Friday, August 31, 2018 Cloudy

—1—

When Xie Peng escaped from his home, it was already late at night. He ran down the long street to the end in one go.

On the way, the slippers on his feet ran off a few times, and then, he simply took the shoes in his hands and ran forward like crazy barefoot, glancing back behind him as he ran, his hair standing on end in the wind.

He looked like a poor man running for his life. The buttons on the placket are torn off, the arms are open, the belly is exposed, and when you run, the air currents lift the corners of your clothes, inciting back and forth, just like the fart curtain hat of the Japanese devil. The pants hung down on the crotch, revealing a large section of the waist, and the groin loomed. The trouser leg was stepped on by his heel every step he ran, and he subconsciously dragged it up randomly, but he still didn't pull it up.

Xie Peng was so tired that he was panting, his hair was wet with sweat, his underwear was like a charcoal brazier, the hot steam was steaming, and his back was sticky and wet. When he ran to the end of the alley, his legs were filled with lead, so heavy that he couldn't move half a step, he raised his sleeves to wipe a handful of sweat, and his hands supported his knees and pouted his buttocks, he was so tired! I really want to lie down on the spot.

He suddenly envied the drunkards, drunk, and slept wherever they went, day or night, and did not have to worry about the contemptuous gazes and disgusted tones of passers-by. A drunk person doesn't care about that, and alcohol will take him to another world, where humans are all ants who live in secret, insignificant. In front of them, you can speak freely, and you don't have to think twice about every sentence. What's even more refreshing is that if you want to step on them, you can kick them happily, without thinking about the consequences. In that kingdom, he was the king of the heavens.

—2—

At this time, Xie Peng really wanted to drink three catties and rest as soon as he got drunk.

What about wine? No alcohol.

That's right, smoke. He hurriedly felt in his pocket, it was there, it was still there, and the lighter was also there. It's nice to be at home! Now, there's nothing more enjoyable than a cigarette other than drinking!

He usually likes to stuff the lighter into the cigarette case, so that when he wants to smoke, it is much more convenient, so as not to cause the embarrassment of having smoke but not fire.

Speaking of this habit, Xie Peng developed it after marriage. Before marriage, it wasn't like that. At that time, he had a good memory, and every time he went out with a cigarette, he would not forget to bring a lighter. However, since I got married, my memory has become worse and worse, and I often lose my mind. Once, he forgot to pull out the key of the tram parked on the side of the road, and when he came back from shopping, the tram was gone. For this reason, Shen Lijun chattered with him for several weeks, and every time they had a quarrel after that, she would inexplicably find out and repeat it, making it even more classic than the old version of Journey to the West.

"You were a pig in your last life! Stupid and stupid, pigs are better than you. Like a bear with his father, he has no ability! In addition to throwing things, what else can you do, what else can you do! It's been a lifetime, and it'......s been eight lifetimes to follow you," Shen Lijun yelled at Xie Peng.

Every time her spear-like index finger smacked his forehead, Xie Peng shrunk his neck and took a step back, his eyelids trembling uncontrollably and frequently, for fear that she would blind his eyes.

He didn't fight back - he didn't bother to talk back, he didn't dare to fight back, he knew that it was useless, it would only prolong the quarrel and increase the intensity of the battle.

It is said that after experiencing the loss of the car, he should have a long memory. But in fact, he is still easy to forget, and it seems that his brain is becoming less and less than the previous light. He would be stunned from time to time, whenever and wherever he would.

If nothing else, the mere fact that he forgot to bring a cigarette and a lighter was enough of a headache for him, even though he became addicted to cigarettes after marriage. Sometimes I only bring one of them, and sometimes I forget to bring them all. For this reason, he came up with a clever trick, every time he was at home or eating with friends, he would not put the cigarette and lighter on the table, and immediately put it back in his pocket after taking out the cigarette. Several times, when Shen Lijun washed her clothes, she washed the cigarettes together. Of course, Xie Peng was inevitably scolded again.

Since he developed the habit of never leaving his body, when he wanted to smoke, he came to him as soon as he touched it, and it became an indispensable part of his life.

—3—

Xie Peng sat alone on the side of the road, the cool night wind of late autumn poured straight into his neck, he shrank his head, his legs were tightly pressed together, and he was stunned holding his arms. Suddenly, he felt something stung his hand. When I looked down, the cigarette in my fingers had burned to the base of the cigarette holder, next to the meat. He skillfully sandwiched the cigarette butt horizontally between the index finger and thumb of his right hand, and with a flick of it, the cigarette butt drew a red parabola in the night sky, fell to the ground in the distance, and burst out a group of scattered sparks, and in an instant, the sparks disappeared into the darkness.

He looked at the street he had run on, empty, without a single pedestrian. The figure of his wife Shen Lijun has long disappeared at the other end of the street, and it seems that she will not chase after her.

Under the dim street lamp, several colorful waste plastic bags were swept up by the wind, wrapped in dust and floating in the hazy night, up and down, one of them was entangled in the wire, and could not fly away, like a faded red flag hanging on the flagpole, swinging with the wind, rattling, adding a bit of loneliness to the night.

The fast-food restaurants and tobacco and liquor supermarkets on both sides of the street have long since closed, and only the LED burglar alarm signs next to the door signboard are still flashing bright red. Rows of residential buildings occasionally have small windows lit individually, and after a while, they disappear in the dark night. At this moment, people who have been busy all day are falling asleep.

He didn't know where he was going tonight, and from his previous experience, he couldn't get in. It is impossible to ask Shen Lijun to open the door for him at this time. But then again, even if he had a place to go, he wouldn't be able to sleep. At this moment, his heart was as uncomfortable as a knife, his mind was in a mess, and his ears were buzzing like a few headless flies flying in. He had forgotten that he had to go to work on time early tomorrow morning, and that had become less important to him. Life has come like this, what is the meaning of life, he suddenly felt that it is easier to live than to die.

—4—

Thinking of the scene just now, Xie Peng still had palpitations.

Ten minutes ago, his wife Shen Lijun almost hit him with a brick thrown at him, but fortunately, Xie Peng dodged in time.

He regretted that he had not thrown the brick he had used into the trash bin downstairs, so much so that it became a weapon for his wife to attack him, and smeared the quarrel between husband and wife with violence. This is the last thing Xie Peng wants. It is common for the little couple to live a life, and they have grievances and quarrels, but if they want to use knives and guns, it will undoubtedly add fuel to the fire, which will only worsen the contradictions and deepen each other's injuries.

Thankfully, though, Xie Peng was not injured. The five red finger prints on the face are nothing, and they will disappear overnight.

That brick was originally used by Xie Peng to repair the bench and knock nails.

After dinner, Shen Lijun sat on the bench and watched TV with Erlang's legs crossed, and when she saw the amusing shot, she leaned back and smiled with her smile, and the small bench under her ass also writhed back and forth with her body.

"Squeak! Crunch! ”

"Plop!" With a muffled thud, she was thrown and the bench dropped one.

Seeing this, Xie Peng hurriedly helped her up, but she was still a step too late. Before he could run over, Shen Lijun's barrage of scolding had already begun to sweep through the room.

"What a broken stool, you want to fall me to death! Is this still the life of life? I've been working for a few years, and I don't even have a decent chair at home, since I've been with you, have I enjoyed half a day......

Xie Peng had long been accustomed to this, and he thought it was a neighbor arguing, but the voice was too loud, and he happened to hear it. He took the addition of her bad words as a gust of wind, and just blew it over. In front of him, the first thing to bear the brunt of is to quickly clean up the bench, if he doesn't repair it, it can only be so bad. The only hammer in the family was reluctantly thrown into the garbage by Xie Peng not long ago, because her wife used it as a weapon when they quarreled last week.

Xie Peng went downstairs and looked for a brick. He smashed nails on the legs of the stool without saying a word, and Shen Lijun was not idle, and kept scolding unbearable foul language in his mouth. Xie Peng finally couldn't hold back and replied: "It's all my fault, follow me and make you suffer." Please don't scold, my grandmother, you won't let me live in peace, so let the neighbors go back to life for a while, and don't want others to rest! ”

Shen Lijun was willing to eat his set, and the scolding was even louder, and all the old accounts were turned out and exposed by her.

"You scold and scold, don't always drag your parents in, it's okay, the matter between the two of us has nothing to do with them!" Xie Peng twisted his face to the side and said angrily.

"I'll scold, what can you do? Is there a kind of you hitting me? You don't have the guts to hang it! It's a man who is better than you! Shen Lijun scolded arrogantly.

In the past, Xie Peng didn't know how many more vicious words he had heard, but today, the more he listened, the more angry he became. There is a limit to human patience, and dogs will jump over walls when they are in a hurry. Xie Peng had already endured it to the extreme, and he shook his hand and slapped Shen Lijun's face.

Shen Lijun looked at him in amazement, Xie Peng's actions caught her by surprise. She covered her face with her hands, opened her mouth wide, her angry eyes burst into flames, and she glared at Xie Peng fiercely, and for a moment, it seemed that the air in the room was frozen! After being married for a few years, it has always been her share of beating Xie Peng, how can she say that she was beaten. Today, the sun is coming out in the west. After hesitating for a few seconds, she waved her arm violently, gathered all the strength of her body into her palm, and slapped Xie Peng's face with a "snap", Xie Peng staggered back a few steps, and almost didn't fall.

In fact, at the moment when Xie Peng hit Shen Lijun, he regretted it a little, but he couldn't control himself, and he couldn't tell where he got the courage from. But this is a fait accompli, he thought, and he will let it go today, and it will be a big deal.

Immediately afterwards, before Xie Peng came back to his senses, Shen Lijun slapped him on the other half of his face again. After the fight, she cried like a wolf in shame, and tears fell down. While wiping her tears with her hand, she picked up the brick on the ground with the other hand, lifted it into the air, and was about to slap it at Xie Peng's head, when Xie Peng stepped forward and snatched the brick from her hand and threw it on the ground. Shen Lijun didn't give up, and picked it up again, this time she held it with both hands, it seems that this trick can't be sent, she won't give up.

At this time, Xie Peng chose to retreat, he took an arrow step, ran to the door, opened the door and ran out, Shen Lijun chased closely behind, she saw Xie Peng running downstairs, holding a brick and scolding while throwing out.

She used her strength to eat, like a shot put, and threw the bricks at Xie Peng, Xie Peng dodged, Shen Lijun smashed into the air, and the bricks turned over a few times on the ground, hitting the wall and shattering into two pieces.

Xie Peng jumped and ran, looked at the broken brick that almost hit him in horror, turned his head and ran away.

"Stone you turtle grandson, why don't you get hit by a car and die!" Shen Lijun quickly rushed up, chasing and scolding.

She saw that Xie Peng was running faster than a rabbit, and knew that it was impossible for her to catch up, so she was so angry that she scolded and stomped her feet upstairs.

—5—

Thinking of the room where he got along with Shen Lijun day and night, Xie Peng felt like a nightmare. Three years ago, they came to the city from their rural hometown to work and rented this standard room of more than ten square meters. In the past few years, he has stumbled, quarreled and quarreled, and then gradually evolved into fighting, which cannot be said to be fighting, because although Xie Peng is also a participant, he never moves, only suffers. Except tonight this time.

Every time he gave in, he gave in to her even more vexatiousness. He stretched his neck and swallowed the tedious days into his stomach, like swallowing thousands of leeches, sucking away his only remaining hope for life.

Yes, poverty put a heavy hat on him, so that he couldn't hold his head up in front of Shen Lijun. This ridiculous marriage was what he wanted, more precisely, for the sake of his parents, he had to carry this heavy cross. He couldn't bear to tear apart their bitter words - first start a family, then start a business. The family is finished, but how does this look like a home!

—6—

Xie Peng and Shen Lijun met on a blind date.

First meeting, in a small restaurant in town.

On that day, there was a light rain. On the way here, the back of Shen Lijun's new jacket was full of mud stars that were thrown up by the rear wheels of the tractor. He really regretted sitting in the car's seat instead of sitting in the car's body. She felt that only the elderly would sit like that if they were afraid of falling, she was so young that she should sit on the car. When she got out of the car, she realized the mud on her body, but it was too late. She was a little apprehensive, after all, it is a girl's nature to love beauty, especially in the matter of blind dates, it is extremely important to leave a good first impression on the man. It doesn't matter if you like him or not.

After the matchmaker's introduction, the parents of both sides exchanged polite greetings. The table was full of soft and hard dishes, and everyone symbolically grabbed a few chopsticks and went outside, leaving only two young people in the room.

The mud on Shen Lijun's body did not affect his image in Xie Peng's heart, but made Xie Peng feel that she was more approachable, and did not have the sense of distance he imagined. From school to working in a factory, Xie Peng has not really dated any girl in the past 20 years. His poor family background made him inferior and shy in the crowd, and he would blush if he said a word. In front of the opposite sex, he is even more sensitive, and a casual glance from a girl can press his head down.

Xie Peng picked up the boiling water bottle and filled Shen Lijun's cup with boiling water, and poured some into his own cup. During the whole process, his movements were natural, as relaxed as he usually was at home, and he didn't feel nervous at all. He even felt that he had a lot to say to the girl he had met for the first time. The usual shyness disappeared without a trace, and even he himself was particularly strange. Although his expression was still serious, his heart was alive. He lit a cigarette, pulled his hair back with his left hand, and smiled and motioned for Shen Lijun to drink tea. Shen Lijun couldn't let go of it, her cheeks were slightly red, and she lowered her head and took a sip of tea, the tea was hot. The steaming water wet a wisp of bangs on her forehead, and she habitually brushed it with her hand, put the cup on the corner of the table, and put her hand back between her legs and knees, and kept rubbing it gently. Obviously, she was a little worried that Xie Peng would laugh at the mud on her body, so she was nervous. She didn't know that, in Xie Peng's view, this had just become her dazzling shining point - undisguised truth. Shen Lijun's big watery eyes flashed at Xie Peng a few times from time to time, and then they retracted, continuing to stare at his teacup. Satisfaction with Xie Pengdi was already rippling in the corners of her thin slightly raised lips.

Xie Peng is not handsome, but he looks honest and loyal, according to the concept of the countryside, like a living person. The two young people sat in the private room of the small restaurant, and the initial short personal introduction gradually developed into an exchange, and the atmosphere was quite harmonious.

In fact, Xie Peng has long had a score in his heart about the marriage partner - not ugly, gentle personality, filial piety to his parents, and able to give birth. As for the family conditions, he doesn't have any requirements, as long as the other party doesn't think he is poor, everything will be fine. He knows his situation very well, his younger brother is in college, his parents rely on farming for a meager income, and he can only rely on his own ability to build a house and marry a daughter-in-law.

He dropped out of high school before finishing high school and went to work. There used to be a girl he liked, he didn't have the courage to confess, and he didn't think it would be his turn to fall in love.

When I was in school, when I reached the age of Aimei, my shabby clothes made him unable to raise his head in front of his classmates. He tried to devote his energy to his studies, not to think about anything else, and he had few friends who didn't talk much. Pursuing love? He also wanted to, and he could only think about it. In this life, there are many things that cannot be fulfilled, such as not being able to marry your beloved and grow old together. If you think about it, life is like that.

Xie Peng never expects vigorous love, he thinks it's all in TV and novels. Rather than getting hurt, it's better not to start at all. From the day his love first opened, he nipped this seedling of love in the bud. However, the roots are still there, but he doesn't know when he will be able to let it grow, maybe in the next life. Because, once he gets married to a woman he doesn't love, he will be good to her wholeheartedly for a lifetime, even if there is no love, there will be family affection for a long time. A person who is willing to entrust her life to herself is worth caring for for a lifetime - as long as she does not betray him. Regarding marriage, Xie Peng thought so at the beginning. He never imagined that the gentle Shen Lijun at that time would become what she is today, like a complete shrew.

On that blind date, both of them were very satisfied. Shen Lijun was sixteen at the time, Xiao Xie Peng was three years old, and she was already a hotel waiter in a small city in the south with a junior high school education. After that, the two went back to work separately, and due to the geographical distance, they did not have much contact with each other in the first few years of marriage, and occasionally talked on the phone.

When rural people get married, buildings are the standard, followed by transportation, furniture and household appliances. Xie Peng couldn't meet these conditions. The savings he has saved in the past few years of part-time work are used to build a building, which is at least half short. Seeing that the wedding date was coming, he and his parents were in a hurry, counting on their relatives to help make up the money, which was undoubtedly a drop in the bucket, and their family backgrounds were on par with Xie Peng's family.

At the critical moment, Shen Lijun solved Xie Peng's urgent need.

She decided to open her mouth to her aunt and wait until she earned the money to pay it back. Xie Peng's family was so moved that they didn't know what to say, and even the people in the village spread the word - this old Xie family burned high incense in his life, picked a good daughter-in-law, and helped his mother-in-law's family before he passed the door! For a while, such words of admiration were endless. When Xie Peng heard these words, he had mixed feelings in his heart, he was happy, but he couldn't help but feel a little ashamed, and the implication was that he turned into a little white face. But what else can be done? Shen Lijun's words made Xie Peng's heart brighten a lot - before going on a blind date with you, my father learned about the situation of your family. Poor, don't be afraid, as long as you are working. My family is also very happy with you. My aunt's family is more financially well-off, she will help us both and not be ungrateful in the future. Don't worry about what others say, they don't eat in the same pot with us. Xie Peng is glad to have such an enlightened fiancée.

A year after marriage, Shen Lijun gave birth to a daughter. Breast milk is not enough to eat, so you can only feed milk powder. The milk powder money of more than 1,000 yuan per month is far from enough with the income of a few acres of crops. A couple of newcomers, who were already strapped for money, suddenly took on the burden of life. Coupled with the crying of children, sometimes there are inevitably differences of opinion between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law on some details of life, so that it turns into quarrels. In order to save money, her mother-in-law insisted on using old clothes to make diapers for children, but Shen Lijun thought it was unhygienic and resolutely used diapers bought from the supermarket. The two were at a stalemate, Xie Peng was caught in the middle and persuaded the right and right, and it took a lot of effort to give up. In the end, I listened to Shen Lijun, and my mother-in-law was so angry that she didn't eat a few meals.

Shen Lijun, who was only twenty years old, couldn't bear the sudden pressure from all sides.

stayed up until the full moon, and she left the child with her mother-in-law. The young couple went to a toy factory in a southern city. Since there is no technology, I can only start as a general worker, and the salary is not high, and I can pay 1,500 yuan per month for food and housing. The newlywed couple had a lot of inconvenience in living in the factory, so they rented a room in the urban village near the factory. The room is small, about a dozen square meters. The furniture is almost negligible.

Young people, who have just stepped into society, have to rely on themselves for everything, do it slowly, and everything will be there. Xie Peng said to Shen Lijun. They are full of hope for their future lives, and the two of them are secretly holding back their energy. Usually can work overtime is not lazy, assembly line work piecework is calculated as wages, more work and more pay. In this way, in addition to the children's milk powder money and daily expenses, they can save some money, although it is not much, but it is enough to support their confidence in striving for a better life.

One day, three months after entering the factory, Shen Lijun suddenly received a call from her aunt, saying that her uncle was seriously ill and needed surgery immediately.

She heard what her aunt meant, and the tens of thousands of yuan she owed when she built the wedding room had to be repaid, although her aunt did not take the initiative to bring it up, but Shen Lijun could still hear her aunt's anxious and helpless mood from what she said.

Hanging up the phone, Shen Lijun felt that the sky was about to fall. Those tens of thousands of yuan are the only savings of my aunt's family, and the disaster and disease are really unpredictable. When her aunt lent her money, she obviously didn't think about it at all, and she did everything she could for her niece to get married decently. Shen Lijun said decisively and simply to her aunt on the phone: I will find a way to collect enough money to remit it in the past few days, and my uncle's body is important. She said this, but her heart was in chaos, like a bolt from the blue.

The two of them came to the city to work, and only then did they gain a foothold, tens of thousands of yuan is not a small amount for them, and it is even more difficult to get it in a short time than to climb to the sky. Among Shen Lijun's relatives, apart from her aunt's family, there is no second one with savings. Not to mention Xie Peng's side, if he could borrow money, he would not have been helped by his fiancée at the beginning, making the villagers gossip and ending up with the reputation of "little white face". Like his father, several of his uncles worked as farmers at home, living on the harvest of the fields all year round, with little surplus. Xie Peng dialed the phone calls of his friends who had a good relationship in the past one by one, but he was very disappointed, he didn't borrow a penny, but listened to them complain a lot of bitterness. In the end, Xie Peng had to mortgage his new house in his rural hometown and take out a loan from the town's rural credit cooperative. The interest rate is a little higher, but at least I can pay back the money I owe to my aunt's family, and my uncle is still lying in the hospital waiting for surgery, and he can't delay for a moment.

Since taking a loan from the bank, Shen Lijun felt unspeakably uncomfortable at the thought of the ridiculously high interest rate and the repayment period of up to two years. It's as if a fish thrown on the shore has no water and can't breathe. She talked a lot less than before, and slept every day after eating after work. I closed my eyes but couldn't sleep, thinking about my previous single life over and over again. I paid my salary and went shopping with my friends, and I bought the clothes I liked at will, without thinking about the high and low, and I opened up to eat what I wanted. But now? She has to worry about the family's food, clothing, housing and transportation, which makes her very unaccustomed. Girls of her age, some are still on college campuses, enjoying the infinite beauty of youth. Xie Peng sat at the head of the bed, his eyes fixed on the TV set he had picked up from the thrift market, and the sound of the action movie shook the floating ash on the fuselage slightly, as if it was about to fly, but it fell again, still attached to the faded black fuselage. His attention is not at all on the wonderful plot. Shen Lijun's depressed mood made him feel helpless, and he was tired of his words of comfort and encouragement, but she still ignored her.

"What are you doing with your voice? You're deaf! Shen Lijun, who was covered in the quilt, suddenly shouted.

Xie Peng glanced at her and didn't say anything. He walked over and turned the volume down a bit.

After a while, Shen Lijun suddenly jumped up from the quilt, ran to the TV with bare feet, turned off the power with a "snap", and then jumped into the quilt and continued to "sleep" with her head covered.

Life can change a person.

Shen Lijun's temperament became irritable, and sometimes even unreasonable. Anything big with a needle tip can be caused by an earthquake by her. It was as if she had suddenly fallen from spring to winter, and she was not yet quite used to the sudden cold. And Xie Peng, who has been in the ice and snow since he was a child, looks forward to the warm spring, but is not afraid of winter. From an early age, he had experienced poverty deeply. Therefore, this difficulty today is nothing in his eyes. The only thing that puzzled him was that Shen Lijun was confused about life, and he tried his best to persuade her, just like playing the piano to a cow. The lack of spiritual unity made him very distressed. He doesn't want to live a comfortable life, just be able to eat and dress warmly. People should create, not blindly take and enjoy, let alone be captured by difficulties and become passive, and all obstacles will become inadequate in the face of tenacity. He said these words to Shen Lijun no less than a hundred times.

In the two years before the loan was repaid, Shen Lijun's temper gradually escalated from the initial anger and nagging to a big fight, and Xie Peng's forbearance greatly increased the speed of escalation. Beer bottles, kitchen knives and other items at home have been used as her weapons. Xie Peng had tooth marks on his arms and nail scratches on his face. In the summer, he never wore shorts in front of his mother, and he was afraid that when her mother saw the scar and asked the cause of the injury, he didn't go with the flow. In Xie Peng's eyes, these injuries are nothing.

Shen Lijun can live with herself, and she is really wronged by others, who calls herself poor and incapable! Whenever she gets angry, he thinks about how good she is to him on weekdays, doing laundry, cooking, going to work to earn money, Shen Lijun does no less than other women, and she gave birth to a beautiful daughter for herself. Carefully calculated, her good is more than bad, Xie Peng thought about it and forgave Shen Lijun's mistakes from the bottom of his heart. Who doesn't have a personality yet, it's just that her personality is stronger. When he was sad, Xie Peng comforted himself like this.

Approaching the date of repayment, Xie Peng used his credit card to withdraw some cash, plus the savings of the two of them over the past two years, and finally paid off the loan from the credit union.

He thought that Shen Lijun should be able to restrain his bad temper from now on. But he was wrong. When she encountered a slight disagreement, she was still furious, unreasonable.

Endure, endure, endure......

Xie Peng is not a machine, but an ordinary person with flesh and blood.

His last hope for marriage also faded over time. At this moment, he felt that he was simply a living person living in a grave.

Now she makes him feel very strange, even scared. He didn't know which words to say and which not to say. If you don't say it well, it will touch her breaking point.

At that time, he thought that patience would be exchanged for her understanding and concession, but then he realized that she had already been killed by life.

The night is getting deeper and deeper. Xie Pengse shrunk up and sat on a lonely street corner. He looked up at the plastic bag wrapped around the power line in the distance, and at some point, it had been blown away by the wind.