I got up early this morning to attend my grandfather's funeral, and it was still dark outside, which was quite bluffing at first glance. However, I am not in the mood to care about that, because my heart is filled with sadness. I was walking on the road, and there was smog in the distance, and it seemed foggy, and I couldn't see anything clearly. When I came to my grandmother's house, she also said that she was happy that she didn't sleep all night, and my heart was slightly bitter, was it really happy? Not really, why did you sit alone and drink so late yesterday?

Originally, the funeral was not suitable for the elderly, but if you are old, if you are stimulated by something, will it be over soon? But in the face of everyone's persuasion, my grandmother seemed very tough: "I must go!" It's all the last time, and I have to give him one last ride! "In the face of the old man who was a little emotional, we finally compromised, and we met for the last time, we have been husband and wife for more than 50 years, so let's send it off on this last trip. My grandmother also repeatedly assured her that she would never shed a single tear when she got there, and told us that if anyone cried she would spill it and die and not come back, she would be you. We just smiled helplessly, in fact, we all know in our hearts, who can not shed a tear? After all, it's my own relatives.

The parking lot of Tung Wah Court was packed with cars, not just us, but other people. With a filial piety belt around my waist and a filial piety cloth tied around my arms in black clothes and black pants, I walked into the hall. I saw a big screen scrolling with so many unfamiliar names on it, and it turned out that not only were we miserable, but many people had also passed away. The hall was full of people, I found a corner to stand, watching my grandfather's name appear on the screen, my heart was somehow very sour, almost wanted to cry. I know that the name on it represents the life that has passed, and I really wish that my grandfather would not be present in the name on the screen, so does that mean that he is not dead?

I saw my grandfather lying in the coffin, with a gray face and slightly purple lips, almost exactly the same as what I saw the day before yesterday, the only difference was that his face was even more ugly than at that time, and if I didn't look at that face, it was really as if he was asleep, so quiet. My grandmother stepped forward: "Wife, I have come to see you for the last time, you have walked well, you have not suffered, I should be with you in two years." Later, my grandmother was helped away, after all, it was better not to let her see it on the occasion later. I held my grandfather's posthumous photo, walked behind my father, and listened to the eulogy, tears fell uncontrollably. I told myself over and over again in my heart that I couldn't cry, I couldn't cry, I had to be strong. But all the words were useless, and tears soaked my face again and again, and how I wished, my grandfather did so, and once again called my name in a kind voice, "Kiki is here." After all, he lay quietly there, didn't say anything or look at anything, and just slept there quietly.

The hand holding the photo had been frozen stiff by the cold wind, slightly purple, but I still persevered, I thought, this is the last thing I can do for my grandfather, sitting in the car to the crematorium, I just stared ahead, behind me was my grandfather's body, I just sat like this, not moving, not saying a word.

When Grandpa was about to be sent for cremation, we all took one last look at him, and we stood beside the old man, looking at the cold corpse. "Grandpa, you're good to go." As I said this, my eyes froze, and I stood at the front, and I saw very clearly that there was a liquid like a drop of water in the corner of my grandfather's eye! It was so conspicuous, hanging in the corner of my eye, so conspicuous, that I opened my eyes in astonishment to make sure I was not mistaken. That's right, it's true! I didn't have it when I saw it before, and I couldn't believe it. When I wanted to take a closer look, I was kicked out, and looking at the lid of the coffin that had been fastened, I turned around and walked out.

The ashes were white, as if they were very fragile, and they still had warmth. "Oh, this old man's bones are really good, like a fifty-year-old, if it weren't for a bad heart, he would have lived for twenty years!" I just sighed slightly in my heart, no matter how good it is, what's the use, the people are gone, and everything is in vain.

Dad was holding the heavy urn, and we returned the wreaths to a large stove with paper and paper money. "Come, let's bow to the old man at the end! One bow, two bows, three bows! Throw all the paper money in there. I bowed seriously, pressed my waist very low, and looked at the kind-looking old man on the portrait, and unconsciously tears filled my eyes again. Looking at the flames, I collected my mood and reluctantly pulled myself together and walked down the mountain.

The urn was set up and we ended up having a meal together. No one can understand my extremely complicated feelings now, is that drop of water grandpa's tears? Has he seen what we are suffering? Or is it because you don't want to leave? I forced myself to stop thinking about it, for me, everything that happened in the past few days was like a dream, completely unprepared, it came very suddenly, if it wasn't for seeing the urn, I always thought that everything that happened now was a dream, a sad game, the dream woke up, the game was over, and life would return to the same as usual, but that was impossible, all this was real, how I hoped that all this was my dream, it was all my imaginary imagination!

I'm tired, I just want to get a good night's sleep, I'm tired from the blows of these days, I'm very embarrassed, I don't know how long it will take me to get out of this gray time, out of this haze that has been lingering for a long time, maybe the process will be very long.

——2016.1.15