Happiness in life comes from sincerity

Qinggu's happiness

That day, I wanted to die. Growing up, I hated rainy days, because when it did, I could only curl up in the only dry part of the house, wrapped in the only broken quilt, and watch the rain dripping from the roof dripping wet the rest of the house, and the rainy day would deprive me of the warmth of the only place I lived, and the cold would drill into my bones and make me miserable; Growing up, I hated thunder very much, and when I saw other children getting into their parents' arms during thunder, I also thought, but my father's cold words and disgusted eyes scared me, and I didn't dare to throw myself into my father's arms, nor did I dare to go to my mother's grave to cry, and those people said that if my mother could survive, she would definitely strangle me, the monster who killed her, with her own hands. Over time, I began to hate the thunderstorm, hated hearing the thunder, and it reminded me all the time that you were an abandoned and hated evil spirit.

I used to think that my efforts would make my father look at me more, I used to think that my smallness and forbearance would make others feel a little sympathy, but all my efforts turned into a bubble that day, and my father disappeared into the fire with the hut that could still hold me, I wanted to cry, but I couldn't, looking at my father who was like black charcoal and the hut that had become ashes, I wanted to cry without tears. The people around me looked at me with even more disdain, and they said that not only did I kill my mother, but even my father could not escape the fate of being killed by me. Having buried my father alone, I struggled to survive, not looking at the eyes of others who hated me, ignoring the insults and stones that fell on me, I survived alone, huddled in the hut I had built, and lived a life of thinking about nothing and thinking about nothing. Sixteen years passed, and I struggled to survive in the eyes and disgust of others.

I thought I could still struggle, but that day, I couldn't struggle, I didn't think about the bride's big red sedan chair, I didn't expect the beautiful wedding dress of the new daughter-in-law, but I was still a woman, I envy those women who get married, I envy those who have a bright future. Looking at the lively crowd in the distance, listening to the cursing of the children around him, the stones and mud hit his body, and the already numb heart suddenly swelled with pain, why, the same people, I have never hurt others, never provoked others, but why can't all people tolerate me, can't tolerate a single me who doesn't do any harm to them? For the first time, tears slid down in front of people, and the stuffiness and pain in my chest could no longer be suppressed, and I painfully released my sadness. At that moment, all the people around me shouted and dodged, looking at those tough men with sticks, shouting and killing and running towards me, I want to laugh, you can endlessly insult me, tease me, bully me, I don't even have the power to shout? I can't fight, I don't even have the ability to chase those children, I don't even have the ability to avoid bullying, do you need to shout at me like this?

For the first time, I realized that perhaps death was the only way out and liberation for me. With this thought, I decided to die, and no longer be nostalgic for this place where I have lived for more than twenty years, where there are no people and things that I am nostalgic for; I don't want to be nostalgic for this world anymore, there is no reason for me to be nostalgic here; Thunderstorms fall from the sky, and for the first time I have so strongly longed for the arrival of thunderstorms. Heaven, they all say that you are just and merciful, can you show me your kindness, use your kindness to take my life, let me end this painful existence, and free me from this miserable fate. But God still hates me, and he still wants to make me suffer this infinite torment, and he will not take my life with his mercy and his wrath. I'm not reconciled, God, if you don't accept it, I can always give it up myself.

With the determination to die, I went out into the wilderness, I went to find a way for me to end my life, I went to find a suitable place to bury myself. A tall tree came into my eyes, its thick branches waving out of its diaphragm beckoning to me, as if it were a mother opening her arms to me, it was calling to me, come, my child, come to my body, I will grant your wish for you. Step by step, I struggled towards it, towards the only place that could accept me.

However, I couldn't get to it, and something got in my way, nearly tripping me to the ground. Just as I looked angrily at the thing that was stopping me, the black thing moved, it was a living thing? Gradually, a pair of bright eyes looked at me from this thing, and this black thing was actually a person, a person who was covered in mud. Just when I was amazed and inexplicable, this man grinned, and he smiled at me, yes, it was a smile, although the grin was not very big in the mud, but his eyes told me that it was a laugh, a smile without any ridicule, any insult, and in an instant, a warm current passed through my heart, and something was revived in my heart.

I bent down to wipe the mud off this man's face, to get a better look at him, to wonder how he could lie here, how he could smile at me like that. However, when I saw him clearly, I was frightened, what kind of man was this, he was missing an arm, and the broken part was still showing the pale color of the bone; His body was covered with wounds, and the blood was covered in mud, showing a black and red color, which was terrifying to look at. I couldn't help but scream.

He was too frightened to frighten me because of his misery, and told me not to be afraid, and explained to me why he was hurt, and he was too frightening to me. And I should have been afraid to run away in such a scene like this, but, maybe I was too tired from running for a long time, maybe I was frightened by that person, maybe his gentle tone made me feel at ease, I sat down with my back against the tree, and listened to him babble to me about what happened to him, how he met the robbers, how he fought desperately with the robbers, how he fought hundreds of robbers alone bravely and invinciblely (Xiao Rong roared: It's thousands, how dare you give me nine-tenths less?). Dream: Is it heroic to miss schoolwork? Is it very proud to brag nonsense in front of the young girl who is weak? Hmph, that's nine tenths of the way out, what can you do to me? Everyone roared in unison: Dream, don't you dare to arrange our family's small appearance...... The old fists came out together, and a certain dream flew in tears............ How to win the love of others with fearless heroism............

He said it for a long, long time, and I listened in amazement, I had never heard such a wonderful story, the people of the village never spoke to me, I occasionally heard them talk about how great it was for someone to kill a mad wild dog, and occasionally to hear someone talk about how good it was for someone to kill a pig. This man is very good, no one has ever said so much to me, I can't tell if what he says is true or not, I just know that he is saying these things to me, he is telling me stories, and that is enough. Wo didn't realize that the fear in my heart was completely gone, and my determination to die was gone.

Therefore, when he asked me why I had come here, I suddenly remembered the purpose of my visit, and the feeling of gloomy helplessness and pain in my heart came back to me, and suddenly, I also wanted to talk to someone, to talk to my heart, so I replied to him: I want to die. It seemed to me that he would ask me strangely why I was dying, and I would be able to tell him all the pain and grievances in my heart, to a stranger who didn't know me, to someone I didn't know why I wanted to confide in him.

Although he knew, after listening to it, he replied to me lightly: yes? Then he stopped talking, said nothing, asked nothing. I waited and waited, but I still didn't wait for the question I imagined, so I asked him unwillingly: Why don't you ask me why I want to die.

"What is there to ask, it is nothing more than that I feel that I am the most miserable person in the world, that no one in the world cherishes me, and that it is better to die. I have suffered a catastrophe, my family property has been lost, my relatives have no family, I have no way out, I am still crippled, I still want to try my best to live, but some people feel that they are the worst, a person who does not even cherish himself at all, does not plan for himself, and even intends to kill himself, but blames no one in the world for caring about himself, I have seen a lot of this kind of person. ”

His answer made me stunned, yes, like, it seems that he is worse than me, yes, I have never been looked at by others, I have never been loved by my relatives, and he has lost it all after getting it. Yes, he was worse than me, and the taste of getting and then losing was even more sad. Such a person who is worse than me still has to live, or do his best to live, and I, and I think of dying. At that moment, I suddenly felt how shameful it was for me to think about dying. However, I have had enough of the old struggles and don't want to suffer anymore, and I don't seem to have any reason to suffer that kind of pain anymore. In the struggle between life and death, I cried, the first time I cried out loud in front of outsiders, and the first time I vented my pain and sorrow in front of others.

When I had cried enough, when I could think, the man lying in the mud spoke slowly, and he said, Do you really know what death is like? He began to describe the tragedy of people after death, and every word that came out of his mouth made me tremble, and I was scared and shouted, don't scare me, I won't be afraid. The man lying on the ground didn't laugh at me, he didn't get angry, he said to me in a very flat voice who has time to scare you, I just hurt too much, I just want to find someone to talk to, to distract myself. I was stunned again, yes, there must be so many injuries on his body, it must be very painful. In the face of my idiotic inquiry, he roared angrily, louder than me: "Try to see if it hurts to be slashed a hundred times and then poured salt water." "I was ashamed in his roar, and he muttered to me that there was one good thing you could do before you died, and that was to talk to me and reduce my pain. For some reason, even though I couldn't speak, I couldn't talk to anyone, but I sat down and listened to him and listen to him continue to tell me stories. In those hours, I forgot about my misfortunes, what I was here for, everything around me, my mind fluctuated with the man's story, and my mood was surprisingly calm. So, when it got dark, I suddenly woke up and said it was time for me to go, but I was not in the mood to die.

After walking out of the section, I turned around and came to the side of the man on the ground, I can't leave like this, this man on the ground is very badly injured, without my care, he may be going to die, but he doesn't want to die, he needs my help, I can't watch him die and ignore it. I didn't want to die, but I used this excuse to convince myself to survive. From the eyes of the people on the ground, I could see that he had seen through my thoughts, but he pretended not to know my thoughts, and even said to me in a vicious tone, "If you want to save it, save it, and if you don't save it, you can leave, don't let my mother-in-law and mother-in-law go." Strange to say, when I made up my mind to bring him home, I was surprisingly happy, I knew that his bad words were false, and he made me make up my mind to help him, in fact, he was helping me. Along the way, I tried my best to pull him back to my dilapidated house, along the way, I was in a very good mood, very happy, for the first time in my life, I had a happy feeling, I was cared for, I could care for others, I was no longer alone.

In the days to come, I lived an unusually full and happy life, and the people in the village still laughed at me, sarcastically mocked me, and disgusted me, but I didn't care about their cynicism, and I didn't care about their bad words, because I had Brother Rong, he didn't scold me, he smiled at me, even if he was sweating in pain, he would still smile at me, very warm, very equal laughter, there was Brother Rong at home who treated me as a person, and I was a dignified and normal person in front of Brother Rong. We get along easily, he takes care of me calmly, as if we have been together for a long time, as if we have been a family for a long time, I should have taken care of him, he should have accepted my care. Family, for more than 20 years, I don't have a sense of home at all, loneliness and loneliness are all I have, ridicule and cold eyes are my treatment, but when Brother Rong came, all this changed, the broken house had heating, life had hope, and I silently called this name, I was full of gratitude to the sky, it was it that sent Brother Rong to me, so that the desperate me gained the courage to live, it gave me a Brother Rong, and made my shabby little hut full of warmth.

There is no good food, not even enough to eat, no good clothes for Brother Rong to wear, no warm quilt for Brother Rong, but Brother Rong never complains, never says a word of complaint, he always waits for me to come back silently, always smiles and tells me those stories I have never heard, the ordinary life continues like this, I hope that such a warm day is permanent, permanent. However, one day, when I endured the cold eyes of others, picked up a few chicken butts, and happily wanted to make a bowl of chicken soup for Brother Rong, someone from the family came, a beautiful and handsome person who didn't look like a human at all. He was a friend of Brother Rong, and he wore luxurious clothes and brought delicious food that I had never seen in my life. At that moment, my heart was cold, I was going to lose Brother Rong, he was also a rich man, his friend came to pick him up, he was leaving. The thought that he was leaving, tearing my heart apart, and leaving me alone was going to be unbearable. However, Brother Rong can't help but go with him, Brother Rong's illness needs to be treated, Brother Rong needs to live a good life, he can't suffer with me, I can't ask Brother Rong to suffer with me because of loneliness and selfishness.

However, Brother Rong didn't leave, after his friend put down a large sum of money, he drifted away, yes, his friend must be a fairy, as soon as I made a mistake, he was gone, he left Brother Rong for me, and he asked me to take care of Brother Rong. At that moment, I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry loudly, and at the same time I was afraid, I was afraid that Brother Rong would one day be like his friend and suddenly disappear, so I knelt in front of Brother Rong and asked him to tell me before leaving, don't let me wait alone, look for it alone. Brother Rong looked at me for a long time, and finally he laughed at me and said that I was a stupid girl. I don't know if he agreed to my request or not, but there was a smile in his eyes, and there was something I couldn't say, and looking into his eyes, I was suddenly relieved.

Since that day, my life with Brother Rong has changed a lot, and the money left by his friend can allow me to improve Brother Rong's life, repair our house, buy delicious supplements for Brother Rong, and buy medicine for Brother Rong's treatment, so our life is no longer so difficult. The people in the village are still gossiping, they can't figure out why I have money, they even forced me to hand over the money, I won't give them Brother Rong's money, I won't let them insult and bully Brother Rong, I did it, I fought with them in a hurry, I beat everyone away, I was surprised, but Brother Rong was very happy, so I was also happy. What makes me even happier is that Brother Rong's friend healed Brother Rong's injury, Brother Rong can walk, I used Brother Rong's money to buy a house for us, and I used Brother Rong's money to let us live a peaceful life.

The days after that were getting better and better, under the guidance of Brother Rong, I learned the ability to make tea, and we opened a tea shed on the side of the road, serving cool tea to people every day. When I started to do business, I was nervous, but under the supervision and teaching of Brother Rong, I learned to face the scrutiny of others with a smile, I learned to do business, and gradually my business got better and better, and more and more people came to drink tea, they all faced me with a smile from the heart, they praised my efforts in unison, and they never disliked my looks. It turns out that as long as you face the scrutiny of others with sincerity and smile, others will return you with a smile, and as long as you sincerely put in the effort, others will appreciate and repay you. While doing business, I am always concerned about Brother Rong in my heart, although I know that without me, Brother Rong will live very well, but when worrying has become a habit, it is also a kind of happiness.

Brother Rong's health is getting better and better, our life is getting happier and happier, while I am happy, I have also thought that Brother Rong will leave me one day. I'm no longer the stupid young girl who doesn't know anything, Brother Rong must have a secret in his heart, he must not be an ordinary person, I have a hunch that he will leave me. But I'm not afraid of Brother Rong's departure, as long as he is good, I will always bless him, as long as it is good for him, I am willing to do anything. Besides, even if Brother Rong leaves, I am still happy, because my life will always be concerned, because I have the confidence to live, because I have learned to face others with sincerity, because I have learned to face life with a smile.