One

Looking at the cover of the student roster, he suddenly felt that this journey was like a dream.

In that distant and ethereal era, when his soul was asleep in the body named Lu Dongli, how could he have thought that there would be another day to wake up, let alone that when he woke up, he would have to look at this completely strange world in front of him with a pair of baby eyes.

This kind of encounter is already bizarre like a dream, not to mention that even this world is unbelievable like a dream.

It turned out that the distant starry sky that we had looked up at together could now become a beautiful house; It turned out that the hurried life that was spent together can now continue to the desolation of the earth; The people who once guarded side by side can now become the true masters of the world; It turned out that the superior who had separated them from yin and yang for selfish desires was now able to bow down and be willing to be a public servant of the masses......

Jinjie, did you see it? Do you know that when countless of us sacrificed for the people behind us, those countless insignificant efforts can really build this miraculous tower?

Every time he thought of his best friend like this, some bold thought suddenly welled up in his heart, but then a strange panic and cowardice suppressed it all, and he continued to smile and smile at the world in front of him.

In this strange world, little by little, he became familiar with the systems and concepts that dazzled him, and little by little he became a qualified modern person. Time is like flowing water, thousands of years have passed in a hurry, and everything in the previous life has been as slim as a faded dream, but after all, there is still something, washed by the streamer, it is always the same.

For example, his ambitions.

Even if the sand and gravel of memories have dissipated in the wind of time, he will always remember that in the yellowed corner of his mind, there was once a young man who swore loudly to the blue sky and the rising sun with those eyes that had not yet reflected any filth in the world: "Lu Dongli is willing to serve the country and the people all his life in this life, bow to the end, and die!" ”

And now, even though thousands of years have passed, even if I have experienced too much darkness and sorrow, I still have no regrets about the choice of blood and strength in the past, and I am still willing to pay my life for this choice.

In people's lives, there will always be something, nothing to do with interests, nothing to do with joy, just a kind of persistence, a persistence, a belief, but it is enough for people to trek thousands of rivers and mountains, after many thorns, they can still smile and say "no regrets", and then continue to laugh at the wind and waves ahead, step by step.

Even if the people in front of him are no longer in front of him, he is still willing to stick to his heart, be a small public servant, and use his whole life to do something for the people in this world, even if it is insignificant, even if no one cares.

At least, that's what he thought.

Until that simulation.

———————————————————————————————————

"The choice of a loyal servant?" The smile on the mentor's face was very subtle: "This kind of topic has not been chosen for many years. ”

He just smiled politely and didn't say anything.

He had heard too many of such words, such surprises and puzzlements.

In school, he chose the most majors, he studied the hardest, and the legendary forgetting to sleep and eat can only be seen in him.

The classmates were invariably curious, incomprehensible, and always asked him again and again, "Why do you work so hard?" From time to time, the teachers would exclaim, "I have never seen such a diligent student." However, even this amazement was only amazed, and there was never the slightest relief or touch. Some people even laughed at him: "What a fool, no matter what kind of job the government will respond to your needs, isn't it stupid?" ”

And he never just laughed at it.

Yes, you will not understand, and I never expect you to understand.

You have unlimited wealth, so you will not understand the pain of poverty; You have infinite power, so you will not understand the sorrow of helplessness; You have an endless life, so you will not understand the despair of life that has come to an end when there are countless regrets in your heart.

You have everything, so you never know how to cherish it, and you never know what kind of sacrifices and costs are behind everything that you can have without much effort.

You have not experienced the displacement under the scourge of years of war, you have not experienced the struggle to survive thousands of miles in the red land, and you have not experienced the misery of losing everything in your hands because of the selfishness of the superiors, so you will not understand how heavy the happiness around you is, nor will you know how many Feng Jinjie have died unjustly behind this happiness, and how many Lu Dongli have been heartbroken and disabled.

And I, on the other hand, have come from such an era that you call a wild world, so in the face of everything that you have long disagreed, I am sincerely terrified, and I am shocked by the heavens, and I want to protect it with my whole life, but I am afraid that one day, it will disappear in front of me like a dream, just as it appears.

So, I have to learn more, I want to do better, I have to do my best to enrich myself, only in this way, can I really do something for the world.

Therefore, even if it is a simulation, I have to re-experience all the difficulties and difficulties of my previous life, only in this way will I cherish everything I have now, and I will sincerely dedicate my life to protecting such happiness.

It's just that...... When I stand on the wall and swear again, will I be able to find the best friend who promised to protect the great rivers and mountains with me?

Jinjie, Jinjie!

———————————————————————————————————

Topics are rare, but they are normal, so after a brief review, his simulation begins.

However, what he never expected was that this simulation would change the trajectory of his original life.

It was just an ordinary night in the simulation, in that familiar world, facing the companion beside him who was worried about the country and the people, but was confused and painful because of his powerlessness, he smiled and naturally said something like this:

"Do you believe me, one day, one day, true fairness will be achieved. There will be no more faint kings, no more tyrants, and those who stand on the highest point of the country must be the most virtuous and the most popular. Officials cannot abuse the people, while the people can openly accuse the officials of dereliction of duty. The people can live and work in peace and contentment, and the country can be rich and strong. However, such light can only be seen after a long, long period of darkness, and this day will have to go through many, many struggles before it can come. All this can not be done by one or two clean officials, two or three heroes, this requires countless people, countless years and countless generations of struggle and efforts, even if all people do to seek fairness and justice, in the whole world, as small as dust, but countless dust gathered together, it is an unshakable tower. This also requires all the people and all the people to shed blood and get hurt, only the pain will make people gradually wake up, only the pain will let them slowly and from generation to generation to reflect and fight, and only setbacks will make people sharpen the courage and courage to fight. That will come one day, and we may not see it, but we have used our lives to add an extra grain of sand to that tower, so we have never been able to do anything. ”

One moment, he saw a thoughtful glint in his companion's eyes, still smiling with satisfaction, and the next moment, his heart was like lightning and an uncontrollable throbbing pain.

Why, why do words that shocked me thousands of years ago come out of my mouth so naturally at this moment? Why is it that the thoughts that have surfaced countless times in the past thousand years, and have been forcibly suppressed by oneself countless times, can no longer be self-controlled in my heart at this moment?

Jinjie, Jinjie......

Why were you able to make such a prophecy back then? Why are you in the age of wilderness able to see the world thousands of years later?

Isn't it, isn't it...... Are you originally from this world, the acquaintance of the year, the righteousness of the confidant back then, the hand in hand to defend the country back then, and the parting of life and death back then, are all just an ordinary simulation?

So, if it's true...... If it is true, does it mean that in this world, I can still find you again, and once again find those memories and friendships that have been cut off from life and death?

This thought for a lifetime, and powerful thoughts suddenly surged out like a flood.

Yes, there is no longer any way to hide it, no longer to deceive oneself.

In this world, in the face of infinite life, all promises have a deadline, all emotions have a premise, eternity, has long become a joke that no one will believe.

However, he is different. He has experienced a short life of 100 years, in that life, everything will eventually pass, everything can not go forever, but it is precisely because of this that everything will be cherished, and engraved in the soul of the soul, engraved into life, eternal life, dare not forget.

Therefore, for thousands of years, he has been smiling, but in fact, he has never been able to let go of everything in his previous life for a moment.

We can't forget the countless soldiers in Dingyuan City who are full of enthusiasm and are dedicated to defending the country; can't forget the woman who waited for him all his life, but was borne by him all his life; I can't forget the best friend who once stood side by side on the city tower, met to protect the mountains and rivers, and drunk thousands of times.

It's just that, in the face of endless life, you can't forget, it means eternal nostalgia, eternal sadness, and eternal suffering. And how could he, who was determined to do something for the world, bear such pain, to erode his mind and his life.

Therefore, every time you recall, you must force yourself to suppress, every time you miss, you must try your best to put it away, anesthetize yourself with busyness, hypnotize yourself with ideals, only in this way can you have the courage to continue to face life with a smile, instead of decadent memories of the past.

For thousands of years, every time he recalled the advanced remarks of the Wind Festival, he did not doubt his origin. However, such speculations are too amazing, too bold, and too incredible, so they can only be deliberately ignored every time, not daring to think too much, and not daring to delve into them.

It's not that he doesn't want to reunite with his best friend in the world, it's just that in the face of such a slim hope, which is almost invisible, he no longer has the courage to believe it. If there is no hope, there will be no despair. Having lost everything in his previous life, he is no longer strong enough to accept another desperate blow.

It's because I care so much that I have to try my best not to care.

However, at this moment when everything seemed to have become logical, he had to admit how stupid his cowardice and his own evasion were.

If the festival is still there, he will definitely laugh and scold himself for being indecisive and dragging mud and water.

He looked up and sighed softly, but even he didn't know whether he was more remorseful or relieved in this sigh.

He reached out and reached out into the endless starry sky, making a gesture that wanted to catch the stars.

Jinjie, if you are really in this plane......

Well, wait for me.

———————————————————————————————————

For him, who has had experience in his previous life, completing this paper was nothing more than a matter of fingertips. However, in the fourth life, he passed the simulation with a high score rarely seen in history.

However, to everyone's surprise, including himself, he did not take a position in the government, but instead obtained a teaching qualification and became a professor specializing in simulation.

He told himself again and again that he did this because he was too disappointed and worried about the young people in this world, and wanted them to rediscover the true meaning of life in the simulation, so that the system established by their predecessors would not be destroyed in their hands. And this work is much more practical and important than that of civil servants.

However, in the end, he had to admit that he was still a selfish person after all, and he would still give up his obsessive ambitions and commitments for the sake of his own selfishness.

This kind of realization makes him sad and powerless, but for the sake of his best friend, for that little hope, he is willing to bear it.

However, his hope did not give him a reciprocal return.

He has checked all the records since the establishment of the simulation system, and there are still a few students who have entered the WTO under the name of "Fengjin Festival", but it is a pity that there is no trace of Lu Dongli in their simulation careers. He had investigated all of the government-approved time-travel archives for various special reasons, and had not found any traces of them. He even exhausted his savings and published advertisements in the major media in the universe "Feng Jin Festival, Lu Dongli is looking for you", but after waiting for a few years, he still lost his sights and there was no news.

When all the hard work could not be rewarded, when all the waiting proved to be in vain, he had to reluctantly admit that his best friend who had lived and died together may still be waiting for that meeting in the distant future.

The road ahead, perhaps, is still long, long. And he, in this long wait, gradually became familiar with his professorial career. In the past, the slightly pedantic persistence gradually turned into the persistence and principle of the teacher, and the bookish preaching in the past has now become the elder's slightly instigated teaching to the students.

Countless years, how many vicissitudes of life, the former Lu Dongli has changed too much, too much.

So, if he really has a reunion in the future, will he be dusty, his temples are like frost, and he doesn't know even if he meets?

*****************

Two

Pulling out of the smoke-like past, Zhuang Junxu sighed and opened the list of students almost without any hope.

This session seems to be in trouble, several of them have a lot of origins, the one called Ah Han is naturally famous for a long time, Zhang Minxin used to be a girl when she was studying and heard a little about the deeds of the same woman, fortunately, there is a Rong Qian who has performed well and achieved good results in the past, and there are ......

Wind Festival.

His body shook violently, but his gaze was still fixed on the name, and he didn't move half an inch and a half.

He didn't think about it, and he definitely didn't need to look at it a second time.

For a while, countless memories poured out like a tide, drowning him and suffocating him.

the one who smiled lightly and said that he would rather be guilty of capital than sit next to him;

The wind festival that intersects with oneself and transmits the message of wine poems;

The wind festival that stands side by side with himself on the city tower and meets hand in hand to protect the rivers and mountains;

The Feng Jin Festival who had already guessed that he would be abandoned by himself, but still asked himself countless strange questions;

The wind festival that laughed and talked about life and death with himself on a moonlit night, made an appointment with the wind, but refused to look back when he set out the next day, leaving a farewell word;

The one who always seemed to be extremely strong, but in the end, he could only call his name one by one, and fell helplessly under his own knife.

Thousands of threads, how many memories, how many old things, for a while only converged into these three words in front of me:

Wind Festival!

He took a long breath and pressed the edge of the table with almost all his strength, but his body still trembled uncontrollably.

Jinjie, is it you, is it you?

The blood in his whole body was boiling and rushing to his heart, but the inexplicable desolation and pathos cast a layer of fog in front of his eyes. There was a faint pain in the left chest, but it was no longer clear whether it was because the heart could not withstand the impact of the blood due to the sudden agitation, or because the loneliness that had been accumulated for too long poured out in an instant, and it could no longer be resisted, could no longer bear it.

He had been disappointed too many times, so at this moment he knew better than anyone else that the unforgettable name in front of him was probably just another merciless teasing of fate. But even though he knew that hope might be deeper despair, he still wanted to remove the heavy clouds and pursue the faint light in the sky.

Without hope, there can be no despair. But if you haven't experienced countless times of despair, hope will not shine in your eyes.

It's just that......

He looked at the screen on the table, at the pair of eyes reflected on the screen, and at the bottomless darkness in the depths of his eyes.

I don't know how many times I've been able to endure despair, so, Jinjie......

This time, please give me hope no matter what.

———————————————————————————————————

According to the regulations, a drinking party will be held before each simulation to teach students and their entourage to connect with each other.

In the delicate light of the crystal lamp, he saw the Wind Festival.

He stood there gracefully and gently, smiling and greeting everyone in the field, his right hand gently shaking the champagne in his glass, but each time it was only a courtesy.

His eyes are warm, his smile is elegant, and even when they meet for the first time, it makes people feel that he is a good friend, a good partner.

This is a very good person, but Zhuang Junxu's heart has been sinking.

There is no flamboyant bearing, no crazy chic, and even the kind of pride that emanates from the bones, will such a person be him?

He walked over step by step, the light in front of him refracted by the crystal into a myriad of heavy and confused figures.

The scene in front of me is too confusing, too doubtful that you are in an absurd dream.

He was still walking towards the Wind Festival step by step, but he could no longer tell whether it was true or false, right or wrong, hope or despair, and he didn't even know whether it was real or a dream.

The man seems to be in front of him, but the answer he wants is still in an unknown point in the timeline.

And before that moment, all he could do was wait, only to reincarnate in speculation and disappointment again and again, and then finally accept an outcome that he could not refuse, whether true or false.

And, even if the answer is yes, there is still a time gap between the two.

Lu Dongli is his past, but the Fengjin Festival is still his future, and between the past and the future, it is a long time of thousands of years. And this encounter in the middle of this period of time is the first meeting or a reunion, the beginning or the end. And what kind of identity and attitude can he use to face the illusory man in front of him.

This confused account, a thousand clues, I really don't know where to start, just like his state of mind at the moment, his confusion.

He stopped, turned his back to the man in front of him, and called softly, like countless calls in his previous life: "Jinjie!" ”

How many dreams, his soul has returned to the far pass, and he has called his confidant beside him like this; How many nights, when he was lonely and helpless, he called his best friend in his previous life again and again. However, at this moment, when this name, which has been called countless times, comes to his mouth, it will be more like a bitter smile and a sigh.

Feng Jinjie turned around when he heard the sound, but saw the bitterness and sadness at the corner of the tutor's mouth, and couldn't help but be stunned, but he immediately came back to his senses and smiled back: "Professor, is there something wrong?" ”

When this smile came into view, Zhuang Junxu only felt dizzy.

The smile is very easy-going, but the slightly hooked corners of the mouth clearly write arrogance; The eyes were soft, but the sharpness in the depths of the pupils was unabashedly stubborn.

Such a smile is too familiar to him, familiar for thousands of years, and he has never forgotten it for a moment.

As if it was a moment ago, the man smiled faintly and said, "There is only the festival of capital sin in the world, and there is no festival of wind and energy to sit next to." And at this moment, that smile has traveled through endless time and space, and has come to the eyes.

His body shook slightly, only to feel that the weakness that had accumulated for thousands of years had washed away his reason.

Whether this similarity, such an overlap, is an illusion or a reality, he is unable to tell, and he no longer wants to tell.

He was too tired, too confused, and even unwilling to face this foggy reality, but just wanted to bury himself in the illusion of nothingness that he had weaved, and never wake up again.

He sighed softly in his heart:

That's it, that's it. True or false, let me have a dream before the answer appears.

He smiled lightly, his expression soared like never before, and he smiled at Feng Jinjie and said, "It's nothing, I just think you are very much like a dear friend of mine." ”

"Oh?" Raising his eyebrows slightly, Feng Jinjie looked at Zhuang Junxu's expression that was obviously stuck in memory, and couldn't help but quip: "Then shouldn't I feel honored?" ”

Zhuang Junxu's voice came from his ears without the slightest hesitation: "If you don't think I'm not modest enough, then I will say, yes." ”

Feng Jinjie raised his head in astonishment, but when he saw the light on Zhuang Junxu's face, it was so bright that people didn't dare to force their eyes.

"He's the best, the most amazing man in the world. Becoming friends with him was the luckiest thing in my life; The days I spent with him are the most precious and memorable memories of my life. ”

The Wind Festival can't help but be confused.

What kind of excellence can make people unhesitating and unreservedly proud of it? What kind of friendship can make people so sincere and so emotionally reminiscing?

has also longed for true friendship countless times, but the pride in his bones is too deep, so he forgets how to appreciate it, and the trajectory of life is too long, so he forgets how to cherish it, so he always fails to do so. But in the final analysis, it was because there had never been a person in front of him, good enough to make him willing to be the tamed fox.

In the future, will I have the opportunity to see such excellence and have such friendship?

He couldn't help but ask softly, "Can you tell me what kind of person he is?" ”

Zhuang Junxu glanced at him deeply, and his tone was so complicated that people couldn't hear the joy, anger and sorrow: "Naturally, you can." ”

His eyes were blurred, the focus of his gaze wandered, and he didn't know whether he was staring at the wind in front of him, or if he had looked into the endless void thousands of miles away: "His appearance is the most handsome of the men I have ever seen, and his martial arts are the strongest among the men I have ever seen." But it didn't matter, because his bearing had overshadowed his handsomeness, and his sharpness had overshadowed his arrogance. ”

Talking about his heroic best friend back then, his always gentle and elegant voice is constantly revealing a bit of sharpness: "He has a natural freedom." Full of guests, among the beauties, he was dressed in silk and gold and jade, but he couldn't let his chic be dyed with a little red dust and cheesiness; Gonggao was jealous, and when he was demoted, his hands were dusty and greasy, but he couldn't let his bearing be stained with a trace of humility.

"He's more naturally arrogant. was falsely accused, and he knew that he could get away with it with just a little money, but he would rather draw a pen on the spot, admit his guilt, and spend ten times and a hundred times the amount of silver up and down. He refused to bow his head a little and let the prefect who blackmailed him get his wish; When he was treated poorly, he did not attack or be wronged, but only said lightly, 'I would rather be guilty of a capital crime than sit next to him', and clearly put his pride and persistence in front of the other party; even if he was killed unjustly, he only laughed and said, 'It is a mediocre talent who does not attract envy'...... To die. ”

When he said this, his heart ached violently, and he couldn't help but staggered back a step. He looked up and saw that Feng Jinjie was listening attentively, and he didn't feel his gaffe at all, so he took a deep breath and continued: "He is a rare great man in the world, and he is also a rare good friend in the world. For the sake of his friends, he can immediately fight thousands of elite soldiers with the strength of one person, until he is crippled and dying; For the sake of his friends, he can bend his pride, bow down and confess his guilt for the injustice he should not bear, and be subject to military law, and his flesh and blood are drenched; For the sake of his friends, he knew that if he took a step back, he would leap forward, and that further would be a mortal situation, but he still held his head high, exchanging his own life for his friend's life, and exchanging his friend's family and country with the blood on his neck......"

His voice was not loud, but every word was like a torrent, rushing out of the corner of his heart that had been closed for many years; He tried his best to maintain his apparent calm, but his body still trembled slightly uncontrollably, and the deepest part of his pupils was surging, as if there was great grief and pain, and he was about to erupt from this thin body.

Jinjie, I know that no matter how I bear you, how I abandon you, no matter how badly you are hurt and how deep the pain is, you will not complain, you will not regret, and you still regard the person who hurt you deeply as the most important friend in your life.

You fought bloody battles for me with one enemy and thousands, but I abandoned you, whose life and death are unknown, in the vast desert; You used military food to help the people, and you did your duty as a soldier, but I punished you with military law, and beat you to a blur of flesh and blood; You ask again and again, you make me choose again and again, but I give the most cruel and ruthless answers again and again, and put you on the side of the outcast again and again; You threw yourself into the net for my life, but I couldn't do anything for your life, I could only watch you being pushed to death, and put you to death with a knife with my own hands. But again and again, you just smile and say, you understand, you understand, you don't care, even if you are really angry with me for the first and last time, you only scold me for your life, and you still never blame me for my ruthlessness and coldness.

It's just that you will know that if you don't regret it, you don't hate, you don't complain, but I will regret it, I will hate, I will complain?

Every time I choose to give up on you, I can give a thousand reasons, but no matter how high-sounding and righteous these reasons are, none of them can make me feel at ease; Every time I choose to give up on you, my heart will be like a knife, and I can't wait to replace you, but in the end, I can only sit and watch the pain you suffer because of my choice, unable to help, powerless to soothe, and can only let guilt erode the bone marrow; Every time I choose to give up on you, I will complain that there is no way in this world and that this world is ruthless, but in the end, thousands of resentments can only be attributed to my own body, I can only blame myself for being powerless, and I can only blame myself for being a friend in vain.

You said that becoming friends with Lu Dongli is the luckiest thing in your life;

But I can only say that becoming friends with me is the biggest misfortune in the life of the Wind Festival!

I owe you too much, I owe you too much, but at this moment, I am alone, and I am told how to remedy it, how to pay it back?

So, Jinjie, can you tell me right away that this familiar and strange teenager in front of you is actually yourself?

May I?

———————————————————————————————————

Here, Zhuang Junxu looked at Feng Jinjie with expectant eyes that were almost scorching, but Feng Jinjie didn't seem to notice anything, just raised his head slightly, and his eyes revealed a look of infinite yearning.

He had always liked to read the early martial arts novels and heroic legends of the vernacular in the vernacular, and when he heard such a legend that should not have appeared in this era at all, he had already automatically classified it into the category of ancient legends in his mind, and he was completely oblivious to how abnormal it was for this story to appear in the mouth of his mentor in such a way.

At this moment, in his heart, there is only admiration, only fascination, and a little sadness.

He is a person who has a romantic complex in his bones, and since he was a child, he has longed for knights to walk the rivers and lakes, the chic of happiness and hatred, the heroes who stick to their integrity, and the unyielding style, and the friendship between confidants who know each other and cut thorns together. It's just that in this modern society, where technology is highly developed and human feelings are extremely weak, such desires cannot be understood by anyone, and he can only hide them deep in his heart. However, today, he heard such a character and a legend from his mentor's mouth, and the person in the story was almost completely consistent with the image of a dashing man in his mind, which made him feel like a bosom friend.

It's just that...... The professor said I was like that person?

Feng Jinjie couldn't help but sigh softly in his heart.

Why doesn't he want to be free and easy, laugh at the prince, why doesn't he want to fight the sword and the rivers and lakes, punish the evil and promote the good. It's just that in a society with a highly developed system, there are more constraints with freedom, and in the face of various laws and regulations that are as heavy as silkworm cocoons, how can those teenagers have room for swaying. If he really does it wantonly, I am afraid that the possibility of being sent to the treatment center will be greater.

Thinking of this, Feng Jinjie couldn't help but high-five and sighed: "If I have one-tenth of that person's chic heroism, this life will not be in vain for this man." ”

He said this from the bottom of his heart, but before he could finish speaking, the eyes of the mentor before he met suddenly turned gray.

For a moment, he had the illusion that the person who was talking a second ago had now become a soulless clay sculpture of wood.

But it was only for a moment. Before Feng Jinjie came back to his senses, Zhuang Junxu smiled faintly: "One day, you will be like him." ”

It was a very ordinary sentence, but when it came out of his mouth at this moment, there was a bit of self-comfort, mixed with faint eagerness and panic.

Isn't it yet? It's okay, maybe I can wait.

Wait until this self-hypnotic dream ushers in its unknowable ending.

***************************

Three

On the third day after the reception, the teachers and students who had packed their bags passed through the small building and transported to the simulated era, and the students immediately began to choose the topic.

Fang Qingchen smiled with a proud smile that could not be questioned at all, and almost without thinking, he set the topic as "The Perfect Love of the Emperor"; After reading almost all the simulation records of the previous students, Xiao Rong seriously wrote a plan for each of the four topics of the primary election, and then carefully chose "On the Fate of the Lonely Minister" from these four; Ah Han did rack his brains and think for a while, but after being shattered by Zhang Minxin's ulterior motives, he is now tragically bombarded by countless Tan Meiwen.

As for Feng Jinjie, he just sat in front of the computer with a contemplative face, flipping through various historical materials over and over again, and hesitated to make a decision.

As a mentor, Zhuang Junxu can actually let it go, but one night, he still quietly walked behind Feng Jinjie.

"Jinjie, why don't you sleep at such a late hour?"

Feng Jinjie turned around and smiled politely and gently: "Professor, I'm still preparing the thesis. ”

Deliberately ignoring the strangeness in this smile and the obvious difference between up and down, Zhuang Junxu smiled, and a little warmth oozed from his eyes: "It's so late, don't be busy yet, let's go up and take a walk." ”

Feng Jinjie was stunned for a moment, but firstly, he was really tired, and secondly, such an invitation between friends also made him unwilling to refuse, so he nodded immediately: "Okay." ”

The two of them walked into the elevator and stood on the roof of the building in an instant. looked up, but saw that the moonlight was bright, pouring between the sleeves of the two like a cool spring; The evening stars shine lightly, scattered in the dark blue night sky, and there is also a quiet feeling. The night breeze was light, and the moonlight and starlight seemed to tremble, like silver-white silk satin rippling on the deep pool. Like an autumn night, it is as clear as autumn water, and as soft as the rhyme of the piano.

Zhuang Junxu couldn't help but sigh in a low voice: "After many years of vicissitudes, this starry sky is still the same." ”

The good night is like this, the good friends are like this, this situation and this scene, it seems that even time, space and memory have been disturbed by the evening breeze. In a trance, he thought he was back on that night, standing with his best friend on the tower where they had fought countless times, saying words that made his heart ache every time he remembered it in the future.

That night, the man made a life and death appointment with him in the most contemptuous tone; That night, the man carefully left countless instructions and instructions; That night, the man made the warmest promise to him, and left the best expectations; That night......

However, at this moment, the stars and the moon are still the same, and the evening breeze is still the same, but it is just ...... What about people?

There was a bit of confusion in his eyes, but then he suddenly forced himself to suppress the sudden rush of thoughts. He froze and just wanted to say something, but he heard a plausible sigh from Feng Jinjie beside him: "It's a pity that the hearts of people in this world have become too fast. ”

Zhuang Junxu turned his head when he heard this: "Why did Jinjie say this?" ”

"It's nothing, it's just that I recently looked up information for the topic, and I couldn't help but sigh a little when I saw some people and things." Feng Jinjie raised his head and looked at the starry sky and the moon, and the moonlight was reflected in his eyes, intertwined into a blur: "We and the ancients are just holding the same starry sky, but the countless loyal ministers and righteous men in the history books, and countless blue blood pill hearts, are just a short period of ten million years, but I can't understand it." ”

Perhaps it was the depression that had been accumulated for too long that finally found a cathartic gap, and his bewildered words poured out like water bursting the embankment: "I can't understand why they can do their duty faithfully and give everything for the country, even if they are mistreated and let down by the country again and again, they will not give up; I can't understand why they were exiled, imprisoned, tortured, and still unyielding for the sake of an idea; I can't understand why, as eunuchs, they tofu and cabbage every day, only working every day so that other people can live and work in peace and contentment, even if they are finally convicted, the whole family is beheaded, and the property copied from the family is often so poor that it is not worth it. I sometimes even wonder if that kind of person and that kind of thing are just nothing, whether it is just that the superior wants to set an example for his subordinates, and whether it is just that the people need a dream, so that after the addition, deletion and modification of countless people, such a saint-like loyal ......minister will appear" (Note: The above part of the sentence is excerpted from Chapter 30 "The Truth" of the Wind Strength Festival)

The speaker was unintentional, but Zhuang Junxu was shocked when he heard the words.

The person who destroyed his family and relieved the difficulties and defeated the army of a country with the strength of one person, the person who was worried about military affairs and would rather break his pride and bend to his house than stay in the army, the person who was in white robe and silver armor, and whose prestige made the soldiers of the enemy country frightened, the person who was let down by the country but still refused to lose the country, and would rather die than send a soldier to the country in vain, did he also have such confusion and confusion?

"Not really." He interrupted Feng Jinjie's words with a wry smile, and his heart couldn't help but add a little heaviness: "Most of those loyal and upright ministers have really existed in this world before, and even I ...... myself" His expression became a little subtle: "I have also met one." ”

Feng Jinjie wondered: "Is it during the simulation?" ”

Zhuang Junxu just smiled with a complicated expression and did not answer.

Feng Jinjie stared at him deeply, as if he wanted to find a trace of the shadow of the loyal minister in his mouth. After a long time, he raised his head and sighed: "It's just that if I haven't witnessed it myself, I still can't believe it." ”

"Then why not try it yourself?" Zhuang Junxu's voice suddenly trembled slightly, and even he himself could hear the faint temptation in his words: "Since you haven't decided on a topic yet, why don't you take advantage of the great opportunity of simulation to meet for a while, or try to become such a person yourself?" ”

When Feng Jinjie heard this, his whole body was shocked, and he slowly raised his head, and the light in his pupils gradually dispelled the fog in his eyes.

yes, why didn't you think of it?

These days, I have a headache about the topic, and my eyes always seem to be covered with a layer of fog, and I can't come up with a topic that I am slightly satisfied with.

Or is it that I had vaguely thought of this direction for a long time, but at the bottom of my heart, there are some fears that I don't know and don't know for myself, and let myself ignore it again and again?

Are you afraid that with your own selfishness and shallowness, it is impossible to understand such sentiments, and you will bury this paper in vain, or are you afraid that when you finally understand such sentiments, you will show your selfishness and shallowness in front of your eyes with more blood?

It's just that......

Hiding yourself in your shell, not experiencing pain, not accepting your weaknesses and shortcomings, how can you break through the barriers of life and see the scenery higher and farther away.

What's more, as a man, how can he retreat easily because of such a challenge.

He smiled loudly, his eyebrows revealing the sharpness of a young man: "Okay, professor, my thesis is set as, loyal minister." ”

Zhuang Junxu stared at the extremely familiar look on Feng Jinjie's face steadily, and for a while he couldn't take his eyes off a minute and a half. Between his chest, he was slowly filled with an inexplicable complex feeling, and the moistness that suddenly gushed out of the corners of his eyes made him dare not guess what it would be.

He just used all his mental strength, barely suppressed the emotions rushing out of his heart, and then said in the calmest tone: "The word 'loyal minister' contains too much content, and taking this as a topic will inevitably affect the results due to the suspicion of cheating, I still recommend that you choose one of the aspects as the topic." ”

"For the word 'loyal minister', my confusion, my incomprehension, and the exploration I want to make are too many, how can I be limited to one aspect?" Feng Jinjie frowned and expressed his dissatisfaction.

"I understand."

Feng Jinjie looked at his mentor with a little surprise, but saw that he just had a stereotypical look of business: "Just to not deduct points, it is also necessary to revise the thesis." Anyway, the topic is just a formality. The freedom of the simulation is still in your own hands, and as long as your actions do not go beyond the category of 'loyal servant', the topic cannot be too restrictive in terms of scores, so why not change the thesis? ”

Hearing this, Feng Jinjie lowered his head and pondered for a while, and said, "Then change it to 'the choice of loyal ministers'." ”

Zhuang Junxu was slightly stunned when he heard this, but immediately smiled: "That's it." ”

He looked up at the starry sky he had once looked up at with his best friend, and smiled faintly.

Jinjie, Jinjie, am I getting closer and closer to you now?

Someday, I'll wait until you're standing in front of me, and Lang smiled and said, "Tori, let's have a drink." ”

**************************

Four

All the students in the class, including Han, knew that Xiaorong and Jinjie were the professor's proudest students. Almost all of the classmates have been told by Zhuang Junxu, who hates iron but not steel, like this: "Look at people's Jinjie, look at people's small appearances......"

But no one knows what the pain and powerlessness that flashed on Zhuang Junxu's face every time he mentioned the excellent performance of the Wind Jin Festival.

Yes, as a student, a simulator, there is no doubt about the excellence of the Wind Festival. He was a perfect loyal servant, reporting to the monarchy, protecting the people, doing his best, and then dying. Every time he was faced with a fork in the road, he would make the most important choice that a loyal minister should make. He performed impeccably, and there was no foul play, such a simulator can be regarded as one in a thousand.

As Professor Zhuang, he couldn't have any opinions, but as Lu Dongli, all this could only make him collapse little by little.

Regardless of the fact that there has never been a person named Lu Dongli beside Feng Jinjie in every life, and no matter how chic or graceful the performance of Feng Jinjie is, even the arrogance is almost invisible, because in the face of these, Zhuang Junxu can also comfort himself and say, it doesn't matter, there is still the next life, and there is hope for the next time.

But what made Zhuang Junxu desperate the most was the perfect performance of the Wind Festival.

It was not only a perfect performance, but a perfect performance.

The simulation of every life is nothing more than the most realistic drama, the script has long been in the minds of the actors, and every step is just a step-by-step process. The simulation of each life is nothing more than a series of exquisite chanting and playing, and it is enough to win the applause of the house, and who cares that there is a little similarity between the actor and the character. took off his makeup and took off his costumes, the Wind Festival is still the Wind Festival, and he is still the boy who doesn't understand what loyalty is, and he has nothing to do with the loyal minister who serves the country and the people on the stage.

What's more, even on the stage, the performance of the Wind Festival is nothing more than a performance. Whether it was in the face of the king to whom he had sworn allegiance, or the people he was determined to protect, in his eyes, in the depths of loyalty and steadfastness, there was always only an unbreakable indifference like ice, which had been wrapped in the deeper depths of indifference, confusion.

If everything is just so desperate, then that's all, but the fate of people is to exchange hope and disappointment into a glass of mixed wine, so that you can taste a trace of sweetness in front of the most bitter and cruel truth, and then let you sink into deeper bitterness when you chase that sweetness.

Because what he sees on the screen is more than just the Wind Festival.

Fang Qingchen, Rong Xiu, Di Fei, Di Jing, Yan Li...... One by one, the names that thundered in his previous life, but now they are jumping in front of him one by one, how can he not believe that this is the world he once existed.

It's just that why does providence make people, things are still the same, but the figure of the old man is completely different.

Every time he saw everything in the history books reappearing in front of him, he couldn't help but emerge from despair, trying to believe in his dreams again; However, every time he saw the figure of Feng Jinjie, he asked how to convince himself to regard the person in front of him with unfamiliar eyes and breath as his best friend.

Time and space, even with today's technology, are too complex propositions. If his arrival disturbs the laws of the world, how can we be sure that what is still on the same trajectory and what has changed beyond recognition.

Having experienced countless disappointments, does he still have the courage to believe all this? However, if you don't believe it, how long can he support his struggle in this whirlpool of despair......

Zhuang Junxu can be sure that the Feng Jinjie he knew in his previous life was by no means acting, or rather, at least not acting completely.

The Fengjin Festival that silently agreed with him to guard the great rivers and mountains, the Fengjin Festival that still struggled to survive after fighting alone with 5,000 soldiers and horses, the Fengjin Festival that laughed and said that he was enlightened, the Fengjin Festival that talked to him all night at the head of the city, and the Fengjin Festival who angrily denounced him for weakness and selfishness when he wanted to commit suicide, must have never acted, but used his true face and sincerity to face his best friends and the people of his family and country that he wanted to protect.

So, is this Feng Jinjie in front of him a passerby at all, or he has been a mess from beginning to end, his former best friend has never treated him sincerely, and has never been worthy of his trust and dependence.

He didn't want to think about it, he didn't dare to think about it.

He could only watch, watch, and wait day by day, month by month, year by year, and the hope in his heart dimmed little by little, little by little, and turned into ashes little by little.

The cruelest thing in this world is not to make a person completely hopeless, but to put a plausible hope in front of him, to make him excited, to make him hopeful, to make him willingly endure the long wait, and then in this endless waiting, to crush the hope in front of him little by little, and then from time to time to give him a new spark of hope, after he finally regained his strength, he set off a greater wave of evil to knock him over, so that he slipped into the abyss of despair step by step in the cycle of struggle.

———————————————————————————————————

When Feng Jinjie was preparing for the sixth accession to the WTO, Zhuang Junxu called him into the office.

The moment he opened the door, what caught his eye was Zhuang Junxu's extremely tired face. At that moment, he almost thought that all the hopes and expectations in the world were gone, and all that was left was never-ending despair.

However, after a moment, that face was so rigid that it did not have the slightest expression, and even the voice became stiff and patterned: "Jinjie, as far as the standards of the school are concerned, your performance in the first five lives is very good, your behavior is closely related to the topic, and you also have a very good grasp of the simulated object, as long as there is no too serious situation in the next life, it will not be a problem to get a graduation certificate." ”

When Feng Jinjie heard this, his brows jumped slightly, and there was no half joy on his face, but a deep fog appeared in his eyes. He was silent for a while, and then Fang pondered his words and said, "What does the professor mean...... Am I performing well enough to satisfy you? ”

"As a professor, I can really only say that I am satisfied, but ......" Speaking of this sentence "just", Zhuang Junxu suddenly sighed uncontrollably, and the stereotype on his face suddenly collapsed, and the deep sense of powerlessness that was suppressed in it, mixed with a trace of indescribable sadness, then poured out like a bank in this sigh. He said with a little bitterness: "As a person who has come over, Jinjie, I think you have not done enough, and the purpose of your simulation is far from being achieved." ”

He stared at Feng Jinjie, but even his eyes lost their due brilliance: "Jinjie, with your intelligence and understanding, you should only know better than me." ”

Feng Jinjie's eyes jumped, but it was only silent.

Sure enough, only the person in front of him, who is also a teacher and friend, can see through his predicament, and see through the deepest confusion, pain, and powerlessness in his heart.

He's got great grades, he's done well, so rightfully he should be happy and satisfied. Everyone envied him, everyone congratulated him, whether it was Qingchen who had always been sharp-eyed and poisonous, or Xiaorong, who was thoughtful, but no one really understood his desire, his pursuit, and no one would see through the deepest loss hidden under his smiling mask.

After five lifetimes, he was up and down in the red dust, but he never forgot his confusion and his old wish. He worked hard to abandon everything about the Wind Festival, tried to fit into the wild world, and tried hard to play the role of a clean official and loyal minister who had always confused him. However, in vain because of his efforts and his enthusiasm, the cold barriers built by tens of thousands of years still ruthlessly crushed his efforts and cold his blood. The fifth world of light flies, he is still puzzled, still confused, such a world, such feelings, is still untouchable and distant, the time of the fifth world has been wasted.

His scenery, his excellence, everyone praised; His frustration, his powerlessness, but always laughed in his heart, laughing at his incompetence and arrogance, so that the praise seemed to turn into a piercing ridicule, piercing from the ear drum into the bone marrow, piercing the self-esteem and pride in the depths of his soul to the flesh and blood.

However, at this moment, even if someone could finally explain the pain in his heart in one word, he was still speechless.

Just as only the mentor in front of him can understand his disappointment, only he can read the expectation and disappointment in Zhuang Junxu's eyes again and again. He didn't understand what was behind those burning emotions, but that didn't mean he didn't understand the state of mind of the mentor at the moment. And in the face of such deep expectations and such real disappointments, he has already been defeated, and he is still qualified to defend and explain anything.

Zhuang Junxu saw that he didn't say a word, and smiled bitterly at the moment, but even such a simple expression seemed to have exhausted the strength of his whole body: "Jinjie, I know what you desire, know your pursuit, and know that you are by no means a person who just wants to mix a graduation certificate; I can also see your efforts and see what you have put in. But, Jinjie, the fifth world simulation, what did you get, and what did you realize? No matter how much you paid for this simulation, look at the original intention of your simulation, and then look at your current results, are you willing, are you willing to get only such a result for your questions? ”

Before he could finish speaking, a deep despair suddenly rushed from the bottom of his heart to the top of his head, Zhuang Junxu suddenly gasped in pain, but if he wanted to question, he wanted to scream, but he couldn't continue anymore.

Jinjie, I don't know if you are willing or not, but I am unwilling, I am not reconciled! I am unwilling to wait for thousands of years but in the end I can only usher in a desperate dead end, I am not willing to let the hope that once burned be extinguished little by little, I am not willing to pay so much, I have been looking forward to it for so long, but in the end it is all wrong, all dreams, all empty!

He shook his head vigorously, barely steady, but his voice was so hoarse that it was impossible to hear it really: "Jinjie, you have one life left, and there is only one life left, this is already you and ...... This is already your last chance. I know you've done your best before, but in this last life, can you try harder, be more attentive, don't always stand in the perspective of a bystander, can you try to integrate into their lives and thoughts, can you try again, to realize again? ”

He stopped talking, and uttered a silent cry in his heart:

Jinjie, can you give me one last hope?

Feng Jinjie heard this, but only let out a low wry smile.

Professor, it's not that I don't want to, it's that I'm really too tired, too tired.

I'm not a light dust, I am sad every time, and in the end I stabbed myself and the other party all over the body; I am not Xiaorong, every time I give my sincerity, I am abandoned as a weak person, and I am not a Han, wrapping my heart in a thick cocoon in the ruthless world.

I just wanted to give my heart, but every time I found that in that world, I didn't have a heart at all.

We have the most powerful technology, we have the deepest wisdom, but that feeling, that nobility, cannot be demonstrated by our equations, and cannot be understood by my thinking. They are too far away, too unfamiliar, too unattainable, and how can I find my own heart in them.

I've tried everything you said, but how can a person who doesn't even have a heart really do all this.

So every simulation is just a puppet show cut off from the heart. The first time I can say that it doesn't matter, the second time I can say that there will be a next time, but when every simulation is a decades-long frustration and torture, no matter how tough the fighting spirit will be worn out, no matter how hot the enthusiasm will be cold, how can I continue to persevere.

Professor, as you said, I have tried my best, and it is impossible to give more, put in more.

So, if that puts you down, then all I can say is, I'm sorry.

Feng Jinjie raised his head, his eyes as calm as the surface of a frozen lake: "Professor, if there is nothing else, I will go out first." ”

Zhuang Junxu looked at Feng Jinjie, the tingling pain in his eyes flashed, and after a long time, Fang nodded lightly: "It's okay, you go out first." ”

Feng Jinjie did not hesitate, turned around and walked towards the door, except for a hint of apology in the corner of his eye, he did not leave anything behind.

It wasn't until Feng Jinjie's resolute back completely disappeared outside the door that Zhuang Junxu's stiff body shook, took a few steps backwards, and finally sat weakly on the office chair.

How could he not know that the Wind Festival had already done its best, and how could he not know that this conversation, this final gamble, was doomed to be in vain. It's just that before the cup is revealed, he still has to hold on to the last bit of light in front of him, and he is not willing to be completely swallowed by the darkness.

It's just that when the last bit of hope has been sunk, how much meaning does the final fate have?

He chuckled in despair.

I have long known that this is just a self-anesthetized dream, why are you still reluctant to let go?

Now that all the bets have been placed, is it too late to get out of the way?