The bedroom is very simple, there are no computers and other electrical appliances, only an old floor lamp, single beds, cabinets, desks, chairs and other furniture are very dilapidated, the wall next to the desk is hung with photo frames and a few movie posters, a string of bamboo wind chimes hanging on the windowsill, and the window is covered with snow.

In some years, a delicate girl is reflected in the round mirror of the dresser, with slightly curly brown and gold hair, an oval face, two eyebrows that are not thick or shallow, and a marked facial features, painted with an elegant and clear temperament.

She was practicing acting, sometimes laughing happily, sometimes sad, surprised, frightened, angry, and distracted......

"Modi!Modi!Where's the death?Dinner isn't ready!?"

A burst of shouting and screaming suddenly came, and the girl in the mirror frowned suddenly, turned her head to look at the door, got up, and walked out of the bedroom.

Mody is 16 years old this year, and when she celebrates her birthday on July 5, she is 17 years old, not tall, slender and thin, just like her hometown, Paradise Town, Utah, a very poor place, the whole town adds up to about 1,000 people, all of whom make a living from animal husbandry and agriculture.

Her family is one of some families whose annual income is below the poverty line.

When Mody was nine years old, her mother left the house and didn't know where to go. Mom is a person who likes movies and theater, and when she was young, she was the A corner of a local amateur theater company, and she acted in a lot of stage plays, and others said that she could go to Broadway and Hollywood and become a professional actor.

Then, just out of high school, Mom was unmarried and pregnant with Jim, her brother, who was five years older than her, and Mom married his father, who worked on his family's farm.

Mody remembers that the night before her mother left home, she gently walked into her room, sat on the edge of the bed, thought she was asleep, and her mother said, "I have to go, I'm going to go crazy if I stay in this house any longer, Mody, I'm sorry." "The next day, Mom was gone.

No one knows where she went, and almost eight years have passed now, and there has been no news.

Mody remembers her mom always saying, "If I had been in Los Angeles or New York when I was younger, I would have lived a different life." ”

Whenever she said this, her sky-blue eyes shone brightly, and her whole person had a different look than usual, and on her face, which had gradually been roughened by the years, her lips painted bright red with cheap lipstick smiled, as if she had returned to the time of a girl.

When Mom performs, that kind of look is even more flying, just like those big stars on the theater screen, especially like Jodie Foster.

That's the real mother, not the woman who is beaten and scolded by her father at every turn, who is full of emotion every day, and who does farm work such as milking cows and feeding chickens and ducks, Modi knows.

When my mother was still at home, I would often take her to the north of Hyrum to watch movies, and if there was any troupe to perform, I had to go, and my father would scold, but she was much happier.

This happiness decreases with the departure of my mother, especially after entering high school.

Mody attended Hilltop High School, one of the few public high schools in Logan, just a general school, and she wanted to attend Logan High School, but she was not accepted.

There are only two groups of people at Hilltop High School, one is Mormons and the other is hillbilly. She didn't know what a private high school was like, but at Hilltop High School, there were school bullies, male and female school bullies, people were bullied, and non-white students were openly discriminated against. Those people said it was cool, and she didn't understand why it was cool to bully people, but those people just thought so.

Unfortunately, Mody was one of the people who was bullied.

She had a good friend for many years, Fay, who went to high school, Fay grew up, matured quickly, and became spicy, and suddenly became a queen-like figure. She was supposed to be the Queen's retinue, but soon, Fay said she seduced the basketball team's Mark Banks, the boy Fay was courting.

She hadn't done anything, she didn't like Mark Banks, she didn't like walking together, the man always smelled of a strong, pungent perfume.

That's it, Fay broke with her, and what kind of blacklist did she put on - anyone can bully.

So she spends half an hour biking to and from school at a time, and the school bus only takes 10 minutes, but she doesn't want to listen to their ridicule. Fay knows her, for example, she dreams of becoming an actress, which is their main joke, saying that she can be an actress because the sun rises in the west.

Modi's performances are all taught by her mother, and her mother used to teach her to perform almost every day, as if she was holding on to something, and if she didn't teach it, it would break completely.

Although many years have passed, Modi has memorized every word her mother taught and quietly practiced every day. She loves acting, it's like being someone else, forgetting herself.

Fay is not allowed to like Ye Wei, Mo Di regards Ye Wei as an idol, likes his movies and deeds, at school, VIY is one of the main celebrity talking points, most boys don't like him, disdain him and ridicule him, and most girls like Ye Wei, someone sent him a letter and received a thank you letter from the agency and came out of the limelight.

I heard that there is a message and signature from VIY, but no one has ever seen it.

Mody doesn't care too much about school worries. She never blamed her mother for leaving the house, her father was a grumpy man who often got drunk and suddenly made a big fuss. Mody was often afraid of him, and the days when her father was away from home were the easiest times in the family.

Mom didn't like Jim very much, like she didn't like her own fault, maybe because of this, Jim didn't grow up, didn't study anymore after high school, didn't have a job, and wandered around all day.

"Mody!?"

In the irritable scream, Mody walked out of the living room of the house, only to see her father sitting on the old wooden sofa, his upright belly up and down, and his bearded face was full of wine red!!

He's obviously in a bad mood, maybe something bad is going to happen today.

Modi whispered, "Dad, it's not 6 o'clock now, and I usually cook dinner at 6:30." She wanted to ask if she had an early dinner today......

"Little prostitute-girl!!" the big man immediately rushed up and slapped him, "You really look like your damn mother!"

Mody was overwhelmed by panic in her heart, and her reflexive hands blocked it, although she blocked it with her little arms, she was slapped and almost fell to the ground, she didn't speak, and turned to leave.

"Stop, little, want to be by a,!" the big man chased after him like crazy, grabbed her hand and hugged her, groped her with both hands, and kissed her in the face. Mody suddenly screamed and struggled desperately: "No! Dad, it's me !!"

The big man gasped for a rough breath full of the smell of wine, didn't say anything, wanted to kiss her, and tugged at her clothes.

"No, Daddy, it's me, Mody......" Mody cried out, twisting her head to dodge, kicking him, hitting him, despair creeping into her heart, "It's me......"

Suddenly, a figure rushed in, and a loud shout sounded: "Old fellow, are you drunk!!" The big man was pushed away, it was Jim, he stood in the way, trembling with anger. The big man let out a few sneers, and walked out of the house with a little shaky steps.

"Next time, I'll kill you. Jim's voice was hoarse.

Modi gasped in horror and looked at her brother with tears in her eyes, she was usually bullied and scolded by him, so she was a little surprised now.

Jim looked back, his pimple-scarred face smiling in a rare reassurance, "I'm not a brute. What are your good friends, they used to live in their house for a few days, and this old beast lost money in a bet with someone, and he couldn't go crazy in a few days. Go now. ”

"Oh......" Mody nodded with tears in her eyes and walked back to her bedroom.

Where to go, where to go is not in this town, a town without hope......

Suddenly, I understood my mother so much, and I couldn't stay in this family anymore.

Mody used to think of herself as the "Maggie" in "The Exorcism Video", and for a while she practiced playing Maggie every day. But no, her father was not a good man, he was the kind of bad guy who raped his daughter in the newspaper and was caught in prison. She didn't want to stay here any longer, not for one more day.

Looking at the movie posters on the wall, they were all picked up from the pile of abandoned posters in the movie theater, "The Wedding is Coming", "Little Sunshine Beauty" ......

"As long as I want to fly, there must be a way to fly!"

Go to Los Angeles!

Go to Ye Wei's draft meeting!

This thought suddenly became so clear, strong, and decisive.

Mody remembered what her mother used to say, "If I had been in Los Angeles when I was younger", and I remembered the VIY draft I heard about at school, and I thought about it a lot, and the more I thought about it, the more sure I became.

For better or worse, I want to live another life, and my life can't be like this......

"I'm going to Los Angeles. ”

Under the dark sky of the night, Mody finds Jim by the porch of the farmhouse, and the cold wind blows, and the skyline is covered in darkness, and everywhere is like a mess.

Jim was smoking, the exhaled smoke and breath mixed and dissipated in the wind, "What are you doing in Los Angeles?"

"I want to be an actor. Mody looked into the distance, but she couldn't see it clearly, the ice slag falling from the eaves hit the back of her neck, and it was cold.

"You can be an actor in Los Angeles?" Jim looked at her and took another puff on his cigarette, "What kind of actor?

Mo Di told him seriously: "Ye Wei, you know him, Ye Wei is going to hold a talent show to select young actors for his three new movies." I'm going to try it out, maybe I'll get a chance. Her eyes flashed with hope and yearning.

"Ye Wei?" Jim laughed mockingly, "How are you going to get him to take a fancy to you? Suck his genius more than you can suck! Have you ever had sex?"

He shook his head, "Who in town doesn't know who you are?" Timid, introverted, shy than a fawn, you are an actor?" He threw the cigarette butt on the snow, raised his foot to step on it, and looked at her silently, "Don't daydream." ”

"I'm going to try. Mody whispered, "We don't have the money to go to college, I don't want to stay here for the rest of my life, I want to be an actor." Jim, I'm going to try. ”

"You don't know how to act!" Jim looked like he was about to whip her, "You haven't even been on the school stage, what can you do if you go to participate?"

"I know, my mom taught me, I practice every day, I read some acting books in the school library, I know. Mody's soft voice was resolute.

Jim still shook his head: "Someone knows better than you... What a bullshit draft. He walked back and forth a few steps, his nose was red like rosacea, and suddenly he scolded her: "Ye Wei, you go to school and try to raise 500,000 yuan, see if you will be laughed to death, those are rich children!

"I'm going to definitely give it a try. Mody was resolute and left here, "Even if it doesn't work, I'm not coming back, I'm going to stay in Los Angeles." ”

"Where's the money? money falling from the sky?" Jim looked at her coldly.

"I'll look for a job, a waiter, a delivery boy...... If you want to look for it, you can always find it. "Modi doesn't have a plan, in fact, she has thought about it for a long time, and her face is fascinated, "Then I will work hard to develop my career as an actor, I checked, first participate in auditions, acting meetings, get a job, sign an agent, and then ......"

"You're daydreaming!" Jim didn't know how to scold, and took a cigarette irritably, "You're daydreaming." ”

"It's a daydream, I know it's a daydream......" Mody looked down at the snow, the cold wind was about to blow down tears, "I know, I know." But I'm staying here, never having a chance, I'm going to Los Angeles, there's still a possibility. I can't stay here any longer...... I really can't stay any longer......"

Jim smoked silently and hurriedly, smoking one cigarette after another.

The night sky was getting darker, and there were several more cigarette butts on the snow, and he suddenly asked, "Do you have to go?"

Seeing her nod slightly, he took another puff of cigarette, and the pox scar was expressionless on his face, "Don't let that old brute know, he won't let you go." Mom left us 3,000 yuan, I haven't spent it, you can take it, I have 5 or 600 yuan, and then ask someone to borrow some to make up 5,000 yuan, when you go on a trip, you will come back when you spend it. ”

"Don't borrow money, just give me half of my mother's money. Mody choked up before she knew there was such a thing.

"Shut up. Jim muttered, "I've never been to Los Angeles, I've been as far as Salt Lake City, I don't know anyone, five thousand dollars is enough for you to settle down on your own." He sat down on the porch steps, puffing on the smoke, "Be careful in everything, there is nothing like this in a big city." ”

Modi nodded repeatedly, tears falling from her eyes.

"Don't go out at night. Jim thought about it, but he couldn't say anything for a long time, he was a country chin at all, "...... Buy a phone and I'll take you to buy it tomorrow. When the money is gone, come back...... Anyway, don't take drugs, you will be done with drugs. ”

"I won't. Mody nodded again.

"If you can't, come back. Jim muttered, "Come back if you can't." ”

"Jim, why don't you go to Los Angeles to make a living? Mody was so excited by the idea that she even wanted to find her mother, who felt like she was in Los Angeles.

"I'm not going. Jim shook his head, his hands twitching with cigarette ash, "I don't like big cities. ”