December 6th

I came out of the high-speed rail station and called Zhang Yi, and she said that Zhang Hengli was quite stable today and didn't have to go today. A few relatives are going to see Zhang Hengli tomorrow morning, and it is inconvenient for the ward to be crowded, so she asked me to go to the hospital tomorrow afternoon.

The city lawyer didn't contact me, and I didn't dare to disturb him. Every time I think of this situation, my heart feels like it is being torn apart by two hands, a pain that puts my life in the hands of a stranger for no reason.

The next afternoon, when I went to the hospital, Zhang Yi took me to a neighborhood opposite the hospital, and she said that there were relatives of Zhang Hengli in the ward. The weather was exceptionally nice, the sun was shining and warm, and I didn't feel cold sitting on the benches outside.

She pulled out a thick notebook, full of notes in English. I probably flipped through the first few pages, and her notes were written in a standardized and detailed manner:

Howtousefacebookandlinkedin

Howtomakeyourownchecklist

Personalisedemailsandcalls

……

"Work notes when doing overseas sales?" I asked.

She nodded. The sun shone on her face like gold.

"It's so well written, neat, detailed, and meticulous, just like when you write your homework when you're studying."

A momentary smile appeared on her lips.

"Did Yi Xu speak English in front of you?"

"Said it once." I recalled: "I was still chasing him back then, Zhong Pei's first love died, and Yi Xu read a poem for him, in English. Didn't Zhang Hengli send you a text message back then? I listened and cried. ”

"Come to think of it, you later said that the poem reminded you of 'integration', and I also said that you were sick!"

"Yes, the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas's FernHill, the brilliant poet who died at the prime of his 39th birthday. Zhong Pei said that he didn't think Dylan Thomas died young, because the first girl he loved in his life was less than 19 years old when she died, so it was called Yingnian! ”

"Just that once?"

"Easy to continue to speak English? Yes, just that once. What's wrong? ”

"I never thought he was so good." She said, "You always say he's smart and handsome, I don't think so." Is it handsome? Are the eyes big? Is the nose high? Is it burly? Come closer, he's not as handsome as your German friend. Say stay away, go to the pedestrian street and take a look at the radio and television, one or two handsomes more handsome than him! A person whose grades are on par with you and Zhang Hengli, you say that he is smart, I think you have been tricked. ”

I smiled, not wanting to interrupt her.

"Did he get a scholarship? He's good at sports, is he on the varsity team? He has a specialty, what awards has he won? She said with a sudden pause, waiting for my answer.

"Don't let people praise the good color, just flow clear and full of energy. In my heart, he is such a good person. I said.

She didn't seem to object to my answer, and only continued: "Eating is passable, watching movies has no taste, wearing clothes is all the same style, except that sports are sports or sports, it's too ordinary!" I always thought that I was smart, and test scores were the most important measure, so he helped me find which funds to invest in stocks, and I only thought it was because he had a knowledgeable mother who taught him things other than books. He took us to the corners of Changsha, and I only envied him for his good family conditions, and his parents gave him freedom, and he had money and leisure to play around. These have nothing to do with intelligence, it's just vision, we people, what we lack is not brains, just opportunities. I only appreciate people with good grades, at least as good as mine. If I'm 100, you can't be 99, and if I'm 120, you can't be 119, otherwise I won't be able to appreciate you...... Not only did I not appreciate him, but I did not trust him. He actually encouraged you to go to Germany! In our school, how many couples cry bitterly because they want to go to two cities separately, there is a couple in our class, one stays in Changsha City, and the other goes to Changsha County, they can cry to death in front of the whole class, it's funny, but it's also true! I think Yi Xu is too suspicious, what about you, stupider than a pig, what he says you believe, he easily says a few words of and you go happily. So as soon as you left, I turned down the formal contract of the internship company and submitted my resume to this company, an English level 6 certificate, which allowed me to get a seat in the sales department that happened to be vacant. At that time, Yi Xu was in Shenzhen, and at first I heard that he was going to learn products, and later I learned that he was expanding and reforming the branch while learning. When he came back, he was shocked to see me, and I asked him to help me keep it a secret, and I said that I didn't want you to know that I was fired from my previous company and couldn't find another job. I said that I don't care much about things, and I probably care about face and self-esteem in front of you, which is the thing I care about the most in this world. I said the same thing to Zhang Hengli, both of them kept it secret for me, and they were both deceived by me. ”

She took the notebook back in her hand and flipped through it, swishing, and then said, "Later, I went to work with Yi Xu, I found that he was really smart, I took notes for two months, and he was in English throughout the meeting, and I didn't want to make the notes so neat and detailed, nine out of ten sentences of my mother couldn't understand it, what could I do if I didn't take notes?" It took two months before I slowly put down the pen. There is a company that claims to be an English major level 8, and he is not much better than me, and he was stunned for a month and a half. Three months later, all sales dared to call customers, and half a year later, the company's average total sales volume and profit margin tripled compared to the same period last year, still in the case of continuous recruitment. That's when I found out that Yi Xu didn't teach his mother, he was much better than his mother! ”

She put the notebook in my palm again: "Xijia, you can put this notebook away." I know you don't want to face it, but between the death penalty and acquittal, there is another possibility, which is to go to jail. If that's the case...... No matter how tight your fists are, there are only ten fingers, and you have to accept reality. You have a lot to do. Yi Xu likes to study promotion tools and media such as facebook, linkedin, twitter, and WordPress, and technology is developing with each passing day, so you should pay attention to it at any time, actively learn, and help him update information, so that he will not be out of touch with society one day. ”

She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I observed his interactions with female colleagues in the company, and I didn't find anything suspicious. Okay, you're smart, and I haven't been caught cheating on the evidence, but I'm still upset, I'm just not happy with his attitude of having everything under control. As soon as I thought of such a stupid Ye Xijia alone in Germany, I couldn't stop worrying, why is your boyfriend so relieved? Doesn't that just not care? Since I don't care, there must be something I haven't noticed for the time being. So I followed him after work, and it was probably during that time that Zhang Hengli saw him. Yi Xu sometimes walks home from work, there is an overpass at the third intersection of the company to the west, and there is often a guitar singer under the bridge, he makes friends with that person, and sometimes he also lays a plastic bag, sits on the ground in a suit and leather shoes and plays and sings a song, which is your favorite song. There are two times when I sang the song "I Don't Really Want to Class" that you changed from Mayday, and I sang with a sad face, my eyes, nose and eyebrows wrinkled together, like a little old man, hahaha!"

She laughed as she spoke.

Well, there is an old Chinese saying that when I see that you are not having a good time, I am relieved.

"At the end of August, the company had a celebration and drank some wine, no, a lot of wine. He was forced to drink by his colleagues, and I was in a bad mood and was forced to drink by myself. Both of them were a little drunk, so they actually talked about their hearts for the first time. He said that he misses you, but he doesn't dare to tell you, he doesn't dare to show it when he contacts you, you are far away on the other side of the world, and he worries about your life, your safety, and your emotions, and he is afraid that you will miss and worry more in return. I don't know if it was the effect of alcohol, but I kind of believed that he really loved you. Zhang Hengli said that the relationship between the two of you can't be spilled, the needle can't be inserted, time is not a problem, and distance is not a problem, and I began to believe it. But in less than half a month, there was such a big murder...... Zhang Hengli panicked and began to think of a thousand methods: I want to persuade your parents to move out of Changsha, to help you find a job in Beijing or Heilongjiang, to kidnap you and go to the primeval forest, to accompany you to live there for two years, to introduce you to a better boyfriend than Yi Xu, to find a rich and handsome person to make you pregnant, and you will not be able to take care of the future in the future......"

Speaking of this, she smirked: "What a stupid him! If you want to make up a story to deceive you, I will ask you to KTV first, as if you can become stronger in your receptivity by singing a few songs...... Oh, he's afraid that you'll suddenly go crazy and be seen by the neighbors and tell your mom. You know, maintaining a good image of a child in front of 'mom' is his most important cultivation. He also went to your house to watch you, persuaded me and Zhong Pei to cooperate with him to make up a lie about Yi Xu's betrayal of you, I knew early on that I was going to be exposed by you, his IQ plus the tacit understanding between him and Zhong Pei, what a thing! The most flawed plan in the world is in Changsha, where Zhang Hengli is located! …… It's not that he doesn't have righteousness towards Yi Xu and wants to erase him completely, or he doesn't appreciate his contribution to us, but he just can't take care of it. He doesn't believe that Yi Xu is a murderer, but his ability is limited and beyond his reach, and under the worst assumption, taking care of you is the best thing he can do. He was so sincere even to tell a lie...... He was kind and different from me. ”

No, you're kind too, you don't know it yourself. You who seem cold to outsiders have always had a warm and soft side in my heart.

"Did you tell Yi Xu about Zhang Hengli's illness?"

"Hmm."

"Detailed to uremia?"

I nodded: "It's not easy to survive, I hope he cherishes it." ”

"Is there really a blank piece of paper in the latest envelope?"

"For the time being, until we think of a better way."

"You have to hold on, at least for a week. You can't waver in this matter, it's rare for the two of us to agree, you have to believe in our common judgment, no matter who says anything, even if it's Zhang Hengli, or your parents and your parents, you have to stick to it for a week if you only send blank paper in. Did you hear that? ”

"Okay."

"Isn't that nice?"

"It's so good!"

"That's good."

I wanted to say thank you to her, and she smiled a little. Even if it's a small smile, I think it's brilliant and so moving.

"You know what, the love you give Yi Xu is very rare. I watched those people in the company can't wait to leave, and you don't even think about jumping in for a second, that's love! It doesn't care about height and appearance, it doesn't care about the length of time, it doesn't care about gains and losses, it ...... among all living beings."

It's been a long time since I've been praised, and I haven't been praised by you in a few lifetimes, please keep going, don't stop!

"No matter how ugly you look, it makes you stand out."

You're a bitch!

She looked up at the distant sky: "Xijia, which is bigger than Hamburg or Changsha?" ”

I also looked at the sky: "Hamburg is only 750 square kilometers, less than one-fifteenth of Changsha. ”

"How does Germany compare with Hunan?"

"Germany is almost 1.7 times the size of Hunan, with more than 350,000 square kilometers. It's still small, Germany is a country, and Hunan is a province! ”

"Then you went from Hamburg to Shanghai, from Shanghai to Changsha, and the places where the planes flew over, is it big?"

"Great."

"Is it big?"

"It's big, too."

"Do you remember, in junior high school, what is the total area of the earth and what is the total area of the earth's land?"

"I haven't memorized ...... since I was in junior high school."

Zhang Yi sighed and said, "That day, your foreigner friend asked me what my favorite word or word was. What I lost, what I didn't get, I loved. Parents, affection, family, love, marriage, certified public accountants, children, hometown, home, I like them all, and peace. But my favorite word is 'life'! In this world, especially for those who are struggling on the brink of death, nothing is more precious than a life. But I can't say the answer, because that's exactly what I hate the most! ”

I remembered that I had a discussion with Zhang Hengli on the hospital bed about "life" that day. You two are such a match!

"What's wrong with your life?" I comforted her: "People's happiness and misfortune are a constant relationship, your misfortune is over, and there will only be a good life in the future!" ”

I really want to throw out the words "Zhang Hengli", but I don't dare, Yi Xu said, it was her self-esteem. I don't dare hurt her self-esteem, I'm going to wait.

So I had to say, "The person you love will appear soon." ”

She shook her head, looking like she was about to cry in the next second, but she only had red circles in her eyes, controlled her mind, and said: "The total surface area of the earth is 511 million square kilometers, and the land area is 149 million square kilometers. ”

"Do you want to 'integrate'?"

"No," she said, shaking her head with a resolute meaning, "I just feel like I have nothing." ”

"Don't say that, why do you still have me and Zhang Hengli!"

"yes, the three of us are so good. If the worst happens, will you take care of him just like Zhang Hengli wants to take care of you? ”

"The worst-case scenario? What's the worst-case scenario? ”

"He has to go through a long-term dialysis process, and he will have to have a kidney replacement in the future, and there will be a long rehabilitation and conditioning process after the kidney replacement, and everything is the worst."

"Why don't you just take care of it?" I put the blame on her shoulders, I felt her negativity now, and I wanted her to be positive, even if it was forced by my ingratitude, even if it was forced to do so.

"What if I'm not there?" She asked.

My heart suddenly fell, as if it were about to fall into a deep well: "Why are you not there? ”

"I'm going to be a certified public accountant in the future, I'm very busy at work, I always have to travel, how can I be all the time?" That sounds like good news.

"You'd better be here! How do I know how to take care of people? ”

"You know, you can laugh in the ward, you can make him laugh in the ward, the doctors and nurses all say, only you know best."

"Then you take care of him when you're there, and I'll make him laugh if you're not there!"

She nodded heavily and said, "Okay." ”

"Let's go!" She immediately stood up, shook her clothes, and said, "Let's all go home and rest!" Zhang Hengli's mother took care of him tonight, those relatives haven't left yet, they know about your scolding that day, you will definitely not give you a good look if you go, there is an aunt who still has a fierce face, I am afraid that you will suffer. ”

"I'm not afraid of them!"

"Come tomorrow, ten o'clock in the morning, okay?"

"Okay!"

"The medicine I said last time in the United States has arrived, and you have to show your ID card when you pick it up, don't be late at ten o'clock tomorrow, and you must remember to bring your ID card."

"Okay."

She was about to cross the road, and I was about to turn right to get in the car, and when I turned around, she suddenly grabbed me and said, "Xijia, since ancient times, there have been inexhaustible loves, and there are ways to leave hatred." Separation and regret are the bitter tea that life will drink. It's bitter, I've tasted it and I know. But some people are destined to leave, and we can only accept it. They will not be forgotten, birthdays, holidays, illness, and every sudden moment will be missed. You have to accept it. ”

Is this talking about Zhang Hengli? No, Zhang Hengli will get better, this disease is not a terminal illness, we have seen it more serious than him with our own eyes, and we have all survived, some have waited until ***, and some are still on dialysis, but the situation is constantly improving, and there is nothing "destined to leave." ”

She said easy to continue.

I shook my head: "Nostalgia is a last resort, there is no choice, there is no way out." I don't want to be nostalgic, I want to stay together, he must live, only when he lives can he have love, only then can he have the time and opportunity to give and receive love, and he is not missing enough. ”

"You love so hard, the people who leave will be grateful!"

"He's not leaving!"

Zhang Yi smiled: "I suddenly remembered something. ”

"What?"

"Zhang Hengli and I both asked Yi Xu, you must have been the only one who chased him back then, why did he choose you. Drinking that day, I asked again. ”

Damn, weren't you joking with Zhang Hengli before?

She saw through my thoughts at a glance and said, "I really asked Zhang Hengli." Zhang Hengli said that death will not look at you as a woman, if I were a man, you would not be the slightest attraction. ”

Two bastards!

"What did Yi Xu say?"

He said...... You will not abandon him. ”

I now know why she calmly discussed how to write a letter to Yi Xu that day, no matter how indifferent she was, she would retain a little warmth for Yi Xu.

That temperature is me.

After all, she will not abandon me who walked into a dead end with Yi Xu, just as I will not abandon Yi Xu.

Just like Zhang Hengli, no matter how fragile he is, he will definitely not abandon his will to live.