(xii)

A person's life will not be smooth, and he is destined to be more displaced.

In the large living room with a bright window, Chen Fan sat on one side of the sofa with his head down, while Zhang Xinuan sat opposite, Chen Fan's father and stepmother sat on the longer side of the sofa, Zhang Xinuan rubbed his hands, secretly aimed at his parents with the corner of his eyes, and then secretly observed Chen Fan's expression.

After a long time, Chen Fan raised his head and said lightly: "As expected, I don't want to repeat it anymore, and I don't want to go to junior college." ”

The stepmother raised her head in a panic and pulled her father's sleeve, as if she wanted her father to say something, but the father was very silent, and the stepmother hurriedly grabbed Chen Fan's hand: "Good boy, we are not joking." Your father and I are both good for you, and we won't harm you, so just listen to our advice and repeat it, okay? ”

Chen Fan looked at his stepmother: "Auntie, I know that you and Dad are for my good, but I ......" Chen Fan lowered his head and avoided his stepmother's eyes, "I don't want to study anymore." ”

"Sister A Fan, if you have any difficulties that you are unhappy about, you can say it, and you don't have to be angry with your future." Zhang Xinuan thought that Chen Fan still hated her and her stepmother.

Chen Fan sighed: "It's really not, it's a little annoying, I'll go out for a walk alone." So he walked straight out of the house.

Along the way, the town is both noisy and quiet, like everyone walking on this road, half noisy and half calm, half eager for a better life, half dark night supported by the shadows around you, in short, half longing and half depressed.

I hid the one I craved, and the rest was full of depression.

Chen Fan walked through the streets and alleys alone, through the lively human walls, enjoying his suffocating loneliness.

I've been doing this alone since I was a kid. My father was busy with business, shuttling through the airports in China, Vietnam, and Singapore, and my mother took someone else's hand early to live the life she wanted. Whether it's sunny or sunny, happy or sad, I've long been used to it alone. That year, I stumbled into the newly opened bar "Wandering", met Wang Xiao, drank non-alcoholic drinks, and turned pages and pages of my past to show this slightly older child.

In fact, only I know that I have the desire to leave my loneliness.

It often backfires.

The phone page shows the father's incoming call.

Chen Fan answered the phone and sat on the steps on the side of the road, quietly waiting for the person on the other end of the phone to speak. After a long time, my father spoke: "Where are you?" ”

"I'll just go for a walk."

"It's okay to take a walk and relax." The father said in a low voice, "Your mother called the other day. ”

"Hmm." Chen Fan listened to this, and there was no wave in his heart.

"She asked you how you did on the exam. I said it, and she wants you to repeat it. Father sighed.

"You all want me to repeat?" Chen Fan raised his head and looked at the blue curtain above his head.

Father knew that Chen Fan's temper was uncertain and moody, so he was just silent, weighing the balance and thinking about how to answer, for a long time, he didn't come up with a perfect plan, so he only replied with one word: "Yes." ”

"I'll think again." Chen Fan hung up the phone, leaving his father on the other end silent.

Chen Fan's heart was a little shaken, and she didn't know if it was right or wrong. The original firm thoughts were changed because of the words of these people.

Chen Fan still wanted to go to "wander away" to ask Wang Xiao. But when she opened the glass door, she saw that the small hall of the bar was full of cardboard boxes, and a terrible premonition came to her heart, and she shouted in a panic: "Wang Xiao, Wang Xiao." ”

Wang Xiao stood up from behind the bar and took a step back: "Why are you here?" ”

"I'm your girlfriend, why can't you come? What are you doing? Chen Fan took three steps and two steps, and stepped forward to sit on the high stool in front of the bar. Wang Xiao's face changed from surprise to calmness, and he took out a bottle of Coke from the transparent freezer that had not yet been cleaned up and put it in front of Chen Fan, without answering her question.

Chen Fan pushed away the coke and stared at Wang Xiao tightly.

Wang Xiao lowered his head, as if he had made up his mind, looked at Chen Fan squarely and said, "I want to go back to Chongqing." ”

Chen Fan's mind turned white, and a layer of sweat appeared on his forehead, "What about 'upside down'?" ”

"Turn it off. I want to go back to Chongqing to repeat my studies. Wang Xiao looked at Chen Fan, whose face was pale, and although he was distressed, he said resolutely word by word.

"Reread what?" At this time, Chen Fan knew that she was just talking to Wang Xiao from beginning to end, and Wang Xiao had never told him in detail about his loneliness and sadness. Chen Fan took Wang Xiao's hand, his nose was sour, and he cried: "Don't you want me too?" ”

Wang Xiao withdrew his hand, looked at the faint light, and said slowly, "Three years ago, I failed the college entrance examination at the age of nineteen, in order to avoid those things you want to avoid now, I came to Fujian from Chongqing, originally I thought I had pursued the happiness of freedom, but soon I found that the fear of loneliness dominated me hard. ”

"Isn't there still me?"

"No, this loneliness is not something you can banish." Wang Xiao calmed down, "It's like the loneliness you know me, but you're still so afraid." We can't keep each other warm. ”

Chen Fan's tears slid down his face.

Wang Xiao said with a smile: "Isn't the reason why we can walk together is because we have the same temperament and heart? ”

Chen Fan didn't respond to Wang Xiao, just lowered his head and cried silently, and only after a long time did he ask him in a sobbing voice: "Then do you want to go back to Chongqing to repeat your studies?" ”

"Yes, I've been away from home for so long, and they're all looking forward to me coming home. Now that I'm so old, I can't let them worry about it all the time. I have lived in Fujian for the past three years, and I have seen a lot of people coming and going in this bar. Invisibly, his youthful arrogance has calmed down a lot, thinking that he is used to seeing the strange, but this world is still too cold, and he wants to change places and experience some things. ”

Wang Xiao paused, and then said, "I'll leave tomorrow, and you can come back to see me." ”

Chen Fan couldn't hold back any longer, and cried, "I thought you liked me very much, I liked you too, even if others didn't want me, you would be by my side." ”

Wang Xiao frowned and held back her tears: "Chen Fan, you have also grown up." Many roads are lonely and have to be walked alone. I used to have me as your companion when you felt lonely and miserable, so you felt that you liked me so much, and naturally I too. In fact, the truth is that you and I don't love each other so much, and we just treat each other as playmates. ”

Chen Fan had long been unable to cry. Later, in a trance, she had returned home and leaned on Zhang Xinuan's shoulder.

"Sister, I think it's a good decision for Brother Wang Xiao to go home." Zhang Xinuan said cautiously. "Maybe it's the best for you and for him."

"Good results?" Chen Fan asked weakly, "Really?" ”

"He's happy, and you're happy, right?"

"Yes."

"Now that he has chosen a path that he likes and is happy with, won't you be happy?" Zhang Xinuan whispered softly.

Chen Fan's eyes stared straight at the ceiling.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Márquez.

The past is all fake, and memories are a road of no return.

All the splendor that has been experienced in life must be repaid with loneliness after all.

Some people want to sleep, but not because they are sleepy, but because they miss sleeping.

It's been a long and short year.

On this day the following year, Chen Fan found out in the Fujian Education Institute that he had been pre-admitted to Jimei University, where Zhang Xinuan studied, for international economics and trade.

She will never forget that day at the station, Wang Xiao hugged her temperature, and the words lingering in her ears: "Thank you, I like you." ”

She didn't cry, just smiled and said, "We broke up peacefully." There was no consternation on Wang Xiao's face, and he nodded with a gentle smile.