1

My hometown is in a small town in the Dabie Mountains, because there are two rivers that meet here to form a scissor-like swallowtail, so she got a nice name called Swallow River, childhood memories always come up with the sound of rushing water, far better than those silent times, unguarded, all slipped away.

Rows of houses were built along the river, and this is the street and alley that I know well. In front of the street is a lively store, every day there are people from ten miles and eight villages to collect, there are also travelers who come from thousands of miles to see the scenery, cars in and out, people come and go, the total of jubilation in the town has never decreased.

Children love to splash around the streets, buy their favorite snacks, or ride their bikes in groups. And He Li, usually on the back of the street, likes to lie on the window and look at the flowing water and the mountains and forests not far away, quiet and lonely. Sometimes He Li would fold a paper boat and throw it into the clear water, and then stare at it and drift away, reluctant to withdraw his gaze even if he couldn't see it.

I am only separated from He Li's home by a wall, and I can see the truth on the left side of every paper boat she folds, and I have been quietly accompanying He Li on the left side since I was very young, whether it is the origami boat, whether it is playing tricks on the fish in the river, or watching the countless stars in the night, in short, I can't make her feel lonely.

One summer, He Li and I were only five or six years old, night fell, the stars opened, the opposite valley was full of fireflies, really full, on the branches, in the grass, on the bank of the river, they penetrated into every trajectory of life like blood, so that the night had a vivid dream. I wonder if there were people living in the stars, and when they saw the fireflies, they would think it was the starry sky.

Occasionally a few fireflies get lost in our room. I reached out and picked one up on the curtain, carefully placed it in my palm, and covered my other hand for fear that it would escape. I leaned out of the window and shouted, "Ho Li, come and see the fireflies!" ”

He Li stretched his head and took the firefly with a pair of thin little hands, the firefly did not fly away, it crawled between his fingers along He Li's palm prints, and disappeared the fluorescence after flapping its wings twice.

He Li said: "Let it go, the darkness is its sky." After saying that, she held her two small hands, and the grass near immediately bloomed a firefly, which was as indiscriminate as all the glimmers of light in the night, but condensed into a landscape.

However, all the light in the world is not as good as He Li's eyes at that moment, she looks at the night, and chases the fireflies out of the night, more boundless than the sky. It was the first time I saw the brilliant freedom in Ho Li's eyes, and I was on the left side of her, just a wall away, and she was on the verge of the stars.

When she grew up, she told me that when she felt free, she felt at ease, and until she was seventeen, she would only feel at ease when I was on her left, and it was at the age of seventeen that I pushed her into the middle of the crowd.

2

He Li always can't help but put himself on the left side of any space, a seat for walking, eating, and class...... If she could, she would even like to be on the left side of the world, because then no one would be able to see the scar on the left side of her skull.

When I went to school, the road to the school was still a yellow mud dirt road, and there were several tiled houses rented to accompanying students along the way, and a few large characters were written on the wall in red letters on a white background: "Fewer children, better students, happy life".

I walked with He Li for the entire nine years of compulsory education, and she has been walking on the left side of the road, the far left, for nine years.

The roads in the corners are always muddy, and if you want to go a little further down the flat and clean avenue in the middle, you have to go further to the left. Some people you can't drag, you can only stand in his position and squeeze them, you have to step on the mud on his left, and you have to fill the mat if there is a pit under his feet.

In the years of change, He Li learned silence, silence is equivalent to night, boundless and invisible, she is like a stubborn stone to resist the ridicule of the outside world, and those grievances and unwillingness to speak out are dormant in the quiet mountains and rivers in her heart. He Li didn't care about this, she once said a sentence to me, it was a night self-study in our senior year of high school, and there was also a lost firefly on the windowsill, He Li said: "The more silent the silence, the easier it is to hear the footsteps, the darker the night, the easier it is to see the light, such as you Jiang Xingyu, even if you are the darkest character in the crowd, you can stride the meteor to gild me." ”

I forgot the beginning of the conversation I had with He Li that night, but it didn't matter, I stroked the scar on her head and didn't answer, the silence was enough.

3

The story of the scar on He Li's head goes back to before we were born, in the early 90s, when my mother was an obstetrician and gynecologist at the town hospital, and my father was an art teacher in a middle school.

I've seen my mom in my father's sketchbook, and she likes to tie a ponytail the most, with a jade-like face engraved in her jet-black hair, and a smile with beautiful dimples. My dad is a well-known painter in the town, and he paints like him, and although I haven't met my mother when I was young, those eyes don't grow old with time. When you inadvertently meet her in the crowd and catch a glimpse of her eyes, it is like one early spring morning when you get up early, put on thick clothes to protect against the cold, and when you go out, you meet the first spring breeze since the cold winter, warm and peaceful.

Only in the eyes of a kind person can there be such tenderness.

Dad is a romantic person, the favorite gift to give mom is a portrait of mom, in dad's painting mom is always young, I saw those good-looking faces in the painting after breaking all my identity with my mom, she doesn't need to go around the kitchen all day long, so you don't have to get up early every day to be busy with life, a long time ago mom was also a young girl, will be gluttonous, will be cranky, will travel far away, will meet my dad and her lover.

In some of the paintings, Dad would write a line or two:

At this moment

The sky was his original color

There is no cloud, only you

I say to you along with the sunshine of the whole town

Hello Lin Xiaoyun

March 16, 88

Jiang Han

This is the day when Dad met Mom, and on that day Mom smiled like a flower, and there was a cloudless clear sky behind her. Later, when I sat down with my parents and talked about the painting, my mother rolled my dad's eyes, and my mother was convinced that it was a rainy day, and she was shivering from the cold. Dad hurriedly explained that every day with my mother was a sunny day, and showed affection in front of me.

So I know that my father's paintings are all the best glimpses of life.

That is, from that day on, many things were recorded by my father one by one, about his wife, my mother, about me, about life. The cupboard in the study is stuffed with a thick pile of old things, and whenever I have questions about those old things, I can find the answers in my father's sketchbook, including what is right.

Ninety-three years, it was also a warm and cold March, a sunny evening, the sun was fading, slightly cold. As soon as my mother put on a coat, there was a knock on the door of the obstetrics and gynecology department, and it was Aunt Liu.

Aunt Liu is a tailor, and she runs the tailor shop next door to my house, so she and my mother have been good friends since they were students.

As soon as Aunt Liu came in, she panicked and brought the door to the door, and specially locked the insurance. My mom poured tea and asked, "What's wrong?" ”

"Xiaoyun, I seem to be pregnant." Aunt Liu whispered.

"Huh? Haven't you been on the ring? Mom leaned into Aunt Liu's ear and asked in surprise.

Aunt Liu's eyes showed a hint of anxiety, and she hurriedly said, "Yes, I don't know what's going on, my recent physical condition is the same as when I was in love." ”

Mom turned around and sat down, beckoned Aunt Liu to sit on the bench next to her, and after thinking for a while, Mom said slowly: "Liu Xia, don't worry, I'll get you a pregnancy test, you go back and check it first, in case it's not." ”

Aunt Liu nodded: "That's right, let's breathe a sigh of relief for the time being." Aunt Liu, who eased her mood, saw that the time was more than five o'clock and was busy saying, "Oh Xiaoyun, I'll go first, Heqing is almost out of school, and I have to cook." ”

"Okay, okay, go back and check it out, don't worry, ah." Mom stood up and sent Aunt Liu out.

Aunt Liu hesitated for a few steps, and finally turned around and said to my mother with begging eyes, "Xiaoyun, don't tell it to the public." ”

Mom sneered: "Don't worry, it's been a neighbor for so many years, it's okay!" ”

Aunt Liu left with peace of mind, and later facts proved that Aunt Liu's feeling was indeed right, she was pregnant, and the child in her womb was what reason. At that time, I didn't even have a shadow of the world, and He Li's fate was still mysterious.

Early the next morning, Aunt Liu came to the hospital, and her husband He Daodao was with her. He Daoguo is a Chinese teacher in middle school, and he is a colleague and friend of my father.

Aunt Liu's eyes were a little moist and swollen, and Uncle He had a straight face, and they had a fierce quarrel before coming to the hospital. My mother saw the clue but didn't ask more, she only took Aunt Liu's hand as a comforter and then said gently, "How is it?" ”

Without waiting for Aunt Liu to answer, Uncle He snatched the conversation peak: "I'm pregnant, let's beat it!" Uncle He's words were simple and blunt, and there was still no expression fluctuation on his pig iron-like face.

Aunt Liu's originally moist eyes burst into tears, she covered her mouth with both hands, crying but didn't dare to cry, her face was tense and red, she breathed a sigh of relief, she turned her head and stared at Uncle He, lowered her voice, and said with a ruthless voice: "He Daodao, do you have a conscience, this is your seed!" ”

"The kindness of a woman, if I eat the food of the public family, I can't do anything that is sorry for the public, and I must not give birth to a child!" Uncle He said that he was full of words.

"Okay, okay, you keep quiet, are you afraid that others won't know!" The mother reminded Uncle He while helping Aunt Liu wipe her tears, and when everyone calmed down, the mother said: "Big country, you go to school first, I'll talk to Liu Xia, even if you have a fetus, you have to do a test first, don't feel sorry for the child, but also feel sorry for your daughter-in-law." ”

Uncle He nodded, and before leaving, he also beckoned Aunt Liu not to cry, but as soon as Aunt Liu's tears broke the embankment, she cried to my mother: "Xiaoyun, you have to help me, you are also a mother, you understand me, I am reluctant." ”

"Don't cry, you'll see more people later." Mom said and took out a few pieces of straw paper from the drawer and handed them to Aunt Liu, seeing that Aunt Liu wiped away her snot and tears, her mother said, "Even if you have a baby, you have to wait a few days, let's think of a way together." ”

"Hmm!" Aunt Liu nodded heavily.

"It's really not good, let's give birth secretly, if you are really born, I can't let you stuff it back into your stomach," my mother quipped, causing Aunt Liu to burst into tears and laugh.

"Originally, I also wanted to go to my mother's house to give birth secretly, but you know that our family is a big country, even if he is born secretly, he will confess to the leader." Aunt Liu sighed and continued: "Actually, I haven't complained about the big country, didn't I also like him to be a sincere person when I married him!" ”

"But you have to think clearly, if you are really born, not only will you be fined, but you will not be able to keep the iron rice bowl of your big country."

Aunt Liu said calmly and firmly: "The days will pass if they are a little harder, if the child doesn't have this hurdle in my heart, he will never be able to get over it again." ”

My mother and Aunt Liu talked for a long time that day, and my mother was very supportive of Aunt Liu giving birth to the child, and she couldn't help Aunt Liu have a baby, because her kindness did not allow her to do so. My mother has never had an abortion in the two years since she became an obstetrician and gynecologist, and at that time, the countryside advocated "more children and more blessings", and if she was pregnant, no one would kill her, and even if she came to have an abortion, my mother always had to find an excuse to change to another doctor.

Moms have witnessed so many moments of birth and are used to the cry of babies in their lives.

4

But what way can I help Aunt Liu give birth to the child? My mother finally found a desperate idea, and it was precisely because of this idea that my life and He Li were closely intertwined.

In order to hold Uncle He, my mother and Aunt Liu mobilized my brother, Sister He Qing and my father, and they wanted to extend the period of abortion, the later the better.

Every time Uncle He mentioned taking Aunt Liu to the hospital, Sister He Qing and my brother asked Uncle He to help them with their homework, Sister He Qing's grades have always been very good, and Uncle He has never understood how suddenly a good daughter becomes stupid. In the end, my brother and Sister He Qing gave me all the tutoring that should be tutored and what should not be tutored, and when there was no way, my brother went to call my father.

My dad has a lot of ideas, as soon as he eats, he calls Uncle He, eats two bites of rice and a few glasses of wine, and after a meal, he drinks Uncle He and falls asleep.

Uncle He was later scared by my father, and when he asked him to eat, he refused to come.

Fishing is a hobby shared by Uncle He and my dad, so my dad changed his mind and went fishing. Sometimes Uncle He doesn't go, my dad has to drag Uncle He with him, Uncle He always jokes: "Don't fish, if you fish again, I'll be overborn, and then the fish won't be fished, and the work will be lost." ”

At this time, my father would be sloppy, laughing with Uncle He, and said, "It's okay, if it's really overborn, I will also give birth to one and accompany you." ”

In this way, with the help of the two families, Aunt Liu's belly grew bigger day by day, and in order not to be discovered by others, she hid in the room on the negative floor at the back of the street every day. There is a corridor in the room on the basement floor, connecting the neighborhood, my mother helps Aunt Liu buy vegetables and necessities for the day every morning, and will come to chat and talk with Aunt Liu whenever she is free.

A month before He Li was born, everyone could no longer hold down Uncle He, and he still sent Aunt Liu to the hospital.

In the operating room, Aunt Liu was a little nervous, and her confused eyes didn't know where to fall.

Mom saw Aunt Liu's panic, put her hands on Aunt Liu's shoulders and massaged her, and Mom said softly: "Liu Xia, relax, it's okay." ”

Aunt Liu nodded peacefully and lay down, but it was my mother's turn to test. Mom had never had an induced labor, and although the whole process was in her mind, the kind soul held her hand tightly and kept her from getting the needle, even if the needle was only aimed at the placenta.

Yes, this is the mother's idea, the fetal injection only hits the placenta and does not directly affect the fetus.

Aunt Liu also saw her mother's hesitation, she understood my mother, women always understand women better, not to mention that they are all kind women. Aunt Liu held her mother's trembling hand and repeated her mother's words: "Xiaoyun, take it easy, it's okay." ”

Mom also nodded, took a deep breath, and adjusted her gestures a few times before barely finding the most relaxed position, and then dropped the needle steadily.

Mom didn't know that when this needle went down, the fate of many people changed, including Mom herself.

A month later, He Li was born, a little thin, with a scar on his head.

Of course, it was my mother who delivered the baby, and when she saw the scar on the baby's head, all the smiles she had prepared froze. The scar on Ho Li's head is permanent, at least since I met her for so many years, and the scar doesn't grow hair to cover it. A girl is born with such cruel injuries, and the culprit of all this is my mother herself, from her self-righteous stitch.

Aunt Liu said to my mother, "It's okay, you gave her a second life." ”

My mom didn't say anything, and she didn't either, and she didn't forgive herself for a long time.

The mother resigned three days after He Li was born, without giving any reason for her resignation, and He Li became the last baby she delivered.

Like his mother, Uncle He, who had no job, took the initiative to confess to the unit, and the unit dismissed him.

Because of "having a fetus", Uncle He's family was not fined.

The matter of superbirth came to an end, and the town did not make any waves because of it. The sun rises as usual; The shuttle bus to the county seat in the early morning still departs on time, and the anxiety of every carriage will always be settled; If anyone is hungry, they will definitely hear the aunt pushing the little three-wheeler selling pastries in a high-pitched voice, if she doesn't talk about her, she will indulge in the hustle and bustle of the town, and never deliberately provoke the greedy teenager. But from now on, there is one more reason in the world, she will come to perceive all this, and come to see this big world like everyone else, and become a part of it.

The world is silent, but He Li has her life.