My name is Rui Yinghai.

Distinguished professor of psychology at a medical university.

Maybe in your eyes, you must think that I am an old man who knows my fate with old pearls and yellow candles swaying.

But quite the opposite.

I'm just an older leftover girl who is about to become a half-aged.

From kindergartens to prestigious universities.

You may think I'm a pampered lady with a pretty boring personality.

I'll admit that it was before I was even there.

But when I was fifteen years old, the story that happened to me seemed too full and twisted. I experienced about half of the pain of the rest of my life.

It is an indescribable sense of despair and frustration.

But it was in this raunchy miscellaneous mood that I welcomed another beautiful life in life.

Pain is mixed with joy.

I hate God for ruining the peaceful years of my life, but I thank God for letting me meet that quiet and calm boy like the sea that year.

Yes.

At a young age, I still realized what this hazy feeling was.

But I don't dare to speculate.

This love is certainly beautiful.

But I still have to keep a way out.

Because I'm no longer a coquettish and arrogant lady.

You can no longer put on a shiny crystal hairpin to satisfy your desire to enjoy.

You can't call at other people and taunt them at will.

From the phoenix to the ant, I seem to have omitted the process of turning into a sparrow.

The dire situation of my family and the dramatic sorrow around me forced me to leave my hometown and embark on a lonely life of studying alone.

Calm and quiet.

I'm not the stubborn princess anymore.

Even if I could, I wouldn't be a princess again.

Because of that arrogant girl's disease,

Except for him,

And there will be no one to heal him.

It's like discovering that after walking for a long, long time, you suddenly find that you have already sunk in a pool of deep water.

There is no campfire to light another fire in my heart.

There is no cold wind that can pour another pool between my bones.

But the heavens lit another everlasting lamp for me.

When I was eighteen years old, I met another kind of majesty.

I often fantasize about him as the shy but gentle and delicate teenager I was in my youth.

But he could never appear in front of me again.

I can't change the way I want.

Maybe the portrayal is too realistic.

I have found this support that will allow me to lie in peace.

I convinced myself not to think about the dreams of my youth.

But when my fingertips are cold, I always remember the familiar temperature.

Rui Yinghai, you say, does the sea like stars?

He said.

That was the last time I saw him.

I didn't dare answer him.

Even if he finds me again, I still won't answer him.

He was like a young man as few as the stars.

The stars that I chased for a lot of time were the sun and the moon.

I don't dare to blaspheme.

I thought that as time went by, I would gradually forget this relationship that was not even a premise.

And so it is.

I did it.

But when I left everything behind to be with the man who could give me a great shore.

He broke into my life again.

I'm sorry, he said.

I couldn't resist the restlessness in my heart.

But he was no longer the same.

Maybe it's because of my long-standing psychology, but when I met again, I found that my guilt and attachment to him had long faded away.

Maybe that's the best ending for us.

But I didn't dare to let go as decisively as I did at the beginning.

Even if he is unbearable, he will do nothing.

Maybe I'm still in love with him.

But another voice shouted in my body telling me to give up.

I hope so.

——

My name is Rui Yinghai.