That, I didn't bring a computer with me on a business trip, so I took a day off.

I copied a few more paragraphs.

1. I called a cleaner to clean the house, and my aunt had to wear shoe covers when she entered the door. I hurriedly said: No, no, you can step in directly!Aunt cleaning: No, I'm afraid that my shoes will be dirty...

2. The young man cried to the master: "Master, I failed the college entrance examination, I couldn't get into college, my parents scolded me, and my girlfriend left me, please accept me and let me take refuge in Buddhism!"

3. You can't afford to buy fresh fruit today, just save money to buy it in a few days, the rotten fruit you want to buy cheaply, when you eat it, it is simply a burden and garbage, and it will never bring you any pleasure.

4. I recently bought an e-cigarette, and I feel good about it. Yesterday, I went out to take the bus and stuffed it into the pocket of my jeans, maybe the jeans were too tight, and I pressed the switch, and the people in the whole carriage saw that my crotch part had been smoking, and I was still concentrating on looking at the phone and didn't notice it at all, until a kind buddy patted me, buddy, you seem to have exploded.

5. When I was a child, my mother told me more than once that kissing the mouth would get pregnant, kissing the mouth would get pregnant, but when my cat jumped up to grab the meat to eat, it kissed my mouth, and after a few months it gave birth to three kittens...... Out of a sense of responsibility, with a bite of meat from me, I won't let those three kittens be vegetarian!

6. It is said that the daughter has found a boyfriend, and the parents will have the sadness that the cabbage they have worked so hard to grow has been arched by the pig. But since my brother found a girlfriend, he didn't even come back to live at home, and his mother-in-law made food every day, and all kinds of fun were not missed. My mother looked up at the sky at a 45° angle and said: "I don't know if the cabbage is arched, anyway, the pig that has been raised for more than 20 years must have been lost... ”

7, learning scriptures from the west, six-eared macaques come in, and only Tang Seng can distinguish between the real and false Monkey King. Tang Seng said: "I want to eat peaches for the teacher." The two monkeys hesitated, and both turned into peaches. Suddenly, Tang Seng shouted: "Bajie, take down that kiwi for me!"

8. Security: What are you doing? Me: I want to go to the top of the building. Security guard: Don't pretend, just say how much you lost? Me: 50,000... Security: Line up in the hall on the first floor, hit the pillars! Me: Why? Security: You can only go up to the second floor if you lose 100,000 yuan, the third floor with 200,000 yuan, the fourth floor with 300,000 yuan, the fifth floor with 400,000 yuan, and the sixth floor with 1 million yuan??

9. When I was a child, I was doing homework at home, and suddenly the power went out. I also went to turn on the TV, and in the dark corner, my dad said lightly: Ugly is unlucky enough, and he is so stupid!

10. I went to the business hall to apply for a card, and asked the salesman girl, "What's so good about this 4G?" The little girl replied, "Uncle, 2G can see Kurai Kong, 3G can see Cangjing empty pictures, and 4G can watch Cangjing empty video." "I said girl, you can say something that the uncle doesn't understand, get me a 4G card.

11. A beautiful woman in the office just finished her first day of maternity leave, and a male colleague quickly made a cup of coffee and brought it to the beauty, and the beautiful woman was favored and said: I am breastfeeding, I can't drink coffee!

12. I am a courier, there is something I must talk about! The girl who lives on the 7th floor of the No. 2 compound, you have been indicating on the list: I am pregnant, please come to the door. I've been sending you door-to-door delivery for a whole year, and I just want to ask you: Are you pregnant with Nezha?!

13. I met a lady in the trading hall, she said: China's stock market is a bit like an impotent husband, abandon him, a little reluctant; stay there, be angry every day; eat and drink to wait for him, expect him to be a little yang, just look at him, the clothes have not been taken off, no longer good. The point is that you just got dressed and were about to cheat, and he pulled you behind and said, there is a reaction, there is a reaction, you wait!

14, a beautiful woman just got in the car in a taxi, and let out a loud fart, and the beauty was very embarrassed. At this time, the driver took a puff of cigarette and said slowly: "The fart is the food you eat, the cry of the unyielding soul" The beauty smiled and embarrassed, and said: "Master, you are so literary and artistic" The master shook his head and said: "But this shout is too loud, I thought it was a flat tire!!"

15. Xiao Ming's mother was making a mask, and the doorbell rang at this time. Mom said to Xiao Ming: Xiao Ming go and open the door, Mom is wearing a mask and is unsightly. After hearing this, Xiao Ming went to open the door, and it turned out to be his father. Dad asked Xiao Ming: What about your mother? Answer: She is doing something unseemly!

16. A person asked: If the rope breaks during bungee jumping, and you are about to fall into the bottom of the cliff, only let you say three words, what will you say? Something like that. At this time, a great god silently replied: somersault cloud... Spike!

17. Once I went out to buy something, I saw a classmate who I hadn't seen for a few years and a woman holding a child, I: when did you get married, the children are so old, they really look like you kid, the two of them looked a little embarrassed, very panicked, the classmate laughed a few times, left the phone number, I said you are busy, I also have something to do, classmate: Okay, phone contact, I just turned around and walked a few steps when I heard the woman say: Brother-in-law What should I do now!

18. This morning, the daughter-in-law received a courier, and she was anxious to open it, and when she returned to the house, she was looking for a blade and scissors!" I said: Are you so excited about what you bought?" The daughter-in-law said without raising her head, "What do you know? We women open the express, just like you men tear women's stockings, knowing what is inside, but still can't stop!"

18. When I was shopping for vegetables in the vegetable market, I saw a girl picking cucumbers very seriously. The vegetable seller said enthusiastically: "Girl, do you still use it?" The girl blushed and said, "Yes." The aunt said: Hey, this one is good, thick and strong. The girl blushed and said, "I used it to cover my face!" The aunt said innocently: I don't mean anything else, your face is so big, you can't cover it with a thin slice!

20. There was a class reunion to play truth or dare together. Friend asks girlfriend. Did the car ever shake? I thought to myself that my girlfriend really gave me face and didn't expose that I didn't have a car in front of my classmates.

21. The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, during the meal, my second girlfriend kept praising her mother for her cooking skills, and I also smiled and echoed how delicious the various dishes were. Suddenly, my girlfriend said, "Do you know how my mother tied my dad to the house?"

22. There was a rich second generation who wanted to find a wife, saying that the city was too open, and decided to find a girl in the village to marry, and later found it, on the day of the cave house, the rich second generation asked him, do you know what love is? The village girl said she didn't know, and after doing it, the woman said: I take the test, this is called love, and I used to do it every day when I was herding cattle with my cousin.

23. A buddy went to take IELTS, and after reading the questions during the oral test, he habitually said, "My day." The examiner knows a little Chinese and asks what it means. He said that this is us Chinese who use the power of the sun to motivate ourselves when they encounter major problems!

24. Male: "Master, what should I do if my long-lost son refuses to call me father?" Master: "Take him to the stock exchange!" Male: "You mean to let him broaden his horizons first, and then naturally call me?" Master: "No, he will naturally fall if he goes!"

25. Once I went out to buy something, I saw a classmate who I hadn't seen for a few years and a woman holding a child, I: when did you get married, the children are so old, they really look like you kid, the two of them looked a little embarrassed, very panicked, the classmate laughed a few times, left the phone number, I said you are busy, I also have something to do, classmate: Okay, phone contact, I just turned around and walked a few steps when I heard the woman say: Brother-in-law What should I do now!

26. This morning, my daughter-in-law received a courier and was anxious to open it, and when I returned to the house, I was looking for a blade and scissors!" I said: Are you so excited about what you bought?" The daughter-in-law said without raising her head, "What do you know? We women open the courier, just like you men tear women's stockings, knowing what is inside, but still can't stop!"

27. Buying vegetables in the vegetable market, I saw a girl picking cucumbers very seriously. The vegetable seller said enthusiastically: "Girl, do you still use it?" The girl blushed and said, "Yes." The aunt said: Hey, this one is good, thick and strong. The girl blushed and said, "I used it to cover my face!" The aunt said innocently: I don't mean anything else, your face is so big, you can't cover it with a thin slice!

28. There was a class reunion to play Truth or Dare together. Friend asks girlfriend. Did the car ever shake? I thought to myself that my girlfriend really gave me face and didn't expose that I didn't have a car in front of my classmates.

29. The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, during the meal, my second girlfriend kept praising her mother for her cooking skills, and I also smiled and echoed how delicious the various dishes were. Suddenly, my girlfriend said, "Do you know how my mother tied my dad to the house?"

30. Male: "Master, what should I do if my long-lost son refuses to call me father?" Master: "Take him to the stock exchange!" Male: "You mean to let him broaden his horizons first, and then naturally call me?" Master: "No, he will naturally fall if he goes!"

31. A buddy went to take IELTS, and after reading the questions during the oral test, he habitually said, "My day." The examiner knows a little Chinese and asks what it means. He said that this is us Chinese who use the power of the sun to motivate ourselves when they encounter major problems!