I've been in the last few days, or I've been all these years. Old bookworm.

The habit is very bad, as soon as you have to look into it, if you don't listen, you don't have any time planning. Not to mention code words, I even have to eat, and I stay up late every day. Often ashamed because of the delay in code words.

But the reason why I write is because I like to read it, and I can't help it.

I've always wanted to find a part-time job, but I've been out of society for a long time, and I don't know how to fit in. It's not impossible to support yourself by code words, after all, my expenses are very low, my desire is low and Buddhist, and I haven't even thought of getting married in my thirties.

It's just that if you take the code word as a source of life and an economic source, then the pressure will come.

This feeling is contradictory to the desire to talk about it, to build a world, to tell a good story in the first place. When a hobby becomes a career, a lot of problems arise.

In fact, these things can be overcome, but there is one thing that makes me very confused and uncomfortable.

I've been more than ten years, and I'm still more picky. If you read it, it is either a good writing, a novel brain, or a pioneering theme...... When compared to these people, I feel like a scumbag.

These days, I'm reading a book from 14 years, a very niche subject. When I first read it, I could also perceive a lot of shortcomings of the author, and there were many unpleasant places. But I can see that people are getting better and better, and the more they write, the better they are, and now they are all gods.

Look at yourself again, I've written three books, it's been almost four years, but there has been no big improvement, and there has been no growth. I can't help but wonder if I have the ability to eat this mouthful.

If it really doesn't work, it's okay to change the industry, but the high is not low. If you want to go up, it backfires, and if you want to give up, you are unwilling.

I am well aware of many of my own problems, but I have not been able to overcome them, and I feel very disappointed. And it was a delay.

Especially during the October 1st holiday, two high school classmates got married and had to go to the wedding. Thinking about people getting on the right track, I'm really uncomfortable myself.

I'm thirty years old this year, middle-aged. As a result, nothing was accomplished, even if you were not happy, you didn't earn any money. In the future, I want to live this life with what identity and attitude, which is both confused and decadent. I'm going to live as a marginal person in society!

In this life, people say that it is long or short, and the vast majority of people do not understand it, and it is neither meaningful nor happy. But I don't want to live like this! The way my father's life was lived can only be said to be alive, not lifed.

I sometimes think that I can write a book of 10,000 orders, and then I study those great gods, weekly changes, tens of thousands of words a month. Instead of rushing to the scene every day like now, I am very tired, and the joy of coding words is gone.

Uncomfortable......

Complain, don't worry. Who let me have this place to vent, at least I don't have to post it in the circle of friends or QQ space. It's also good~

I hope that I can calm down and prepare for the next book, the platform, the theme, the outline, and the rhythm...... Write a book that you can tell your acquaintances about the title of the book.

I wish you all understanding and a happy life!

2020/9/13

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