, and my mother was hit by my father, so I asked the two of them to watch Grandpa in the first half of the night, and they rested in the second half of the night, I just came, otherwise they all stayed up and collapsed in the end.

Cheng Baize came over in the evening, helped my mother and Aunt Sun in the first half of the night, and waited for twelve o'clock and did not mean to leave, but stayed by my grandfather's bedside with me, the room was very quiet, my mother and Aunt Sun were crowded on a nursing bed, both of them were nervous for a day, and now that grandpa's surgery has been done, it should be said that I have put my heart at ease, and my breathing will be low after a while.

Cheng Baize sat quietly on the other side of his grandfather's ward, and after a while, he looked at me and spit out the first sentence: "You still blame me, don't you." ”

"Not to blame." I didn't look at him, but my mouth replied: "It's all said, what's the use of blaming." ”

Cheng Baize nodded lightly, and his voice was very low: "It's still weird, Jiaolong, your emotions are all on your face." ”

I didn't answer, I raised my eyes and looked at the label on my grandfather's drip bottle, "You go back first, my grandfather's medicine tonight will last the night." ”

"I'll be with you."

"No, you don't."

He sat still, his eyes looking straight at me, "You know I'm right, I just don't want to admit it." ”

"I don't want to talk about this now, really, thank you, you can go back."

As I spoke, I looked at him with a serious face: "I really don't blame you, really, I just rushed you to accompany me to take care of my grandfather, and I won't blame you." ”

As soon as the voice fell, there was an urgent sound of footsteps in the corridor, and it was too quiet around, so listening to the sound of the footsteps was particularly clear, before I could wonder who was running so quickly in the night, the door of the ward was vigorously pushed open: "Jiao"

Only spit out one word loudly, and the person who came gasped and closed his mouth, probably because he saw the grandfather who was hanging bottles and cans, and looked at me and kept waving his hand: "Jiaolong, I have something to find you when you come out." ”

I looked at him and was a little stunned: "Xiao Tian? ”

Then he got up and greeted him: "What are you doing in such a hurry, Zhuo Jing has an accident?" ”

Xiao Tian looked at me and was about to open his mouth, his eyes swept and saw Cheng Baize, and his face showed a little displeasure and pulled me out: "Go, you go with me"

"Hey, where are you going" Before I could finish speaking, I heard the phone in Xiao Tian's hand ringing, and I saw him picking up the phone in front of me in a hurry: "I'll take Jiaolong over right away, oh, okay, okay, I know." ”

The hand holding me immediately let go, Xiao Tian looked at me and wiped his sweat: "It's okay, I'm bothering, you're taking care of it, I'm sorry, it's a big night, I'm really sorry, I'll go back first." ”

I closed the door of the ward with my hand, and then reached out to hold him: "What's the matter, what is the matter that came to me in a hurry, Zhuo Jing asked you to come!" Something happened to him! Glancing at his mobile phone: "Who called you, is it Zhuo Jing!" ”

The door of the ward behind me suddenly opened, and my mother looked at me with a puzzled expression: "Qiaoqiao, what's wrong?" ”

Xiao Tian cleared his throat and looked at my mother: "I'm sorry Auntie bothered, it's okay, I'm just here to see Jiaolong, I'm really sorry." ”

"Mom, it's okay, you can go in first."

My mother nodded: "Your grandfather woke up and asked where you went." ”

"I'll go in right away." I answered, stretched out my hand and pulled Xiao Tian to the edge of the corridor for a few steps, and whispered: "What's going on, why did you come to me in the middle of the night, what's wrong with Zhuo Jing." ”

Xiao Tian looked at me with an unspeakable expression, "It's okay, Mr. Zhuo just wanted to see you before, just now I called and said that I was with his family, there is nothing to do, you go back, your family is still waiting for you." ”

I looked at his phone: "Give me the phone, I'll call Zhuo Jing, make sure he's okay, you can go." ”

Xiao Tianshou actually turned his back on his back: "It's really okay Jiaolong!" ”

I grabbed it directly, glanced at the call record just now, and sure enough, it was Zhuo Jing, and then dialed the phone, I was too anxious just now, I didn't listen to what Zhuo Jing said to him on the phone, how could Zhuo Jing let Xiao Tian find me for no reason!

The phone rang a few times before it was connected, and before I could speak, a female voice came from inside: "Xiao Tian, it's okay here, you should go back and rest early." After saying that, he hung up directly.

I looked at my phone and was stunned, is it Jiang Meiyuan?

"Jiaolong, didn't you say it, Mr. Zhuo is with his family, it's okay, okay, give me the phone, I'll go back first."

I couldn't stop looking at him suspiciously: "Then why did Zhuo Jing want you to come to me at night, not to mention that I definitely can't let you go." ”

Xiao Tian sighed helplessly, looking like he was forced by me: "I really don't know, Mr. Zhuo should be sick, I just want to see you, I can't call you, you don't have to worry, he's okay with his family, ah, I'll go back first, you can go back to the ward quickly." ”

I could only hand him the phone, "Zhuo Jing is sick, he has a fever?" ”

"It's okay, minor illness, don't worry."

Xiao Tian looked at my continuous comfort, full of perfunctory taste, picked up his mobile phone and turned around and ran again, I stood in place for a while, took out my dead mobile phone and looked at it, why did the uncle leave the charger at home at this time!

Jiang Meiyuan answered Zhuo Jing's call, indicating that the two of them were together, Zhuo Jing must have no problem, but Xiao Tian looked for me in the middle of the night, Cheng Baize sat quietly next to him, I could feel his gaze wandering on my face, but he didn't open his mouth to ask anything more until dawn, he got up and left in the urging of his grandfather, I got up and sent him to the elevator, pressed the door, and he exited quietly: "Zhuo Jing will be fine, Even if he wanted to have something, his family wouldn't allow it. ”

I looked at his haggard face and opened my mouth: "Thank you for taking such good care of my grandfather." ”

He smiled freely, raised his feet and walked into the elevator: "Silly girl, the years are losing flesh day by day, and you will lose weight one day." ”

I was stunned for a moment: "What are you talking about?" ”

He took the corners of his tired mouth and looked at me and smiled silently, until the elevator door closed, I didn't come back to my senses, my brain was wooden, I knocked on my head, my feet fluttered back, I lost weight in a good way.

Grandpa spent the first night smoothly, but my eyelids couldn't open, and I said hello to my mother and asked her to call me in two hours, so I fell asleep deeply, and secretly planned to get up and go to Zhuo Jing, at least to see how sick he was.

But suddenly I dreamed, the dream was filled with strange and shrill laughter, I saw a dark and long alley, I ran in the alley, shouting loudly, leave, leave!!

There were smiling obscene and weird men's faces around me, I wanted to break free, I wanted to wake up, but I couldn't exert any strength, until a scream started, my dream seemed to be torn open a white hole, my eyes opened immediately, my mother's face was imprinted in front of me, looking at me full of anxiety: "Jojo, what's wrong with you?!" ”

I sat up suddenly, the sweat on my body actually soaked my shirt, there was a faint thunder outside the window, I looked over, the rain crackled on the glass, my mother shook my shoulders in fright: "Qiaoqiao, what's wrong with you, are you having a nightmare, ah?" ”

Grandpa also lay on the hospital bed and looked at me: "Jiaolong, what's wrong with you, why didn't your mother wake you up just now, did you dream of something?" ”

I raised my hand and motioned for them not to speak, sweat dripping down my eyebrows, my eyes tingled with the sting, and my lips and teeth opened slightly: "Tong Anqi, something is wrong"